


The Presence of Wonder

by em_etif, swear_it



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Confusion, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I stg i ship this so hard, M/M, Michael and Jeremy are a thing but not yet, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Plot? Maybe, Post-Squip, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Squip WILL be a character... eventually, electrocution scars, how tf do i even tag, i created a plot whhaaat, im getting yelled at for putting angst in fluff arcs by swear_it help, itll happen, its a year later, just trust me on this, lol sorry jeremy, pinee, slow burn? ig?, they be seniors now, this is later though, update in tags:, why is this entertaining?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2019-11-24 06:51:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 116,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18162653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/em_etif/pseuds/em_etif, https://archiveofourown.org/users/swear_it/pseuds/swear_it
Summary: Everything was going great for Jeremy. He found a friend in each of his former classmates, his grades were above passing, and him and Michael were closer than ever.More than close-- at least that is what Jeremy wished. Each day he found a new thing; a new reason to like Michael even more than he already does, but for now, being friends would have to be enough.Even when life seems to be looking up, though, the universe may have something else in store.





	1. One Year Later

**Author's Note:**

> "Always be on the lookout for the presence of wonder." E.B. White
> 
> Ok so basically one day I was sitting in the theatre lobby of a show I was teching and I went on tumblr and blah blah blah I found out about BMC which was about to goto signature and boom im obsessed. Im pretty sure this is one of the fandoms im most invested in right next to BNHA, and damn it has brought me to writing a fic so rip my social life (not that i had one in the first place lol). I invited swear_it to my doc and she pretty much took what I wrote and edited it and just added stuff that makes the story a whole lot better and helps me write gr8 stuff bc shes a queen so that's why im adding her to co-creator ahah. Funfact- she didn't rlly know the show or what it was about until she read what I was writing and then wiki'd it. Ok enough rambling i'll leave now.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sure, he was tired and half asleep the whole day, but it still had been pretty good. He was getting along just fine without that thing for the past year. Every once in a while, though, he’d overthink something. Today, that was whatever the fuck had happened in Target, specifically getting him into the cart. It was just a gesture, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is pretty much just an introduction chapter and some background before we get into the actual story. Enjoy! :)

It had been a little over a year since the ‘incident,’ and despite everything, things seemed to be going reasonably well. Brooke, Rich, Jake, Chloe, Christine, Jenna, Micheal, and Jeremy all were friends now and sat with each other at lunch. They laughed, bickered, and loved. They enjoyed each other's company and let themselves be present in the moments they shared, even if they still had their differences. Even though they still had memories. Even though they still had hauntings. Of course, Jenna, Brooke, and Chloe were the only ones who didn’t remember what happened. They were told they had taken ecstasy at the play, and then it had all gone to hell.

For Jake, though, Rich had explained what happened to his legs and why they were even more damaged than they should have been. This explanation included _it which shall not be_ _named_ and how Rich ended up friends with Jake in the first place. It took a few days, but Jake forgave Rich, and it blew over. If anything, they grew closer from the experience, and Jake had the guts to admit to Rich that he was bi, and Rich responded with the fact that he, too, wasn't exactly straight. It turned out great for their relationship, but at the lunch tables, it was surprising how graphic they could get and still keep their clothes on. The first few times they made out, Jenna posted it on her Snapchat story, but soon everyone got tired of seeing the same thing every day so she decided to spare a few innocent brains from seeing the monstrosity of teeth and tongue.

Christine remembered exactly what had happened, and there was no hiding it from her even if someone were to try since she had already heard about the computer at her theatre camp. Jeremy and Christine dated for maybe a month until they realized that their relationship would be so much better if they just became friends, especially since Jeremy’s feelings for her had come and gone so soon and it was much less awkward around her. They didn't want to ruin what could be a beautiful friendship.

Michael helped Jeremy recover, and hadn't left his side for almost a solid two months (unless he was with Christine on a date) after he was released from the hospital. After the breakup, Michael had started to realize over time that he had never really… like, _liked_ anyone. Well, unless his sixth-grade crush counted. Felix was the only one that he _liked,_ but when he went to tell him, Felix had told him how he liked girls and then Michael proceeded to go home and ask his mothers why he didn’t. Of course, every once in a while he would see a guy who he was attracted to, but he had no idea who they were so he always shrugged it off thinking about how ‘what was the point if he would never see them again?’. Micheal hadn’t remembered what it felt like to like Felix, and since his only friend was Jeremy, he didn’t have any references as to what having just friends was like. Not until now. Now that Michael had a group of friends, he remembers what it was like to _like_ Felix, and a few panic attacks later, he realized he felt the same way whenever he looked at Jeremy.

Jeremy ended up being happy with his just friends stance with Christine, and it felt almost as if she and he were friends for years, not just a couple of months + about a year of one-sided pining. Since his breakup with her, Jeremy felt a little off when it came to relationships, but he just had assumed that it was because he just experienced his first breakup.

Today marked 364 days since the Halloween party, meaning tomorrow would be exactly one year since Jake’s house ended up catching fire, one year since Chloe tried having sex with Jeremy, one year since Jeremy had _almost had sex with Chloe_ , one year since Rich had been sent to the hospital, one year since Michaels anxiety had reached a peak, and one year since the Squip had truly turned Jeremy’s life upside down.

Jake invited everyone to a “mini-hallo-party” as he put it, at his apartment. He knew that no one was squipped anymore, but he still held caution, so he announced only his new group of friends and a few others were invited. Rich and Jeremy, having been squipped for a reasonably long amount of time, still had a minor headache and muffled voices to this day, but their squips didn’t bug them. All they heard was almost like static on a TV, just at a really low volume, and a headache accompanied with it. This just meant that every movie, TV show, or song they listened to would be a few notches higher than normal, or they had trouble with hearing low whispers. Otherwise, they were fine. As for the others, because they all had taken a squip with Mountain Dew and then Christine drinking Mountain Dew Red within the span of three hours, the Squip’s self dissolve mechanism for ‘accidental consumption’ occurred since it was under the five-hour mark.

 

At the moment, Michael was looking around the lunch table as he sipped the schools bagged chocolate milk (yes, bagged,) through a straw, and struggled to see out of his glasses which were in much need of some cleaning. For this, he was grateful because if he were able to see properly, then he would have to endure Rich and Jake’s makeout session across the table. Christine was humming melodies from musicals to out the noise, and Chloe, Jenna, and Brooke were crowded around Chloe’s phone as they discovered one of their teacher’s personal Instagram accounts. Jeremy was practically falling asleep on his sandwich.

“Dude you good?” Michael was starting to get worried- he had been like this all day, and even managed to fall asleep after writing just the title of their English notes, which,  _I'll have to send that to him later._

“hUh?” Jeremy’s voice cracked as he whipped his head up from where he was half asleep. His eyes had started to form circles under them. “Did You say sumthin?”

“Yea you ok?” Michael laughed a bit but just so that he didn't seem so concerned.

“YEaH yEAh yeah, no I'm -- I’m fine. Sorry.. Didn’t get much sleep last night.”

“Anything wrong?”

“No, no it’s nothing. I was just studying for my stupid American History test and started to lose track of time.”

Michael eyed him for a moment before shrugging and saying, “Whatever you say, man.” he returned to drinking his _Oh So Lovely_ bagged chocolate milk has Jeremy started to slump.

I  _swear.. Why does the school even sell this shit?_ Michael thought while focusing intently on the bag in his hands. Suddenly, there was a thud on the table. Christine and Michael looked over at Jeremy at the same time and saw his figure slumped over and asleep. Michael snorted. “Can't say I didn't see that one coming.”

“Accurate” Christine tried to hide a laugh, but it didn’t work. Soon, both Christine and Michael were laughing (together, might he add. He was laughing with someone! That wasn’t Jeremy!), but the bell interrupted them. “Get that boy some rest!" She smiled and stood up. "C’Ya.” She waved as she grabbed her bag and walked out of the cafeteria, dumping her trash in a bin.

“C’Mon, bud.” Michael nudged Jeremy and watched the others leave to their next class. “Still in school. Go get yer ass educated.”

A muffled noise came from the table, “I don’ wanna.”

Michael stifled a laugh. “Well, you gotta.” A minute later, Michael had managed to make it into the hallway, pulling a sluggish Jeremy behind him.

 

* * *

 

Jeremy’s next class was p.e, and since he was a TA in that class (only two years of p.e was required, and he was just getting extra credits since lord knows he got a shit grade in that class..), he could either take a nap or grab an iced coffee on the way there from one of the vending machines in the hallway. Ready and looking forward to taking a nap, he realized _Shit_ _I didn’t grade that unit test Mrs. Joksim asked me to grade yesterday._ Sighing, He wandered over to the vending machine at that thought and pulled out his wallet. The good thing with this vending machine was that at least it had the bottled Starbucks coffee, and despite it being the most expensive, he’d take that over crap that he knew would make him throw up later.

After a coffee that was finished in two minutes, a stack of ungraded (and pointless) football unit tests, and another unnecessary drama class (this one was unnecessary because Mr. Reyes was too busy confronting other teachers for finishing his hot pockets), he met Michael by his car.  

 

“So where we headed?” Jeremy had a little bit more bounce in his step than he did at lunch (considering he was asleep), but he still felt groggy.

“Le tarje” Michael slammed the car door as he got in a little more than he meant to. “Whoops,” he muttered.

“Huh?” Jeremy’s brain was too fried for pseudo french.

“Dude. Target.” Michael looked at Jeremy from above his glasses, which had slipped to the end of his nose. “Anyway-” He pushed his glasses up with his index finger and pulled out of the parking spot. “You seem like you’re a little less tired than you were at lunch..” Michael trailed off as he looked behind him, trying not to hit a car as he backed out.

“Hmph. Barely.” Jeremy closed his eyes and put his head back. “I had a coffee on the way to p.e after you finished dragging me out of the cafeteria.” he sighed and got a little more comfortable in his seat, realizing then that he was hungry. _Oh. I never ate lunch.._ “Wait.. why are we going to target again?”

“Housewarming gift for Jake. I realized that every time he invited us over to the new place, we always had to turn him down because we were doing something, so I feel kinda bad. Plus this is a Halloween party for pete's-sake _._ It's gotta be a little hard for him.” Michael gave a sad laugh.

“Oh, right. Mmmmm.” Jeremy opened one of his eyes so he could look at Michael as he was driving. “Well.. I'm hungry, so can we make it quick? I forgot to eat lunch.”

“Here.” Michael bent over, straining to keep his eyes on the road and reached into his backpack. He sat back up, tossing a sandwich wrapped in saran wrap. “I figured you would complain.”

The sandwich landed on Jeremy’s lap. He sat up and held it, starting to unwrap it. He started thinking about how well Michael knew him. God was he lucky. To have him as his best friend, that is… no. Not anything else. His best friend. Jeremy looked over at Micheal fully now. His fingers were tapping on the steering wheel to the beat of some random reggae he started playing. He had taken a turn down a neighborhood as a shortcut to get to target. Since it was autumn, the sunlight shone through the dead leaves still clinging on to the branches. Most people with brown eyes hate the fact that their eyes are brown, but the sunlight hitting Michaels face just made his eyes look like the sun through whiskey (Who was he kidding. The sun through apple juice). After spending probably too long staring at him, Jeremy came back to where he was. The car engine came back to shaking the car, and music seemed to fill the air once again. Even the static in his head was muted for a bit. “Uh.” He looked at Michael again, wondering what just happened. Last time he felt like that was when he was pining for Christine. _Weird._ “Uhm. Thanks.” He started laughing a bit to himself at what just happened. “Thanks.” He said, a little more quietly.

Michael didn't respond,  just cranked the volume even higher and started to jam out to the music. Jeremy just sat idly as his tired brain tried to figure out what in the world just happened. After a bit, though, he gave in, and just let his surroundings take over. Why fret, right? He just smiled and chewed his sandwich as he nodded his head to the beat and listened to Michael recite every word to the song as if he were in a play, and it was tech week.

They pulled into the Target parking lot, and Jeremy smiled when Michael got too excited over lucky parking karma, managing to find a spot right in front of the doors. Jeremy crumpled the saran wrap from the sandwich into a little ball that he could throw away when he passed a trash can.

The boys both got out of the car, and Michael swung his arm around Jeremy to make him walk a little faster. “You have long legs so let’s get movin', bro.” Michael sped Jeremy up and practically pushed him through the automatic doors.

“What- why are you getting a cart?” Jeremy watched Michael stride over to the carts all lined up, and pull one out.

“So that I don’t lose your lazy ass in a Target.” Jeremy noticed Michael move as if to ram the cart into the back of his knees (painful,) then hesitate. Jeremy was about to open his mouth to ask when Michael strode over and in one movement, threw Jeremy over his shoulder as if he didn't weigh more than a backpack. Jeremy choked and let out an involuntary shriek, (not that he'd ever call it a shriek, but what was he supposed to do when he was suddenly not in control of his own movement and tossed over his best friend's shoulder?) He was safely deposited into the cart, and tried, really tried, to stop himself from replaying what just happened a thousand times over.  His legs dangled out the front but didn’t bother to move. He just landed with a huff and leaned back so he could see Michael's face (or at least his chin) and smiled. Michael cleared his throat.

“Alrighty, here we go,” Michael gave the cart one big push to get it moving and started to walk towards the food area.

“Oh my god.” Jeremy sat up and managed to look between his knees, which were over the edge of the cart.

“What? Food? Yeah, that’s why we're here bud.” Michael laughed.

“No! Well- yes. Wait… for me?” Jeremy didn't even want to count how many times his voice cracked or changed inflections in that sentence, so he settled for gazing at Michael's chin.

“Haha, yes. For you.”

Jeremy elected to Capital-I Ignore the feeling in his chest Michael's tone elicited. Averting his eyes from the offender, he took no time to practically jump out of the cart, grateful for a distraction.

“WAIT. MICHAEL, GIVE ME A SEC.” He ran over to the bakery section where all of the packaged cookies were. With reckless abandon he pushed packages out of the way, seemingly bent on one specific kind. Fire in his eyes and a clear cut goal on hand, Jeremy didn't notice he was the object of the other boy's focus.

“FOUND 'EM!” Jeremy hooted, bouncing towards the cart. He triumphantly held a box labeled ‘Lofthouse Frosted Sugar Cookies,' cause damn, if those weren't the best packaged cookies ever. Jeremy climbed back into the cart but sitting with his legs folded under him like a little kid’s. He eyed the cookies.

“Y’know you can eat some now, right?” Michael grinned, a peculiar expression, (somewhere between endearment, embarrassment, and a mysterious little twinkle?) Not leaving his face since the cookies were procured.

“What? No, we have to buy them first..”

“Nope,” Michael informed, popping the 'p,’ “You can eat them now and then show the cashier the box.”

“WHAT?" Jeremy turned around to stare at Michael. "IM 17, ABOUT TO GO OFF TO COLLEGE, AND I NEVER KNEW YOU COULD EAT FOOD IN THE STORE?” He was astonished. All those years of hungry little Jeremy having to wait until his dad had finished paying to open some bag, seal, or container.

“Just eat the food.” Michael playfully rolled his eyes and started the cart toward the back of the store once again.

 

* * *

 

The decorations aisle was next to the candles, mini (fake) potted plants, and the clocks that no one ever used or read; just kept it as decoration on the wall.

“Hmmm… What to get him…” Michael heard Jeremy hum. He noticed after, like, half the cookie container and the sandwich, Jeremy was more awake-- his eyes were brighter (not that Michael spent too much time looking at his eyes, or anything..) and Michael noticed he seemed to crawl out of the cart more often and keep up with its pace. He always returned to the cart, though, despite the looks from Target employees. Michael tried not to think about the number of times he had looked down to see if Jeremy had fallen asleep, only to make eye contact, the look in Jeremy's eyes one of almost silent reverie. But he was tired, and Jeremy was probably on a sugar high. Right?

 

“Oh! Candles? They smell good and are actually really pretty at night or sunset. The flame is coo-“ Michael paused at the word flame.

“Nahhh” They both shook their head and spoke at the same time as Michael turned the cart into the aisle over.

“Oh! I love these little things.” Jeremy sat on his knees to be able to grab one of the small fake plants. Michael watched Jeremy once again, but this time he was admiring little plastic leaves instead of cookies. Jeremy set the pot he was holding down so that he could grab another.

Michael smiled a sad smile. He thought about something, and he felt his smile grow sadder. _No, no he’s only ever really liked girls. I’d be surprised if he’s bi._ Really though, Michael had a hard time reading his best friend as he rummaged through all the little aesthetic plants. He pulled out one smaller plant in a marble pot that had a dark wood-colored base, and another that was a bit taller but the pot was dark wood and a marble base.

“How about these two? They seem to work? They look pretty cool anyway.” Jeremy shrugged as he inspected the plant further.

“No complaints here.” Michael turned his smile back into his usual grin and gestured to put the pots into the cart. They really could have used a basket or even nothing at all, but it was worth seeing Jeremy all excited and happy. Michael knew that when Jeremy was in the right headspace, He could just about forget the constant headache. He just looked cute.

Jeremy ended up not getting back into the cart since he would just have to get back out again, and they walked straight to the self-checkout line. He went to hand Michael enough cash to pay for one of the plants and the cookies, but Michael had insisted that it was on him. Besides, it was easier just getting his card out and not have to put cash in his wallet. He hated doing that.

“You comin’ over to my place, or am I driving you home?” Usually, Michael and Jeremy switched off on whos house they would goto on Fridays, and today it was Michael turn, but today he thought he would ask since Jeremy seemed so tired.

“Honestly bro, I think I’m gonna go take a nap. Sorry..” Jeremy looked apologetic as he told Michael to drive him home, but it didn’t affect Michael.

“No problems dude. Guess I’ll just have to finish ‘Until Dawn’ without you..” Michael teased. Until Dawn wasn’t even a multiplayer game in the first place, they just enjoyed games that had a good plot to them every once in a while. They liked to bicker over which choice to choose, and if it had turned out bad then one would have their fair share of gloating and 'I-told-you-so's, and they'd laugh and cope with the consequences.

“What? No! You can’t- you can’t even finish it tonight. I mean.. You could. But like..Dude we're thirty minutes into the game!” Jeremy whined.

“I’m kidding.” Michael chuckled. “You know I'd never.”

“Sheesh. Don’t play me like that Mikey.” Jeremy sunk back into his seat.

 

* * *

 

Soon, Jeremy was walking up his driveway as Michael zoomed away in his P.T. Cruiser.

“Hey Dad, I’m home,” Jeremy called out to his dad as he walked through the front door and ran up the stairs. Once he got into his room, he shut the door, threw his backpack on the floor, and fell onto his bed. Jeremy stared at the ceiling for a while. His bed frame was conducted with a bunch of shelves creating a sort of funky pattern, but it was also storage space. Junk over junk containing random papers or candy wrappers were scattered all over the shelves. A few items, like a Mario themed alarm clock that he had since he was 10, remained to be of use frequently, but others remained mostly untouched.

Jeremy sat up and scanned the shelves, kicking his shoes off and sitting criss-cross to feel more comfortable, and leaned forward a little bit to get a closer look. His eyes landed on a specific piece of crumpled paper. Having no clue why or what it was, he reached over and opened it.

_Ah,_ he thought, _that’s why._ The paper riddled with crinkled lines read ‘Humiliation Sheet’ at the top, and had a list of items such as Snicker, Refusal to head nod, Mortification, etc., with tally marks on the side of each of the words. He remembers the day he last used it. It was the day he had gotten the squip. He had the paper folded in his pocket at the mall and when he had gotten home, the Squip mentioned how he wouldn’t be needing it anymore. _I really beat myself up back then, didn’t I?_ He crumpled the paper up once again and put it back to the spot where he found it. If he threw it away now, then it would only feel like he was throwing his past away, and even if he wanted to do his very best to not remember his past, most specifically around last year, this paper reminded him of a time where he still didn’t know about co-op undercover illegal supercomputers from Japan. _hah. what if it was COUIS instead of SQUIP. hah. haha._ Jeremy flopped back down onto his bed and closed his eyes. Eventually, he fell asleep with his phone still in his hand.

 

**skrt skrt bitches**

**michael with a k:** _oh shit sorry i forgot to send the english notes_

**jeremy with a g:** _??_

**michael with a k:** _u fell asleep after writing the title of them lmao_

**jeremy with a g:** _oooooh. whoops_

**michael with a k:** _jpg.engnotes_

**jeremy with a g:** _aiweufh_ _tysm_

**michael with a k:** _np bro._

**jeremy with a g:** _:(_

**michael with a k:** _?_

**jeremy with a g:** _ur not playing until dawn without me right_

**michael with a k:** _bro ofc not. i’m replaying the solo levels of aotd_

**jeremy with a g:** _aight cool_

**michael with a k:** _u take a nap?_

**jeremy with a g:** _yuh i woke up right before u texted me but i think i’m just gonna have some leftovers or smth and then shower and go to sleep. it’s already like,, 10_

**michael with a k:** _i feel u. i’ll prob just finish another couple levels or just end up passing out on the beanbag lol_

**jeremy with a g:** _lit. just do me a favor and clean ur damn glasses. i don’t even know how you can see anymore tf._

**michael with a k:** _fine. you know, it serves as a shield from jake and rich during lunch._

**jeremy with a g:** _uh huh. sure. whatever._

**michael with a k:** _i speak truth, young one._

**jeremy with a g:** _i’m sure u do. ima hop offline and do whatever. see u tmo_

**michael with a k:** _adios_

 

Jeremy shut his phone off and ran downstairs. He ended up finding some leftover spaghetti that his dad had taken home from a restaurant and put it in the microwave. After eating, he ran back upstairs and brushed his teeth while showering. He never understood why he got so much hate for doing that. Multitasking is a thing he was capable of and if he was able to save time and go to bed sooner, then he would take the chance. While in the shower he spat out the toothpaste and rinsed his mouth with shower water, leaning against the wall and taking a minute to reflect. Sure, he was tired and half asleep the whole day, but it still had been pretty good. He was getting along just fine without that thing for the past year. Every once in awhile, though, he’d overthink something. Today, that was whatever the _fuck_ had happened in Target, specifically getting him into the cart. It was just a gesture, right? He was being playful, for sure. Not anything over-think worthy. Way. It couldn’t have been. Michael was surely just watching out for Jeremy’s knees. Yeah. Michael was definitely looking out for Jeremy’s knees since he knew how much of a twig he is. That’s all, right?

After drying off and putting comfortable clothes on, he checked his phone one more time for notifications, (A stupid Snapchat of Michael pretending to recoil from glasses cleaner, which Jeremy really should not have considered replaying and screen-recording,) shut off his lamp, and went to sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yuh so I have more chapters that i'll post and everything, and if i get so far in my writing i might make this a series ;3 for now though this is just me having fun and feeding my ship since mY LAsT ShiP WenT DOWn LIkE thE TITANIC SINCE THE FRKN SHOW ENDED I ALIUDHAIUERFHOAWIUAH Ok im back-- so yee that's whats poppin


	2. Dude she's just a waitress.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jeremy with a g: did you just  
> jeremy with a g: what did u just delete 
> 
> michael with a k: idk what ur talking about
> 
> jeremy with a g: chat log legit says ‘michael with a k deleted a message.’
> 
> michael with a k: i don’t see it 
> 
> jeremy with a g: dude i legit watch you delete the msg
> 
> michael with a k: well did u read it
> 
> jeremy with a g: i mean no but 
> 
> michael with a k: then it never existed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okeey so i'm posting again today so that I can kinda just get this fic off of its feet and then i'll prob come up w a schedule or smth 
> 
>  
> 
> at this point im pretty sure that the broadway version, signature theatre version, two river version, and the book have all just mushed together in my head so idek anymore
> 
> edit: help swear_it is convinced that they use facebook messenger as the texting app

Michael woke up to the sound of Zelda’s theme music blasting through his headphones. He was gripping a playstation controller in his right hand, and the other dangled off of the bean bag right next to a spilled over bottle of Dr. Pepper. Oops.  As he began to sit up, he winced at the pain in his neck. _“shit, I slept weird”._ He massaged the knot in his neck and slowly started to lift his head back to a semblance of normal alignment. If he turned his head any more to the opposite side, though, it hurt so much it felt like he would snap off his head by accident.

Michael slowly shuffled into the little bathroom that’s connected to the basement under the stairs, and grabbed an extra towel that was folded neatly under the sink. As he went back to where the spilled Dr Pepper was (almost tripping over the Playstation remote wires), he noticed a green cap in the back of his soda stash in the corner. He dropped the towel onto the floor over the spot of the spilled soda, and walked over curious about what it was.

The only thing that came to mind for him about what it was is that the only soda he would have with a green cap is Sprite, or Ecto Cooler- the original Ghostbusters soda that they didn’t sell anymore.

He sifted through a bunch of 2 liter bottles so that he could get to the back of the stash. Eventually, his hand reached the mysterious bottle and he pulled it out. The bottle read ‘Mountain Dew’.

“Oh my god.” Michael turned the bottle around over and over, not believing what he was holding. He grabbed his phone out of his pocket and snapped a picture to send to Jeremy. His thumb hovered over the send button for a few seconds, and then decided to delete the photo and turn his phone off instead. He didn’t want to freak Jeremy out this much this early in the morning-- wait, what time was it again? He clicked on the home button of his phone to check the time that read ‘6:43’. How in the world did he manage to wake up this early on his own? _On a Saturday?_

Michael put the bottle back into the place that he found it, and turned back around to finish wiping the spilt Dr Pepper off of the cork floor. While turning around, he accidentally moved his neck a little bit to the right, pain shooting both down to his shoulder, and up to his head. _“Of all days,”_ thought, “ _Why did I have to screw up my neck on Halloween?”_ He rolled his eyes to himself and started to wipe the soda with the towel in circular motions, coming to an abrupt stop.

“OH SHIT ITS HALLOWEEN!” He practically yelled, getting a “MICHAEL, LANGUAGE.” from one of his mothers shouting loud enough that he could hear her upstairs.

* * *

 

****

Jeremy woke up, and like usual, almost immediately wobbled into the bathroom to grab an advil. He used to love sleeping in, but since the play, he hasn’t been able to fall back asleep once he woke up because of his wonderful headache that likes to start off his day.

Jeremy’s drawer in the bathroom had to be jiggled in order to open it, and it tends to be loud enough that Jeremy’s dad could hear it when Jeremy tries to open it.

“MORNING’ SON!!” His father shouted from downstairs. He probably was at the table reading the newspaper or something. “HOW'S YOUR HEADACHE??” He really didn’t need to shout that loud, but he’s got a naturally booming voice so it really wasn’t anything that could be helped.

“As usual.” Jeremy rolled his eyes.

“SON YA GOTTA SPEAK LOUDER. IM DOWNSTAIRS.”

“AS USUAL.” Jeremy yelled even louder than his dad. He really didn’t want to deal with this right now since he just woke up and his headache was, to be completely honest, worse than usual. He wouldn’t tell his dad that though because then he probably wouldn’t be able to goto Jakes party tonight. Jeremy swallowed two of the little teal gel pills, popped back into his room so he could grab his phone, and trotted downstairs.

“Good morning,” Jeremy’s dad said again, “So your headache is ok? You seem grumpy.” He never looked up from his newspaper.

“Yeah i’m fine. Yelling just doesn’t help y’know?” Jeremy mumbled.

“What’d i tell ya about mumbling? People won’t hear you if you’re quiet all the time.” He put the newspaper down for a second so he could sip from his coffee.

“Sorry. I said-“ He got cut off.

“I heard you, it’s alright soldier.” His father went back to reading the paper. He knew what happened, Just didn’t completely believe the story about the squip. At times he would really question if it exists or not because of all the things that make sense when put into perspective that it does, but honestly? Did his son really consume a supercomputer? That’s illegal? From Japan? Who knows. The doctor had told him that Jeremy would suffer from minor side effects after the incident, though. So he believed at least Jeremy’s headaches were real. “You’re going to Jakes party tonight, right? I like Jake. Too bad about his parents.” He grumbled.

“Yeah, and it’s fine. You know he’s getting along well without them. He has for years. He’s happy in his little apartment.” Jeremy tried to make the conversation as little as awkward as possible. If they kept talking about parents, his mom would be brought up. That was something he didn’t want to talk about. At least… not today. His dad cleared his throat gruffly.

“So what are you wearing tonight?” At least his dad had enough common sense to change the topic before it got too weird.

“What you mean?” Jeremy had gotten up from his chair and wandered over to the fridge. He started rummaging through it, trying to find the milk. Were they out of milk?

“Well it’s Halloween! What’s your costume?” His dad chuckled at Jeremy’s confusion.

“Oh! I- uhh. hm. I haven’t really thought about it.” Jeremy shrugged walking back to the table empty handed.

“Your costume last year was cool. All computer-tech-“ Jeremy cut him off.

“I don’t care about last year.” Jeremy felt tense at the mention of it. The fact that his dad said it was cool made it worse for so many reasons.

“Well I mean i’m just sayin-“ He was cut off again.

“Whatever. Can we drop it?” Jeremy felt almost watched, an uncomfortable tingling crawled up his spine and he felt out of place, as if he walked onto a stage, oblivious of his lines, and was expected to perform.

“Sorry. I know you’re sensitive. I shouldn’t have said anything.” He took another sip of his coffee.

“It’s fine. I’m sorry i got defensive I just- you know how i feel about…” Jeremy looked down at the table.

“I know. It’s ok, chap.”

The dining room fell silent. Jeremy opened his phone and went to Michaels contact. “ _Weird,”_ He thought, “ _He was online two hours ago.. usually he says good morning to me or something?_ ” He opened the chat.

****

**Skrt Skrt Bitches**

**jeremy with a g:** _yo wassup_

 **jeremy with a g:** _what r u wearing tonight??_

****

He waited a few minutes for a response. Usually he responds right away. Maybe he was just talking to his moms or something.

****

**michael with a k:** _eyo_

****

Another minute passed.

****

**michael with a k:** _sorry i’m distracted rn lol. mama wants me to try her sou_

****

**jeremy with a g:** _??_

****

**michael with a k:** _soup*_

****

**michael with a k:** _sksk sry give me a sec i cant fight her any longer_

 **michael with a k:** _i swear gumbo makes her crazy._

****

**jeremy with a g:** _lmao kk. y is ur mom making gumbo at 9 in the morning_

****

**michael with a k:** _*mama. mom's still in bed sksk_

 **michael with a k:** _idek man. she said it’s because it needs to sit or smth_

****

**jeremy with a g:** _ah._

 **jeremy with a g:** _so ur costume??_

****

Another minute passed

****

**michael with a k:** _bac. uhm_

 **michael with a k:** _actually? i have no idea. u?_

****

**jeremy with a g:** _same. wanna go get one later. today? or right now? i’m hungry and we r out of milk_

****

**michael with a k:** _always hungry w me huh?_

 **michael with a k:** _bet ur thirsty too._

 **_-_ ** **_michael with a k_ ** **_deleted a message-_ **

****

The chat now read

****

**michael with a k:** _always hungry w me huh?_

****

**jeremy with a g:** _did you just_

 **jeremy with a g:** _what did u just delete_

****

**michael with a k:** _idk what ur talking about_

****

**jeremy with a g:** _chat log legit says ‘Michael with a k deleted a message.’_

****

**michael with a k:** _i don’t see it_

****

**jeremy with a g:** _dude i legit watch you delete the msg_

****

**michael with a k:** _well did u read it_

****

**jeremy with a g:** _i mean no but_

****

**michael with a k:** _then it never existed._

****

**jeremy with a g:** _bro tf_

****

**michael with a k:** _i’m getting in my car rn u better be ready when i get there_

****

**jeremy with a g:** _BRO DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT_

****

**_-_ ** **_michael with a k_ ** **_is now offline-_ **

****

**jeremy with a g:** _BRO_

****

Jeremy wandered back over to the kitchen thinking of perhaps a glitch, (it totally wasn't a glitch) and found a Poptart. The deleted message really shouldn't disturb him as much as it did, it was just that him and Michael really didn't keep secrets from each other. Jeremy took a bite of the Poptart while his mind wandered. Watching Michael get so defensive was odd, and Jeremy found himself hoping he'd be normal when picking him up.

He shook his head, finishing his Poptart and going upstairs to get ready.

****

* * *

 

****

Michael had been blasting the music in his car all the way to Jeremy’s house. He has always loved reggae and honestly, loves that fact that Jeremy will willingly listen to it with him even more. For some reason, his moms despise it, and when he’s with his other friends (now that he has other friends), they all tell him he should put his headphones on so that the music doesn’t disturb other people they didn’t know walking around them.

Michael was sort of on auto pilot-- he was deep in thought as his actual body was making the stops, pressing on the gas, and turning down streets that would get him to Jeremy’s house. He was ruminating over his _really shitty_ choice of joke in the chat. Sure, Michael makes jokes like that all the time, but this time he just felt.. awkward, and he knew that Jeremy would ask him to explain the joke, or would assume that Michael had just seen someone he thought was hot. He really wasn’t in the mood to explain to Jeremy or tell a lie to him. Technically, not saying what he wrote isn’t lying, right? Lying by omission wasn't a real thing, as far as Michael was concerned. The easy way out, and the way Michael was planning on, was to pretend he forgot what he wrote.

One more turn and he’d be on Jeremy’s street- “Ow! Shit.” Michael, in his embarrassment, had forgotten about the crick in his neck, and hadn’t realized that he had turned his head to the wrong side.

He rolled to a stop outside of Jeremy’s house and rubbed his neck before honking to let Jeremy know he was outside. As he saw Jeremy bouncing towards the car, he put his hand back on the steering wheel so Jeremy wouldn't pick up on anything wrong. It was Halloween, and Michael wanted a normal one.

“Sup.” Jeremy greeted, and tossed himself into the passenger seat. “I am SO hungry, all I ask is that you drive me to food.”

Michael turned the volume down just a little so that he would be able to hear Jeremy over the music.

“Where’re we headed? I haven't got a clue what kind of costume to get. We don’t really have a lot of time to make something or really put together anything cool.” Michael hummed, trying to be careful of not turning to the left.

“Mmmmmm. Everyone i’ve asked have all said that they are doing something really simple. Like wearing a festive shirt or just wearing normal clothes and then face paint but-“ Jeremy started to trail off.

“We aren’t very good at paint” Micheal added.

“And we don’t have anything relatively festive” Jeremy finished. “Ok let’s brainstorm. The closest thing we have to normal or festive would be” Jeremy stopped trying to think of something.

“uh.” Michael tried to think of something. “black? I mean it’s pretty much one of the three trademark colors of Halloween along with purple and orange.”

“Oh! What if we wear all black and then add something like a headband? Or like? Glow sticks? I don’t know man. Halloween is so much work.” Jeremy pinched the bridge of his nose. He seemed more off than usual.

“Ok. I’m getting, like, middle school girl vibes here, but I have a black headband with light up devil horns and another headband with a light up halo.” Michael was completely facing Jeremy in this pose that was like he had just presented something life changing to him.

“Michael why-“ Jeremy started to ask but Michael cut him off.

“Don't ask.” Jeremy looked at Michael, who signed and elaborated. “School play in second grade. Everyone had to participate and I got two roles. Moms wanted to keep the costume.” Michael blushed from embarrassment. “They still have pictures.”

“OH I REMEMBER THAT. I was… wait. I forget what I was. My…uh, my mom was the one who went to that.” Michael noticed the shift in his best friend's mood

“Oh. I'm sorry, Jere.” Michael shifted back into a normal position in the seat and started to back out of Jeremy’s driveway. “I didn’t mean to.” Michael paused, worried he would make it worse.

He saw Jeremy shake his head and shoot Michael a grin, and Michael knew he wanted to lighten the mood again.   

           “Don’t worry about it dude! I think the costume idea is great. We just have to figure out how to make the headbands fit our heads.. it’s gonna be way too small for us. Also, we need to decide who gets which headband. I, for one, think you should be the devil.”

“What? Why should I be the devil?” Michael laughed, trying to keep his eyes on the road and not look at Jeremy.

“‘’Cause you won’t tell me what you deleted!” Jeremy teased, in a very annoying and not-at-all-adorable sing-song tone. “Plus, it’s totally, like, your aesthetic.”

“Uhm ‘scuse me but I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Michael smiled, but his blush of embarrassment doubling in reminder of his stupid, stupid joke.

“You so do.”

“I’m pretty sure you're on 'shrooms.” Michael glanced over at Jeremy's laugh and resolved to keep acting oblivious.

“Dude. You’re the one who’s always getting high in your basement.”

The rest of the car ride consisted of the two of them playfully bickering, and Michael eventually gave in and told Jeremy that he would wear the devil headband. Plus, he was right. Red is totally his aesthetic.

 

* * *

 

****

Michael ended up taking them to a little cafe that was near the midpoint between their houses. Throughout the car ride, Jeremy’s headache had slowly been getting worse, but at the moment it wasn’t like he was in excruciating pain or anything. The headache was just more like he had been taking a test for four hours and his head hurt due to squinting at too-small print. It didn't help that his head hurt more than usual when he woke up in the morning.

The two boys sat down at a table and although Jeremy was the one who complained for lack of food, Michael had grown hungry too and they were both ready for some breakfast.

“Ok all i’m saying is that half the characters in Injustice 2 suck ass.” Michael continued his conversation with Jeremy as they sat down at a table. “Like, at this point the franchise is gonna go down.”

“What do you mean?! There’s only like one or two characters that are trash.” Jeremy tried to defend the PvP game.

“Uhm no. Guess again buddy. Also, they should not allow Reverse-Flash to be picked with Flash as a rival. Legit at that point it all gets set down to the players skill at the game. They have the same power. It’s stupid” Michael crossed his arms.

“Ok well guess what Mr. It’s Stupid,” Jeremy for some reason felt proud with the fact that he way able to come up with that (admittedly immature) nickname so quick. “It’s meant to be like that because one, it’s canon, and two, how else are you supposed to battle it out with someone in a fight? Also, pretty much the only bad character in the game is Poison Ivy. What even are her powers useful for anyway? She sucks, dude.” Jeremy put his elbow on the table so he could rest his head on his hand.

“Ok something we can agree on, sheesh. You legit need to be a pro playing her facing off against a noob.” Michael chuckled.

Had Michael been favoring a side of his neck? Jeremy could have sworn that he hasn’t seen Michael turn his head to the left all day. Even when making turns in the car he would turn his whole body, but when he made turns to the right he would move his head. What was wrong? Was it weird that Jeremy noticed this? No it’s probably just a friend being observant. That’s all. Everyone notices things about their friends like this, right?

“Hi! My name is Maria and i’ll be your waitress today. Anything I can-“ Michael forgot about how he slept wrong and turned to face the waitress, who just so happened to be standing on his left side.

“Ow!” Michael winced as he turned to face her.

“Oh dear, are you alright?” the waitress seemed worried.

“Michael! What's going on? You good?” Jeremy really tried to calm his racing nerves. He was always good at catastrophizing, especially around people he cared about, but tried to assuage his fears.

“Ahah. Yeah i’m fine. Sorry about that- I slept weird last night and it hurts to turn my head that way” Michael had started to laugh at what had happened. Didn’t it hurt? He was still rubbing his neck so it had to have, but was he really fine? Was he genuinely laughing?

“Oh my.. would you like some ice? I’ll get you some ice.” The waitress hurried off to the kitchen, leaving Jeremy and Michael in an awkward space.

“Mikey? What? Happened?” Even though Michael had said that it was only because he slept weird, and even though Jeremy knew it would most likely be gone by tomorrow, he couldn’t help but worry as if Michael had just been shot.

“Dude I said I’m fine,” Michael put his hand back down into his lap with a smile on his face. “I just-“

“You just fell asleep playing video games again.” Jeremy rolled his eyes. At least Michael was ok, but it didn’t help knowing that he was hurting. “Michael.”

“Hey it’s better than that time we fell asleep with the bong next to us. We are lucky it was your dad that found us and woke us up when he came to get you because he thought we were burning incense.” Michael was trying to shift the subject to something else, but Jeremy caught on.

“Michael seriously. Sleeping this way is bad for your health.” Jeremy’s finger was tracing circles on his other hand.

“So is pot.” Michael snorted. “And besides, we do it all the time.”

“What? Fall asleep like that or smoke pot?” Jeremy looked at Michael expressionless.

“Both.” Michael laughed out his hands up. “You don’t have any excuses here.”

“Your glasses. You’re gonna need new prescription if you keep overexerting your optic nerves and playing video games 24/7.” Jeremy looked smug, but he couldn’t help but feel off when talking about optic nerves.

“Ok I can literally say the same thing for you.”

“but I don’t have glasses.”

“You used to until the squip ‘fixed your eyes,’ which by the way, how is that even possible?” Michael rolled his eyes.

“Don’t bring that thing up, man. Not cool.” Jeremy took a sip of his water.

“Hello again! I am so sorry it took me a while to get the ice for you.” The waitress handed the bag of ice to Michael. “Despite this place being nearly deserted, the kitchen is a bit of a mess at the moment.” She looked apologetic.

“No worries, really. Thank you so much” Michael smiled up at her as he put the ice bag on his neck.

Even though it was just a polite gesture, Jeremy didn’t like seeing Michael smile at the waitress. Which… was weird. What had the kind waitress ever done to him?

“You folks ready to order?” She smiled back, and oh boy did Jeremy feel uncomfortable, which, what? Why did he feel uncomfortable? Why were the waitress and Michael smiling at each other so much? Were they even smiling that much? It was probably just being nice, right? God, did Jeremy’s head hurt.

“Yeah, can _we_ please get the chicken and waffles?” And Jeremy made it weird by emphasizing the ‘We.” Great.

“Alrighty, and anything to drink?” She wrote some stuff down on her little pad.

“We’re fine with waters, thanks.” Jeremy didn’t seem too stern, did he? She helped Michael out; she was nice.

Michael looked at Jeremy oddly, but then shrugged it off. “So what’s wrong with you?”

“Huh?” Jeremy was confused.

“You’ve seemed off all day. What is it?” Michael had returned back to the way he usually talks- laid back but still an undercurrent of genuine care.

“Oh, uh. It’s nothing.” Jeremy didn’t want to pile his headache on top of Michael’s….. neck crick?

“You sound like me now. What’s up?” Michael leaned forward a little bit so the way his arm was holding the ice would be more comfortable.

“Just have had a headache all day. Like, worse than usual.” Jeremy’s bad posture had returned since he’d gotten rid of the squip. Old habits die hard.

“You still wanna goto Jakes party? I’m fine with just hanging back at one of our places tonight.” Michael suggested.

“Nah I really wanna go. We haven’t seen it yet and I feel bad for continuously putting this off.” Jeremy smiled. “Besides, it’ll probably go away. We’ve got time. It’s only 10 in the morning.”

“JEREMYYYYY!” a stranger's voice could be heard around the corner. “JERE JERE WHERE ARE YOU???”

A little white fluffy dog burst through the open doors of the cafe. It ran around in circles until it tried to jump over the counter to get into the kitchen.

“JEREMYYYYYYY!” the voice was high pitched and seemed stressed. Suddenly, a girl of about 16 or 17 ran into the cafe. Jeremy didn’t recognize her, so she probably didn’t go to Middleborough. The girl gasped, “OH MY GOD! JERE-BEAR!!” and ran towards the little dog in the corner.

“I love how that dog has my name. Really goes to show I’m not only original, but also unique.” Jeremy quipped, making light of an assuredly bizarre goose chase of a dog walk.

“Oh! I am so so so sorry about that!” The girl looked like she felt bad but relieved at the same time, holding the little squirming ball of fluff called a dog under her arm like a football. “This little monster escapes way too easily.” She looked like she was addressing Michael and Jeremy, though her eyes were trained on Michael. “Anyway, bye!” The girl just walked out of the cafe as if nothing happened and disappeared as fast as she showed up.

“Huh.” Michael sat in disbelief looking at the ghost of where the girl stood just moments before she disappeared.

“Ok. Kinda weird to name a dog Jeremy, right?” Jeremy was looking in the same spot as Michael.

“Yeah, what the fuck?” Michael agreed.

Soon, the two turned back to face each other and abrupted with laughter. Their conversation remained light hearted for the rest of the time, and they ate their Chicken n Waffles in peace.

****

* * *

 

****

“Oof i’m so full.” Jeremy patted his (non existent) stomach and stretched.

“Me too. For a single dish, that was a lot of food for two people.” Michael commented while getting into the car.

“Accurate.” Jeremy plopped down on his seat.

“So we going to my house now?” Michael asked, pulling out of the parking lot.

“Yup!” Jeremy stretched again and moved his hands to message his temples.

Michael put Bob Marley on as usual and they both tapped their head to the beat all the way to his house. By the time they were downstairs and in Michael’s basement, Michael had already gone into the bathroom to get Advil for Jeremy, and found a water bottle just laying around to give to him. It probably wasn’t healthy to have him drink water that’s been sitting around for who knows how long, but it worked all the same.

“Thanks” Jeremy said with the pills in his mouth right before he drank the water. “So,” He coughed a bit just from the feeling of the pills going down his throat. “The headbands?”

“Ah, those cursed things. Let’s see if i can dig them up.” Michael wandered over to the spare storage closet and pulled out a box labeled ‘1st thru 3rd Grade’. It was stuffed to the rim with his old drawings and schoolwork, but Michael didn’t have that much of a problem carrying it.

“Oh my god.” Michael went to pull something out of the box.  

“what?” Jeremy struggled to get on his knees while sinking into the beanbag.

“Our heads,” Michael turned around. “were so small.” He held up two little headbands, one with devil horns, and one with a halo. They both looked like they were in relatively good shape, and as if they were fairly well made.

“Ok no way that’s gonna fit our heads.” Jeremy laughed.

“Oh! Mom’ll help us!! She’s really good with this type of stuff.” Michael went to put the box back where he found it.

“i’m well aware- remember when I accidentally broke my presentation at the science fair right before the judges could see it in 6th Grade?” Jeremy sat looking up, probably reminiscing on the time.

“Haha! Yeah! She kept telling us how hot glue is the best friend you could ever ask for and then we would get all defensive about it and say that we were best friends, not hot glue.” Michael looked at Jeremy and smiled as he remembered that day. It had been years since everything was so simple. Now, all he wishes he could do is to go back in time, or go forward, and forget about their Junior year. Maybe the rest of their Senior year will be fine, but only time will tell. “I’ll be right back.” Michael ran up the stairs with the headbands in his hand, and soon called for Jeremy to come up, too. After a while, Jeremy and Michael came back downstairs with their modified headbands in hand, and sat down on their respective bean bag to play video games for the next couple of hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry not sorry abt michaels text


	3. Halloween is messy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Finally! The slowpokes have arrived! Now everyone! Listen up!” Jake saw Michael and Jeremy walk through the door and lowered the music on the stereo, standing on top of a chair. “As you all know, I’ve invited you here, but this isn’t where the party is at unless you feel like it. The neighbors told me how every year on halloween the entire complex is one large party, and we get to apartment hop! There is no invitation required! Legit they have no idea how old we are so go ahead and drink if you feel like it, and let’s have a good time tonight, yeah?” Jake cranked the volume even louder than when Jeremy and Michael walked in, and suddenly the majority of people who were in his apartment all flowed out to get to another random person’s home. Michael had a feeling that tonight was going to be interesting, to say the least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wtf weve been writing sm and when I came back to this point to post im again im kinda just...  
> mmmmmm  
> ALSO I THINK I CAME UP W A PLOT? LIKE SWEAR_IT AND I WERE OF FT AND TALKING AND LIKE HOLY SHIT WHAT?
> 
> also lol this ch is kind of a lot

Several hours and a new video game (that was now finished) later, Jeremy sat up to stretch. The outro music to the game played as the credits rolled on the screen. They had taken a lunch break and few snack breaks, but they had to close their eyes a little bit and sit still so that they could adjust to not staring at a screen. Jeremy fell back onto the beanbag and stayed still away with his eyes closed and nose pointed towards the ceiling. Michael was on his stomach and sprawled over his beanbag. It was all too easy to fall asleep where they were, and by a mutual and nonverbal agreement, they slipped into sleep. Neither of them were really aware of what time it was, so it was a risk, but they really wanted a nap.

 

An hour later, Jeremy was the first to wake up. He immediately brought his hands to his head. Had his headache gotten worse? Or was it just that he’s sensitive right now since he was sleeping? Either way, he would avoid his pounding head. He knew for sure that he would goto Jakes Halloween party. It was stupid, but he really felt bad for always turning him down, and when Jeremy felt bad about something, he was known to go to great lengths to make up for it.

“Mmph,” Michael made a muffled noise from the beanbag he was on, and moved a little. “what time s’it?” His glasses were crooked, and upon noticing that he still had him on, he immediately bounced up to make sure he accidentally didn’t break them in his sleep (which he didn’t), and sunk back down onto his back.

“6:03…” Jeremy mumbled. Wait, Jakes party starts at 6:30.

“Oh ShIT.” Michael shot up immediately and ran to his closet, while Jeremy collected his things so that he wouldn’t accidentally leave them in Michaels basement (even thought he had a whole decorative chair and drawer dedicated to Jeremy's lost things).

Jeremy’s stopped hunting for a second to try and rub his temples to see if he can make the headache hurt any less than it already did.

“Ok does this work?” Michael hopped from around the corner, wearing black jeans and a black t-shirt.

“I dunno man, I’m wearing the same thing so one of us has gotta change..” Jeremy teased.

“Cmon lets go.” Michael rolled his eyes and walked around the room grabbing his wallet and phone, then on the way to the staircase he grabbed his keys. Jeremy followed him upstairs.

By the time they got in the car and pulled out of the driveway, Jeremy sunk into his seat and face palmed. “ahh. Stupid.” He grumbled.

“What is it?”

“I forgot to grab some advil at your house.”

“Ah.. you have some at your place, right? We’re headed over there right now so you can change and while inside you can grab some?” Michael offered.

“Oh.. right!” Jeremy immediately perked up. Just a few more blocks and Advil would be in reach.

“Damn that stuff is your best friend today, huh?” Michael laughed, still trying to wake up completely from their nap.

“Dude. _You’re_ my best friend. Advil isn't even a close second.”  Which, that was definitely a weird thing to say. Yeah, because they had always been friends, and it wasn't like there was anything more between them, which definitely felt weird to think. Was Jeremy panicking right now? Jeremy wasn't panicking, right? Not physically at least.

“Uh. you alright?” Michael gave an awkward laugh.

Jeremy stiffened and gave out a high pitched “What?”

Michael started to laugh, “You’re, like, frozen and looking kinda panicky. It looks like you’re a deer about to, like, have a seizure.” Michaels expression stiffened. “Wait, are you about to have a panic attack? I can pull over. Do you want me to pull over? It’s alright if we do, I don’t mind. Should we pullover? I’m gonna pullover.” Jeremy could recognize when Michael’s thoughts spiraled out of his control, and if he knew anything, he knew now was definitely one of those times.

“N-no! No i’m fine. I actually…” Jeremy tried to think of something to say that wouldn’t make the car ride awkward. “I uh, I blacked out! Yeah I honestly don’t remember the past minute.” He forced a canned laugh. “So what were we talking about?” Jeremy’s headache didn’t make lying to his Michael any easier-- and shit. He actually thought that. He actually, really just thought that and was backtracking at one hundred miles per hour in his brain because Michael is not _his_ Michael, Michael is his _best friend,_ and Jeremy really didn’t need to examine the warmth in his chest at the thought that Michael was _his_ , because Michael was _not,_ and Jeremy closed his eyes and hit his head against the headrest on his seat.

“Huh.” Jeremy noted a shift in Michaels tone, he seemed calmer. “Headache that bad? You ok?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. We are almost at my house too, so you can stay in the car while I run in and change.” Jeremy mumbled, relieved to be on a different topic.

Michael parked in the street right outside of Jeremy’s house, and Jeremy got out of the car to sprint (Fast-walk. His head hurt too much to sprint)  inside and change and find some damn advil.

* * *

 

 

Michael turned the air conditioning in his car on. Even though it would start to get cold soon as it got dark, the sun was shining through the windshield and he was wearing all black. He adjusted his glasses and went to put on the headband.

Michael’s mom had cut the sides of the headband off, and hot glued two clips on opposite ends of the top part of the band so that the boys could just clip it to their hair. He pressed a button set in between the two horns to light them up. Red was flashing from the top of his head.

He hoped that Jeremy would be ok at the party, and not have to suffer with a headache while everyone else was having fun. The pain in Michaels neck had started to go away, (with great naps comes great irresponsibility, and on the flipside, with great pain comes great massage skills.) He found himself able to ease his head left.

 

Michael watched the side of the house where the door was for Jeremy, as one minute turned to three turned to five. He was just about to pick up his phone and text the culprit, (he was thinking a very strongly worded reminder that it was currently 6:28 and they were for sure late,) when the boy in question hopped out of the door, and-- wow. Michael was glad Jeremy had suggested he be the devil, because Jeremy looked straight out of a Leonardo da Vinci painting, he was angelic. And, was that makeup? Michael squinted closer until he realized Jeremy had literally glued glitter and stars to his cheek, and they caught the setting sun’s light and threw it back with twice it’s brilliance, shadowed only by the light in Jeremy’s eyes--

Oh no, that was weird. It was weird to keep staring. And it was weird that Michael had just literally thought for like two minutes about how ‘angelic’ Jeremy was, and he definitely didn’t mean that, in like, a more-than-friends way. He meant it perfectly normally. And nothing about what he had just been thinking could be taken any other way, nor was it meant in any other way..

Right?

“Hey,  I brought some water and the advil in here so we aren’t late, or if I needed any at the party.” Jeremy sat down in the seat and put the bottle of water in the cup holder. He opened the advil bottle to grab another two pills. Michael tried to count how many Jeremy had taken today. Was it six, now? That couldn’t be good.

Jeremy reached into the pocket of his pants to get his phone. He was wearing the same thing as Michael, except his jeans were ripped and skinny, in contrast to Michael’s regular.

“Nice makeup look going on.” Michael quipped to take attention off himself-- Jeremy was looking at him and an irrational fear told Michael that Jeremy could read what he had been thinking on his face

“Ha! Thanks, that’s why I took so long. I mean, you know me, I saw the glue stick, and I saw the glitter, and I thought, ‘How can I one-up Michael?’” Jeremy shot Michael a crooked grin, to which Michael responded with a playful shove. “You okay?” Jeremy continued.

Why’d he ask that? Now Michael felt like he was the one with the headache. As he went to shift the car into drive, he realized he had to turn his head. Oh my god. He had been staring at Jeremy this whole time. _Whoops._

“Oh shit it’s 6:32 let’s get going” Jeremy warned Michael of the time as they started to turn out of Jeremy’s neighborhood.

 

Michael found a spot fairly easy underneath the apartment complex in the garage. Before Michael locked the car, he reached into the back seat to grab the two little fake plants the boys had gotten from target the day before. “How’s your headache?” Michael asked, locking the door.

“Well to put it in short, i’m pretty sure that the Advil i’ve been taking all day has been doing nothing” Jeremy scoffed.

“Shit dude. Just tell me if you wanna go home early and we can dip, k?” Michael patted Jeremy on the back with the fake plant. “Let’s go” they started to walk towards the elevator.

Almost every apartment door was open, and there was decorations and music flowing out of each room. Once the two reached Jake’s apartment, they were surrounded by familiar faces.

“Finally! The slowpokes have arrived! Now everyone! Listen up!” Jake saw Michael and Jeremy walk through the door and lowered the music on the stereo, standing on top of a chair. “As you all know, I’ve invited you here, but this isn’t where the party is at unless you feel like it. The neighbors told me how every year on halloween the entire complex is one large party, and we get to apartment hop! There is no invitation required! Legit they have no idea how old we are so go ahead and drink if you feel like it, and let’s have a good time tonight, yeah?” Jake cranked the volume even louder than when Jeremy and Michael walked in, and suddenly the majority of people who were in his apartment all flowed out to get to another random person’s home. Michael had a feeling that tonight was going to be interesting, to say the least.

 

* * *

 

 

Jeremy and Michael tried to stay with the group of people they knew, but Christine ended up finding someone who was dressed up as a character from one of her favorite musicals, Chloe was off flirting with some guy who was probably a lot older than her, Brooke and Jenna were admiring decorations and they lost sight of them, and Jake and Rich were probably still at Jake’s apartment but having sex instead of partying.

Jeremy felt Michael at his side everywhere they went, and couldn’t blame him. What he did last year was, to under exaggerate, the worst thing he could have ever possibly done. In fact, even if Michael were to leave his side, Jeremy probably wouldn’t be comfortable either because memories of what he did to Michael would flood back even more, and he promised himself he would never leave Michael again.

“Ahh.. so where should we go?” Michael was so close to Jeremy, he thought he was about to hold his hand, and honestly? Jeremy would be down. Not because he  wanted to hold his hand though, no that’s not the reason. It was only because he didn’t want to lose him. That’s all.

“I have no clue bro.” Even the hallways were crowded, and Jeremy had to squish next to Michael as one shirtless guy ran down the hallway hollering and whooping while waving his shirt in the air in one hand and holding up an empty beer bottle in the other.

Suddenly Michael grabbed Jeremy’s arm and tugged him into a random apartment. “Sorry about that- I just saw an empty ish place and ran for it” Michael laughed.

The apartment wasn’t full, but wasn’t in the slightest empty. The music was mainly just Coldplay or Onerepublic so the songs were fairly mellow, but the bass was so loud they felt it through the soles of their shoes. That, or something crazy was happening below them. Jeremy felt awkward for some reason. Almost as if he was receiving an apology from a stranger. They never apologized to each other… or maybe Jeremy was just going crazy. “Oh! Snacks!” Jeremy changed the subject, and oh how glad he is that he did.

“Mmm Chex Mix.” Michael went straight to the chex mix, but avoided eating the brown circle things that some people thought was pepperoni and some people thought it was burnt bread. Jeremy reaches for one of the circles. “Bro. What are you doing.” Michael practically drooped his chex piece.

“huh?” Jeremy stopped chewing.

“Why do you eat those things” Michael threw the chex piece into his mouth. “They’re gross.”

“So is sushi.” Jeremy laughed.

“You take that back.” Michael smiled.

“Never” Jeremy grinned back, continuing to chew the piece. Jeremy loved when they did this, unfathomably. It happened often and everytime it did, it was almost as if his headache had disappeared. Today, though, it just brought it down to a reasonable pain.

“So your dad is still wearing pants right? Whenever I come over he’s always working out at the gym, which by the way, tell him I say congrats.” Michael snorted. Aw. That was cute.

A few retorts and a new song later, Jeremy's attention was ripped from Michael towards some guy climbing on a chair.

“OHHHH YEEEEAAAAAAAAAAH” The lunatic cheered, spraying the contents of the green bottle into the crowd.

“Wha- AH” Jeremy grabbed his head and crouched down in pain. Suddenly the fluid from the green bottle was spraying everywhere. After it stopped, Jeremy’s headache died back down to how it was before the guy started spraying the soda. “What the fuck?”

“Hey hey are you ok?” Michael immediately dropped to the floor with Jeremy.

“I uh.. yeah? I think?” Jeremy tapped his head as if he were checking if a pan was hot.

“What happened?” Michael put a hand on Jeremy’s arm, worry covering his face.

“I uh. I have no clue?” Jeremy was so confused that he didn’t even realize Michaels hand on his arm.

“You wanna go home? Seriously we can go home.” Michael was concerned, and Jeremy could hear it.

“No i’m fine. That was just weird. It went away though.” Jeremy tried to reassure Michael, but he wasn’t sure if it was working.

“Really? Is it like.. gone?” Michaels is now just as confused as Jeremy.

“uhh no; it’s a tiny bit worse than before whatever just happened happened, but i’m really ok.” Jeremy actually really wanted to see where the night took them, and it was his first legit party as… himself. His first party without a computer in his head.

“You sure?” Michael took his hand off of Jeremy’s arm.

“Yeah” Jeremy smiled.

“You’re absolutely positive?” Michael made hand gestures.

“Yes, you dork.” Jeremy started laughing.

“Ok cool.” Michael gave him a grin back, and went for the Chex mix again.

The same guy who sprayed the soda everywhere threw the bottle into the air and hopped off of whatever platform he was standing on. As the empty bottle was kicked around and jostled, it eventually rolled to a stop in front of the two boys. The label read ‘Mountain Dew’.

Michael was the first to see the bottle, so he nudged Jeremy. As they both stared at it, they looked at each other and said “Weird” at the same time.

“Let’s.. uh.. get out of here.” Jeremy patted Michael on the back as a gesture to push him out of the apartment.

“Right.” Michael ushered out right next to Jeremy.

They pushed themselves through all of the people crowding the apartments and hallways. Interesting that within a mere 30 or 45 minutes the hallways went from empty to crowded.

Each room they considered going in was way too crowded to fight their way into, and they knew they would be miserable.

“Wait! I think i just saw Christine! C’Mon!” Jeremy grabbed Michaels hand and pulled Michael into the apartment he thought he saw his friend.

The apartment was fairly crowded, but there was mostly just a mass of people in the corner where a karaoke machine was. Instead of actual music, this apartment was offering karaoke, which by the way, is amazing to watch when there’s a group of drunk 20-something year olds having the time of their life with.

Jeremy looked around for Christine, while Michael fiddled with Jeremy’s hand. “Oh.” Jeremy looked down at their hands. “Uh.” He should probably let go if Michael was fiddling, but for some reason it was hard to. He felt his cheeks getting hot. Finally he let go. “S-sorry.” Jeremy held his own hand.

“No! no. Uh. I mean. No problem.” Michaels face was also red. Either that, or it was the lighting from the attached disco balls that were on the karaoke machine.

Whitney Houston’s ‘I Wanna Dance with Somebody’ was being sung as a duet over by the corner. Jeremy remembered some girl singing that last year during Jakes party. Right after.. well, right after Jeremy ditched Michael in the bathroom. What was with people and that song?

Jeremy forgot his undeserved vendetta with Whitney Houston as he blinked. And again. And again and again until he was pretty sure this was what a twitch felt like, because he felt a Something in his eye that his subconscious seemed desperate to blink and flush out.  

“Uh. Are- are you ok?” Michael tilted his head.

“Yeah I think I have one of the glitter stars in my eye.” Jeremy was scared of touching it in case he pushed it even further into his eye.

“Here.” Michael got really close to Jeremy’s face as he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and focused on where he saw the little glitter star. Each time Michael had missed the star, he got a little closer to Jeremy, and soon they were almost nose to nose. Jeremy’s blush intensened and neither of them moved. He felt the star get taken away from the bottom of his eye. Michael had gotten it, but wasn’t moving away. They were both frozen.

“Oh yeah, get it!” Some guy had slid right next to Jeremy and Michael. His face was red, but that was because of how drunk he was. He started to laugh. “Sorry was I interrupting somth?” A lewd smile spread across his face and he winked. He swirled around a murky green drink as he put something from his flask to mix it with in his cup. Lifting his cup, he addressed then again.

“This stuff? Sooo good. I add a lil bit of special stuff if yuh know what I mean,” He winked, again. “but if you kids are underage, then the stuff right there is alcohol free.” He slurred his words as he slid onto the table even more than he was on it before. The table shook from the movement and knocked over the paper name tags that had the ingredients of the drinks on them onto the floor.

“What uhm. What is it?” Michael pulled away from Jeremy.

“I dunno mann” The stranger giggled a little. “They had it at their christler party though. It’s like. Melted ice cream mixed with water and sprite.” The man took a sip of his concoction.

“So.. why’s it green?” Jeremy tried to pipe into the conversation, pushing what just happened out of their memories.

“Green dye or somthn’,” The guy shrugged and pushed himself off the table. “Gotta get in the spirit” The guy walked off and downed the rest of his drink.

Silence fell over them for a few seconds, until Jeremy decided to make it as little as awkward as possible. “I mean. It sounds like it tastes good?”

“Wouldn’t hurt to try it.” Michael started to laugh.

Jeremy smiled and poured each of them a cup. “Cheers?”

“Cheers.” Michael clinked cups with Jeremy. The minute the drink was in his mouth though, pain shot through his head. He dropped the cup to grasp the side of his head and swallowed the drink to manage out an “OW!” of surprise.

Michael put his cup down and put his hands on Jeremy’s shoulders to steady him. “What? What’s wrong? Did it happen again?” This time, Michael was extremely worried. Twice in one night wasn’t good.

“Yea- ahhhhh” Jeremy hissed as he held his head. This time, the pain wasn’t going away. It died down a little bit since he swallowed the drink, but barely.

“I think we should go.” Michael swung his arm around Jeremy and helped him fight through the crowd to the elevator.

 

* * *

 

  
  
Once they got into Michael’s car, Jeremy almost immediately reached for the advil that had been sitting there. While he was struggling to open the cap, Michael had reached to grab Jeremy’s water bottle and opened it for him. Jeremy took the water from Michaels hand and swallowed the pills for the fourth time that day.

“Has it gotten better at all?” Michael took the water and screwed the cap back on as Jeremy laid back in the chair.

“Nope.” Jeremy laughed at the fact that this was happening today of all days and times. He closed his eyes so he wouldn’t have to focus on anything and scrunched up his eyebrows.

“Alright. I’m gonna drive you to your house, ok?” Michael was glancing between Jeremy and the place where he was backing out of.

“Mhm.” Jeremy didn’t move.

The car ride to Jeremy’s house was completely silent. Michael didn’t even play Bob Marley. Jeremy thought he could hear Michaels foot tap the pedal repeatedly like he did when he was stressed. Throughout the ride to the house, Jeremy’s headache was slowly getting worse and worse.

Soon, they were at Jeremy’s house, and Michael drove into his driveway. “Will you be ok getting to your room?” Michael gripped the steering wheel.

“Yeah I think so.” Jeremy opened his eyes and sat up, realizing that he was right about Michaels knee bouncing up and down. He put a hand on the jumping knee which stopped it immediately. “It’s.. it’s ok. I’ll be ok Mikey. My head is just acting up.” Jeremy smiled as he squinted since the street lights bothered him.

“Alright. Just-- just text me when you wake up, ok?” Michael watched as Jeremy nodded an affirmation to him and walk up his steps and to the door.

Jeremy struggled with getting the key into the lock of the door because he kept missing the deadbolt. He felt Michael staring at his back, but at the moment could only focus on one thing to make sure he didn’t fall over, until finally stepping inside and slamming the door. He honestly didn’t care if his dad was home or not, but by the time he had reached his room and closed the door, his head was pounding so hard his vision started to get blurry, and it was a struggle to stand up straight. He neared his bed and sat down on it, only to fall over and onto the covers. At this point, he didn’t even care if his neighbors heard him, because he had no idea if he was yelling and making a bunch of noise, or if it was just silent screams and gasps for air. Eventually, the pain had reached a certain point, and Jeremy passed out.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, and welcome back to me screaming. *AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH*


	4. Who needs technology when you have naps?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael travelled through the morning going about his usual Sunday business such as chores, homework, procrastination by playing video games, cleaning his room, except one thing was missing- Jeremy hadn’t texted Michael. Not once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just to throw it in heere (HAH PUNS im not funny)- Jeremy in this fic pretty much looks like will c Jeremy and at times is like how will c played Jeremy but has aspects of will r Jeremy like the way he portrays Jeremy and the way he wears glasses (this ch) and his cardigan bc frkn FLUFF and the sassiness BC BOTH WILL R AND WILL C ARE V A L I D. OK?
> 
>  
> 
> also owo this ch is like 5000 words instead of abt 4000

Michael backed out of the driveway ten minutes after Jeremy had gone inside. The house lights were off when they arrived, which meant that Jeremy’s dad had probably gone out. Michael was scared out of his mind for what would happen to Jeremy, and felt like he should have gone inside with him or slept over because it looked like he was about to fall down when he was only opening the front door. _“_ What the hell is happening to him?” He signed placing his forehead on the steering wheel. Michael could only assume that Jeremy went straight to sleep because light in his room never turned on, and he didn’t hear any noises except for crickets hiding in the bushes. Eventually, he backed out of the driveway, and started home.

Today was weird. More than weird. It wasn’t necessarily a bad day (or at least not till the very end), it just was strange. Michael went through the events of the day, and realized how many times there was a strange… chemistry between them. What was going on with him? Why had Michael been feeling so awkward around Jeremy?

Before he knew it, Michael was home and saying hello to his mothers as he ran downstairs and got changed. He was so deep in thought, that he forgot the headband was clipped onto his head so he tried pulling it off, which didn’t end well. The clips had gotten knotted in his hair and was pulling on it, so repeated ‘ow’s were being mumbled as he ran into the bathroom to see the damage. Somehow, a chunk of his hair had gotten stuck and wrapped around a part of the clip that held the two metal pieces together.

“Mom!” He ran upstairs to get his moms help.

“Ye- oh dear.” His mothers expression changed into a mixture of laughter and worry. “Uhm. Come here. Let’s see if I can fix that.” She outstretched her arms as a gesture for Michael to allow her to inspect the damage.

“How is it?” Michael was clearly worried and wasn’t too sure about how they were going to fix this.

“Honey!!” She called to her wife. “Get some scissors!”

“What?” Michael grabbed his hair and the clips and took a few steps back. His hair was precious to him, and he gelled it almost upright everyday. If he got a ‘haircut’ then this would most definitely not go down well.

“Got them!” Michael’s mama yelled from the kitchen, holding a pair of scissors.

Michael gasped. “Mama no, please.” he begged, “There's gotta be a better way.”

“I’m sorry but I can't find a way to unwrap it- if we pull it will do the same damage than what scissors will do except it will hurt.” His mom seemed to feel pity for him.

“At least this way you get a fresh haircut? Your hair is pretty long anyway..” His mama tried to help the situation, but it didn’t work.

“Mamii,” Michael’s accent was starting to come out, and even though he doesn’t have it anymore, it tends to come back to him when his extremely annoyed or upset. In this case, it’s both.

“come on, before I get mad at you.” His mom pulled his hair over to the sink.

****

A fresh haircut and half an inch of hair off his head later, Michael sulked back downstairs holding a headband that still clung onto a chunk of chopped of hair. He threw it onto his bed and pulled the covers over himself next to it, while shutting off his lamp. A weird day it has been indeed.

“ _I wonder if Jeremy will like it”_ Michael wondered. Of course he would. He’s supportive of all the things that Michael does. “ _That’s what makes him..”_ Michael trailed off, putting all of the pieces together. His feelings for Felix being the same when he looked at Jeremy, him getting awkward around him when they got too close or touched, him noticing little things about Jeremy that he would have never pointed out to himself before. “ _special.”_ He finished his thought. “ _I like Jeremy Heere. I fucking have a crush on Jeremy Heere.”_ Michaels mouth slowly opened as he stared at his ceiling and made his realization. “ _Oh my god_.” was about his last thought before drifting off to sleep.

****

The next morning, Michael woke up but remained unmoving in his bed. After waking up enough to remember what had happened the  night previous, he almost fell out of his bed trying to grab his phone to see if Jeremy had texted him yet. Michael was really worried for the well being of his… well of Jeremy, and he felt a knot of worry create itself in his chest. It was only 7:23, so Jeremy might not have woken up yet. He knew that once Jeremy woke up, it was impossible for him to fall asleep, so Jeremy never slept in. For now, the only thing Michael could do is wait. He shut his phone off and laid on his back looking at the ceiling, and falling back asleep.

At 8:39, Michael checked his phone again, and saw no new notifications. Now he was really worrying, but the thought of how maybe Jeremy was just sleeping more than usual kept him at bay.

Michael travelled through the morning going about his usual Sunday business such as chores, homework, procrastination by playing video games, cleaning his room, except one thing was missing- Jeremy hadn’t texted Michael. Not once.

It was 12:54 now, and Michael was about to panic like there was no tomorrow. He still had maybe an hours worth left of homework to do, but he couldn’t leave the house until he finished it, so for now he planned on focusing and getting as much done as possible, and then driving straight to Jeremy’s house. Hopefully, everything would be ok on his end.

****

* * *

****

**Jeremy.** A voice was calling out to Jeremy, but he thought it was just a dream since there was no headache involved. **Jeremy** . It called again, this time more clear. Was that? No. This was a dream. It had to be. **Jeremy wake up.**

Jeremy could feel the warmth of his duvet over him and the roughness of the glitter and the pillow rubbing against his face. Now he knew this wasn’t a dream, but his headache was nowhere to be found. It was dark behind his eyelids.

 **Jeremy you need to wake up now**. The voice called again. This time, it was identifiable, and Jeremy felt like he had just been dropped in the bottomless pit. Either the squip had been reactivated somehow, or Keanu Reeves was standing in his bedroom right now tell Jeremy to wake up, and honestly? Jeremy was praying for the latter.

He took the risk and opened his eyes, fear filling his stomach as he looked around the room to find the source of the voice. No one was there. Maybe it had been a dream.

Jeremy got out of bed and instinctually walked over to the bathroom, only to realize that his headache was actually gone. So was the static in the back of his head. Man, he hadn’t felt like this for a while. It felt almost odd to him because of how silent it was in the house. He looked at his reflection in the mirror.

Oh boy. He never cleaned his face last night. Granted, he was in excruciating pain and only remembered up to the point when he went to open his front door, but glitter was smeared everywhere. He’d have to clean his sheets since they were probably covered in glitter that fell off, too. As he opened his noisy as hell drawer to find his toothbrush, there was no call from his dad downstairs asking if he was awake, which meant he was probably at the gym, or he had just gone out for work.

After taking a shower (while brushing his teeth thank you very much) and changing, he ran downstairs to find something to eat. A few apple cinnamon oatmeal packets were found in the cabinet so Jeremy heated up some water to make oatmeal with. While waiting for the water to heat up, Jeremy found a note from his dad on the fridge that read _Mornin Soldier, I had to actually go into work today and since you were sleeping in for once I decided to leave you alone. hope your night wasn’t too rough ;)._ Jeremy started at the hand drawn winky face on the note. His dad actually drew the winky face. Jeremy laughed to himself as he crumpled up the note and turned to get the water off the stove before it could reach a temperature that would be too hot for him to eat. After stirring his oatmeal, he ran back upstairs.

He was wearing a normal outfit today- a pair of jeans with a t shirt of some sort and a cardigan. Simple and comfortable. Jeremy reread his dad's note in his head. ‘ _since you were sleeping in’_ , wait.. what time was it? He grabbed his phone to turn it on for the first time today and saw twenty three messages and fourteen missed calls from Michael. It was 1:10. Jeremy was proud at the fact that he actually slept in for once. No wonder he felt rejuvenated. He set his oatmeal bowl down on his desk as he stood in the middle of the room unlocking his phone.

“Reboot complete.” A voice was heard in all directions around him, and Jeremy knew that voice all too well. As fear washed over him, Jeremy dropped his phone, not even caring that it landed on his foot and his toe was now throbbing. He stood there, frozen.

A blue figure started to piece together right in front of him, and as it became more clear, the more human it looked. Keanu fucking Reeves stood before Jeremy, and how he wished that it was actually Keanu. Jeremy felt like he would cry if he wasn’t so terrified that he can’t even move.

 **Figuratively speaking, you are pure idiot.** Those were the first words that came out of the squip mouth since it reappeared. **Obviously you did not mean to restart me, but it is your own fault you couldn’t understand the signs I was sending you last night.** It took a step towards Jeremy, and Jeremy responded with a step back. **Or is it just that you enjoy being in pain while you’re at a party? Hell of a kink if you ask me.** It smirked, taking another step towards Jeremy, and Jeremy took now two steps back. **Though of course I know that’s not the case, and you’re just stupid. You can’t blame me now. You just sent the both of us to hell and i’m not going to help you fix your mistake, Jeremy.** It spat out his name as he took another couple steps towards the boy, and Jeremy tried his best to back up as much as he could, but ran into the wall and just ended up sliding down it, now looking up at quite literally, his worst nightmare.

“H-how..” Jeremy’s voice was high pitched, and he had to stop himself before he started to cry.

 **What do you remember from last night?** It questioned.

“You..” Jeremy could barely speak at this point.

**Oh for fuck’s sake. Accessing Neuro Memory.**

“Wha- AH!” Jeremy hugged his knees even tighter than he was before in pain. Once the shock was over, Jeremy realized that he had let a tear fall down his face. This really was his worst nightmare come to life.

**Apologies, but to be honest you deserved it. Do you know how you reactivated me?**

Jeremy just stared at the thing bending over him.

 **Of course you don’t. You went to a party last night. Do you remember? You went with Michael?** The squip had started to baby talk Jeremy.

“Quit it you piece of shit.” Jeremy finally managed to get something out of his mouth, but it was just pure anger.

The squip rolled its eyes as if it actually had a personality. **That green drink you had last night. The one that the drunk man told you to drink? Yeah. The green wasn’t dye. Mountain Dew was substituted for sprite so that they wouldn’t have to put green dye in the drink.**

Suddenly everything made sense to Jeremy. He wasn’t sure if it was just because of the way the squip was explaining it, or if it was because the squip was making it make sense, but nevertheless he knew why he got those headaches. “So you tried to warn me?”

**Yes.**

“Why?” Jeremy’s voice was back to being high pitched and quiet.

 **Because if you were to…** it stopped for a second, seeming like it was thinking. **Because if I were to get shut down again, then it’s going to mess with my programming and even if I am a computer, it** **_will_ ** **hurt me. And if it hurts me, then trust when I say that it will hurt you more.**

“but..” Jeremy couldn’t believe what was happening. His hands were in his sleeves and his head was practically in between his knees.

**What did I tell you about speaking out loud, Jeremy?**

Jeremy whipped his head up. “Oh shut it you pile of junk.” he had just about snapped. “Don’t you dare say my name like that. And the way you said Michaels name? It sounded like you wanted to throw up--  which might I add-- is impossible for a computer. Yes. Yes I know what you have told me in the past. That I need to ‘think at you’ and how I can’t just listen, how I have to obey. Well i’m done with that shit. I’m done with _this._ I’m _sorry_ that I accidentally consumed Mountain Dew, but don’t forget that I know how to shut you off, and I will do whatever the fuck it _takes_ to forget about you, _you dick.”_ Jeremy spat the words out as he sat there, and it felt good. He needed to let this good for nothing A.I. know that he was just that- good for nothing.

 **You say that now, Jeremy. But you’re the one who doesn’t realize that I have control to** **_every single system_ ** **in your body. You’re the one who doesn’t realize you’re looking** **_up_ ** **at me while cowering in a corner with your arms wrapped around your knees like you are ready to cry for your mommy.** The squip smiled as it bent down and reached eye level with Jeremy. **I’ll play along with your game you call life, and i’ll even listen to you and do what you need me to, but don’t you** **_dare_ ** **underestimate me, Jeremiah Heere. Don’t. You. Dare.** It’s smile turned into a stone cold stare, but then it laughed, **Oh, i’m sorry, was saying that you wanted to cry for your mommy hitting a soft spot for you?** It stood back up, its form glitching for a second. **Welcome to the real world.**

The smile that Jeremy knew was engraved in his mind came back to haunt him. This grin that made Jeremy shudder spread across the squip’s face. All that time he had spent trying to forget about this mess had just gone to waste, and only one question remained in Jeremy’s mind- what the fuck was he supposed to do now? ****  
** **

 

* * *

 

 

At this point, Michael was on the edge of having a panic attack. The time was 1:39, and he had only two more short answer questions on his english homework that he needed to answer and he’d be free to drive as fast as he possibly could to get to Jeremy’s house. _Fuck it._ Michael slammed his composition book closed and tucked it away in his backpack. He couldn’t focus on homework any longer. Michael grabbed his keys and phone and ran to the top of the staircase.

“Michael? Where are you going?” Michael’s mother called out from the kitchen table.

“Jeremy’s,” He responded in a huff.

“You finish your homework?” She questioned him.

“Yeah” Michael felt like he needed to escape. He just couldn’t open the door handle and felt like there wasn’t enough time.

“Good. Can I check it?” His mother smiled. She probably knew Michael was lying.

He froze in his tracks. “Uh. Right now?”

“Yes, right now.” She stood up and walked over to the door where Michael was standing. “Come on, down to the basement we go.” She tugged at his shoulder.

“N-no! Mom I- I really need to go.” He resisted, holding onto the door handle.

“Why? Is someone in danger?” She knew it would end well. For her.

“Well-“ Michael couldn’t tell her the truth without Jeremy’s consent. He knew that there was a chance Jeremy wouldn’t want anyone to know about his incident last night, but if Michael got to his house and found an unresponsive Jeremy, then that would change the subject entirely. “Possibly?” He was practically begging his mom at this point, but she was set on getting his homework done.

“Let’s go, Mikey. If you really did finish your homework then this conversation would be over by now, and you could be in your car driving to wherever you’re going.” She started for the basement. Michael knew she was right, so followed her downstairs.

After showing her all subjects except english, he thought he was free. _Thought._

“What about english?” She asked.

“Oh there uh. Wasn’t that much.” He tried to play it cool, but failed.

“Doesn’t mean I don’t want to see it.” She smiled. “How literate have you gotten? Let’s find out.”

Michael grabbed the composition book and handed it to her, hoping she wouldn’t see two bank questions.

“Why is a nine and a ten written down without anything written next to them?” She knew why, just wanted Michael to answer her.

“Because… uh. I thought we had to do them! Yeah. But the teacher told us that we didn’t need to do those two.” Lying to his mama was easy, but his mom was a completely different story. She was more of the stern one. Crafty for sure, but she could always spot a lie or know when to step into a situation. Michael’s mama, though, was more of the type that would let Michael miss a day of school if he didn’t sleep well the night prior, or would bake cookies just because she felt like it and then sneak one to Michael right before dinner. The two were completely opposite of eachother, but that was what made them a deadly pair.

“Great! So do these two for extra practice, and since I know you’ll run out the door as soon as you finish the last sentence, leave this here so i can check it, yeah?” She ruffled Michael’s (now shorter) hair, and turned around to walk upstairs with an evil grin on her face.

Michael got to working, and finished about five minutes later. His answers were completely wrong, but nevertheless it was completed. A quick “Bye mom!” was shouted as he ran outside and slammed the front door. He couldn’t have gotten in his car fast enough.

****

* * *

****

**A few extra rules now that we’re talking…** The Squip paced around the room. **First of all, as always, speak in your head when in public, will you?** It was practically pleading him. **You look insane otherwise.**

“Fine.” Jeremy stood up. “But if you get to establish rules, so do I.” He crossed his arms. “Rule two: no shocking.”

 **I can work with that. No promises though.** It stopped walking parallel from Jeremy, who was leaning on the wall. **Rule three: You can’t use me to help with your homework or schoolwork.**

“Easy. Rule four is that you can’t control my lifestyle.” Jeremy held up his hand, gesturing to his clothes. “I prefer cardigans over leather jackets, thank you very much.”

 **Your humiliation, not mine.** It rolled its eyes, waiting for Jeremy to give another condition.

“This might as well be the golden rule: You cannot. And I mean _CANNOT_. Mess with my mind or vision.” Specifically, Jeremy had Michael in his mind.

It smiled, knowing something that Jeremy didn’t. Or so he thought. **If you insist.** It shrugged.

All of a sudden, everything got blurry. Jeremy was horrified once again, and confused about what was happening. “What the fuck did I tell you?” He almost shouted.

 **You simply told me that I wasn’t allowed to mess with your vision. This whole time i’ve been helping you see without your glasses, but if you want me to stop then…** the squip sat down on the bed.

“Well you don’t have to bring my shit vision back!” Jeremy tried to win. He wasn’t competitive, but when it came to the squip, he’d be ready to sock it in the face if it was even possible.

**Too late.**

“God you’re a dick.” Jeremy felt his way to his desk, trying to remember where he had last seen his glasses case. In the meantime, the squip listed another rule.

 **Well, as it seems like you have no more rules to share, I might as well place one last item on the list.** It paused for a second. **Absolutely no telling** **_anyone_ ** **about how i’m back. If you struggle, i’ll help you out, but you cannot say a peep. This includes Michael.**

“What?!” Michael was a different story in itself. He was the guy that Jeremy trusted his life with, and told literally everything to. There was no way Jeremy wouldn’t tell Michael. “I- I can't. He needs to know.” Jeremy tried to refuse.

**Jeremy you must remember that if he finds out, then it will put both you and him in danger.**

“How the hell does it put him in danger?” Jeremy’s hand came across a long leather case. As he opened it, he felt a frame sit inside.

 **If he finds out, then he will buy Mountain Dew Red as soon as possible and the minute you drink it, you’ll go down with me. Dependent on the damage, you could be hospitalized for..** It stopped, making an unsure gesture. **months!**

Jeremy slid the glasses onto his face. The Squip became clearer, and so did everything else. His peripheral vision was still blurry, but this was the best he could do while wearing glasses. “That sounds like it’ll hurt you and I. Not him.”

 **You know how bad his anxiety is** . It remarked. **If this happens to you right in front of him, who knows what he’ll do. Who knows what will happen** **_to him._ ** It looked him right in the eye. Silence fell over them for a few seconds as Jeremy pondered what could happen to Michael. Suddenly, the Squip broke their silence once more. **Speak of the devil.**

Jeremy was confused for a solid few seconds, until he heard the slamming of a car door outside. As Jeremy looked out his window, he saw Michael fiddling with his keys to lock the door. “Shit. Shit shit shit.” Jeremy started walking around in circles in his room. He realized he never texted Michael back, and since he managed to unlock his phone before the Squip scared the shit out of him, Michael must’ve seen he was online.

**It’s ok. Just. Remember to play it chill and whatever you do, don’t tell him about me.**

Jeremy shot a glance at the squip for using the word ‘chill’.

After a few seconds, there was a knock at the door. Before Jeremy could make it all the way to the bottom of the stairs there were a few more panicked knocks. Right before opening the door, Jeremy tried to wipe the dried tears off his face. It felt weird having to go underneath his glasses to do this.

Jeremy opened the door, revealing a bright red Michael. “Jeremy! You’re ok!!” He was hot to the touch as he went in to bear hug Jeremy. “Oh my god. You scared the fuck out of me bro! You didn’t text me this morning, and then you went online but back offline for a few seconds, and you never sleep in so I thought you were just enjoying a Sunday but it’s just--” He stopped to catch a breath for a second. “Just not like you, man.” He pulled Jeremy back into a hug. “Shit. Don’t do that again, yeah?”

Jeremy didn’t know how to respond without breaking down, so he just settled with a nod. He stepped aside so Michael could walk in, and closed the door.

“Dude. So what happened? Like. Start from last night. What do you remember?” Michael walked over to the couch, and Jeremy followed.

He stared for a few seconds, not knowing what to do. He was on sensory overload and felt like his brain was getting fried, which, it honestly probably was the squip just starting back up again.

**Tell him the truth about last night.**

“I uh.” He cleared his throat, but was still quiet. “Uh after you dropped me off, I don’t remember?” Jeremy’s hands were in his sleeves and used his wrist to push his glasses up. “Like. Right after you dropped me off, I only remember getting to the door. That’s really it.” He cleared his throat again.

“Where’d you wake up? Not by the door, right? You didn’t faint or something in front of the door? Wait. Are you? Why are you wearing glasses?” Michael was so worried, it seemed he didn’t even realize Jeremy’s ‘new look’.

“Uh. uhm. N-no. I woke up in bed, but I think I might have passed out right as I got into my room because everything was still on me when I woke up.” Jeremy tried his best to remember, but it just didn’t happen. “Oh. uh yeah. This morning I..” Jeremy tried to think of a lie to tell Michael. Oh god, it was this early in his conversation and he already was lying.

 **Your bad vision came back but your headache disappeared.** The Squip instructed Jeremy on what to say.

“Uh. This morning when I woke up, my headache was gone but my vision just went bad again.” He pushed out a small forced laugh.

“Weird. Then I guess that last night kinda makes sense? Maybe..” Michael seemed to think for a second, then got excited and gasped, “Jeremy! Maybe this means the Squip is gone! Like, for good!”

“Uh. hah. Yeah. Maybe so.” Jeremy faked a smile along with his laugh.

The room was silent for a few seconds. The room was never silent when Michael and Jeremy were in it.

“Are you.. are you ok?” Michael scrunched his eyebrows together. “You seem.. off.”

**Act natural.**

“I just.” Jeremy paused to think. “I just am really tired today I guess. I don’t have any homework so I kinda just feel like,” Jeremy pauses trying to think of something. “like I guess napping? All the lost sleep must be catching up.” As if he couldn’t sink into himself anymore than he already had, Jeremy hunched over and stuck his hands even further up his sleeves.

“Oh! I’m so sorry bro you should’ve just told me. I’ll get out of your hair.” Michael stood up to leave.

Hair… had Michael cut his hair? It looked shorter to Jeremy. Maybe he was just out of it, but he’d ask him tomorrow.

“See ya tomorrow dude.” Michael seemed calmer as he made his way to the door.

“Wait--” Jeremy immediately cursed himself for blurting that out. Michael turned to face him, and as he watched Michael's expression go softer, he couldn't find it in himself to revoke his request.

“Uh, this is probably dumb, but, if you want to nap too… you could stay?”

Michael took a step closer, not taking his eyes off of Jeremy. Jeremy couldn't read his expression. Michael cleared his throat and averted his eyes.

“Uh, yeah. Yeah, sure! Got nothing better to do today.” He said, voice fading thin at the end. He took off his coat and threw it on some chair somewhere.

****

Five minutes later found them both laying on Jeremy's bed, where they had napped together thousands of times, and Jeremy ignored the different-ness, the tension that surrounded them now. Jeremy didn't regret it either, he wanted to sleep to forget about the squip, and he didn't think he could without Michael's comforting presence beside him.

Which, by the way, wasn't weird. Michael was his best friend, of course he made him feel safe.

Except,

As he felt Michael's arm sling around him like it had hundreds of times, as he heard Michael's customary sigh as he got comfortable, as he tried to remind himself that Michael liked to hold things-- pillows, teddy bears, him-- when he was sleepy, and it meant nothing, he wanted it to mean more.

He wanted to be able to hold his hand without overthinking it. He wanted to be thrown over Michael's shoulder and into Target shopping carts regularly, and wanted to be able to twist around and justifiably snuggle into the safety that was Michael.

He wanted Michael.

And that was scary as hell.

****

As he felt himself drifting off and wanting, he noticed the squip flicker at the edge of his vision.

“ _Thanks for the help back there_ ,” he thought at the hallucination.

 ****Just following your own rules, remember? No interfering with your lifestyle.**** It crossed its legs on Jeremy's chair and looking critically at Jeremy. Jeremy knew it knew, and it knew Jeremy knew it knew. In an act of maybe defiance and maybe obedience, Jeremy let himself twist around, half conscious, and find a more comfortable position with his head on Michael's chest. The week was going to be tough, Jeremy knew, and so he allowed himself to give in to sleep. **  
**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk if yall saw the comment I put in last chapter but theres a ch end note that keeps popping up that was only meant for ch one and it was about my titanic ship im so sorry it wont go away lmao AHHHH
> 
> also maybe ill start posting on Saturdays?


	5. Talking is annoying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Was that? No. It couldn’t be. Michael thought he had just seen Jeremy round the corner, eating a NutriGrain bar. There was no way Jeremy had gotten to school early when he had walked which he hated to do, and was eating a bar from the vending machine. It had to be someone else, so Michael walked into his classroom, ignoring the fact that he was now convinced that Jeremy had a twin at the school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> abt the uploading schedule-- im gonna post every Saturday (as ive already said lol) and try to get it up before 4pm pst  
> enjoy :)

Jeremy woke up to a cold room. He could have fallen back asleep, but he felt like there was a reason to get up. As he opened his eyes, he realized it was because the covers were on the floor. They must have moved during their nap-- Jeremy thought he remembered snaking his head under Michael’s chin, but now Michael had his chest pressed against Jeremy’s back, and his arm wrapped around Jeremy, sleeping soundly. Jeremy sunk into Michael’s embrace and stuck his toes under his leg to warm them.

It was warm now. Michael’s torso warmed Jeremy’s back, and Jeremy wished that he could just melt into Michael. He took Michaels arm that was resting over his shoulder, and buried his nose into it, trying to warm himself as best as he could.  _ What am I supposed to do now… _ Jeremys eyes were half open and staring into space.  _ I can't act normal around him. Not like this. He can't know, but…  _ Jeremy sunk into Michael even more than he already had.

**But nothing.** The Squip startled Jeremy as his form appeared before him. Jeremy jumped, causing some movement in Michael.

_ Jesus Christ.  _ Jeremy opened his eyes more to look at the Squip. 

**What? You forget about me?** It gave a little laugh.

_ Yeah. t’was a dream come true. _ Jeremy rolled his eyes. In the security of Michael’s arms, he didn't feel afraid of the computer. He felt like he could actually hold a conversation with the thing and still feel protected from the barrier that his arms provided.

**Jeremy, you can't tell Michael about me. We’ve already gone over this.**

_ I know but it’s hard.  _ Jeremy closed his eyes again.  _ School is gonna be tough with you around, too. _

The Squip stopped for a second, looking like it had an epiphany. Suddenly, the blue glow disappeared from behind Jeremys eyelids. He opened an eye to see if it was still there, and upon not seeing anything, he closed it and tried to go back to sleep.

The second he was about to really fall asleep, the Squip appeared again.

**Ok, fine.** The blue glow reappeared behind closed eyes.

Jeremy jumped again.  _ Seriously? I was just about to fall asleep. _ Jeremy took a deep breath.  _ Wait.. what’d you say? _

**I said fine.** Jeremy opened his eyes to look at the Squip.

_ Wait so you’ll let me tell Michael?   _ Jeremy was awake now, about ready to jump out of bed.

**What? No. I told you- we can’t let that happen.**

_ Oh.  _ Jeremy felt like he had just woken himself up for no reason.  _ What did you mean then? _

**I’ll help you with your schoolwork.**

_ That wasn’t even a problem.  _ Jeremy started to feel uncomfortable on the side he was laying on, so he turned over. This meant that now his face was buried in Michael’s chest, and Jeremy had no complaints.

**Thats gay, Jeremy**

Jeremy’s face turned red. A muffled “Ask me if I give a fuck right now.” could barely be heard..

Michael shifted, making Jeremy realize that he had just said that outloud.  _ Whoops. _

**I think that it would be best at this point if you just got up.** The Squip's- or Keanu Reeve’s- voice echoed in Jeremy’s head. It had a point, but that didn’t mean that Jeremy actually wanted to.

**Out of bed. Come on.** It was almost like Jeremy could hear its footsteps as it was walking around the room.

_ I thought we had an agreement that you wouldn’t interrupt my lifestyle.  _

**I’m looking out for you, Jeremy**

_ Like hell you are.  _ Jeremy snorted.

**You want your relationship with Michael to blossom, correct?** The Squip questioned.

‘Relationship.’ That was what Jeremy wanted, right? Technically, he was in a relationship with Michael, just not a romantic one. Did he want a romantic relationship? 

**You do.**

_ How would you know?  _ Jeremy pushed his face even more into Michael.

**I’m inside your head, Jeremy.** Jeremy shoved impolite thoughts toward the Squip to the furthest reaches of his mind, testing the theory, when--  **That wasn’t very nice**

_ Goddamn.  _ Jeremy slowly pushed himself out of bed, careful not to wake Michael. Michael turned to the other side to hug a pillow.

Quietly placing his feet on the floor, Jeremy walked into the bathroom incase he accidentally said something out loud again, and patted his pockets to try and find his phone to check the time, only realizing that he left it in the other room.  _ Shit. _

**It is currently 4:46 p.m.**

_ I didn’t ask. _

**Too bad, but I can help you.** Jeremy eyed the hallucination wearily. He knew to say no.. but falling asleep with Michael was something that the Squip helped accomplish, and Jeremy would kind of do anything to make things like that happen regularly. Though, that didnt mean he would go through with the plan. If it had one. Which it probably did, as it was the notorious Squip.

_ How _ . Jeremy had this feeling in his gut, but last time he followed it, he ‘upgraded’, and it ruined Michael. He wouldn’t let that happen. Not with the situation at hand.

**For now, just go about your normal business. If there comes a time when I need to step in, let me.** The Squip leaned against the counter as if it were just another one of Jeremy’s friends talking to him. Jeremy put his head in his hands.

_ Maybe.  _ Jeremy wasn’t going to let this thing ruin his life. Not again.

Having the Squip was still new and hauntingly familiar to Jeremy (considering he had had it for less than 12 hours), and now he wasn’t sure about how he was going to go about his week. If whatever the Squip had in mind was going to work, then Jeremy would need to figure out how he would get along at school.

**It doesn’t matter when it comes to school. I doubt you will get any sleep tonight anyway.** It shrugged.

_ What? Why won’t I get any sleep? _ Jeremy wasn’t sure if he should be worried, or scared, but nevertheless he was curious.

**You’ll see.**

****

* * *

 

Michael woke up colder than he remembered going to sleep. He noted an indent on the pillow beside him, and remembered Jeremy looking at him, a little fearful, and asking him to stay to nap. And how could Michael ever deny Jeremy anything when he looked like that? It was probably against some ethics code somewhere, even if the somewhere was in Michael’s own conscious. 

Because Michael liked Jeremy. To admit it was liberating, and he gave himself time to be happy that Jeremy had let him sling an arm around him, and of his own initiative, turned around and curled into him, right as he slipped past wakefulness. 

But near giddy happiness didn’t answer where the subject of his thoughts was, so, bleary eyed, Michael knocked his glasses off the nightstand and stumbled forward, sweeping to pick up the fallen (and thankfully not broken) glasses.

A few seconds later, he thought he heard footsteps in the bathroom, and light flooded from the cracked door. After glancing around the room, he realized that Jeremy’s glasses were still on the nightstand where he left them. Mumbling could be heard from the bathroom instead of footsteps now, and Michael wondered if maybe Jeremy was on a phone call and just didn’t want to wake him up. The mumbling had stopped, so Michael got up and walked to the bathroom, bringing Jeremy’s glasses to give to him.

“Jeremy?” He opened the bathroom door to see his ‘friend’ standing in the middle of the room. It looked like all of the color had been flushed from his face. “Are you ok?”

It took a second for Jeremy to respond, but eventually he squeaked out a “Yeah I'm fine.”

“Okay?” Michael rubbed his eyes. “Here.” he gave the pair of glasses to Jeremy, who put them on silently. “Do you know how long we slept for?” 

Jeremy glanced at the wall next to him. “Five. Probably?” 

“Huh?” 

“S-sorry. I meant like. It’s five. Right now.” Jeremy slowly got quieter as he finished his sentence. 

Something was wrong with Jeremy. Michael couldn’t place it, but he did know that there was something. Why couldn’t he figure it out? They were just fine yesterday, but once he drove Jeremy home, it was like he got the Squip all over again. But he would tell him if something like that happened. Right?

Michael didn’t know anything other to than to hold out his arms in an invitation. Jeremy walked with halting steps towards Michael, and slowly relaxed into the hug. Michael rubbed his back soothingly. It could be anything, really. He could be upset because of his mom, or dad, or unsteady because it was a year after the day he had forgotten all about Michael, which, if the stuttered apologies that came after bad moods were any indication, affected Jeremy probably more than he let on. “Do you wanna do something? Like maybe go out to eat or go play video games at my place, or..?” 

“Uh. Actually, I, Uh,” Jeremy pulled away from the hug. “Sorry, I just- just don’t know if I feel up to it right now.” He looked down at his feet.  


“No problem at all!” Michael smiled, trying to put less pressure on Jeremy. “Actually, I think my mom is gonna get mad at me for purposely doing my english homework wrong, so I think i’d better get home before she can check it.” Right now, all that mattered to Michael was that Jeremy was ok, and if that meant that Michael should leave and over exaggerate a situation to Jeremy’s comfort, he would do it in a heartbeat. 

 

* * *

 

The Squip was right- Jeremy hadn’t slept at all last night. It was 6:58, so there was two more minutes until his Mario alarm clock would go off. The minute he woke up, he didn’t feel groggy as he usually did, but he felt like he had been awake for a solid two hours; just on the brink of well rested and needs more sleep.

Jeremy and the Squip had spent the whole night talking about.. wait, what were they talking about? Jeremy remembers the Squip mentioning how certain steps Jeremy might not like but would do anyway would be involved in its plan, but that should have taken them five minutes, not all night. He just remembers looking at his clock and reading 4:09 a.m., then proceeding to freak out about needing to sleep. Maybe he actually went to sleep at 9:04, and it was all just a dream. Either way, it set him on edge. 

**Skrt Skrt Bitches**

 

**michael with a k:** _ mornin so ill be at ur place in like 10 mins _

**michael with a k:** _ sry- im dealing with a hair problem lmao _

 

**jeremy with a g:** _ oh its fine _

**jeremy with a g:** _ also um _

**jeremy with a g:** _ i hope you dont mind but i think im gonna walk today? _

**jeremy with a g:** _ sorry i just think that i could use the fresh air _

 

A minute passed until Jeremy sent another message.

 

**jeremy with a g:** _ lol _

 

**michael with a k:** _ oh yea thats fine _

**mi** **chael with a k:** _ u ok tho? u usally ride w me _

**michael with a k:** _ usually* _

 

**jeremy with a g:** _ yuh im fine just gotta clear my head _

 

**Michael with a k:** _ kk see u at school _

 

Jeremy didn’t actually want to walk to school, but he would take as much time as he possibly could to avoid any of his friends. It just felt awkward to talk to anyone who knew him- especially if they knew about the squip. They would easily catch onto what was happening, and Jeremy was a terrible liar.  _ Terrible _ . 

**Jeremy, you should leave your house right now if you wish to make it to your first period on time.** The Squip informed Jeremy, who had put his phone into his pocket.

_ But I didn’t eat breakfast yet.  _ Jeremy was now scurrying around his room, gathering the things he would need for the school day.

**If you step out of your front door right now, then you could make it to school by 7:43, get something from the vending machine that is around the corner from your class which should only have one person buying something, and still have about nine minutes and 39 seconds to eat your food.**

_ Oh. _ At this point, Jeremy didn’t even realize that he was using the Squip to help him out again.

Jeremy threw his backpack over his shoulder and patted his back pocket to check for his wallet. He ran downstairs and called to his dad, telling him he was leaving. While walking, Jeremy started to chat with the Squip, curious of what it had been doing this whole time.

_ So.. You mentioned the headaches on Halloween night were you trying to warn me?  _

**Yes**

_ I thought I deactivated you though. _

**You did.**

_ Then how- _

**I was deactivated, but since i’m still implanted in your head, I was aware and collecting data on the moments I was turned on.**

_ How were you turned on or off? _

**When you would sleep, it allowed your body to give the energy you weren't using to me. In those moments, I would collect what had happened the during the day, and store it. For example: When I finally rebooted and went to activate your neural memory, it had hurt less, correct?**

_ Well, yeah. _

**That’s because that was just when I was collecting data I may have missed. The first time, I was collecting data from your entire life. Your constant headache during the day was from my systems running on a ‘low power mode’, as you might put it. This is also why you could not really go back to sleep when you woke up in the morning- if you were conscious at the times I was running at night, you would be in a lot more pain.** It gave a little laugh. Jeremy was looking down at his feet to focus on something, and to make sure he wouldn’t trip on a crack as he listened.  **On the night before halloween, I calculated multiple outcomes of what could happen on Halloween night, and the highest possible outcome was, well, what happened. After learning this, I shut my own systems off to save enough energy to try to warn you if it happened. Clearly, it didn’t work. What if it wasn’t me causing those headaches and it was a health thing, Jeremy? You really should have gone home.**

_ Ok, well I didn't.  _ Jeremy pursed his lips, thinking about the other night.

**And,** It started lecturing again.  **What if you passed out at the party from it? Your vitals were all over the place.**

_ Yeah, but I didn’t.  _ Jeremy was starting to get annoyed.

**You should really start looking out for your health. Speaking of which, Jeremy, your posture is terrible again. Have I taught you noth-** That's it. Jeremy was about to snap.

“I told you that you  _ cannot _ interfere with my life, ok? I tried my best to forget everything you taught me. It was all shit! This! This is all shit!” Jeremy stopped walking and was now looking the Squip in its eyes, or, Keanu Reeves eyes- either way it was still terrifying, but Jeremy had to put this computer in its place. “I look out for my health just fine on my own thank you very much, and did I faint? No. No I did not. So why should it matter now?” Jeremy gave a huff and turned to start walking again, noticing a few pedestrians had stopped to stare at a boy who was getting mad at thin air. Great. They all probably thought Jeremy was crazy now. Jeremy sunk into himself in embarrassment and started walking again.

**I’d pick up the pace. At this rate you may have to eat in class if you would like to eat at all.** The Squip had enough guts to speak again.

_ Shut up, _ Jeremy hung his head low as he finished his trek.

 

* * *

 

Michael locked his car door and bounced up the front steps of the school. He wondered if Jeremy had gotten to school yet. Knowing him, he’d probably get to school late since he hated eating from the vending machine. Before Michael drove Jeremy to school, Jeremy would walk to school and be late practically every. Usually he’d get lucky, though, since his first period teacher was lenient on giving Saturday school.

Michael turned down the hallway to where his class was. Since he didn’t stop by Jeremy’s house this morning, he had extra time once he got to the school, so he’d just go and sit down in his seat and go on snapchat or instagram.

Was that? No. It couldn’t be. Michael thought he had just seen Jeremy round the corner, eating a NutriGrain bar. There was no way Jeremy had gotten to school early when he had  _ walked  _ which he hated to do, and was eating a bar from the vending machine. It had to be someone else, so Michael walked into his classroom, ignoring the fact that he was now convinced that Jeremy had a twin at the school.

 

Throughout his first couple of classes, all Michael could think about was Jeremy. He had just been acting so weird lately, and he wasn’t sure why. Yesterday, when he woke up late and never texted him back, him looking almost terrified when they saw each other, the color practically drained from his face, standing in the middle of the bathroom alone, and walking to school this morning. Plus, it may have been him who got to school even earlier than Michael. Putting all of these together, you would think that he was being threatened or something. Wait, was Jeremy being threatened? By who?

The final minutes before lunch couldn’t have gone by any slower, and Michael was practically staring at Jeremy all of their english class which was what they were in at the moment. The bell finally rang, and Michael grabbed his bag and scooted right next to Jeremy as he finished slowly packing up his things.

“Hey bro, how was your walk today?” Michael smiled at Jeremy, who seemed to not hear what he was saying. “Jere?” Michael tapped Jeremy on his shoulder, and he practically jumped out of his seat.

“Holy shit, man.” Jeremy looked at Michael with big eyes. “D-don’t scare me like that. Yeah?” Michael could tell that the laugh that followed was forced.

“I know this is like, the five-millionth time i've asked, but are you seriously ok?” Michael picked Jeremy’s backpack up and off of the floor to hand to Jeremy.

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?” He walked a couple steps ahead of Michael, and stopped to turn around as a gesture to go to lunch, flashing a weak smile.

As the two walked through the hallways to get to the cafeteria, Michael gazed at Jeremy, who seemed oblivious to the action. It was almost like Jeremy was in his own little world. His face was flushed still, and at this point, you might as well say that he was just extremely and naturally pale (even more so than he already was). “So what are you gonna eat? I bought some more sushi today so I know that it’ll be  _ delicious.  _ Want some?” Michael laughed, poking Jeremy in his side with his elbow since he knew that he didn’t like sushi.

“Mm. Cool, sure.” Jeremy was looking almost directly down, and didn’t even know what Michael had just said. If he did, then he would be laughing and commenting on how gross sushi was and how you should not be eating fish, let alone raw fish.

After what felt like an eternity of walking, they finally reached the lunch table. Rich and Jake were doing the usual, and Jenna, Chloe, and Brooke were all on their phones (also the usual). Jeremy sat down next to Michael and just continued staring, every once in a while he’d make a random facial expression, but then he’d go back to neutral. A solid ten minutes passed by as he remained like this, slowly eating yet another sandwich, and chatter flowed about the table like always. Michael was about done with this, so he opened his phone.

 

**Ok something is wrong with Jeremy**

 

**_Michael added Chloe, Rich, Jake, Brooke, Christine, and Jenna to the chat_ **

 

**Michael:** _ you guys theres something wrong with Jeremy _

 

**Chloe:** _ wdym _

 

**Jenna:** _ ^ _

 

**Brooke:** _ ^^ _

 

**Michael:** _ look at him. He’s been like this since yesterday. Like, yesterday m o r n i n g. _

 

Realizing that Christine hasn’t seen her phone yet, Michael nudged her and gestured to her phone.

 

**Christine:** _ huh? _

 

The four looked at Jeremy, and all went back to looking at their phones at simultaneously the same time.

 

**Christine:** _ ok weird _

 

**Christine:** _ wdym he’s been like this since yesterday? Whats wrong with him? _

 

**Michael:** _ idk he’s been rlly unresponsive and just like _

**Michael:** _ not present _

 

**Chloe:** _ well he’s ur boyfriend why dont u ask him _

 

Michael choked on a piece of sushi, and cleared his throat.

 

**Jenna:** _ tea. _

 

**Michael:** _ ok first off- we r not dating. Im pretty sure hes straight, dudes. _

**Michael:** _ second- not the point atm. Im actually really worried. He started to act up on halloween so i took him back to his place then left and then apparently he fucking passed out when he got into his room and hasnt been the same since. _

 

**Brooke:** _ wdym acting up? Was he drunk? _

 

**Jenna:** _ wait so u guys werent sneaking out of the party to go have sex in the parking garage? _

 

**Chloe:** _ lol mood. _

 

**Michael:** _ no he wasnt drinking and no we werent having fucking sex. his headache was worse than normal in the morning and it just kinda got worse throughout the day and then at the party it spiked twice, and the second time he was about ready to fall over. The entire carride he was halfway unconscious. _

 

**Brooke:** _ wtf? _

 

**Christine:** _ mike should we get rich and jake in here? _

 

**Michael:** _ probably would be best. _

 

Under the table, Christine gave Rich a hard kick to the shins.

“Ow! What the fuck?” Rich tore his face away from Jake’s to look at Christine. She held up her phone and then looked at his. 

“You too, Jake.” Christine was quiet.

 

**Rich:** _ whaddya want ya fucktards  _

 

**Michael:** _ read up. _

 

**Rich:** _ before i do.. _

 

**_Rich changed Michael’s name to Riends_ **

 

**Rich:** _ perfect. K brb _

 

**Chloe:** _ asshole. _

 

**Rich:** _ yo what the fuck? _

 

**Christine:** _ you dont think its..? _

 

**Riends:** _ no it cant be. _

 

**Brooke:** _ wait what r u guys talking abt _

 

**Christine:** _ its nothing- sry _

 

**Riends:** _ what do we do _

**Riends:** _ he even walked to school this morning and somehow got here before me. AND he was eating a school breakfast grain bar thingy. He hates those _

 

**Jake:** _ hold up lemme try smth _

 

**Riends:** _ dont let him know we i invited u guys to the gc _

 

**Jake:** _ i wont  _

 

Everyone looked up from their phones to look at Jake. 

“Yo, Jeremy!” Jake sounded like his happy, giddy self, but Jeremy didn’t respond. “Jeremy?” He waved his hand in front of Jeremy’s face, still getting no response. Either he was asleep with his eyes open, or he was in such a deep concentration that he didn’t realize what was going on around him. Everyone looked at eachother, then looked back down at their phones.

 

**Jenna:** _ weird. _

 

**Chloe:** _ ya.. Also uh Michael why is Jeremy wearing glasses? _

 

**Riends:** _ oh yeah heres another thing: he told me yesterday morning when i showed up at his house that his vision had returned back to shitty and how his headache was gone. _

 

**Rich:** _ static too? _

 

**Riends:** _ yeah. _

 

**Brooke:** _ static? _

 

**Rich:** _ dont ask _

 

**Brooke:** _ k _

 

**Jenna:** _ ok well we still havent come up with anything and we have ten minutes of lunch left so… _

 

**Christine:** _ i can try to talk to him during drama? Discreet obv _

 

**Riends:** _ yeah that works. Try to get there before he does incase he goes to skip or do something weird if someone he knows isnt there already. Idk what he’s even thinking anymore. I used to be able to read him like a book _

 

**Chloe:** _ yeah and bet you want to put ur hands on him like you do a book too _

 

**Brooke:** _ chlo idk if this is the time for sex jokes _

 

**Jenna:** _ lol _

 

**Christine:** _ what does that even mean _

 

**Riends:** _  seriously im not sure what to do anymore. _

 

**Rich:** _ god ur so gay for Jeremy - chlo is so right. _

 

**Riends:** _ guys. _

 

**Rich:** _ sorry _

 

**Jake:** _ maybe we should keep this gc active all night and if anyone gets a msg from J or notices smth up then we should tell each other right away? _

 

**Riends:** _ i like that idea _

 

**Chloe:** _ you also like the idea of jeremy _

**Chloe:** _ sry i couldn’t help it. _

 

**Rich:** _ real mature _

 

**Chloe:** _ says the guy who curses the school with u making out w jake everyday at lunch _

 

**Jake:** _ shush _

 

The bell rang, interrupting their planning, and everyone started to pack up to leave. Christine shot Michael a worried glance as she started to walk away, and he responded with a nod. When Michael looked over to where Jeremy was sitting, he realized that the other boy was gone, and so were his belongings. He must’ve left when Christine and Michael were busy talking about how Christine was going to go about talking to Jeremy later.

 

After school, Christine texted on the group chat explaining how she kept trying to talk to him but he was acting almost as if she wasn't there, yet when Mr. Reyes called on him, he would answer (correctly) immediately. Then Michael got a text from Jeremy saying how he was walking home too, needing the exercise. Michael screenshotted it and sent it to the group chat, who all ended up talking about how Jeremy hates exercise, or anything physical and athletically involved. There was something really weird going on with Jeremy, and Michael would try his best to figure it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so ive come to the conclusion that the whole 'my ship went down like the titanic' end comment shows up on the latest chapter so uh- rip.


	6. Together and Together and Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Mikey?” Jeremy felt a tear escape. He was near hovering over Michael now, and tried to make eye contact with him, but it was almost as if he was staring right through Jeremy.  
> “Ako ay ayos lang.” Michael sadly smiled even wider, but still barely reached over a whisper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter warning:  
> Heavier angst (aka panic attacks, anxiety, depression); if you are sensitive to any of these things then I prefer you read the end notes for information you may have missed if you are skipping the heavy parts.
> 
> *to skip these parts stop reading at "Memories flooded out and he started to kick himself" and you can continue to read again once the 'Skrt Skrt Bitches' chat is opned- stop reading again at "Michael had set his phone down right after sending the text" and you may continue when the 'Pinkberry? Pinkberry.' chat is opened. If you are extreamly sensitive I recommend you just skip the chapter and I will explain in end notes :)
> 
> ON A LIGHTER NOTE: this chapter is about 6,000+ words in comparison to my normal 4,000+ words chapter, so enjoy!
> 
> AlsO: If you Filipino, I am so sorry if I butchered anything- I don't speak it at all and google translate isn't usually the best source; I just love the hc haha

Jeremy cursed himself the whole walk home. He knew listening to the squip was a horrible decision, really. He knew how manipulative the squip was, he knew it was all too easy to give in, too easy straighten his back and answer what the squip told him to say, to talk about how he can be better, more likeable, stronger, with the squip instead of conversing with his friends. Honestly, he had gotten better since the first time the squip was active, but there were still things he didn’t like about himself, nights he couldn’t sleep because he replayed a thousand times over embarrassing moments or cringey lapses in conversation.

And he couldn’t help but think that if he were to put his head down and listen to the squip again, if he were to just give in again, that would stop. He’d have a boyfriend in Michael, he’d never say anything awkward or cringey or embarrassing again. He could toe the line, right? Listen just enough to enhance himself, without erasing himself? The trick was to make sure his friends didn’t catch on-- and not give up the squip. He could do that. The squip could help him do that. Maybe the computer wasn’t such a bad idea in the after all. As long as Jeremy could still live his life the way he wanted to, he would be fine, better than fine. He would be Jeremy 3.0, better than any other version of himself.

That being said, he didn’t want to end up in the hospital again. Sharing a room with Rich was kind of embarrassing, and he honestly didn’t want to worry his dad again. So if he could just master the art-- staying just Jeremy enough to keep suspicions off himself-- he could totally do  that. He just had to learn how to lie. That was easy, right?

 **Sure. Maybe not sustainable.** The Squip had a look on his face that Jeremy couldn’t quite place. It was almost paradoxical-- both one of extreme happiness and deep-rooted sadness. What  was wrong with it? **Nothing is wrong with me, Jeremy. I'm just listening to what you’re saying, and if i'm correct…** The squip exploded into a bunch of small, little blue particles, then reappeared behind Jeremy. **Then to me it sounds like you want me to take control once again?**

 _Yes. Wait- no. I don’t. I don’t want you to be in control of everything. Just, you help me out? Last time when you took the lead…_ Jeremy thought of Michael, and what he had done to him. He thought about this a lot, and everytime he did, he felt his heart sink with guilt. _Well,_ Jeremy looked down at his feet for probably the tenth time today. _You know…_

 **I understand. I should only take the lead when you** **_want_ ** **me to.**

 _Right. That’s right._ This is what he wanted. And, probably mistakenly, he trusted the squip. He had laid down rules, and when had the squip ever violated a clearly stated rule? Jeremy had no precedent with the squip and rules, so he assumed the best.

****

By this point he was home. Figuring he’d start on the right path, and having no guidance from the squip to act otherwise, he shot a text to Michael. ****  
** **

 

* * *

 

**Skrt Skrt Bitches**

 

 **jeremy with g:** _hey bud im home_

 

 **michael with a k:** _oh ok, thx for txing!_

 

 **jeremy with a g:** lmao np, i didnt rly talk to u that much today, sry i was tired

 

 **michael with a k:** _..ok_

 **michael with a k:** _have you been getting enough sleep lately?_

 

 **jeremy with a g:** _not last night no_

 

 **michael with a k:** _..y_

 

 **jeremy with a g:** _idk. Last time i slept well was when we took that nap_

 

 **michael with a k:** _do u want me to come over? I could sleepover or smth if u need it.._

**_michael with a k deleted a message_ **

 

The chat now read

 

 **jeremy with a g:** _idk. Last time i slept well was when we took that nap_

 **jeremy with a g:** _did u just say u would sleep over_

 

 **michael with a k:** .. _no?_

 

 **jeremy with a g:** _im like pretty sure thats what i read_

 

Michael panicked and switched to the other chatroom.

 

**Ok something is wrong with jeremy**

 

 **Riends:** _guys uh_

 

 **Christine:** _oh shit whats wrong_

 

 **Rich:** _Christine? Using a curse? On my christian server?_

 

 **Chloe:** _rich shut up let michael explain_

 

 **Riends:** _so he texted me_

 

 **Jenna:** _i mean i would assume because ur literally obsessed with each other but go off_

 

 **Chloe:** _jenna shush_

 

 **Riends:** _and he pretty much just said that he didn’t talk that much today bc he was tired?_

 

 **Chloe:** _ok i call bs hes tired 24/7 but next_

 

 **Riends:** _and he mentioned how he just hasnt gotten much sleep lately?_

 

 **Christine:** _did he say y?_

 

 **Riends:** _brb lemme check_

 **Riends:** _he said he didn’t know_

 **Riends:** _but he did say that the last time he slept well was when we took a nap the other day_

**_Riends deleted a message_ **

 

The chat now read

 

 **Riends:** _he said he didnt know_

 

 **Jake:** _if you think i didnt read that ur wrong_

 

 **Rich:** _? jakey huh_

 

 **Chloe:** _dont tell him lets see how long it takes him to figure it out_

 

 **Jenna:** _AHAHA YOU GUYS NAP TOGETHER? THATS SO GAY I LOVE IT_

 

 **Chloe:** _way to be a spoilsport jenna_

 

 **Rich:** _you gay motherfucker_

 **Rich:** _i fucking knew u 2 were together_

 

 **Riends:** _look who’s fucking talking_

 **Riends:** _also yall already knew i was gay wdym_

 

 **Christine:** _y r u guys making fun of him i nap w my friends all the time its normal_

 

 **Riends:** _yeah thanks christine- honestly like it legit helps me sleep ngl_

 **Riends:** _just his warmth_

 **Riends:** _and just feeling his breathing knowing hes alive_

 

 **Christine** : _ok cant relate anymore_

 

 **Riends:** _and safe_

 **Riends:** _and hes just so huggable_

 

 **Christine:** _when my friends and i nap together its more of who can push the other further off the bed and i sleep like shit_

 **Christine:** _AND YOU CAN’T JUST SAY SHIT LIKE THAT AND EXPECT PEOPLE TO ACCEPT THE “HHHNNGG WE’RE JUST FRIENDS” BULLSHIT_

 

 **Riends:** _i dont like him ok? Well obviously i like him just like. Not like that! I dont like him like that ok? Calm ur asses._

 

Michael was turning more and more red by the second, and his hands were starting to get sweaty.

 

 **Jenna:** _its ok we all have known for years how gay u were for jeremy its so obv_

 

 **Chloe:** _^_

 

 **Brooke:** _^_

 

 **Rich:** _^_

 

 **Jake:** _“”””and just feeling his breathing knowing hes alive and safe””””_

 

 **Rich:** _ya thats gay bro_

 

 **Riends:** _ok lets say hypothetically i was into him_

 **Riends:** _hes straight so too bad so sad for me_

 

 **Christine:** _I literally dated him._

 

 **Riends:** _point proven_

 

 **Christine:** _let me finish_

 **Christine:** _do u think i couldnt tell the nerd was practically giving you love eyes everyday_

 

 **Riends:** _what_

 

 **Rich:** _tbh i dont even think he realized it but ya its obvious_

 

 **Jenna:** _rt_

 

 **Brooke:** _rt_

 

 **Christine:** _f for respects_

 

 **Riends:** _.._

 **Riends:** _wHAT_

 

 **Jake:** _major f_

 

 **Rich:** _f for gaydom_

 

 **Chloe:** _i stg brooke and jenna if you type f im going to loose all my respect for you._

 

 **Jenna:** _.._

 

 **Riends** : _u know what WE STILL NEED TO FIGURE OUT QHATS WRONF WITH JERMY OK_

 

 **Christine:** _omg ur so into him_

 **Christine:** _now that its properly out it is so much more painful to witness_

 

 **Rich:** _omg christine y r u a savage rn_

 **Rich:** _i should start calling u sav_

 

 **Chloe:** _oh god rich dont.._

 

 **Rich:** _yOU KNOW WHAT? MIKE SHOULDNT BE THE ONLY ONE W A NICKNAME HERE._

 

 **Chloe:** _and there he goes._

 

**_Rich changed Christine’s name to Sav_ **

**_Rich changed Jake’s name to loml_ **

**_Rich changed Chloe’s name to Queen Bee_ **

**_Rich changed Brooke’s name to Mood_ **

**_Rich changed Jenna’s name to Relatable_ **

 

 **Riends:** _rich._

 

 **Queen Bee:** _ngl im ok w this_

 

 **Sav:** _i dont get why im a savage but ok_

 

 **Queen Bee:** _rich now ur turn_

 

 **Mood:** _i just made a reference to chlo’s name_

 

 **Queen Bee:** _?_

 

 **Mood:** _nvm_

 

**_Queen Bee changed Rich’s name to Dick_ **

 

 **Dick:** _ok you know what? Rude._

 

 **Riends:** _guys_

 

 **Queen Bee:** _oh sry do u want something better?_

 

**_Queen Bee changed Dick’s name to Succs dick_ **

 

 **Succs dick:** _ok fine if u wanna go lets go._

 

 **Relatable:** _ngl ive been screen recording this_

 

**_Succs dicks changed Queen Bee’s name to Asshole_ **

 

 **Asshole:** _YOU BITCH_

 

 **Succs dick:** _WHAT DO YOU HAVE A BETTER NAME TO CALL ME_

 

**_Asshole changed Succs dick’s name to Gay mtf_ **

 

 **Gay mtf:** _HAH YOU THINK THAT AFFECTS ME? THATS MY MOTTO, SIS._

 

 **Riends:** _Guys._

 

**_Gay mtf changed Asshole’s name to Tryhard_ **

 

 **Tryhard:** _YOU TAKE THAT BACK U FUCKER_

 

 **Riends:** _GUYS WIL YUO CALKM DOWN FOR SEOCND_

 **Riends:** _JESUS FUCKING CHRIST DOES JEREMY’S WELL BEING MATTER AT ALL TO ANY OF YOU_

 

 **Sav:** _Michael…_

 

 **Relatable:** _…_

 

 **Riends:** _sorry i just. I just snapped. Ill be right back im just gonna_

 **Riends:** _im just gonna go check if i got any more texts from jere_

 **Riends:** _i uh_

 **Riends:** _i left him hanging_

 

**_Riends is now offline_ **

 

 **Tryhard:** _great fucking job goranski_

 

 **Loml:** _riri are you ok?_

 

 **Mood:** _same for u chlo- u good?_

 

**_Gay mtf and Tryhard are now offline_ **

 

 **Relatable:** _tea_

 

 **Loml:** _jenna_

 

 **Mood:** _jenna_

 

 **Relatable:** _sorry_

 

Michael switched out of the chat, and clicked on his and Jeremy’s chat, too distracted on trying to calm his breathing to notice what Jeremy was texting him. The texts Chloe and Rich had been sending to each other were just mere comments. Chloe and Rich always fight with each other, and it was always stupid, but every time there would be this silent yet mutual agreement between them that the next day they would act like nothing happened. This really shouldn’t have been affected Michael the way it did, but before the argument began his heart was already beating so hard he could feel it in his toes. He had pretty much confessed to the whole group that he had a thing for his best friend, and it didn’t help that on top of that confession, Michael was still trying to figure out what was wrong with Jeremy. The mixture of the confession and the problem were a lot to handle, sure, but it wasn’t anything Michael would get so upset about that he would get an attack. The moment Rich and Chloe started arguing, though, was the moment that he put a third layer on his other two thoughts. Now his mind was just swirling with the idea of fighting and love and something that could be potentially wrong with his friend, and it brought back some bad memories.

Michael never told Jeremy what had happened Halloween night in their Junior year. He never told him what his life was like for those weeks upon weeks that Jeremy was acting as if Michael had never existed, and he never really planned to. Michael shut off his phone to close his eyes where he was sitting. Memories flooded back and he started to kick himself. _I'm so stupid. They all are just getting my hopes up for nothing. He doesn’t like me so why should I even try? Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if he forgot I existed again. I’d be in hell all over, but I deserve it. I'm a nobody whos in love with his best friend that called him a loser and abandoned and shoved out of the way._ Michael knew that it was when Jeremy was under the Squips influence when that happened, but he couldn’t help but let his thoughts take over. And it was influence, right? Which meant Jeremy probably thought all those things about him-- the squip just gave him the bravery to say it. He was drowning in memories, in moments of pain. Waves of self-doubt crashed against him, stealing the air from his lungs and replacing it with lead.

 _Nobody cares for Jeremy at the moment anyway, which means i'm probably just overreacting about him. I mean, no one on the chat seemed to notice when i tried to text over Rich and Chloe’s argument, He’s probably just fine right now and i'm seeing things. That, or he’s trying to distance himself from me. I wouldn’t blame him. I really wouldn't. Who wants to be friends with a loser like me? It’s like Jeremy is a completely different person over text so soon I bet he’ll block me. Yeah he’s just gonna block me soon and-_ Michael struggled to take a breath. He knew what he was saying was all just lies, but he couldn’t control what was happening. He realized he was probably in the middle of an anxiety attack, and tried to pull himself back to his senses. All Michael could really place was that he was sitting down, shaking, and holding his phone.

Someone. The world was dark and the thought-- he needed to tell someone-- shone before him. It was the only thing he knew he could trust right now. Michael knew that he he had tell at least someone right now because if he didn’t, he would slip back into his head and who knows what would happen.

At the moment, he couldn’t really place where he was. His thoughts still screamed in his head, but out of all the darkness, his light, his someone, manifested into Jeremy, and the day Jeremy told Michael that if he ever had to rant, ever had a panic or anxiety attack, ever just wanted someone to talk to, ever felt lonely or ever just needed someone to be there, Jeremy would be by his side in a second. That day was the day that Jeremy had found out about his mother leaving, and Michael sat and cried with him. They were both stressed about going to be freshmen at the time so it added to their feelings, and that summer was probably the best summer they ever spent together after that conversation. The night Jeremy had come over to Michael’s house and they talked and ranted and cried for hours, they made a pact to always be there for eachother. Michael may not have realized, but it might have been the day he fell in love with his best friend.

All Michael knew now though, was that he had to tell someone that he was struggling before it got any worse.

 

**_Skrt Skrt Bitches_ **

 

 **jeremy with a g:** _i mean i guess id be fine with it…_

 **jeremy with a g:** _its not like we havent before_

 **jeremy with a g:** _?_

 **jeremy with a g:** _hello?_

 **jeremy with a g:** _michael?_

 **jeremy with a g:** _mikey?_

 **jeremy with a g:** _miko?_

 **jeremy with a g:** _alright dont make me do it_

 **jeremy with a g:** _im bringing back 10 year old memories here._

 **jeremy with a g:** _mimi_

 **jeremy with a g:** _mimi you better pick up ur phone._

 **jeremy with a g:** _mimi mell_

 **jeremy with a g:** _ok seriously michael stop messing around now you’re starting to worry me._

 

Michael picked up his phone, not remembering that the chat he last left open on his phone was his and Jeremy’s. He couldn’t see through the tears that were spilling out of his eyes, so he just started to type blindly.

 

 **michael with a k:**

**michael with a k:** _i dny knoi wgat group char im ob but if i can talj that woulf be grat_

 

 **Jeremy with a g:** _michael thank god you scared me_

 **Jeremy with a g:** _wait what do you mean_

 **Jeremy with a g:** _michael?_

 

Michael had set his phone back down after sending the text. The minute he pressed send his thoughts started to push even harder than before. This time, the front of the line was lead by _nobody is going to care about me right now. Nobody ever cares about me. The buzzing I feel is whoever i texted asking how I got their number or saying that nobody cares or saying that i'm an attention hog._ He still knew that it wasn't true, but all those good thoughts were pushed so far back that Michael didn’t even know where they went. They were gone, and so was he. He was just gone. He couldn't even remember if he went home. Maybe he broke down while driving and got into a car crash. That would be good, wouldn't it? It would lessen everybody's burden. Except if he ended up in the hospital. Hospital bills were expensive. Still, that would probably be worth it, right? Yea, maybe he died and was going to hell. He wasn't sure what for, but he knew he was going. Slipping deeper and deeper. Further and further. Or maybe he was in class still, just sitting in the corner sobbing like an idiot and nobody cared because he didn't matter in the first place. He probably looked stupid and people were making fun of his whiny ass.

Michael opened his eyes, and oddly enough, smiled. His eyelids were heavy, and so were his feet as he dragged them across the floor of his basement. He wasn't sure why, but he felt like smoking right now. He doesn't do it often anymore, but every once in awhile he would roll one up and just indulge. It's not like it mattered anyway. There was no way he actually was home and alone. He was probably in a death waiting room or something and it looked like his room for comfort. That's what the universe can do, right? Make you feel comfortable while you wait for your soul to either rise to heaven or sink to hell? Michael reached for the lighter. When he turned it on, he missed the blunt and accidentally had just pressed the flame on his hand.

 _Oops._ He stopped immediately, thinking that it would hurt, but he felt nothing. So he really was dead. Either that, or he was numb beyond numb. Michael wouldn’t be surprised at the second thought because honestly, he doesn’t even remember sitting down on the beanbag and blowing out a puff of smoke. How long was he standing there? Oh, who knows anymore. Why the fuck should it matter anyway? A smile still spread across his face, he closed his eyes and just let the thoughts take over, but embracing them instead of trying to push them away. Why try to think of happy memories when you can't find them, and it's easier to come to terms with the bad ones?

“I guess this is who I am, now.” He thought, floating on apathy and exhaustion and a generous helping of pot. Who he was, and who he was not. Together and together and together for as long as the universe had let him, but he wasn’t made of memories of sunshine Jeremy’s smile. His bones were of lead, and his blood was concrete, burying him and burying him until he couldn’t lift his arm for another draught, could only stare at the popcorn ceiling and feel his lungs crush him.

 

* * *

 

**_Pinkberry? Pinkberry._ **

 

 **ChloChlo:** _hey_

 **ChloChlo:** _brooke?_

 

 **Brookie:** _hey chloe are you ok?_

 

 **ChloChlo:** _um. Im too scared to open the gc is anything happening_

 

 **Brookie:** _no it got silent after you left._

 

 **ChloChlo:** _oh_

 

 **Brookie:** _um. Are you and rich ok?_

 **Brookie:** _this isnt rlly a blow it over situation_

 

 **ChloChlo:** _ya we talked_

 **ChloChlo:** _we pretty much agreed that it was stupid and to forget it_

 **ChloChlo:** _but we’re both worried about michael_

 **ChloChlo:** _we tried texting him but he wont respond so we think hes mad at us_

 

 **Brookie:** _wait he wont reply to you either_

 

 **ChloChlo:** _wdym either_

 

 **Brookie:** _everyone on the gc has tried texting him_

 **Brookie:** _he wont respond_

 **Brookie:** _he hasnt even gone online_

 

 **ChloChlo:** _shit_

 **ChloChlo:** _do you think we should get jeremy involved_

 

 **Brookie:** _wait no i just got a notif from him_

 

 **ChloChlo:** _same tf_

 

 **Brookie:** _convenient_

 

**_Ok something is wrong with Michael_ **

**_Jeremy added Jake, Christine, Chloe, Brooke, Jenna, and Rich_ **

**Jeremy:** _guys im really scared_

 

 **Christine:** _jeremy? Whats wrong?_

 

 **Chloe:** _shit are you ok?_

 

 **Rich:** _fuck wait whats happening? is it.._

 

 **Jeremy:** _no rich its not_

 **Jeremy:** _and i think somethinf is wrong with michael_

 

 **Chloe:** _fuck_

 **Rich:** _fuck_

 

 **Jeremy:** _what wait do u know what it is_

 

 **Jenna:** _we will explain after you tell us_

 

 **Jeremy:** _he left me hangning_

 **Jeremy:** _on text^_

 **Jeremy:** _and i was texting him and he wouldnt respond_

 **Jeremy:** _and then he sent me_

 **Jeremy:** _youknowwhat im just copy pasting_

 **Jeremy:  “** _i dny knoi wgat group char im ob but if i can talj that woulf be grat”_

 **Jeremy:** _and thats it_

 **Jeremy:** _he wont respond anymore_

 **Jeremy:** _guys im_

 **Jeremy:** _im really scared_

 

 **Christine:** _do you want us to do something for you? We are here for you_

 

 **Jeremy:** _i just wanted to make this gc incase any of you knew. Im_

 **Jeremy:** _im headed to his place rn_

 

 **Jake:** _wait do you even know how to drive_

 

 **Jeremy:** _nope_

 **Jeremy:** _but i have experience_

 

 **Rich:** _oh_

 **Rich:** _OH_

 **Rich:** _wait?_

 **Rich:** _did it..?_

 

 **Jeremy:** _yes it did lets not talk about it it was a while ago_

 **Jeremy:** _obviously_

 

 **Jenna:** _ok ive just learned to stop asking questions about ‘it’_

 

 **Jeremy:** _ok just. Text here if youve gotten any updates_

 

Jeremy ran out of the house, shooting his dad a text that he would be taking the car to Michael’s. His dad knows Jeremy has driven once, but only ever trusts Jeremy to drive down neighborhoods, so it would probably be ok.

As he ran out of the house, the squip kept appearing and reappearing to keep up with Jeremy. He had this feeling in his chest that felt like he was already crying, but no tears were found.

 **I've seen to it that you are not able to cry at the moment. I cannot let your vision become impaired while driving.** It appeared in the passenger seat.

Jeremy didn’t talk to it. His mind was set on one goal, and that was Michael’s house. He looked over, and the squip took control, helping Jeremy drive as fast as he could without getting in trouble and making sure he doesn't crash. The minute they reached the Mell’s driveway, he almost tripped getting out of the car. Neither of Michael’s mothers’ cars were in the driveway, so they were probably at work still.

First Jeremy tried knocking, but got impatient. He searched under the doormat for the house key until his fingers slipped over the small metal item. He shoved it into the deadbolt and ran inside, shutting the door immediately. “Michael?” Jeremy’s voice cracked, and he looked around the living room. _Is that? Is he?_

The Squip stayed quiet. It was almost as if it was turned off, but Jeremy didn’t care. He just followed the smell of pot to, surprise, the basement. Of course Michael would be in the basement. Where else would he be?

As Jeremy ran down the stairs, his heart started to feel heavier, and heavier. “Michael?” There was no response. “Mi-MICHAEL?” Jeremy stared at Michaels form, sitting on the beanbag and looking up at the ceiling. He ran towards him, and crouched down next to him, putting his hand on Michaels arm. “WHAT'S WRONG? ARE YOU OK?” Jeremy was practically yelling. The minute his hand touched Michaels arm, Michaels skin jumped.

“Oh. hey.” Michael said quietly, not taking his eyes off of the ceiling. His eyes were halfway closed, and he remained unmoving. A piece of rolled up paper hung between his fingers, still lit, and Jeremy realized he was smoking.

“Shit dude. You scared me.” Jeremy took a sigh of relief, but when he looked back at Michaels face, dried tears stained his face. “Wait.. What's wrong?” Jeremy suddenly felt his heart sink again. Michael barely smokes anymore. After not hearing a response, Jeremy shook Michael. “Michael? Why are you smoking? What's happening?”

Michael still stayed in the same spot, only thing moving was his lips. “Ito ay pinong.” He barely whispered. Whenever Michael spoke in Filipino or Tagalog, there was always something wrong. He rarely ever speaks it anymore, hence him losing his accent. That, and he had grown accustomed to only speaking english.

“Mikey?” Jeremy felt a tear escape. He was near hovering over Michael now, and tried to make eye contact with him, but it was almost as if he was staring right through Jeremy.

“Ako ay ayos lang.” Michael sadly smiled even wider, but still barely reached over a whisper.

“Michael, please.” Jeremy now had tears almost streaming down his face. “D-did you have a panic attack? Anxiety? What’s wrong? Michael please tell me what's wrong.” Jeremy sniffled, wiping the tears away from his face, but they just kept coming. “Mimi p-please.” He grabbed Michael’s shoulders and sat him up. His body felt lifeless, but instead of him being cold, his skin was hot to the touch, and when he was in a sitting position, his head slumped forward.

“Sori.” Michael let out a breath. This was the only word Jeremy really knew because he was so used to hearing it when Michael would get in trouble with teachers in grade school. That, and it sounded pretty close to the english word.

“N-no Michael, you don't have to say sorry. What are you sorry for? Why ar-are you sorry?” Jeremy was trying so hard to keep from sobbing, but was only just about staying in tact.

“Bakit may pakialam ka.” This time, Michael was a little bit louder that before, but not by much. His head still hung low.

“Mi-michael you know i- i can't understand.” Jeremy saw a tear drip onto the floor from where Michaels head hung. “Mic-”

“I ASKED WHY DO YOU CARE?” He wiped his head up at Jeremy, and was yelling as much as he could, but his voice was hoarse. “WHY DO YOU EVEN CARE ABOUT ME?” Now, tears washed away the tracks of older tear stains as they fell down his face. “THERE'S NO REASON FOR YOU TO. I DON'T GET IT, JEREMY. I DON'T GET IT.” Despite his effort to yell, the rest of his body still remained unmoving. His hands were limp at his sides, and legs were lazily crossed. Now, only his head was moving.

“Michael what are you saying?” Jeremy was as confused as he could ever be.

“Yo-You dont even care about m-me.” Michael was about to start sobbing, too. “N-nobody does.” He lowered his voice to the volume Jeremy was speaking at.

“Michael, why are you acting like this?” Jeremy scrunched his eyebrows together, and tried to see through his tears.

“Y-you said-said we would always be friends.” Michael had beat Jeremy to the sobbing stage. His tears and gasps for air were breaking up his words, making them almost inaudible. “Yo-ou said i was you-your favor-favor-rite pers-son” Michael was barely understandable at this point.

“Michael, i can't understand. Just… just take deep breaths, ok?” Jeremy was gripping onto Michael, keeping him steady and sitting up. “I told you that when you have anxiety or panic attacks you call me! Why didn't you call me? Why-” Jeremy’s voice was filled with a mixture of fear and worry, but Michael cut him off.

“Because you hate me.” His voice went dangerously quiet. The stillness was somehow louder than before, and raspy. “You hate me. What friend of mine calls me a loser? What friend would leave me, alone, in the bathroom of a party while the house burns down? I don’t blame you, I’m self absorbed and- and I’m a goddamn STONER that NOBODY KNOWS EXISTS, least of all the person who said would be there for me, huh? And you know what’s worse?” Michael heaved, his voice taking on a slightly hysterical tone, “You know what’s worse, Jeremy? I can’t- I lo-” And Michael squeezed his eyes shut and Jeremy saw tears run tracks down his cheeks again. Jeremy had no idea what Michael was about to say. Jeremy felt tears prick at the edge of his vision and he wanted nothing more than to prove Michael unbelievably wrong, but he didn’t know how. His heart hurt in his chest.

Jeremy was quiet, his voice barely breaking the whisper mark. “Michael I..” What could he even say? What could Jeremy even say to any of that? He was a fucking jerk to his- well, to Michael, and had absolutely no excuse. “I didn’t know that you-” He stopped, keeping himself from letting out a sob. “Michael im so sorry. I have.. I have no excuse” Jeremy never really knew what happened that night after the party. Of course, he found out what had happened to Jake’s house, but never asked what had happened to Michael. “God im a fucking shit friend aren't I?”

Michael stopped looking through Jeremy, and looked right at him. “But that’s the problem, isn't it?” Michael clenched his jaw. “Thats the fucking problem. It may have been you, but it was the squip who was doing it, so it really wasn't you. I know it wasn't. You are one of the most trustworthy and beautiful people I have ever known yet I can't help but think that you decided to fuck me over. I don't have an excuse either. I want to blame you for everything, but I know it wasn’t you. You’ve been acting like pure shit lately and I haven't pushed you to find out what’s wrong. I haven't pushed to see if my- if you are depressed or if you are going through something or to even see if you were ok. I dont push and that’s my problem. I then take in everything, and don't say anything. I let layers and layers of problems pile up in the back of my mind and don't do anything about it, so they wait, idling by until something makes me snap and I get an attack and fall into a depression and probably almost accidentally kill myself because i'm stupid and then other people get blamed. Not me. Even Though I should be the one to blame because I'm the one who let it happen and I'm the one who-” Michael froze as he watched Jeremy lunge towards him and throw his arms around his body, squeezing him and burying his face into his neck.

Michael just sat there, his arms still limp at his sides and legs still barely folded. “I'M SO SORRY MICHAEL.” Jeremy screamed into his neck, and getting Michael’s shirt wet from tears. Then, Jeremy let out a sob. He was crying, and crying hard. Michael wrapped his arms around him and did the same.

The two sat on the floor of Michael’s basement, crying. It could have been for hours, it could have been for minutes, it could have been for seconds, but they just sat there, both embracing the hug they were giving each other, and for a moment, the world was no bigger than a basement in a boy’s house, with two boys who didn’t have any responsibility but to comfort each other.

 

After many moments, the two separated and looked at each other before huffs turned into giggles into laughter. The tears felt like they were spilled a year ago, and now it was just the two of them, coming across this unspoken agreement that whatever happened had happened and it was in the past now. Jeremy lifted his hand to Michaels cheek subconsciously, but before it got awkward, Jeremy’s smiled slightly faded. “Jesus Christ- Michael you're burning up!” Jeremy moved his hand to Michaels forehead.

“Well i'm hot blooded” He said in  a singsong tone of voice, trying to keep the mood happy. Jeremy noted that Michael sounded a bit woozy, but he knew it wasn't’t from the pot. It looked like he had barely had any.

“Seriously dude are you alright?” Jeremy’s smile had faded, and he picked the blunt up off of the floor and put it to the side so he would remember to throw it outside.

“Mmm yeah i'm fine.” Michael looked tired for a second, but perked back up. “Woah.”

“Huh? What just happened?” Jeremy hovered his hands over Michael’s shoulders incase he slumped, but it didn’t happen.

“Uh..” Michael looked confused. “I don't know? I feel better though.” He was speaking clearly now.

Jeremy held his hand to Michael’s forehead again, but this time he felt normal. “Dude I think you just spiked a fever?” Michael looked like nothing had even happened.

A smile spread across his face once again. “Oh well” He shrugged, giving out a little laugh.

“Don't scare me like that.” Jeremy pouted.

“Aww or what? You’re gonna kick my ass? Try it you twig.” Michael gave Jeremy a slap on the arm.

“Whaddya mean? I’d so win.” Jeremy crossed his arms with a smug look on his face.

“Bet?” Michael readjusted himself on the beanbags so he was sitting on his feet.

“Bet.” Jeremy did the same thing.

“Ok fine. 1v1 right now. Loser has to explain to the group what happened so that they aren’t constantly asking questions.” Michael moved towards the Playstation’s controllers and tossed one to Jeremy, who was turning the console on, but stopped mid motion.

“Ah- wait” Jeremy winced at his thought. “We still need to get rid of the smell of pot.”

“Is it that bad?” Michael whined.

“Yeah. It smells like shit in here. And upstairs.” Jeremy started to stand up, dropping the controller on the bean bag.

“Mmmmmmmmmmm” Michael made a disapproving noise from where he was.

 

The two got up and made their way around the house, opening windows and turning on fans. The rest of their afternoon was made of the two just laughing and hanging off of each other and having fun. They put what had happened earlier behind them, and after an intense game facing Michael, Jeremy lost and explained to the group chat that was left hanging what happened and how everything was ok now. That was when Brooke and Jenna had pitched the idea of going ice skating tomorrow since they had an early out day because the teachers were having a conference. Jeremy had told Michael about the pitch, and he agreed, saying it would be fun. The entire group was down to go, and planned on going straight from school so they could spend as much time as they could at the rink.

Right before Jeremy finished his last game with Michael, the squip reappeared. **Ice skating seems like a good idea.** It materialized right in front of the tv, cause Jeremy to jump, and lose focus. Michael gave a yell of victory.

“Hah! I win 3-2! Sucker,” Michael mocked Jeremy, moving his hand up to highfive Jeremy. Jeremy immediately high fived back and pretended like nothing happened.

“Ahhh gg. I've gotta go though- I still have homework.” Jeremy fake sulked. He didn’t actually have homework, but he probably needed to talk to the Squip.

“Damn.” Michael leaned back in his beanbag. “Do you think the smell has gone away by now?”

Jeremy looked at the Squip, who nodded its head. “Yeah probably.” He started to stand up and stretched his arms towards the ceiling. “Welp, I’ll see ya tomorrow.” Jeremy smiled.

“O-oh! Do you.. Uh.. still want me to…” Michael started to turn red.

“Not even going to lie to you right now,” Jeremy contemplated, “I’d like that, but also I think you’ll fuckin’ distract me and I really gotta do homework.” Jeremy gave a reassuring smile. “I might just sleep really well, actually.”

“Alright.” Michael smiled back, his blush not going away.

As Jeremy disappeared around the corner to run upstairs, he peaked his head back into the room so Michael could see. “And you better be at my place tomorrow morning on time.” He disappeared again, and on his way out, he turned the fans off and closed the windows again. “Alright you take control here.” Jeremy turned to face the squip, who instructed him on what to do to get back to his house. When he pulled into the driveway, the house looked exactly how it did before he left, which meant his dad was probably not home still.

He walked up the steps in the front and stepped inside. Walking to the kitchen to get a snack, he asked, “So where'd ya go during all that?”

 **Speak in your head, please.** Oops- Jeremy forgot. **It’s alright. Nobody is home anyway. You know that alcohol temporarily reverts me back to my original setting. So does really anything your teachers tell you not to do or take.**

 _Oh. Wait-- but I wasn’t smoking?_ Jeremy opened the wrapper to another poptart, and started munching.

**Second-hand smoking. I was not sure how much there was so I just took liberty and shut myself off. Plus, it seemed that it was a good idea.**

_Whaddya mean?_

**Looking back on what happened, you both bonded afterward. You did well without me. I’m proud.**

Jeremy scoffed. _Yeah right._

 **Speaking of bonding…** The Squip appeared again when Jeremy reached his room. **I think it's time to put the plan in action.**

_Hu- oh. But I don't wanna. I think that it's going fine right now._

**_Right now,_ ** **But tomorrow may be a different story.** Jeremy listened as he crumpled the wrapper. He considered it, and then gave in.

 _Fine, but let me control how it happens, yeah?_ The squip nodded, and Jeremy unlocked his phone.

 

**I still think Jeremy is gay**

 

 **Gay:** _yo_

 

 **Baby:** _what do u want_

 **Baby:** _sory that was aggressive._

 **Baby:** _why are you texting me_

 **Baby:** _nope still isnt working_

 

 **Gay:** _lol chloe its fine_

 **Gay:** _i have a favor to ask u_

 

 **Baby:** _oh god what is it_

 

 **Gay:** _ok so just hear me out here_

 **Gay:** _ur not dating anyone right_

 

 **Baby:** _jeremy im not gonna fuck your warcraft friend_

 

 **Gay:** _what? No._

 **Gay:** _just- can u fake date me_

 

 **Baby:** _WHAT_

 **Baby:** _AHAHAAHAHAH THIS IS GOLD_

 

 **Gay:** _seriously- please._

 

 **Baby:** _oh shit ur serious?_

 

 **Gay:** _yes.._

 

 **Baby:** _so ur trying to make michael jealous, huh?_

 

 **Gay:** _duh_

 **Gay:** _wait_

 **Gay:** _NO NOT MICHAEL_

 **Gay:** _ITS NOT MICHAEL_

 **Gay:** _WHY DO U THINK ITS MICHAEL_

 **Gay:** _AHAHAH CHLOE UR SO FUNNY_

 **Gay:** _.._

 

 **Baby:** _u done?_

 

 **Gay:** _yea_

 

 **Baby:** _ok- everyone knows EXCEPT michael_

 **Baby:** _i stg u 2 r clueless_

 

 **Gay:** _?_

 

 **Baby:** _my point proven_

 **Baby:** _anyway- ya sure y not_

 

 **Gay:** _SERIOUSLY?_

 **Gay:** _CHLOE THANK YOU SO MUCH HOLY SHIT_

 **Gay:** _ok here are the rules_

 

 **Baby:** _oh shit we have rules?_

 

 **Gay:** _yes now shut up_

 **Gay:** _it needs to be really subtle, but not so subtle that its not a thing to ponder_

 **Gay:** _just like_

 **Gay:** _idk like smile and talk a lot? But not too much. It cant seem like its out of nowhere._

 **Gay:** _and_

 

 **Baby:** _jeremy i know its not like i havent done this before_

 

 **Gay:** _wait you’ve done this before?_

 

 **Baby:** _duh. Who do u think i am_

 

 **Gay:** _chloe again thank you so much_

 **Gay:** _you have no idea how much this means_

 

 **Baby:** _for you, this is a hell of a way to go about this._

 

 **Gay:** _ya ik_

 

 **Baby:** _see u tmo then, babe ;)_

 

 **Gay:** _oh god_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> basically if you skipped over the parts I mentioned in the noted before the chapter started, all that happened was Michael was doubting his friendship with Jeremy and just the stress and confusion and the fighting between Rich and Chloe really set him off. Jeremy came to comfort Michael but he still just didn't get it but eventually they forgave eachother and if anything their bond is now even tighter. Jeremy notices Michael spiked a fever. End of chapter Jeremy puts the Squips plan into action and asks Chloe to fake date him.
> 
> (woah im posting this 15 minutes into Saturday instead of like 17 hours into Saturday what am I doing w my life)


	7. a nICE break.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Mich-Michael?” Jeremy froze, looking at Michael who was just giving him a confused look. “I uh. I.” Jeremy looked down at his skate’s blade, which was stuck in a divot in the ice.  
> “How the fu-” Michael stopped himself to bend over and look at it. “Dude how did you get your skate stuck”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ehehehyyy happy 4/20 my dudes-- Michael is celebrating today and I know it  
> Also to my fellow friends who celebrate, happy Passover! (im not gonna survive the week w/o bread help)
> 
> Once again im posting literally under an hour after it turned to Saturday like its 12:24 as im writing this and then im probably gonna go and write some hurt/comfort for the chapter im currently working on (its a solid arc or two away from the current one heh) and push to see how long I can stay up OwO
> 
> enjoy :3

The next morning, Michael woke up feeling physically sluggish, but mentally more than ready for the day. He got dressed quickly, and ran upstairs to even make his own coffee.

“Wow! You look like you’re ready for the day.” Michaels mama sat at the table, looking up from her computer. “Something special happening?”

“No not really.” Michael rummaged through the cabinets for a to go coffee mug. “Just an early out day so the group and I are going ice skating.” Successfully finding two mugs, he turned back around and poured the rest of the coffee that his mama didn’t pour into her cup into his and one other one.

“Fun- be careful, though. Will you be warm enough? It tends to be freezing in those indoor ice rinks.”

“Yeah i’ll be fine. I'm actually almost sweating right now.” Michael opened the fridge to pour (way too much) creamer into his cup, and barely any in the other. “K i'm headed out.” Michael grabbed the two cups and threw his backpack over his shoulder. 

“What? Already? It's only,” She looked down at her computer to check the time. “7:13. And you haven't eaten yet”

“I know!” Michael laughed, grabbing his keys off of the table by the door, and said goodbye to his mom. Before he pulled out of his driveway, he shot Jeremy a text that said ‘Don't eat breakfast, I have shit for u. Omw.’ which Jeremy responded with ‘WHAT GIVE ME 10 MINUTES IM NOT READY’. Michael laughed, knowing he would have to stop by the little restaurant down the street to pick up the two breakfast burritos he ordered anyway. He didn't know why, but he was in a more than positive mindset today. Maybe it was because yesterday he poured all his feelings out, or maybe it was just because he felt like it was going to be a good day, but nevertheless he was ready for the day. 

After he got back into his car with two breakfast burritos in hand, he took his hoodie off. It was hotter than usual, so it was a good thing Michael remembered to wear a shirt underneath his hoodie. The majority of his time at home before he left this morning was pretty much just Michael trying to figure out what style would look good with his new haircut. Eventually, he settled with just how he did it before it got cut, but it was leaned a little more to the left rather than it standing pretty much straight up.

Michael rolled in front of Jeremy’s house and honked the horn. Jeremy ran outside, brush in his hand, and slid into the passenger seat. “Dude you better have a good excuse. I'm starving.”

Michael tossed the burrito wrapped in tinfoil to Jeremy, and took a bite of his own. “I also poured us some coffee. Yours is the green cup.” Michael started driving towards to school.

“I. Uh. Where this energy come from?” Jeremy laughed, unwrapping his food.

“I dunno.” Michael shrugged, turning the A/C on.

“Ok how are you not cold.” A ‘mmm’ followed Jeremy’s sentence as he bit into the burrito.

“How are you not sweating?” Michael made sure he avoided the word ‘hot’.

“Becus im ‘ot insame.” Jeremy tried to speak with his mouth full, but failed. He swallowed, and took a sip of coffee to wash the bite down. “Do you have a fever again?” He asked suspiciously, but Michael swatted Jeremy's hand that was moving towards him away.

“No, stupid.” He laughed, and the rest of the car ride was just them playfully bickering.

****

After a few boring classes and a full cup of coffee, Michael walked over to Jeremy’s classroom and found his seat as he packed his backpack so they could walk to the parking lot. “Ok I literally have been sweating all day how are you still wearing that cardigan?” Michael was making a fanning motion with his hand to try to cool his face down.

“Im pretty sure you’re just crazy.” Jeremy reached his hand to touch Michaels forehead again, but of course, got swatted away (again). “Dude.”

“Jere I legit don't have a fever.” Michael laughed. “I feel fine I just run…” Michael tried to think of a word that would explain it. “Hot.” He shrugged.

“Ok sure.” Michael and Jeremy reached the parking lot, checking their phones to see if they got any texts from the group. Apparently, they were going to get lunch at the ice rink, and to just meet there. The whole time in the car, Jeremy and Michael were blasting songs and singing along. When they arrived, they saw a few recognizable cars and met with the group.

“Hey Jeremy!” Chloe waved at Jeremy, then looked at Michael, but didn’t say anything. She just continued waving at him. She had hopped next to Jeremy while walking into the mall and the two were talking. Michael was on his left, and Chloe was on his right, leaving Jeremy in the middle. Whatever, Chloe is probably just in a good mood, too.

They found a pizza place next to the ice rink, and they all stopped there to eat before skating. The group ordered their own inividual slices, and sat down. 

“Ew. What is  _ wrong _ with you?” Michael teased Jeremy when he saw the pineapple on his pizza.

“Huh?” Jeremy looked down at his slice. “Wait what?”

“You’re literally eating pineapple on pizza.” Michael scoffed.

“Michael’s right, pineapple should not be on pizza.” Christine smiled. A few other murmurs of agreement was heard around the table as everyone laughed. 

“You guys are crazy it’s delicious.” Jeremy tried to defend himself but Jake seriously disagreed.

“Ok no that is insane.” Jake scooted his chair back playfully as if to get away from the pizza.

“Oh Jake you shut up, I know you like it too.” Chloe said, picking a piece of pineapple off of Jeremy's pizza and eating it. Did Chloe really just take a piece of Jeremy’s food? And Jeremy didn’t get defensive? The only person Jeremy really ever let take his food was Michael, but now Chloe was eating the pineapple and he’s not saying anything?  _ Calm down. He probably didn't see. I don't have to overreact. _ Chatter flowed around the table and eventually they finished their pizza. As they made their way down the ramp that led into the skate rink, the group was slowly putting on gloves or a scarf. It was cold enough outside, yet the air conditioning in here was cranked. Michael didn't do anything to his wardrobe, though. The cold air felt good.

“Michael are you seriously ok with just your hoodie?” Rich struggled to say as he tried to slide his foot into his skate. The rest of the girls were still at the counter, trying to figure out what size they would be.

“Trust me.” Jeremy pushed his glasses up with his wrist.  “He’s been complaining all day about how hot it is outside.” 

“Alright so we’ve got a lunatic with us” Jake teased Michael. Michael stood up, now wearing his skates, and playfully pushed Jake back onto the bench since he was struggling to stand up just to piss him off. 

Michael looked over at Jeremy, who looked like he was standing just fine with the blades on his feet, but his knuckle was practically white grabbing onto the bar next to the water fountain. “Im headed onto the rink. Whos coming?” Michael walked near Jeremy as he addressed the rest of the group, and the girls practically ran onto the ice so that they would get there before Michael did. Rich helped Jake up and led him to the ice. Apparently, Jake can skate well, just has trouble with walking on land.

Michael grabbed Jeremy’s hand and pulled him onto the ice, just to get them started. “WOahHH” Jeremy grabbed onto the wall to steady himself.

“What? Can’t handle a little ice?” Michael laughed. He knew Jeremy couldn’t skate well, but didn’t know he couldn't  _ at all _ .

“I uh. No I can do it!” Jeremy let go of the wall, pushing himself a little forward. “S-see!” He went to take another step, but slipped. Michael moved in an instant to grab him and keep him from falling.

“Yeah- No. C’mon.” Michael took Jeremy’s hand and helped steady him. “Use me as balance and i’ll pull you, ok?”

Jeremy’s eyes were wide as he nodded his head. All of his fake confidence had disappeared in a second, and honestly, Michael thought it was one of the cutest things he’d ever seen. Jeremy’s cheeks were bright red, but he was probably just freezing, or embarrassed. “Ok use your toe pick to push forward, and try to do this as if you are simply… walking.” Michael instructed Jeremy, whos grip tightened upon trying it. “It’s ok, you can do it.”

“Just don't. Let. Go.” Jeremy was quiet, but focused as hell. He was so determined to accomplish ice skating on his own.

Michael laughed, “Don't worry. I won't.” He smiled as he kept an equal pace with Jeremy. Soon, Jeremy was able to move forward a little bit on his own. 

“MICHAEL! I DID IT!” Jeremy went to throw his arms in the air to celebrate, but lost balance again and fell down.

Michael knew he was ok, so he just laughed as he bent over to help Jeremy up.

“Aw, Jeremy you don't know how to skate?” Christine slowed to a stop right next to the boys. 

“Come on, Slow pokes!” Chloe skated by the three of them, and grabbed Jeremy’s hands in one swoop, now pulling him along with her. “This is the best way to skate! Just trust your instincts!” She smiled, skating backwards at a fast speed and dragging Jeremy, who was almost screaming in fear.

“Oh no she didn't.” Michael stared at his now empty hand. Rich and Jake pulled up next to Christine and Michael, and Jenna was in the corner filming Jeremy struggle against Chloe’s force.

“Go get your boyfriend back!” Rich slapped Michaels butt, so Michael tripped Rich, who just laughed, knowing he deserved it. 

“Can't blame him.” Christine laughed.

“God you guys are so embarrassing.” Michael blushed as he skated away to catch up with Jeremy and Chloe.

“Good! That means we are doing our job!” Jake called after Michael.

Michael wasn’t jealous or anything, right? He was just skating after his, well, crush/best friend, because he.. Yup. Michael was jealous. He was so jealous, but he was going to make the best of it. “Hah! Got you!” Michael caught up with Chloe, taking Jeremy from her and leaving her behind. Now it was Michael who was dragging a screaming Jeremy along for the ride. 

“You good?” Michael smiled. Jeremy had his knees bent together, and was gripping onto Michael’s hand.

“Oh my god you guys are..” Jeremy took a breath, trying to think of something to say, but not coming up with anything.

“I know.” Michael hadn’t stopped smiling this whole time. 

By the time they had already taken two laps around the rink, Michael pulled Jeremy off the ice to take off his hoodie and get some water. It was starting to get really hot.

“Why in the world are you taking your hoodie off?” Jeremy leaned against the wall.

“Same reason it hasn't been on me almost the whole day.” Michael said in between sips of water.

“You’re really hot? Right now?” Jeremy raised his eyebrows.

“Can’t blame me. I’ve been pulling you around.” Michael laughed, walking back over to his backpack so he could zip it up.

“That’s fair.” Jeremy smiled back.

 

* * *

****

Jeremy felt awkward holding Michael’s hand, but he wasn’t going to refuse the offer. So far, Chloe was doing more than ok in helping him. She would step in at the right times, and back off when needed. You could definitely tell that she has done this type of thing before, which was, if he was being honest, a little concerning.

Michael stepped onto the ice, and helped Jeremy balance when he went to get back on, too. The Squip had refused to help him with skating, and even though he threw a mental fit at first, he understands why. 

“Mich-Michael?” Jeremy froze, looking at Michael who was just giving him a confused look. “I uh. I.” Jeremy looked down at his skate’s blade, which was stuck in a divot in the ice.

“How the fu-” Michael stopped himself to bend over and look at it. “Dude how did you get your skate stuck” Michael chuckled at Jeremy’s embarrassment.

“I- I don't know! Ok? You helped me onto the ice and then i took a legit step and I think I stepped in it but now i'm stuck and I don't know what to do.” Jeremy whined.

“Its ok, just try to lift your leg and use me to balance.” Michael tried comforting Jeremy, no matter how ridiculous the situation was.

“Im.. trying..” Jeremy was making sounds that showed he was struggling, but the heaviness of the ice skate on his foot didn’t help him. “Can I just, like, take my skate off?”

“There’s an only skate rule.. Even if it was to get out of a hole im sure you wouldn’t be allowed to get back on the ice.”

“Mmmmshit” Jeremy kept looking down, attempting to wiggle the blade free.

“Alright im gonna try something, ok? You just have to trust me.”

Jeremy looked at Michael, nodding.  _ I will always trust you.  _ Suddenly, Michael dug his toe picks into the ice, held onto both of Jeremy’s hands (which for some reason, he winced, but Jeremy would ask about that later), and gave a big yank. 

Jeremy felt his skate slip out of where it was stuck, but his other foot slipped backwards on the ice, causing Jeremy to lunge forward and on to Michael, who already was off balance. The two went down hard, Jeremy landing on top of Michael. They stayed like that for a second, until Jeremy realized Michael had the air knocked out of him.

“Shit! Shit shit shit shit Michael are you ok?” Jeremy sat on his butt, not even caring that it was getting wet from ice that was starting to melt.

“Oouwah.” Michael coughed a bit as Jeremy helped him sit up. “Yeah I'm fine.” He rubbed the back of his head.

“Did you hit your head? Can you breathe? Did you break any bones? Oh my god did I break one of your bones? Did I give you a concussion? Holy shit I totally gave you a concussion. Fuck. Fuck. I'm a bad person oh no I just gave you a concussion.” Jeremy started to freak out, feeling like shit for hurting Michael.

Michael gave a weak laugh, still recovering from the air getting knocked out of him. “I said i’m fine, Jere.” He started to stand up, and helped Jeremy off the ground.

“What? How?” Jeremy brushed the ice off of his butt while Michael shrugged. “No broken bones?” Jeremy started to pat Michael down to make sure he was ok. 

“No broken bones.” Michael smiled.

“No concussion?” Jeremy examined Michaels head to make sure there wasn’t any blood hiding.

“No concussion. Im ok.” Michael tried to reassure Jeremy, but it didn't work. He reached for Jeremy's wrists to stop him, causing Jeremy to look Michael in his eyes. “Really. Im ok. It was just a fall.” Michael just continued smiling, but Jeremy noticed that the amount of pressure that he was holding his wrists with were unequal. Jeremy took Michaels left hand off of his wrist to see a burn on his hand.

“Michael? How did this happen?” The fear Jeremy felt immediately came back. “This looks like a really bad burn. A-are you ok?” Jeremy looked closer at Michaels burn, scared to touch it incase it hurts him.

“Ah- I uh. I’m fine. Honestly? I don't remember when it happened. It was yesterday for sure, but I--” Michael paused, trying to remember anything in between the time he tried texting someone and when Jeremy got to his house. “I really don’t remember. It’ll come back to me, i'm sure.” Michael took his hand from Jeremy, holding it close to himself. “They always do.” Michael whispered to himself. 

“What was that last part?” Jeremy couldn’t hear it well. Why couldn't they just have a fairly normal day?

“Oh! It was nothing.” Michael smiled. “I’ll treat this when I get home, but we might as well have fun right now, right?” He took Jeremy’s hands again and started pulling him along. Jeremy didn’t believe Michael was entirely ok, but he wasn’t going to push. Michael was right-- they might as well have fun while they could.

****

Michael tried teaching Jeremy how to skate, and it really didn’t turn out too well. After about fifteen minutes of sliding across the ice on their butts, Michael asked if Jeremy just wanted to hold hands with him so they could actually skate. Right as Jeremy stood up and was about to lock hands with Michael, though, Chloe zoomed by and took his hand instead, tugging him to the opposite side of the rink. Jeremy let out a yell of surprise as he was dragged on the ice.

“Chloe what are you doing!?” Jeremy whisper yelled by the time they stopped.

“Helping you out.” She shifted her hand so that their fingers were locked. “You’ve done a great job so far, but I think it's time I get really involved if you want this to work.”

“But I was doing just fine! We-” Jeremy started to blush intensely, and he lowered his voice to a whisper. “We were about to hold hands.” 

“I know. That's why I took you over here.” Chloe watched as Jeremy kept glancing over to Michael who was watching them from the other side of the rink. “The fact that I tore you away from him right before you held hands is just going to make him desperate.”

“But I don't want him to be desperate! That's just.. That's just rude!” Jeremy started to feel bad about the whole plan. He started to feel bad about wanting to even have a relationship with Michael. This was probably all for nothing. 

Chloe put a hand on his face upon realizing Michael was watching to make it seem like there was something going on between her and Jeremy. “It’s not. All that it will do is make him want you even more. There’s nothing wrong with a few white lies.” She moved her hand back to the base of Jeremy’s skull. “Think of it as you’re in drama class, playing a role or something.” She took her hand away from his head and smiled as she started to skate backwards. Now, Chloe was holding both of Jeremy’s hands, but instead of going fast, they were taking it slow, and Jeremy was completely still as she pulled him along.

****

* * *

****

Michael followed everyone as they were ushered off of the ice by a couple of employees so that the zamboni could work it’s magic. 

Rich and Jake sat on a bench that had their stuff on it, while Jenna braided Brooke’s hair. Christine had run to the bathroom, and all that was left was Michael standing in the corner as he watched Chloe and Jeremy talk.

_ What is wrong with me? _ Michael leaned against the wall behind him, and boy oh boy was he pining. At this point, Michael decided that there really was no point in denying his feelings. All he wanted was to be something more than just a ‘Best Friend’, but that wasn’t something Michael could accomplish. And hell, of all people that Jeremy could be flirting with right now, it was Chloe.  _ Chloe.  _ She’s literally the Heather Chandler of Middleborough. Sure, she has a soft and unseen spot for her friends, but on the outside, she was a different story. 

Realizing he needed to pee and cool off (even though they were in a room that was anywhere between 50-60°), Michael walked over to the restrooms, passing by Chloe and Jeremy on his way there. He thought he heard Jeremy call out to him, but he was probably just hearing things. 

By the time he was washing his hands, a weird feeling made itself known in Michaels stomach and back. It didn’t hurt or ache, but it wasn’t sensational, either. It just felt off. He started to get even hotter, so he splashed water on his face. He didn’t realize that there were only hand dryers and not paper towels until it was too late, so either Michael walked out and into the waiting area looking like a toddler just attacked his face with a squirt gun, or he crouch down in the corner of the bathroom waiting for his face to dry underneath an automatic hand dryer. He decided to go with the latter. 

Michael crouched down under the machine and let it do its magic. The air coming from it cooled the water on his face, making Michael feel almost instantly better. He thought he heard Jeremy’s voice, but was sure that it was just his thoughts calling him. He pondered why Jeremy and Chloe of all people were talking. Why did the universe just have to haunt him with a straight best friend that he just so happened to be in love with? Of course, Michael would never say out loud or in the forefront of his mind, but he loved Jeremy. It really was just Michael thinking it and then shoving that word to the back of his mind, quickly replacing it with  _ like _ or  _ crush _ , but still knowing what he actually meant. The feeling of Jeremy felt almost real as Michael continued asking idiotic questions in his head, bent over and balancing on his toes in the corner. It was almost as if Jeremy was really there, holding onto his shoulder-

“MICHAEL.” Jeremy wacked Michael upside the head. 

“OW-- THE FUCK?” Michael lost balance and tipped over, now laying on the ground and looking up at Jeremy.

“Jesus, dude. I’ve been calling your name forever.”

“Oh. Uh.” The hell was Michael supposed to say to that? “Sorry?”

Jeremy put his head in his hands. “Ugh you’re hopeless.” Jeremy reached for Michael’s unwounded hand to help pull him up. “What’re you doing?” Jeremy smiled, looking like he was trying not to laugh at what he walked in on in the bathroom. 

“Regretting not checking for paper towels before washing my face with public sink water.” Michael ran a hand through his hair, hoping that the dryer didn’t mess it up. 

“Oh yeah. I keep forgetting to mention- nice haircut.” Jeremy looked at Michael with a look he had never seen before. “It really looks good on you.”

_ What. Did Jeremy just- what. Was that? He? Haircut? Jeremy?  _ Michael started blankly as he realized that Jeremy noticed his haircut and said it looked good. Michael blinked rapidly, bringing him back to the moment, and gave a little “Thanks.” 

“No prob- now come on before the group ditches us for the ice.” Jeremy walked out of the bathroom, and after taking a mental picture of what his hair looked like in the mirror so that he could do it again, he chased after Jeremy. 

 

* * *

****

Back by windows of the ice rink, the group collectively decided to just go home as they watched a bunch of employees rush to the middle of the rink, trying to push a broken down zamboni off the ice.

**Kiss Chloe goodbye** . Jeremy spun around, eyes opened wide. 

_ I’m sorry, WHAT?  _ Jeremy practically choked on his own spit.

“You good Jere?” Michael patted Jeremy's back as if he was burping a baby.

“Mhm.” Jeremy squeaked a confirmation.  _ Absolutely not. _

**Jeremy, you want this to work, don't you?** It circled around him, Jeremy trying his best to not even let his eyes follow it.

_ Well, yeah.  _

**Then you can’t just listen. You-**

_ No. I'm not falling for that again.  _ Jeremy clenched his jaw and turned back around to pretend he was watching the employees slip as they struggled to push the zamboni.

**Apologies. I just am trying to help.**

_ I can do this on my own at the moment, thanks. _

**I strongly disagree. If we are doing this, you have to trust me.**

_ And you have to trust me.  _ Jeremy walked over to Michael who was returning his skates, and the two walked out the door, Jeremy waving goodbye to  _ everyone _ on their way out.

“What was that back there?” Michael asked, pushing his phone into his back pocket.

“Whad’ya mean?” Jeremy turned his head to look at Michael while they were walking.

“You sort of spaced out.”

“When?”

“When everyone was returning their stuff.”

“Oh.” Jeremy didn't realize he never answered the question.

“So..?” Michael gave a little laugh.

“Oh! I uh.” Jeremy struggled to think of something.

**You were thinking about your love life.**

“I was thinking about my love life.”  _ Wait.  _ Jeremy started to panic. That's not what he wanted to say.  _ WHY DID YOU MAKE ME SAY THAT.  _

**I didn't make you say anything. You just went off and said it. I merely suggested it.**

Maybe Jeremy’s old habits of saying what the Squip told him to say were coming back. It also knew that he was bad under pressure. 

“Oh,” Michael was quiet for a second, and then laughed. “Thats stupid.” He tried to tease, face turning red.

“Oh. Haha.” Now two boys were walking side by side with bright red faces and got into Michael’s car.

****

The car ride back into their neighborhood was quiet. Jeremy made conversation with the Squip

while Michael had reggae playing through the car speakers. As Jeremy talked with the squip, he looked out the car window. Fall was slowly starting to turn into winter, but the trees still held their leaves. Jeremy loved this time of day in the Fall because of the way the sun shone through the trees. 

**Though of course there is still a problem with today.** The Squips voice echoed in Jeremy’s head. 

_ And what would that be? _ Jeremy kept watching the scenery pass by. 

**It’s November 3- Daylight savings ends.**

“YES!” Jeremy cheered, not realizing he had said something out loud. 

“hUh?” The sudden outburst scared Michael. 

“oh.. sorry- I just realized that today is daylight savings end” Jeremy felt sort of bad for scaring Michael. 

**No, I realized it was daylight savings end.**

_ Oh shut it, will you?   _

_ “ _ YES!” Michael repeated Jeremy. “Finally. Why does daylight savings even exist? It’s so annoying.”

“I know, right?” Jeremy laughed. 

**It is so that we can save-**

_ I said shush. Wait why is today a problem? _

**Time change- my systems need to reboot.**

_ Oh.  _

The silence was finally broken and the two spent the ride home just like how they do every ride- make fun of eachother and geek out over every little thing that you could possibly geek out about. The end of the car ride was a simple exchanging of goodbyes and see you tomorrows. For Jeremy, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday flew by fast, except for the fact that each day, he noticed Michael seem a little less energetic. Maybe the rest of his week didn’t go as well as Jeremy’s. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A light hearted chapter after the last one.. I felt like u guys really just needed an... //ice breaker//  
> …  
> AHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH (im not funny.)
> 
> let me know if you're liking it! :)


	8. 102.3°

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last thing Michael felt before he fell asleep was panic. The reason being? He just accidentally said ‘I love you’ to Jeremy in a half conscious state of mind and it was too late to go back because he was already pretty much asleep by the time he realized what he might have done. Hopefully, it was just apart of the beginning of his dream. The beginning of a dream that felt very, very real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so swear_it and I got back from seeing endgame not even more than an hour ago and wE AREnT oK? 
> 
> I keep wanting to upload more and more throughout the week but then again i cant and hAve TO kEEP to MY schEDuaLE bEcaUSE we deFINetLY Low KEY diDNt WriTE a TotaL oF 2 ParaGRapHS ThiS WeEK AHHHHH YALL ARE CATCHUNG UP TO WHERE WE ARE ATM WE GOTTA BUST OUR ASSES LMAO
> 
> *ahem* back to our regulalry schedualed programming

The rest of Michael’s week went by like shit. On Wednesday, Michael didn’t even consider bringing a hoodie to school because of how hot he would get, but Thursday was the exact opposite. Michael brought two hoodies and they weren’t even enough to keep him warm. He started to feel more and more tired over the few days and even though he started to get more than enough sleep, it felt like he hadn’t slept at all.

On Friday, Michael was pretty much just a mess physically and mentally. He was freezing half the day, so just his hoodie wouldn’t be enough, and sweating the other half, so it felt like even his T-Shirt was too much clothing. He was pretty sure that he failed one of his tests because of the state he was in, and was starting to believe that it was actually possible to literally fry your brain with your blood. Did blood even exist in the brain? He wouldn’t know because he zoned out completely when his teacher reviewed the structure of major organs.

On top of everything, Chloe and Jeremy kept talking and flirting with each other and almost everyone was convinced that if they weren’t dating, then at least _something_ was going on. _Great. More proof that my crush/best friend is straight. whoop de fucking doo._

By the time the bell rang to get out of class on Friday, Michael felt that same feeling he felt when he was in the bathroom at the ice rink. His stomach and back just felt weird, and his upper back and forearms were way too sensitive to the touch for it to be normal. Everything felt achy all over, and Michael was feeling more and more tired by the second. He saw Jeremy and signaled for him to get in his car.

Once Jeremy sat down, Michael started to back out, but was immediately stopped by Jeremy.

“Dude what are you doing?!” Jeremy looked almost astonished.

“Huh?” Michael squinted.

“Do you have a death wish for us or something?” Jeremy nervously laughed, searching for something in the cup holders, soon pulling out a pair of glasses.

“Oh. Whoops.” Michael forgot that while he waited for Jeremy to get in to the car, he took his glasses off.

The burn (even though it was now wrapped) on his hand felt more sensitive than usual as it brushed against the steering wheel, and everytime Michael took a deep breath, he winced at a weird pain he felt in his lungs.

“I know I’ve been asking it a lot for the past couple of days, but are you alright?” Jeremy looked at Michael concerned.

“Mhm.” No. He was not. He was freezing and the same hoodie he’s been wearing for days is most definitely not keeping him warm enough.

“You look like you’re burning up. You can take your jacket off you know.” Jeremy gave another nervous laugh.

“Yehah.” Michael had started to slur, but just barely enough so that it was only noticeable to him. “Actually ‘m cold. heh.” Michael smiled but he knew that Jeremy noticed how he pronounced ‘actually’ as ‘ashully'.

“Uh. I don’t think you’re ok. Are you sick?” Jeremy looked ready for anything at the moment; even taking over the wheel if he needed to.

“No, jus’ don’t feel good.” Since Michael and Jeremy always go to Michael's house on Fridays, it was a good thing that Jeremy was there by the time Michael had parked in his driveway because the minute he stood up, he wavered for a couple of seconds before grabbing onto the car door and seemingly holding on for dear life.

“Woah woah woah.” Jeremy rushed over to Michael with his backpack only on one of his shoulders.

“ ‘m fine it fine,” Michael closed his eyes as he held onto the car door tighter and tighter, feeling dizzy and almost like he was spinning and hanging from the sky.

While Michael held onto the door, Jeremy had gotten Michaels backpack and put it his other shoulder so that Michael wouldn’t have to carry something that would probably tip him right over.

Friday’s were always Michaels mothers date nights, so they would leave right before Jeremy and Michael would get home, and wouldn’t come back until about 10:30 pm. This meant that Michael would be stuck like this with Jeremy for nearly several hours, knowing all too well that there was no way he would be able to convince Jeremy that he was fine when Michael was like this.

“C’mon, buddy,” Even though Jeremy was already carrying the weight of both his and Michael’s backpacks, he also lended a shoulder for Michael to lean on as they both stumbled into the house.

“Really, ‘m fine.” Michael’s eyelids felt heavy as he said that, and when he went to stand up straight to show that he was fine moving around on his own, he moved almost too quickly and his vision went white for a few seconds as he felt dizzy and stumbled in the opposite direction.

“God, Michael, no you aren’t.” Jeremy helped Michael slowly get down the stairs to the basement step by step, and by the time they had reached the bottom, Michael was just about ready to fall asleep standing up. “Come on, you need to lay down right now.” Jeremy dropped the backpacks he was carrying on to the floor so that he would be able to support more of Michael’s weight. Everytime he would look to a different spot in the room, it was almost like everything was put into slow motion. He was sweating now, and all he wanted to do was rip his hoodie off. “Uh. What are you doing?” Jeremy laughed a bit as he looked at Michael who at the moment was fumbling with the sleeves of his hoodie which he was caught in. One arm had managed to get halfway out of his right sleeve, and his left arm had somehow ended up through the head hole.

“ ‘m stuck,” Michael pouted, struggling to stay standing and escape from the cursed jacket at the same time.

Jeremy gave a whole hearted laugh this time, leading Michael to sit down on the bed. He sat down next to him and started to help undo the mess Michael put himself in. Once Michael was back (un)comfortably wearing his hoodie correctly, Jeremy asked, “Why are you taking it off? I thought you said you're freezing.”

“Mmmmno ‘m too hot” Michael started to try and take it off again but Jeremy stopped him.

“That's great!” Jeremy got up and rushed to the bathroom.

“How the fuck that great?” Michael whined, his voice cracking at the short ‘u’ vowel.

“It means we just have to layer you with blankets and more jackets so you sweat out your fever!” Jeremy called from the bathroom as Michaels heard drawers opening and closing.

He whined and managed to get his hoodie off. Feeling a rush of cold air on his sensitive skin, he got a chill. Jeremy re-appeared with a thermometer in his hand and just blankly stared at Michael for a few seconds. “Uh.” Michael didn’t know if he just was hallucinating or if Jeremy really was just frozen standing there.

“Dude why’d you take your hoodie off?” Jeremy walked back over to Michael and started peeling back the sheets of Michael’s bed as if he wasn’t just standing there mindlessly.

“Hm?” Michael didn’t bother moving for Jeremy while he was trying to fix the bed for him.

“You need to sweat your fever out. Get in.” Jeremy patted Michael’s back as Michael plopped backwards. “No you goof, in the covers.”

A little groan came from Michael as he slowly wiggled his way under his blanket. Jeremy disappeared around the corner and came back with an armful of even more blankets. Michael made a disapproving noise at the sight of the blankets in Jeremys arms and closed his eyes. He felt a slight headache coming on, probably from trying to focus without his glasses. _Hold on- when did I take my glasses off?_

“Yyyeeeessss,” Jeremy mimicked Michael while piling the blankets onto him. Soon after Michael felt Jeremy finish burying him, a little cold thing was stuck into his mouth.

“It’s just a thermometer, relax.” Jeremy had put his hand on Michael’s forehead to keep Michael in place as he stuck the thermometer in his mouth. “You really are burning up. Damn.”

“Well-“ Jeremy cut Michael off.

“Shush. Keep your mouth closed.” Jeremy mumbled.

Michael did as told and laid there. It felt like an eternity until he heard the rapid beeping coming from the thermometer.

“Shit.” Jeremy had pulled the thermometer out of Michael’s mouth and could be heard walking to a different spot in the room.

Suddenly, Michael felt a chill run through his body. He curled up into a ball underneath the piles of blankets that laid on top of him as he tried to locate the warmest and most numb spot of his body. Eventually, he came to the conclusion that it was the inside of his mouth, and started to wish that his whole body felt as warm as the inside of his mouth. He knew it was strange, but couldn't help but think how he would be feeling if that was the case. He wouldn’t be shivering and needing to bare with the sheets rubbing against sensitive skin and the ache he felt in his chest and the subtle headache that wasn't enough to take advil just yet but the type of thing that bugs you so much that it hurts your eyes and makes the headache worse.

Michael wasn’t sure what his last thought was as he drifted off into a deep sleep, except for the fact that he felt miserable and could just make out Jeremy starting to say ‘One-Hundred and..’ and Michael forgot the rest.

****

* * *

 

“Michael?” Jeremy leaned over the lump of a human that laid under an excessive amount of blankets. “Miiiichaelllll?” He half whispered, poking the one shoulder that was barely visible.

**He is asleep.** The squip materialized on the other side of Michael’s basement, leaning against the doorframe.

_No shit._ Jeremy took a few steps back as he looked at the thermometer that read ‘102.3’, and turned to the bathroom to wash it.

**You have been doing a good job with Chloe,** It sighed. **I would call it great but you can do better.**

_Apparently I can always do better when it comes to your opinion._ Jeremy scoffed, the cold water from the sink running over the thermometer. _What am I doing wrong this time around?_

**For starters, you could be taking it a step further with her.**

_What? No. Absolutely not. How far do you expect me to go with her?_

**To be completely honest, all the way.**

Jeremy laughed at that. _‘Completely honest’? Aren’t A.I.s supposed to only tell truth? Like, isn't it illegal for you not to?_

**Its illegal for the company that manufactured the A.I. to program it to lie, but remember that I in a whole am illegal in the first place. That, and the company that  manufactured me took my sequence off of their radar once they found out I was deactivated. That's what they do with every squip once it is deactivated. No one thinks that the host would be** **_dumb_ ** **enough to reactivate it.**

That is what scared Jeremy. The fact that there was an extremely intelligent illegal supercomputer in his head that is now free to do what it would like. _Oh._ Jeremy didn’t realize he froze in the spot he was in until he felt scalding water over his hand (he must have turned the wrong knob by accident), so he turned the sink off and backed up to grab a towel to dry the thermometer and dry his (now red and starting to get puffy) hand.

The Squip didn’t say anything. It just sat in the corner, seemingly reading Jeremy’s thoughts. It narrowed its eyes for a second, but when it noticed Jeremy could see it out of his peripheral vision, it broke into millions of little electronic shards, and disappeared completely.

_Anyway,_ Jeremy tried to break the silence, and to ignore the weird feeling he had in his gut about the moment. _What do you mean by ‘all the way’?_

Silence. The Squip was never silent, which only worsened Jeremy’s gut feeling.

_.. hello?_ Nothing responded. He walked out of the bathroom and back over to a sleeping Michael to put his hand on Michael’s forehead. It still felt like it should be cooking Michael’s insides, but that only meant they were one hour less with having this ridiculous fever. He really should have listened to Jeremy. He wouldn’t be going through this if he weren't so damn stubborn, but alas, that’s just how Michael functions. That has always been how their friendship worked. Michael being the stubborn or haphazard one, but Jeremy always there to help him in the end, and Jeremy always being the clumsy or closed off one, but Michael always there in to fix his mistakes and make him feel better in the end. It was just their way of life.

Jeremy gave a little huff as a small smile showed itself on his face. “What would I do without you, hm?” He mumbled, placing the thermometer on Michael’s nightstand for the next time he woke up.

**Most likely you would not be in the spot where you are today. That is why Michael was put in your path when you were children.** And any or all silence that was ever gained is now lost.

_Where’d you go? Some spiritual retreat or something?_ Jeremy busied himself by cleaning Michael’s room to not have to look at the Squip.

**Your humor amuses me. No, I just got..** It paused for a second. **tired of our conversation, so I shut myself off.**

_So what’s with the whole ‘put in your path’ type of hibi shibi was that._ Jeremy swooped down to pick up some half solved rubix cube he had just kicked off of the floor.

**I figured you need a form of inspiration every once in awhile. Your thought patterns are- Jeremy are you even listening?**

_Nope._ He held Michael’s hoodie that he’d plucked off of the corner of the bed and ran his thumbs over it. The fabric was soft, yet worn.

**Your posture.** The Squip forced its way back into Jeremy’s thoughts.

_Hm?_ He didn’t catch what it had said since he was too busy in his own world of, well, Michael.

**Your posture. Fix it.** It said it so casually. Well, what’d it hurt if Jeremy tried to straighten his back a little? If anything it’ll just save him from being a hunchback when he’s an old man.

_Sorry._ Without giving it a second thought, Jeremy straightened up, spine making a cracking noise or two from him stretching. He threw Michael’s hoodie over his arm and picked up the laundry basket along with the other dirty crumpled up clothes laying on the floor. _Uh. If you wouldn’t mind. Can you like, move?_ He set the basket down on the floor as he waited for the Squip to move out of the doorway.

**You realize I am a hallucination, correct? You can walk through me.** It didn't move.

_Yea but its… I dunno. Weird._ Jeremy used to walk through the squip all the time- that is, until it really took over, but nevertheless it still felt strange.

It stood there for a second staring at Jeremy. Finally, it moved back into the room and out of the doorway. **If you think so.**

_Thanks._ Jeremy picked the basket and walked through the doorway but making a left before the first step of the bottom of the staircase and into a laundry room. It wasn’t necessarily a laundry room and more of a tunnel with just enough space for a washing machine and a dryer, but that didn’t make the machines any less easy to operate. Jeremy had washed his clothes at the Mell household a multitude of times, so washing Michaels clothes for him while he was sick was a piece of cake.

   

Once Jeremy had finished straightening up Michael’s room, putting on Michael’s hoodie, and finding an ice pack in the freezer for his hand, he walked over to the bed, where Michael had barely even moved. Granted, it had only been an hour, but still. Michael only stayed in one position if he was in a _really_ deep state of sleep. Since Michael’s forehead still felt way too hot, Jeremy found a washcloth underneath the bathroom sink and soaked it with cold water, only to squeeze it out just enough so that it wouldn’t drip. He put it on Michael’s forehead, careful not to lay it in a way that would get the sheets and blankets all wet.

Jeremy really didn’t mind taking care of Michael. In fact, he was more than happy to, and always will be. Especially after all of the things Michael had done for Jeremy. One amongst the multitude of favors and life savers being, quite literally, saving Jeremy’s life.

**Oh please, all he did was make you turn down a different ‘path’.**

_Yeah, a path that doesn’t involve needing a computer to help run my life._ Jeremy smirked as he sat on the roller chair looking at a sleeping Michael. The Squip didn’t say anything. No snotty remark or smirky comment, so Jeremy just assumed that it didn’t have anything so say.  He unlocked his phone and started to play some popular phone game that is only ever in somebody's phone for when they have no service or are bored.

****

* * *

****

Hot. It was way too hot in Michael’s room. Or atleast, under the covers. Michael rolled onto his back and noted that he was pretty sure his shirt was soaked in sweat. He felt something slide off of his head, but paid no mind to it since it was probably just a corner of a blanket or something. As he opened his eyes, he pulled the blankets that were covering his face just down to his nose and looked around. It may have been hot under all those blankets, but it doesn’t mean it didn’t feel good.

All Michael could really see was the ceiling since he was buried under so many blankets (he didn’t even know he _owned_ this many), so he figured he would see if anyone was in the room without him needing to sit up. “Ello?” He didn’t expect his voice to sound so crackled.

He heard footsteps from the other side of the room, along with what sounded like wheels scraping against the floor. Jeremy’s face replaced the little circle of ceiling that was visible to Michael. “Hewwo.” Jeremy made a double chin to make Michael laugh. It worked.

Michael let out a small chuckle and closed his eyes again. “Please.. Don't speak in owo language right now..” He wasn’t as hot as he was when he woke up, so Michael let the warmth take over. He relaxed into the mattress and took a deep breath.

“No no no don’t you dare fall asleep right now. I mean- you can fall asleep, just not right now right now.” Jeremy’s shadow disappeared, followed by footsteps, and then reappeared. A little beep sounded off right next to his ear. “Open.”

“Huh?”

“I- I mean open your, uh, mouth. Open your mouth. For the thermometer!” Jeremy stuck the thermometer into Michael’s mouth before he even had a chance to open it. A few seconds later, more beeping echoed from the thermometer. “Thank god.” Jeremy sighed. “You’re at 98.4,”

“Mmm.” Michael turned on his side, letting the blankets fall on his face once again. “don't feel like it.” His skin still felt irritated and as if he hadn’t stretched in days.

“Your moms will be home soon so I think it’d be best if you just got more sleep anyway.” Jeremy walked to the other side of the room, sounding like he was zipping up something.

Wait, but it was just around three by the time they had gotten to his house, wasn’t it? How could his moms almost be back home if they don’t usually get home until 10:30? “What…” Michael opened his eyes and tried looking over the blankets at Jeremy, who was now standing with his backpack on and texting somebody. “What time’s’it?” His voice cracked.

“10:23.” Jeremy tucked his phone away in his pocket and walked back over to Michael who suddenly felt hot again. He plopped onto his back.

“So you've just been sittin here for..” Michael tried to do the math, but his brain was too tired to even come up with the simple subtraction of ten minus three. It felt like someone keyboard smashed his thoughts. “How long you sittin here for?” Man his throat was scratchy.

“Doesn’t matter. You know I..” Jeremy paused for a second, quieting his voice just a little as if he were talking to himself. “I’ll always be here for you.”

Michael thought he heard him right, but he couldn’t even think straight. Whether that's actually what he said or not he would respond. “I know you’ll-” He yawned. It felt good to be in a state of half consciousness. For all he knew, he could be asleep and this is all just a dream. “-be here for me” Michael finished his sentence. He wished Jeremy could just read his mind so that he wouldn’t have to speak. He felt like the translator between his emotions and his words failed him more often than it did him good. Even the explanation of dreams was too complicated, how could he express how he wanted to spend the school day, or how he wished the platonic banter between the two crossed the line into something new, without infusing feelings, how could he show, unbiased, his emotions? It was so easy to think about maybe. Maybe one day Michael would be able to have a deeper relationship with Jeremy, maybe one day they will beat this level of the game and move on to the next. Maybe he might get to say ‘you’re perfect.’ or “I love you.”

The last thing Michael felt before he fell asleep was panic. The reason being? He just accidentally said ‘I love you’ to Jeremy in a half conscious state of mind and it was too late to go back because he was already pretty much asleep by the time he realized what he might have done. Hopefully, it was just apart of the beginning of his dream. The beginning of a dream that felt very, _very_ real.

****

* * *

****

-The next night-

****

**Skrt Skrt Bitches**

****

**Michael with a k:** _yo_

****

**Jeremy with a g:** _ey ur awake_

**Jeremy with a g:** _how do u feel_

****

**Michael with a k:** _like shit lmao_

****

**Jeremy with a g:** _oof im sry_

****

**Micheal with a k:** _since when tf do u say sorry about me being sick_

****

**Jeremy with a g:** _since like_

**Jeremy with a g:** _forever dude_

****

**Michael with a k:** _that legit is the first time uve said sry about me being sick i have chat logs_

**Michael with a k:** _anyway what happened after i fell asleep yesterday?_

****

Jeremy sat there, staring at the message. He thought about it for a second. It wasn’t too eventful, you know, besides the fact Michael literally said ‘I love you’ to Jeremy. At this point though, Jeremy has just assumed that it was Michael thinking Jeremy was one of his mothers or something from hallucinations. Fevers make you hallucinate, right?

****

**Jeremy with a g:** _not much. Just waited till ur moms got home and debreifed them_

****

**Michael with a k:** _‘debriefed’_

**Michael with a k:** _dude who the fuck are you_

****

Jeremy’s vocabulary may have been expanding since he reactivated the squip. Well, not expanding. He already knew words like debriefed, everyone does. Just that he would never use them. Before Jeremy could get a chance to get even more embarrassed from what was happening, he got a new notification.

****

**_Squad_ **

****

**_Rich changed their name to Richworm_ **

****

**Richworm:** _Jesus worm_

****

**Brooke:** _Worm Eminem_

****

**_Rich changed Brookes name to Brookeworm_ **

****

**Christine:** _everything ever typed in this chat must have worm in the sentence now_

****

**Michael:** _oh worm??_

****

**_Rich changed Christine's name to Chrisworm_ **

**_Michael changed their name to Michworm_ **

****

**Richworm:** _worm._

****

**Jeremy:** _What the worm happened_

****

**Chrisworm:** _you worm don’t wanna know_

****

**Richworm:** _it was p wormy_

**Richworm:** _i feel like i'm gonna end up changing everyones names with worms_

****

**Brookeworm:** _worm u won’t_

****

**Jenna:** _WORMN'T YOU DARE_

****

**Jeremy:** _If i wake up to "worm" as everyones name i swear to worming god_

****

**Richworm:** _I'M GONNA WORM UP ALL NAMES_

**Richworm:** _AND NO WORM CAN STOP ME_

****

**Chrisworm:** _Embrace the worm_

****

**Michworm:** _worm solo a new worm wars movie_

****

**Chrisworm:** _Worm is love, worm is life_

****

**Jenna:** _next person in this chat who doesn’t use worm will die bet_

****

**_Richworm changed Jenna's name to Jenworm_ **

****

**Jeremy:** _worm them to death_

****

**Chrisworm:** _wormvage_

****

**Richworm:** _in worms name we pray_

****

**Jenworm:** _one worm for one pray_

****

**Michworm:** _in worms name we worm_

****

**Richworm:** _all who commit themselves to wormism say worm_

****

**Chloe:** _fuck— i mean worm_

****

**Jeremy:** _never_

****

**Richworm:** _CHLOE FHKASBJHJDASJKDSADSA_

**Richworm:** _GLAD YOU JOINED US WORMS_

****

**_Richworm changed Chloe's name to Chloworm_ **

****

**Michworm:** _LET THE WORMS wiGGlE FROM THE ASHES_

**Michworm:** _they will vore me when i die_

****

**Chloworm:** _wiggle from the ashes…._

****

**Jeremy:** _I shall not bow my head to the wriggling menace_

****

**Michworm:** _worm fiend_

****

**Brookeworm:** _an enemy to all worm-kind_

****

**Jeremy:** _I will not be cowed_

**Jeremy:** _for I have one God_

**Jeremy:** _and that Gd is HaShworm_

**Jeremy:** _...fuck_

****

**Jenworm:** _OH WORM_

****

**Chrisworm:** _WORM._

**Chrisworm** _petition to nick Jeremy to jereworm_

****

**Jeremy:** _no_

****

**Chrisworm:** _yes_

****

**Jeremy:** _if I must give in I’m doing it on my terms_

****

**Chrisworm:** _and that worm be_

****

**Richworm:** _i mean, as mod i can worm ppl's nicks…_

****

**Chrisworm:** _that worms for me_

****

**_Richworm changed Jeremy's name to Shabbat Shaworm_ **

****

**Shabbat Shaworm:** _ShabBaT ShAwoRM i’m WhEEziNg_

**Shabbat Shaworm:** _but no_

****

**_Shabbat Shaworm changed their name to Jereworm_ **

****

**Jereworm:** _i’m gonna worm to sleep now_

**Jereworm:** _good worm_

****

**Chrisworm:** _sleep good_

****

**Richworm:** _sweet worms_

****

**Jake:** _._

**Jake:** _.._

**Jake:** _...the fuck did I miss_

****

**Chloworm:** _great question_

****

**_Richworm changed Jake's name to Jakeworm_ **

****

**Richworm:** _worm._

****

* * *

****

Monday morning found the group loitering outside Michael’s AP Government class, as it was sort of in the middle of campus and an unofficial meeting place for the group before school began. Christine was the only one missing— a rather unusual occurrence for the morning.

“I’m not even going to lie— I didn’t even start that project for AP Calc.” Jake complained into Rich’s shoulder. Rich laughed and mumbled something incoherent into his ear, smiling. It wasn’t like Michael was staring at the couple on purpose, he just couldn’t help but imagine Jeremy and him in the same situation, and he imagined he’d bring his hand up to the nape of Jeremy’s neck and play with the errant curls, laughing lightheartedly at Jeremy’s plight and certain of where he stood.

He was lost in his unattainable dream when a certain short and bubbly Christine bounced into the circle with a glint in her eye.

“Alright who here is free on Thanksgiving break?”

“Don’t we have, like, three days off?” Chloe looked up from her phone for once.

“We’ve got the whole week, dumbass.” Rich scoffed, pulling away from Jake.

“Rich, you got a problem?”

“Only teasing.”

Chloe hummed. Christine eyed the two, wary, before launching into her plan.

“So there’s either, like, five days before Thanksgiving or three days after— and you guys please tell me your parents don’t need you so we can do the five days— where we’re free, we’re on break. So, I was thinking we could rent some VRBO cabin and all go up there for a friendsgiving! Me and Jeremy came up with this list of, like, ‘Things we’ve never done before, and—” It was here that Michael looked at Jeremy quizzically. Jeremy grinned, shrugged, and leaned his head briefly on Michael’s shoulder before picking it up again. Michael’s heart clenched. “—  renting a cabin with friends was up there. Then again, if any of you have benevolent gruncles who would be so kind as to lend us a cabin free of charge, we all wouldn’t have to pay one hundred and sixty-five dollars plus gas and food and whatever else for this cabin I found in Vermont. What do you say?”

“Oh hell yes!” Rich practically jumped towards Christine about to bear hug her when she ducked under his arms to avoid it, pushing Jake forwards until the couple fell into each other laughing.

“So Jake and Rich are in..” She noted, looking expectantly at the rest of the group.

****

“As long as I’m home by, like, three on Wednesday, I should be fine.” Michael offered, calculating the amount of time it would take for him to do his usual pre-Thanksgiving chores. “It sounds like a lot of fun!”

Jeremy, Chloe, and Jenna all voiced consent to the plan, and as the five-minute bell cut through the morning air, the group was left with reminders to ask for permission and scrounge up enough money to pay for their share of the cabin.

Michael beamed, throwing his backpack onto his chair in AP Gov. Although such constant proximity to Jeremy might just be torture (He could hardly stand Morning Jeremy’s dishevelled appearance on sleepovers, but to deal with it for nearly a week?) He was never the type to say no to exquisitely bad ideas when Jeremy was involved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> literally seeing ur comments made us freak out and I was just ailertfgh:Aerudfjn  
> thanks for coming to my tedtalk
> 
> that texting part with the worms and all- that came from a discord server im on from tumblr we had that convo one night and I just had to put in in heere ( obv tho its out of context and I cut a bunch of things out that related to the musical since it wouldn't make sense lmao)
> 
> update on the weird ass end of ch note Ive been talking about- fixed it :D
> 
> hope you enjoyed!!!


	9. Roadtrip!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The moment Jeremy was about to actually fall asleep, though, was the moment something flew to the back of the car and hit him on the head. It wasn’t anything heavy, just as if somebody threw crumpled paper or something. It made Jeremy flinch, but there was no way he was going to let it ruin this moment. He, instead, used it as an excuse to bury his head further into the crook of Michael’s neck, moving lethargically enough to pass for asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okkaayyy a few things to say (like every week lmao)
> 
> 1- this week got a little rough for me but by Thursday and today (Friday even thought its 12:30am on Saturday rn its not actually the next day for me until I goto sleep ok so that wont be until like 4am) it got a whole lot better and just phat shoutout to swear_it because she is an actual goddess and I love her so much and just WHY ARE YOU AMAZING E LIKE SERIOUSLY WTF IF WRONG W U  
> 2- HHNNNGGGGGG GUYS THE OBCR IS JUST- AND JASON TAMS NEW RIFF IS JUST- AND THE NEW INSTRUMENTALS ARE JUST- AND JUST- WHAT?  
> 3- so I found out that brooke x jenna isn't canon big sad. basically I wrote brooke x jenna into the plot bc at the preview I saw (feb 18) they were canon at the end and I was just *insert keyboard smash* but apparently they took that out for the official after opening so yeah.. its ok tho im keeping it bc it worked out w the whole fake dating sitch.  
> 4-SO GUESS WHOS A DUMBASS AND FORGOT ABOUT RICHIE BOYS LISP?! HAH. ITS ME. I had this realization earlier that we haven't been writing rich's lisp into the story so im like oh shit oh fuck so yeaH uh to keep the story consistant im just gonna keep writing how I have been but do know that Rich does still have a lisp in this universe! Just im not writing it bc im stoopid and forgot :I (im so so so sorry hhh)  
> 5- i'll get an email at school or something from ao3 and I open it and it says someone commented or left kudos and I send a ss to swear it and we both just sCREaM its hard to keep my composure while im at school hElp
> 
> ok I think that's over with...? kewl. aight enjoy yall.

Two weeks passed in a blur of highs— post-Halloween sugar highs, ‘Hell-yeah-I-got-an-A-on-that-fucking-test,-I-pulled-an-all-nighter-for-it,’ highs, and mostly highs that centered around Michael, the thrill of his eyes on a sliver of skin when Jeremy stretched, the adrenaline when his arm became anchored on the back of Jeremy’s chair, the rush of blood that threatened to topple him when Michael put his hand on the small of his back when he guided him through a busy lunchroom.

Though what comes up must come down, the two weeks were also fraught with lows. When Jeremy noticed he started letting the Squip take over on most schoolwork, and realized it was harder than he thought to pull his real knowledge into play, when he saw Michael’s face as the squip told him further and further to keep flirting with Chloe. Although it was getting hard to keep his behavior undercover (and honestly annoying), Jeremy had the chance to forget about _all_ of that by the next morning. Well, not all of it- Michael would still be there and so would all of his friends, thus making it actually harder if anything to keep the squip on the down-low.

The group decided that they would all be ready and outside of their houses by 6:30 am Friday morning to wait to be picked up. Brooke was taking her mom’s minivan, which was perfect since it seated nine people. Once everyone was picked up, they would indulge in their roughly eight hour journey, and hopefully make it to the VRBO place by hopefully at latest 3:30, (assuming they stopped for lunch,) giving them enough time to unpack, settle in, and make their way to the grocery store so they could make (or unfreeze, whichever one comes first) dinner.

Jeremy went about his usual nightly routine which consisted of showering, brushing his teeth, putting acne cream on (because at this point it seems like acne will haunt him till the end of time), and setting his alarm. He checked to make sure all of the stuff he planned on bringing with him was packed and ready by the door to his room before going to sleep. As he drifted into a dream, he could only think about how this trip was going to be one of the best trips he will have ever been on, or hell on earth.

 

* * *

 

Michael’s cursed alarm— a soothing acoustic cover of one of his favorite Rebelution songs— forced his eyes open at the ungodly hour of it-was-still-dark-outside, and groaning, he turned over and fumbled with his phone until he could turn the melody off. Burying his head into his pillow, his phone started chiming AGAIN, and he was really considering how he could have accidentally pressed snooze and fell asleep in what seemed to be thirty seconds, when he recognized the noise as Jeremy’s ringtone, and he shot up to answer the phone.

“Uhhhhnnnnngggg.”

“You awake bud?”

“Does it sound like I’m awake?”

“Nope.” Jeremy yawned into the phone.

“Asshole.”

“Well now you’re awake. You're welcome.” Beeping followed Jeremy’s voice, indicating he had hung up.

Well atleast the first voice he got to hear this morning was Jeremy's. Michael rolled out of bed (quite literally, considering he fell onto the floor, slamming into his nightstand on the way down which made his glasses fall onto him), and recovered on the floor while putting his glasses on. He sat up and stretched, his back popping from the movement. After a few more seconds of sitting on the floor and sleeping with his eyes open, he checked the time. _Shit._ Michael hopped up from where he was sitting and started rushing around the room. He threw the blankets onto his bed to call it ‘made’, and slid a pair of jeans on along with his hoodie. Right before he got a chance to get to the bathroom to do or even brush his hair he got another phone call. Assuming it was Jeremy, he grunted into the phone “Whaaaat do you waaaant.”

“Always a pleasure, Mr. Grumpy.” Brooke laughed.

“Oh sorry Brooke. I thought you were Jeremy.” Michael glanced around his room making sure he had everything he needed for the trip, then continued into the bathroom.

“No prob- we’re outside.”

“What?!” Looking into his bathroom, he realized it wouldn’t matter anyway because he forgot he packed his brush and gel in his bag already.

“Dude it’s 6:45 get your ass out here.” Michael heard Jake from a different spot in the car.

“Whatever.” He picked up his bag and shut his room lights off, hung up, and ran upstairs to say goodbye to his mothers. He got a ‘be safe’ from his mom and a ‘good luck’ from his mama. _Good luck?_ Michael laughed as he trotted down the stairs of the front porch. It was cold outside, but if anything it woke him up.

“You look ratchet.” Rich laughed at Michael, who definitely knew what his hair looked like. It was a tangled mess and standing up purely because of the knots.

Michael rolled his eyes and opened the trunk to put his bag in along with everyone else's, and found his seat in the back of the car. Not only was his seat in the back, but it was in the _very_ back, so that meant Rich had to move out of the way so they could put the seat down so he could crawl back there. “Why do I have to have the cursed seat?”

“Because all the other ones are taken. That, and we had a feeling you would rather sit next to Jeremy.” Brooke shifted the car into drive.

“So then why does Jeremy have the cursed seat?” Michael looked at Jeremy who sat next to him.

“Because I lost a bet.” Jeremy mumbled.

“And you’re a twig.” Chloe looked back at Jeremy.

“W-wait what.” Michael started laughing. “You- you lost a bet?”

“Mhm.” Now Jeremy just looked embarrassed.

“It was who could jump higher. He underestimated me.” Rich crossed his arms behind his head in victory.

“Look I thought I could do it, ok? I’d think at most he would be able to reach where I jumped to, not jump, like, a whole head higher. He's shorter than me, you know!” Jeremy said in defense.

“This boy is a leprechaun. Never underestimate the underestimated.” Jake patted Rich on the shoulder from the side where he was sitting.

Jeremy pouted and Michael gave another laugh, patting him on his legs.

“Alright folks. _Waze_ says seven hours and forty-five minutes.” Brooke mounted her phone to the air vent.

“LET'S DO THIS!!” Christine shouted, jumping up and down in her seat.

 

* * *

 

 

One and a half hours later found Jenna, Christine, and Jake asleep, Chloe ranting about some new celebrity mishap, and Michael and Rich trying to listen to their audiobook of _The Stranger_ because there was no way they were going to spend their Thanksgiving break reading a book required for school.

As if Jeremy could sleep. He was pretending to, as you do when your best friend turned crush sits next to you in the car ride and knows how cars put you to sleep. He listened to Michael and Rich argue about whether or not the timeline of the book makes any sense. Jeremy had already read the book, so he dozed on Michael’s shoulder and tried to ignore the noise. Michael was warm, comforting. He was so tempted to cuddle into Michael, curl into him with the excuse of sleep.

And what could stop him? He turned into Michael’s shoulder and felt him still. An involuntary hum escaped him, and he felt, haltingly, Michael’s hand settle in his hair, keeping him there and tugging the curls at the base of his head. Jeremy had taken his seatbelt off right before he went to ‘sleep’, so he basically had freedom to lay however he wanted to. He wrapped one of his arms around Michael’s torso and the other behind his back. The motion turned into a sort of side hug, but leaning on Michael the way he was would be enough to send Jeremy to sleep.

The moment Jeremy was about to actually fall asleep, though, was the moment something flew to the back of the car and hit him on the head. It wasn’t anything heavy, just as if somebody threw crumpled paper or something. It made Jeremy flinch, but there was no way he was going to let it ruin this moment. He, instead, used it as an excuse to bury his head further into the crook of Michael’s neck, moving lethargically enough to pass for asleep.

“Pffft.” Jake was halfway wheezing in the seat in front of Jeremy. He must have woken up when Chloe and Brooke almost blew the car speakers by accident when they connected Brooke’s phone to the aux, not realizing it was on full volume.

“Stupid! Jeremy’s asleep leave him alone!” Michael barely reached over a whisper. Jeremy could feel Michael’s hand leave his hair and _oh, he was going to fucking kill Jake the first chance he got_.

“Oh I'm sorry, did I bug you and your boyfriend’s snuggle sesh?” Jake laughed, finally able to breathe clearly to speak.

“H-how do you think this is the funniest thing in the century? And no I told you he isn't my-” Michael jostled, it felt like he threw something. “Boyfriend.” That hurt. He knew it was true, and couldn’t deny the thrill he got from his friends referring to the two as boyfriends, but to hear him deny it outright, whereas Jeremy always laughed it off, doused a portion of the flame of hope that seemed to burn brighter in Jeremy every day.

“Yeah Jeremy and Michael aren’t dating.” Chloe shrugged from where she was sitting in the front seat, and Jeremy felt Michael get tense.

Christine giggled from the bucket seat, groggily saying, “C’mon Jake, let Jeremy sleep.”

“Yeah Jaaaaaake.” Rich teased.

“Ok is this like, make fun of Jake time or what?” Jake crumpled a paper up, still laughing a bit.

“Just don't throw that cursed paper up here or I swear-” Brooke whined.

“Yes mom.” Jake threw the ball towards the front of the car, causing Brooke to swerve a bit, waking up Jenna.

“Jake!” Brooke threw the paper back over her shoulder aggressively, but all it did was end up somehow hitting Jeremy in the head again. He buried his face even further into Michael.

“Guys!” Michael whisper-yelled, but didn’t move, and brought his hand back up onto Jeremy’s head, which, _score_

“Ok, ok, fine. But you’ve gotta admit that was a pretty sick paper airplane if I may say so myself.” Jake took the crumpled ball from Michaels hand and shoved it to the bottom of his bag.

Michael had let himself sink into the seat and his fingers began to card through Jeremy’s hair again. Eventually, Jeremy actually fell asleep. At least he only had about six and a half hours left in the car.

 

* * *

****

It felt like his lungs were crushing him. He was staring at an empty school hallway, looking for something. His feet stopped short in front of a locker as he turned to it. He opened it without a problem, somehow knowing the code. A box of women’s running shoes sat there, calling for him. As he picked it up, the ghost of a hand guided him to open it. Inside there was anywhere from hundreds to thousands of small, grey pills. Jeremy thought he knew what would happen next, but  was surprised to turn around and see instead of an empty hallway, it was a hallway filled with familiar faces.

 _Where have I seen them..?_ Then, it clicked. They were all students from Middleborough. They stared at Jeremy, their eyes dull, but if he were to look closely, he could see vibrant blue streaks in them. They were all talking at once, repeating a code— some series of ones and zeros. Jeremy searched the crowd, looking for anyone he may know. There: he spotted Jake. He tried to run towards him, but the minute he took his first step, Jake looked over to him the same way the others were. Jenna could be seen near the front, but the same thing happened. Then Chloe, Brooke, even Rich was there. Scanning the crowd for anyone else, he saw Christine. She was making direct eye contact with him, her face expressionless.

Jeremy went to take another step forward, but the crowd started to close in on him, pushing him back into the lockers. _Just fight through the crowd._ He would have, but his feet were stuck. He couldn’t move them. The crushing feeling grew more and more until it hurt to breathe, and Jeremy looked around the hallway frantically for anything. Anything or anyone. Suddenly, he was able to move again, but only in one direction. Jeremy would take anything he could get, so he got to shoving and pushing people out of his way, trying to escape this nightmare. In all of the dull colors, Jeremy saw red. A figure wearing red stood at the end of the hallway. Jeremy knew Michael’s figure all too well. Now, he was racing towards Michael, desperate for somebody to save him. He trusted Michael. He knew Michael. He _loved_ Michael. Jeremy tried to call out to him but he didn't hear.

Jeremy attacked Michael with a hug, hiding himself from the crowd behind them. Tears spilled out of his eyes as he hugged Michael harder, but it didn’t feel right. Nothing about this felt right. Jeremy looked up at Michael, but instead of seeing the same inviting, soft, brown eyes that he always saw, he saw bright blue. Almost teal blue eyes were staring back at him, but unlike the others, Michael wasn’t smiling. He stared through Jeremy, a tear escaping. “M-Michael?” Michael’s gaze switched from looking through Jeremy to looking directly at him. Right into his soul.

“Why?” His words echoed around him. “Why even pretend to be my friend when you and I were never friends in the first place?”

****

Jeremy gasped, sitting upright. _A dream._ He took a second to catch his breath. _It was just a dream._ He was back in the car. Back in the back seat with all of his friends, and everything was ok. Everyone was safe.

“Woah, you ok?” Michael looked concerned as he stared at Jeremy, who was oblivious of how loud he might have been.

“Hm?” Jeremy turned his head to look at Michael. He was still breathing heavily so he tried to calm himself down. “Ah- uh” Jeremy brought a hand to his face to wipe the sleep from his eyes. “Yeah.”

“Hope you slept well, sleeping beauty!” Rich yelled from where he was sitting, even though he was just three feet away from him.

“Are you ok Jer?” Christine nervously laughed, looking back to see Jeremy.

“Yeah I’m fine.” No, he really wasn’t, but it didn’t mean couldn’t forget about a stupid nightmare. “Why do you guys keep asking?” Jeremy scrunched his eyebrows together in confusion. Was he talking in his sleep? Or was he maybe really loud?

“Bro, it was all peaceful and quiet back there and suddenly you just-” Jake made a motion that looked like he was lunging forward. “And your eyes like, popped out of your head.”

“Nice presentation.” Snorted Jenna.

“I try my best.” Jake sarcastically winked back.

“You were also, like, hyperventilating for a second right before you woke up,” Michael was a bit quieter than the others since he was sitting right next to Jeremy.

“No no I’m ok.” Jeremy was going to stop there after laughing, but got a few more concerned looks from the others. “Guys it was just a nightmare…” He was going to say chill, but just felt awkward about saying it after that dream. “Calm down.”

“Oooh.” Jake went back on his phone.

“Should've just lead there” Christine laughed, settling back into her seat.

Jeremy looked out the window. The scenery passing by was (thankfully) enough to calm him down. They must have turned off of the freeway, because now instead of concrete walls and cars surrounding them, it was trees and sidewalks. Each tree they passed by had turned to brown, orange, and red, and there were a few kids drawing in chalk on the sidewalk under the trees. It was nice.

**Your fascination with trees entices me.**

Jeremy jumped. The squip’s voice was not something he wanted to hear right now. Jeremy looked over and saw Michael looking at him, so he gave a small “I’m ok,” to reassure him.

 _What do you mean fascination?_ Jeremy turned back to the window, resting his elbow on the car door and his head on his hand.

**I simply mean that I notice your heart rate lowers when you think about them.**

_It’s not my fault that fall is my favorite season._

“Rich, what are you doing?” Jenna turned around to see Rich, who was looking for something on the floor.

“Looking for my wallet.”

“Kay but why?”

“Gas station stop.” Rich stopped and looked at Jenna. “Duh.”

“Wait, how long was I sleeping for?” Jeremy realized that he probably was asleep for longer than he thought.

“It's 9:45” Christine called from her seat, bending over and picking up a duct tape wallet from the floor to hand to Rich.

“Uh 9:47 thank you very much.” Jake corrected her.

“Riiiight. Uh, so why are we making a gas station stop this early?” Jeremy yawned.

“Because _someone_ forgot to check to see if the tank was full.” Chloe patted the arm of Brooke’s seat.

“I get it. I forgot. Sue me.” Brooke sighed.

“Never. It means we are stopping for breakfast because somebody,” Chloe shot a pointed look at Michael, Rich, and Christine, “didn’t have breakfast and we stan adequate nutrition.”

The three called out apparently looked bashful enough to satisfy her, and she continued. “That being said. Who here forgot to eat solid food?”

Brooke, Jeremy, and Jake raised their hands, and after being subjected to Chloe’s withering glare, joined the group in deciding where to stop.

“IHOP.”

“Hell no, I found a bug in my whipped cream there last time.”

“Ew.”

“I know. Hell no.”

“Denny’s.”

“Even worse.”

“Ok well you can decide while I fill the car.” Brooke had pulled into a gas station and got out of the car. It looked like it felt good to stretch, so Jeremy was debating whether or not to just go into the station to look around.

“I don't care anymore. See ya, losers.” Rich jumped out of the van and bolted for the inside of the station.

“Does that say…” Michael looked over to the sign above the automatic doors.

“Michael no-”

“SEVEN ELEVEN?” Michael jumped over the seats in front of them to get out of the car.

“MICHAEL.” Jeremy chased after Michael, not even caring that he’s pretty sure he stuck his foot in Jake’s face while struggling to climb out of the car. _Oh well. That’s my payback I guess._

Michael bolted through the doors and stopped once he had stepped inside. “This. This right here is beauty in its purest form.” He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, stretching his arms out to over exaggerate.

“Dude-”

“waIT.” Michael started to run again but this time towards the back of the store where the slushie machines were. “This.” He started to fake cry. “This is God's creation.”

“Oh. My god.” Jeremy facepalmed as he whined. “Stoooop you’re so embarrassing.” He went to push Michael’s arms back to his sides, but Michael refused. “Mike you look like you’re t-posing on the slushies.”

Michael ignored what Jeremy was saying. “You wanna know why seven elevens are blessings outside of Red Bank, Jeremy?”

“Because you aren't ban-”

“Because i’m not banned from serving my own slushie. I don't look like a toddler needing help to pour my own slushie.”

“That's your own fault let's be real.”

“Look. Im sorry it was free slushie day and they didn’t specify that you can't use a fish tank, ok? They were refusing me of service and I had _every right_ to go down with that slushie machine. This is why I won in court and didn’t have to pay for damages.” Michael finally put his arms down, crossing them instead. “I’m getting one.”

“It's 10am why the fuck would you get a slushie this early.”

“Because I-” Michael pulled three dollars from his wallet. “Can.”

After paying for a cup, Jeremy followed Michael back over to the slushie machine, oblivious to what Rich was doing by the cashier. Michael stood for a second in front of the slushies in all of their glory until finally choosing to mix cherry and blue raspberry. “What the fuck?” Jeremy gasped at the now purple mixture in Michael’s cup.

“The best of both worlds.” Michael turned around, poking his straw into the top of the cup.

“ _You mix it all together~_ ” Jeremy mumbled the words to the Hannah Montana theme song until Michael nudged him.

 **Grab another straw**. The Squip appeared behind Jeremy and Michael back where the straws were.

Before asking, Jeremy went to get the straw anyway since the Squip had told him to, but he was still curious. _Kay but why?_

**Share with him.**

_But we share straws all the time._

**Trust me. Keep that straw.**

Jeremy did as he was told and caught up with Michael who was already nearly at the car. He unwrapped his straw and stuck it in the drink while saying, “Let me have some at least.”

“We always share straws? What’s with the second one?” Michael laughed as Jeremy went in for a sip.

“Uh..”

**You accidentally grabbed one. Say yours will be the taller one and his will be the shorter one.**

“I accidentally grabbed one thinking you didn’t get one yet. Here, mine will be the taller one and yours can be the shorter one.” Jeremy rearranged the straws so that Michael’s stood taller.

“What? Why does _mine_ have to be the shorter one?” Michael made it so that now his straw was taller.

“Because you’re the taller one so you get to be short for once!” Jeremy readjusted the straws again.

“Yeah, by like, three inches”

“Then your straw should be three inches shorter than mine.”

“Wha- you know, nevermind.” Michael laughed in defeat, patting Jeremy on the back and continuing to walk towards the car.

After a couple of minutes waiting in the car, Rich finally got back into his seat.

“Where did you go?” Christine looked at Rich suspiciously.

“Mmmmmmm nowhere.” He continued to fumbled with his wallet.

“Rich.” Brooke, Jenna, and Christine looked at Rich. If anything coming from those three girls were to be considered deadly, it would be their glares.

“Fine! I just went inside to get some.. Uh.. beef jerky.”

Jake turned his head away from Rich. Chloe rolled her eyes and went back onto her phone. They both were smiling, but Jeremy had no idea why.

“Why the hell are you hiding the fact you got some beef jerky?” Brooke glanced between Chloe and Rich.

“I… uh… didn't want to share it!”

Jake let a laugh escape from him.

“.. suuuuure.” Brooke turned back around in her seat and started to pull out of the gas station.

“So where are we eating?” Jeremy broke the silence.

“Oh uh, ask Christine. She said she found a place that was close to us.”

Jeremy looked at Christine.

“Ok so this was the best I could find that was anywhere near us- The Blue Colony Diner.” She pulled directions out on her phone to give to Brooke.

“Sounds revolutionary.” Michael chimed in.

“Or I mean, we could go to this supermarket that's just a little further away for Jeremy.” Jake was trying not to burst into laughter.

“Oh my g- what.” Jeremy leaned over the seat to see what was on Jake’s phone.

“Westville kosher supermarket.” Jake wheezed.

“Is he ok?” Jenna turned around to look at a bright red Jake.

“Dude it’s not even that funny.” Michael laughed a bit at Jake.

“I kno- it's jusss” Jake tried to calm down.

“He’s only ever like that when he keeps secrets.” Jenna rolled her eyes and sat back in her seat.

“Jake what’d you do.” Brooke called from the front seat.

“He did nothing.” Rich eyed Jake.

“Im sure he didn’t do anything.” Chloe took a deep breath.

“Look can we just get food? I’m starving.” Christine whined from her seat.

“Yeah. My slushie is getting downed by Jeremy.” Michael looked over at Jeremy who stopped mid sip and looked up at him.

“Mm.” Jeremy swallowed the slushie in his mouth. “You have a straw too!”

“Why are you eating a slushie for breakfast?” Jenna asked.

“Uh drinking,” Michael corrected, “And slushies are 25/8”

“Don’t you mean 24/7-” Jeremy got cut off.

“25/8.” Michael deadpanned.

Jeremy shrugged and gave a small laugh, going to take another sip. He didn’t realize Michael was doing the same and the minute they both reached their straws, Brooke hit a bump and they collided heads.

“OW” They both recoiled and grabbed their head where they got hit before bursting into laughter.

“Sorry about that!” Brooke giggled.

 **Hm.** The squip appeared in the one empty seat that was between Rich and Jake, in front of him and Michael.

Jeremy let Michael take a sip first. _What?_

**Why do humans laugh after being injured? I understand that the majority of the time it is to recover from a form of embarrassment, but other times when the person is not in a situation where they would be embarrassed, they would laugh.**

_I mean if we didn’t laugh then we would think each other was actually hurt even though we weren't and then it would just get all awkward._ Speaking of awkward, Jeremy did not want to talk to the Squip right now. His dream had set him off, and now it felt almost… scary to talk to it.

 **Human emotions are definitely an interesting concept.** It hummed.

Jeremy didn’t realize it, but he had scooted closer to Michael. They were close enough in the first place, being cramped in the very back and all, but now they were touching thigh to thigh.

“Are uh.. Are you good?” Michael was pointing his slushie at Jeremy with a weird expression on his face.

**Avoid conversation.**

Jeremy froze for a few seconds before lunging at the slushie and almost downing it. He started to slow his sips as he looked up at Michael and waited for someone to do something before it got any less awkward, but it didn’t work. He got a brain freeze and his eye started to twitch. The static he used to hear was suddenly extremely loud in his head. After a few seconds, it disappeared.

**You are an idiot.**

_You told me to avoid conversation how the hell am I gonna do that without ignoring him?_

**You don’t not ignore him. He would have thought you were spacing out.**

_Then he would get suspicious._

**You do it all the time** _._

_What? No i don't._

**Yes, you do. You just never realize it because you are talking to me.**

_I’m not talking to you, you're the one talking to me._

**I am not going to argue about your stupidity and inability to multitask.**

_I can multitask fine on my own thank you very much!_

**Then explain to me why it looks like you swallowing a straw and staring off into space to Michael.**

_Wha-_

“Jeremy..?” Michael leaned back a little bit, looking at how Jeremy’s straw is almost completely in his mouth.

“Mhm.” Jeremy squeaked.

“W-why are you deep throating my straw?” Michael started to get a little high pitched as well. Luckily for the both of them, no one else could hear since they were blasting some meme music— The Soviet National Anthem—  through the speakers.

Jeremy coughed, removing the straw from his mouth. “I'm not?”

“That entire fucking thing was in your mouth.” Michael’s cheeks started to turn red.

“No, like, i mean that this isn’t your straw.”

“No, it is. Look.” Michael pointed to the straw that was actually Jeremys. He could tell it was his since Jeremy had the habit of chewing on his straw and Michael didn’t.

Jeremy held the straw that was just halfway down his throat. “Uh.” His cheeks felt _hot_.

They were both silent for a few seconds until Jeremy put the straw back into the drink and turned in his seat to face forwards.

**What’d I say?**

_Jeez ok fine you don’t have to rub it in._

**Posture.**

_Huh?_ Suddenly, Jeremy felt a shock, he immediately straightened his back and put his shoulders back. _What the fuck?_

 **You were slouching.** The squip disappeared from where it was sitting, and Jeremy gave a huff leaning back into his seat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw this is when I added the "help swear_it is yelling at me for putting angst in fluff arcs" tag bc I was sorta just writing and then all of a sudden im like 'hey what if I just decide to ABSOLUTELY DESTROY JEREMY BUT SINCE I CANT IRL [irl storywise] LETS DO IT IN A DREAM" and now... yeah... and then easter sunday rolled around and I just was like 'what if we killed everyone' and I kept writing 'and then they drowned' and swear_it was just like nO so now Im writing a pure angst oneshot that I can go back to whenever I feel the urge to kill a character hhhhhhhhh (im ok I promise)
> 
> srry for the rambling but hope you enjoyed!


	10. Just calm down, will ya?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael was the first to sit down on the bed, then Jeremy. As they shut their lamps off and finished looking through their notifications for the night, Michael could have sworn he saw Jeremy flinch back from his peripheral vision, but then again it was dark and he could be seeing things, so Michael settled with the fact that he probably was just going crazy.  
> The room was dark and silence filled the air. Having the two of them in the same bed and not leaning on one another felt weird. They were a good distance away from each other, and neither one of them moved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oH MY GOD IM NOT POSTING LIKE 12 MINUTES AFTER MIDNIGHT!?!   
> smh last night my computer ended up dying on my so i couldnt post-- sorry for the late chapter!  
> and welcome to the friendsgiving arc! oh boy we are still writing for this so you guys are probably gonna have a few chapters while they are at the cabin..  
> fun fact: this cabin actually does exist! (so does the restraunt lajhflaiuh) we were looking on vrbo and thought how we had to use this cabin bc it was perfect sksksk. the only change we made was that there's now a room that shares two twins instead of one twin alone in a room and the other twin up in the loft.  
> enjoy ;3

Michael was trying really hard not to think about Jeremy and his straw. Because honestly, what in the name of all that’s banned from Seven-Eleven just happened? Michael was bright red as he stared at his straw that sat in the slushie. Jeremy  _ really _ just flat out almost swallowed his straw.  _ How fucking big is his mouth? Jesus.  _ If Jeremy was able to really go that deep with the straw then how deep could he-  _ Nope. Nope nope nope. Nope. Nuh uh. No. Nada.  _ Michael was pretty sure he looked like a tomato now as he turned to look out his window and lean as far away as he could from Jeremy. 

At least they had drinken the majority of his slushie. Or at least, Jeremy had drinken the majority of his slushie. Not a complete waste of three dollars.

As it were, they pulled up to a retro-looking diner, appropriately named the Blue Colony Diner, as it was a long building with a blue and white exterior. It didn’t look terrible, per say, but it definitely wasn’t the most impressive exterior Michael had ever seen. The minivan pulled into a spot three rows away from the front of the diner,  and the group of teenagers then ascended the steps on the side that led to the foyer of the restaurant. 

The inside wasn’t remarkable, with standard brown chairs and brown tables, a counter near the back piled high with saran-wrapped pastries, sticky menus, and laminated cursive placards, and a rather ugly black and red carpet. It wasn’t very busy, despite the time being around lunch. 

It didn’t smell necessarily  _ bad _ in here, but it didn’t smell good either. It was just a bit of something that could be smelled from the kitchen getting washed away from the breeze outside. 

Christine had asked the host for a table and they were led to a round table that had just enough seats to fit everyone, but barely enough room. Michael and Jeremy were sitting across from each other, both knowing it would be a little awkward to sit next to one another. 

As each of them ordered their own meal and received their waters, the group fell into a casual chatter, just like they do during lunch at school. 

They were talking about what they could do at the cabin, activities around them that were fairly cheap, what they should eat and who should cook it- mainly all just things they probably should have planned out before leaving but the didn’t. 

Michael looked across the table at Jeremy, who was absent mindedly stirring around his water with his straw while staring into space. He looked almost tired. Not literally (even though the whole group knew he had an unhealthy sleep schedule), but mentally. There was a look on his face that said a mixture of ‘I need more sleep’, ‘Go away’, ‘I’m really excited to be here’, and ‘I need to stay awake’. It was oddly specific, but it consisted of a vacancy in his eyes with just with his mouth opened a little and his eyebrows barely raised. Maybe it was because of the slushie incident..? Suddenly, Michael watched as Jeremy abruptly sat up and called himself to attention, his knee hitting the bottom of the table. His shoulders were pushed back, giving him a nice posture.  _ Ok, that was weird.  _

“Space out there or what?” Jake started laughing, and soon so did everyone else. Well, everyone but Michael, who just narrowed his eyes and put on a fake smile hoping nobody would notice. 

“Ahah- yeah. Sorry I guess i’m still tired from my nap earlier.” Jeremy laughed too, but it was fake. Clearly fake. If Michael couldn’t differentiate Jeremy’s fake laugh from his real one, what kind of boyf- what kind of friend would he be? 

“Valid. I’m exhausted. You’re all lucky you get to sleep.” Brooke whined and put her head down on the table. 

“We can trade if you want?” Jenna put her hand on the small of Brooke’s back, moving it in soothing circles. 

“It’s ok.” She hummed, whipping her head up. “Besides the only person here I trust with driving my moms car is Michael, and I don’t wanna make him suffer like I am.”

Michael pulled his attention away from Jeremy after hearing his name get called. 

“Wait what?” 

“Brooke needs sleep and you’re the only person here who can drive.” Chloe summed it up. 

“Oh.” Michael thought about how he would lose his seat next to Jeremy until he realized how solemn his response was to Chloe. “Oh!”  _ There we go, that’s nicer.  _ “Sure, I’d love to drive.”  _ Wait no don’t be that nice. _

“Seriously?” Brooke immediately perked up. “You’d be ok with that?”

Welp, too deep in to say no now. “Of course.” 

“That’s amazing! I can sleep! So then you and Jeremy can switch with Chloe and I, and then Chloe and Jenna can switch!” Brooke got more and more excited about the fact that she would be able to get some rest. 

“What? No. There’s no way I’m moving from the front seat.” Chloe crossed her arms. 

“Well duh you have to. Apparently Michael and Jeremy  _ need  _ to sit next to each other.” Brooke put her hands on the table. 

“Too bad! You know I get carsick if i’m not in the front.” 

“Ugh. Fine. Is that ok Michael?”

“I- Uhh. Ask Jeremy? I mean I really..” How should he phrase this? “Am down for whatever’s easiest.” A bit too vague for his liking, but alas. Michael glanced back at Jeremy, who was now messing with his phone under the table.

“Jere?” Michael noticed his head snapping up.

“Huh?”

“Do you want to sit next to me in the front? I’ll be driving for the next leg.”

“Yes.” Michael was surprised by Jeremy’s abrupt answer—  _ I guess it’s not that awkward, then? I could be reading into things too much. _

“Sounds good. Sorry Chloe.” He said, grinning.

“You aren’t sorry at all.” She retorted.

“Guilty as charged.”

Five minutes and a shift in conversation later, a short waiter approached their table with five or six plates, handing out Christine’s “Hungry Man” breakfast, (consisting of three ‘fresh’ eggs with bacon and ham and sausage), Jeremy’s Toasted Jumbo Bagel with Nova Scotia Lox (which earned him several looks from the rest of the group,) Chloe’s “3 Egg California Omelette with  Avocado, Mushrooms, and Cheddar Cheese,” Rich’s “3 Egg Russian Omelette with Sausage, Broccoli, and Cheddar Cheese” and Bourbon (which he surprisingly didn’t get carded for,) and Jake’s Banana pancakes. Finally, she set Michael’s Egg Combo with 4 Silver Dollar Pancakes in front of him and the result was.. Underwhelming.

Before him sat two sad, sad fried eggs, lacking in the sizzling browning of butter, a plain expanse of watery whites (ew) and a half-done yolk. He doubted any amount of salt and pepper, even hot sauce, could make up for the mess that were his eggs, so he pushed them to the side along with with the top pancake that was wet with egg white.

“Jere, dear, I’m going to need you to pass the syrup.” He said, looking down at the dry pancake in front of him. Hopefully a healthy douse of maple syrup could save them— he paid $7.49 for this goddamn breakfast, so if he didn’t eat any of it, not only would Chloe be upset with him, he would be upset at the truly terrible financial decision that the Blue Colony Diner would turn out to be. Jeremy seemed to be taking an awfully long time with syrup-passing; really, the table wasn’t that big, until he looked up to see Jeremy’s eyes glazed over with a furious blush on his face.

“Jeremy? You okay?” He asked. Jeremy’s eyes locked on Michael’s. 

“I- yeah. Syrup?” His voice sounded weak. Michael nodded, confused, and was passed the silver jar. Whilst drowning his pancakes, he looked up, noticing the entire table had gone silent.

“Uh.” Chloe almost dropped a piece of her omelette.

“What?”

“You just called Jeremy-” Immediately, Jenna’s eyes widened and she clapped her hand over Chloe’s mouth, whispering, loudly enough so he could hear, (she was a shit whisperer,)

“He didn’t realize. Don’t embarrass him.”

“Oh.” Chloe exhaled, looking at him like a deer in headlights. Michael reviewed what he had just done. He had been sorely disappointed by an “Egg Combo,” he had called Jeremy ‘dear’ while asking him to pass syrup-

Oh shit.

“Oh, I accidentally called Jeremy ‘Dear.’ Is that what this is about?” He asked. Jenna nodded. “Oh, you see it’s really not a big deal, you know, just.. I mean my Mom says it to my Mam—” DO NOT SAY THAT. THAT WILL MAKE IT WORSE. He coughed. “My Mom says it, just like a lot. I guess I spent too much time with her last night?” 

“Dude you were on facetime with me last night.” Rich outed him.

“Yeah but like, after you left.”

“You literally fell asleep on facetime.”

“But then I woke up.”

“It was three in the morning.”

Michael decided the best course of action was a death glare at Rich, followed by an abrupt change in conversation. Swallowing a mouthful of saturated pancake so he’d have choking as an excuse for his red face, he asked, “How’s everyone’s food?”

Silence for a moment, then Jenna seemed to understand what he was trying to do.

“Truly terrible.” The group laughed.

“A disaster.”

“I’d rather eat cardboard. At least it wouldn’t be wet.”

“I feel like we  _ are _ eating cardboard.” Rich was about to take a drink of his concoction until Jake stopped him.

“...Rich?”

Rich froze. “Yes Jakey-poo?” 

“I- what is that?”

“Mmmmmm-nothing, Jakey-poo.”

“You only call me ‘Jakey-poo’ when you’ve done something that I don’t know about.”

“No I don’t, Jakey-poo.”

“Then let me have a sip.”

Rich chugged the rest of the amber liquid in the short glass while making direct eye contact with Jake, set the glass down, and let out a satisfied sigh. Jake looked at him for a beat, then pulled him in for a kiss. Rich relaxed into it until-

“I knew it!” He shouted, pulling back. “You seriously ordered.. Is that whiskey?”

“Bourbon.”

“How did you not get carded?”

Rich shrugged with a smile on his face.

“Oh my god, speaking of— Michael please for the love of all things normal in our life, do  _ not _ let Rich choose the music in the car.” Jenna looked like she was dead serious. “Actually, lets just not play  _ any _ music.” 

“Spoilsport.” Rich taunted. Michael grinned. 

“I can’t promise no music, but I can be sure to deny Rich all privileges.” He said, smug.

****

Conversation ebbed and flowed around their sorely disappointing breakfast, and by the time forty-five minutes had passed, everyone had eaten all that they were going to, so they hastily paid the bill and left.

“I swear,” Jeremy said, seeming to have regained his voice, “That place was like Denny’s weird older twice removed cousin who no one wants at the family reunion.” 

“It’s like, Denny’s keeps it a secret because it’s that bad.”

“Let’s not go there on the way back?” Chloe suggested, met with enthusiastically somber nods. 

“Keys?” Michael tried to open the car door even though it was locked. 

“Oh! Whoops.” Brooke tossed the keys over to Michael (which he failed to catch) and he unlocked the car for everyone to get in. 

A brief reconvene of seats was in order, but once sorted out, they took to driving on the freeway again, with music suggestions that consisted mostly of assorted showtunes (thanks, Christine.)

With the passage of four hours and a not shitty lunch, they pulled down an unpaved road. Everyone started to get excited and look out the windows to see what would be around them for the next five days. They passed a small market and a mini gas station until all they were surrounded by was trees and the occasional dirt driveway to different homes. 

As they pulled up to the house, seatbelts were unbuckled and Jenna woke Brooke up from her nap. 

“Holy shit Christine this is-“ Jenna looked at the cabin in wonder. 

“Small!” Rich whipped open the car door. 

“Dude it’s not small at all just the front is.” Jake climbed out after him. 

“I was gonna say charming! What did you expect?” Jenna asked as Rich shrugged in response. 

The cabin really was cute. It had a gravel driveway on the left with a small set of stairs that led onto a porch which had stacks of chopped wood the owners had left for them for a fire. The entire cabin was made completely of wood, just like you would’ve seen in a fairytale. Another front door was on the same side of the cabin as the stairs were that led up onto the porch.

Before they started to unload the car, the group ran inside to claim rooms, but Christine stopped them. 

“Woah woah woah!”

The group stopped in response. “Before you go in and wreck the place,” She specifically looked at Rich, who was smiling deviously. “I’ve already planned who’s sleeping with who.”

“Wait what do you mean ‘who’s sleeping with who’?” Michael asked cautiously. 

“Well, the cabin has two bedrooms with one bed, a loft with one bed, and another bedroom with two singles.” Christine explained the situation. “Brooke and Jenna will get one bed, Rich and Jake gets another, Michael and Jeremy will get another, and then Chloe and I will get the singles since we are the loners in the group.” 

“Wait.. whAt?” Jeremy’s voice cracked. “But- We- We’re not-“

“No shiz dumbo. You and Michael mentioned how you nap together all the time so I thought it’d be obvious you two would be ok sleeping together.”

Michael knew he mentioned how he napped with Jeremy before (specifically on a cursed group chat,) but Jeremy? Has he mentioned they nap together? When? Was there maybe another group chat? Was Michael reading too much into this? “Oh. ok.” He let out a small noise. 

Christine slowly backed into the doorway of the house while the rest of the group stayed in their same frozen spots. “But now that i’ve explained…” She unlocked the door of the house and ran inside yelling behind her, “I CALL DIBS ON THE BETTER BED, CHLOE.” 

Chloe gasped and bolted after Christine, yelling “NO!”

The rest of the group followed the girls inside of the house, not knowing in even the slightest bit where to go. 

“Okay we call not the loft.” Michael announced, pointedly looking at Jenna and Brooke. 

“Fuck.” Mumbled Brooke, before getting smacked on the head by Jenna.

“I bet the loft is even better. Plus— stairs slash a ladder.” She pointed out, guiding Brooke away from Jeremy and Michael, and shooting a furtive middle finger at them on the way out.

Rich and Jake were already off somewhere else, leaving Michael alone with Jeremy. The two just stood there awkwardly until Michael said something. “So… wanna find a room?”  _ Wait no that sounds weird.  _ “Uh. I mean like. Wanna find the leftover bedroom?”

“Uh. Sure.” 

The two walked around the cabin for a bit, taking note of where the bathrooms were, storage closets, the ‘Welcome, Guests!’ binder on the counter in the kitchen that most likely had all of the information they needed for the next couple of days here, and where the stairs were that led up and into the loft. After a few wrong turns and an unfortunate eyeful of Rich and Jake getting acquainted with their room, the boys found their room. 

It was small with just barely enough room for the bed to fit. A sliding mirror door that acted as a closet stood on the same wall as the door, and a window on the opposite side. there was a throw rug on the floor between the foot of the bed and the wall so you could keep walking straight after entering the room and not walk on just the bare floor. Each side of the bed had a small and unstable nightstand that barely had enough room for a lamp to sit on it. 

Naturally, Michael took the right side of the bed while Jeremy took the left side. He set his phone down so there would be more room in his hands to carry in his bags and the groceries that they got after lunch. Five minutes of putting away their clothes passed, people came and went into their room to compare it to their own.

Jake was chasing Rich around the house and around the car outside like they were a pair of toddlers, except when Jake caught Rich instead of tackling him like a 5 year old would, he kissed him until Rich managed to wiggle away and tease Jake to chase after him again. At least they were enjoying themselves. 

Michael grabbed his bag and almost bumped into Jeremy on the way back inside. The two hadn’t talked much- if not then at all- after their disappointing breakfast earlier in the day. There was an awkward silence that hung in the air between them, yet Jeremy stood closer to Michael than he usually does. 

Once they finished unpacking, the group met in the living room to discuss how their week should go. Each pair sat next to each other (Jeremy was squished against Michael even though they had room on either side of them,) and Christine started pitching ideas. 

“First of all, we’ve gotta do something water related. This lake is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

“You’re absolutely insane.” Chloe told her. 

“What!?”

“Chris, I love you but I’m not lying when I say it’s literally 49 degrees outside right now.” Jeremy laughed. Him being the twig of the group, he’s always had trouble with staying warm, let alone getting warm. 

“Oh please. I told you all to pack a bathing suit. Besides- it’s not like you have to get  _ in _ the water! You can just paddle board or kayak!” She tried her best to sound optimistic. 

“Yeah and then try not to fall in.” Jeremy muttered. Michael bestowed a quick hair ruffle on Jeremy, deciding nothing like familiarity kills awkwardness. Jeremy swatted at him, before leaning further on his chest.  _ Nailed it. _

“Okay okay.” He conceded. “On one condition. If I fall in, Michael has to give me his red hoodie for the rest of the day.” Michael’s heart leapt. The thought of Jeremy in his hoodie was really something he did NOT want to think about— especially when he was trying his damndest to not show Jeremy he was in love with him.

“Fine.” Christine mumbled. Jeremy cheered.

“I swear that hoodie is the only warm thing that’s ever been made ever.” he said. Michael noticed he wasn’t looking at him, and the tip of his ear that Michael could see was bright red.  _ Shit.. does he have a fever? He doesn’t feel hot.. _

“Jere you ok?” Michael didn’t dare move. Jeremy was almost completely sitting on his lap and Jeremy is pretty much the human equivalent to a cat. 

“Yeah? Why you ask?” Jeremy gave him a confused look. The others were conversing among themselves. 

“Your face is just turning red is all.”

Jeremy widened his eyes a little bit and gave a high pitched “Oh.” before turning back around and announcing he had to go to the bathroom. 

_ Great fucking job.  _

****

* * *

****

Jeremy stood in the bathroom that was around the corner from the living room and stared at his obvious blush. 

The bathroom was cute; it had one log accent wall with a window, a wood framed mirror above the sink, and a shower with a pebble like floor. A stool (that also could be used as something to stand on to wash your hands if you were too short) sat in the corner. Jeremy walked over to it and sat down, putting his head in his hands. 

**I see you have decided to abandon the Chloe plan.**

_ Clearly.  _

**You’re moving in circles, Jeremy. If you ever want to get anywhere, you have to walk forward.**

The last part of what the Squip said sounded familiar. ‘If you ever want to get anywhere, you have to walk forward.’. After a few seconds, it clicked.  _ Why..? _

**You know that it’s true. There was no reason to not bring it up anyway. You listened to her, Jeremy.**

_ That’s a low blow. Don’t bring her into this.  _ Silence followed. He could hear the laughs of his friends who were in the living room. 

It was quiet for a few seconds before saying  **She has always been here.**

_ What’s that supposed to mean? _

**I mean that she has always been** **_here_ ** **.** The Squip put its finger on Jeremy’s head. It felt like a ghost touched him.  **In your head. Your memories. You have a piece of her that you don’t want to let go of. A piece of her that you still love.**

_ I don’t.  _ Jeremy started to pull at the end of his sleeves, which were already covering his hands. 

**Yes, you do. There is no denying it.**

_ Stop bringing her into this.  _

**I merely quoted her-**

_ I said stop bringing my mother into this.  _ Jeremy closed his eyes and took a breath before remembering why he came into the bathroom in the first place. That’s right- Jeremy was caught by Michael blushing while practically sitting in his lap.  _ Not good.  _

**No it’s actually very good.**

_ How in the world is that good? _

**If Michael becomes aware of your feelings for him and it just so happens that he reciprocates those feelings then-**

_ Woah woah woah. Reciprocate? There’s no possible way he does. No. Way. Plus, I don't even think he knows i’m bi. _

**I assure you, there is a 76.9% chance he does. Stop fidgeting.** Jeremy ignored the Squip and kept messing with his sleeve, too focused on the ‘76.9% chance’ that Michael liked him back. 

_ Wait so, Michael, my best friend for thirteen years. Michael who befriended me when we were five in first grade. Michael who has always had my back. The one who’s warm and comforting, and always has an open door for me and who always knows how to lighten the mood or make things better and has laugh lines because he smiles too much which could never be too much because his smile is beautiful and the guy who buys vintage stuff in the back of Spencer’s Gifts and who quite literally saved my life- OW!  _ Jeremy felt a pain in his hands as they flexed away from each other. The Squip looked angry, probably from Jeremy’s last statement.  _ THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR?! _

**I told you to stop fidgeting.** It shrugged.  **Yes. That Michael. Jeremy, you do not know any other Michaels.** It put a hand on his shoulder again, only this time it felt weird. Nostalgic, actually. That was the way his mom used to put her hand on his shoulder when they would take photos. Her thumb touching the top of his spine, and the rest of her fingers curling over his shoulder except for her pinky, which would be pointed away from the others. 

_ Stop with the mom shit.  _

**This is just how my hand happened to lan-**

_ Stop.  _

Silence followed again, but this time Jeremy took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He then walked out of the bathroom and back to the spot he was sitting in, except he sat next to Michael, not on him, and sat on his hands so he could keep himself from messing with them.

“Ok ok ok,” Brooke tried to catch her breath from laughing. “So you’re saying that you almost blew you’re microwave up!?”

“Sadly.” Jake shook his head in shame.

“So then I guess the only people here who we haven't asked know how to cook yet would be you two.” Chloe turned away from Jake and towards Michael and Jeremy.

“What?” Jeremy, having just arrived in the conversation, was definitely confused.

“Um.. I mean.” Michael shrugged. “I guess I know the basics? I'm not a phenomenal chef or anything, I just have some experience?”

“Oh, cooking? I burn water.” Jeremy caught on to what they were saying.

“How the fuck do you burn water?” Jake asked, not catching onto the joke.

“Great! So Michael can be our chef extraordinaire!” Christine cheered.

“Hold up- If i'm cooking this week then you guys have to take turns cleaning up. That includes dishes. Im not washing them this week.” 

“Ok thats fair.” Jenna said.

“Oh! We can take turns, so tonight it can be….” Christine looked around. “I can go tonight, actually!” She smiled.

“Damn. Christine taking the shot for us.” Rich joked.

“All hail our new queen!” Jake shouted, then followed with a bow. Rich mimicked him.

“Hey! What about your King? Im making dinner, ya know!” Michael laughed.

“All hail our new  _ queens _ ” Jake corrected himself.

****

* * *

****

After a late dinner, everyone decided that after their day of traveling and naps, they needed to sleep. People were in and out of the bathrooms, wandering around to find leftovers, and Brooke and Jenna were pretending to push each other off of the loft railing.

Michael walked into the bathroom that he and Jeremy shared and made eye contact as Jeremy had a toothbrush sticking halfway out his mouth. It had been awkward  _ once again _ after Michael had asked if Jeremy was ok earlier. They stood side by side brushing their teeth and would make eye contact with each other but when one of them was caught staring the other would look away.

They both went to spit into the sink at the same time and collided heads with each other. As they recoiled, the two looked at eachother, not knowing whether to laugh or say sorry, so they settled with neither and finished brushing their teeth.

Michael was the first to sit down on the bed, then Jeremy. As they shut their lamps off and finished looking through their notifications for the night, Michael could have sworn he saw Jeremy flinch back from his peripheral vision, but then again it was dark and he could be seeing things, so Michael settled with the fact that he probably was just going crazy.

The room was dark and silence filled the air. Having the two of them in the same bed and not leaning on one another felt weird. They were a good distance away from each other, and neither one of them moved.

“..no” Jeremy whispered, just loud enough for Michael to hear.

“Uh. What?” He responded at a normal volume. It wasn't like everyone was sleeping.

“What?” Jeremy did the same.

“You just said no?”

“No I didn’t”

“Now you’ve said it twice.”

“Well yeah-”

“So you did say no?”

“No?”

“Yes.”

“What?” Jeremy's last question hung in the air.

A minute passed before anyone said anything.

“Are we ok?” Michael asked.

“W-what?”

“I dunno. I mean it’s just been…” Michael thought about his words. “I dunno. Did I say something wrong?”

“Why would you say that?”

“Because it's just been awkward between us I guess?”

“Oh.” It got silent again.  _ Great. Now i’ve really fucked up _ .

“No. I dont think it’s awkward.” Jeremy stifled a yawn. “If I space out or if its quiet in random moments, sorry. I just- I’ve been doing that a lot lately.”

Michael snorted. “Yeah, no kidding. You froze mid bite earlier during dinner.”

“Dude I thought Rich was gonna freak out after I realized I spaced.” Jeremy laughed. _ At least the tension is lessening.  _

“You were staring right at him too.”

“The dinner was really good, by the way.”

“I'm glad you liked my mac n cheese with store bought rotisserie chicken.” Michael deadpanned.

“At least you didn’t burn the cheese?” Jeremy laughed again.

Yet another moment of silence passed between the two. The mere seconds felt like minutes, hours. Michael hummed and turned to face Jeremy. He was going to say something, but it slipped away from him as he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YES IM SO EXCITED TO POST THE FRIENDSGIVING PORTION IM ALIERFGHAL.IKRFGHJ  
> also-- when we were looking at the menu of the diner i saw the bagel with lox and I juSt hAd tO. Like,, Jeremy im sorry just- LOOK EVERYTIME I EAT A BAGEL AND IM W MY DAD HE ALWAYS GETS ONE W LOX AND JUST AHHHH NOW IM REMEMBERING TO BRING MY MANORAH BACK HOME FROM SCHOOL AND-   
> *ahem* anyway back to your regularly scheduled programming..  
> question:  
> are you guys liking how long the chapters are? I try to stay around 4-4.5k words but ik for some people it might feel a little too long? Just let me know if these lengths are ok and we can start splitting chapters in half skskkssksk  
> Have a great day! (or night, or sleep... idk man)


	11. A calm morning.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Michael?” Michael turned his head to find Jeremy, dressed in flannel pajama bottoms and a thin cotton shirt, standing barefoot near the kayaks on the dock.  
> “Jere? Why’re you up so early?” Michael rose from his seat.  
> Jeremy shrugged, starting to walk down the dock. “I could ask you the same thing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmmm i dont have much to say (for once) except for this is a bit of a shorter chapter, but all fluff! Well, all fluff once u get past the first part lol. u should be fine for the first part if you know bmc (which why else would u be heere but anYWAy)
> 
> I rlly let swear_it into her natural habitat heere. like, she thrived and made my heart melt. i love her. swear_it i luv u. u are good bean. *cough*best bean*cough* 
> 
> enjoy!

“That’s it! That’s it- Green mountain dew activates you, red shuts you off!” Jeremy took a few steps back, half in fear, and half getting ready to run.

**Why do you think we had it discontinued?! To get rid of me now you need a time machine to the 1990s!** It grinned.

“Or a friend that’s so old school he buys 90s soft drinks in the back room at Spencers gifts!” Jeremy took another step back, this time feeling more confident. He’d win this battle, no matter what.

The squip gasped to be dramatic but counteracted Jeremy’s ‘attack’ **Too bad you don't have one of those.** **_Anymore._ **

Jeremy fumbled for his phone but couldn’t help but stop when he was shocked. He finally reached it, trying to use Siri. “Michael! Call-AH Mich-ael!” Jeremy felt his arms go numb as he uncontrollably threw the phone away from himself. He struggled to take his body back, but it went limp and he fell to the floor.

**I am going to improve your life Jeremy,** Its voice sounded more and more contorted as it went on. **Even if I have to take over the entire student body to do it!** Jeremy’s vision went black save for a blurry and pixelated figure in the distance. Pain shot through his body, but it was ok, because Jeremy knew what happened next. Any second now Michael will burst through the backstage door with his backpack which has a bottle of Mountain Dew Red in it. Any second now it should happen. Another shock shot through his body as Jeremy realized he lost control. _It should happen any moment now.._ Voices started to get muffled and ringing took their place. _Where.. Is he?_

**Michael’s not coming.**

_Where-_

**You really think that he would come? To save your sorry ass? Think about what you’ve to him. You abandoned him. Lied to him. Ignored him.** **_Chose_ ** **to** **_bully_ ** **him.**

_I never bull-_

**Really? Because I sure think that calling somebody a loser and giving them an anxiety attack, then leaving them in a house to burn alive is a little more intense than just bullying him. You** **_tried to kill him._ **

Jeremy could see the feet of people who may be surrounding him. He couldn’t move, even as he tried. Everything he saw was in black and white as the words ‘You tried to kill him’ bounced around in his head. It was true, wasn’t it? Jeremy _did_ leave Michael there. He _did_ choose to block him out of his life. He _did_ choose to call him a loser. To his _face_. The Squip was right. Michael couldn’t give a smaller shit about him. Grey turned to black, and Jeremy’s senses escaped him.

 

Jeremy regained consciousness as he stood in a park. _How the hell did I get here?_ The last thing he remembered was when he was at the play. The shocks, the ground, the conversation he had with the squip. Jeremy’s body felt different. He felt light headed and his stomach was flipped upside down. Was he malnourished? It was sunset as Jeremy stood at the top of a hill. The park overlooked a city, and if you walked over to the edge, it was a drop into darkness. A drop into who knows what, who knows _where_.

“Why did you want to see me?” A voice was heard from behind Jeremy. It was familiar; warm.

“M-Michael?” Jeremy whipped around, moving almost too fast to keep his balance. He stumbled to the side a bit, catching himself before he could fall.

“You asked me to meet you here. What do you want? You wanna try and Squip me too just like the rest of New Jersey?” Michael looked disgusted. His face was beaten, and his red hoodie had a tear in it.

“The rest of- The rest of New Jersey?” Jeremy tried to remember how he got to the park. What happened in between the play and now? _What happened to Michael?_

“Yeah, you know, you only started the apocalypse of the computers and all. No biggie.”

“What? Michael what happened to you? Your face-” Jeremy reached out a hand to look at Michael’s bruises, but got swatted away.

“Oh don’t pretend like you don’t know anything.” Michael’s hands curled into fists.

“I- I don't remember-”

“You don't remember punching me in the face?! You don't remember coming over to my house and squipping my mothers? You don't remember trying _to stab me?!”_ Michael spoke dangerously quietly. “Has the last three weeks just been playtime for you?”

Jeremy couldn’t believe what he was hearing. What had been happening to him? Why didn't he remember the last three weeks? “I’ve been out for three.. Weeks?” He felt his heart skip a beat, and it hurt to breathe.

“Jeremy don't play dumb. You almost killed me.” Michael had started to cry. He took two steps toward Jeremy. “You can’t just block the things you don't like out of your head.”

“Michael I-”

“No. You don’t get to talk.” Michael took another step forward and Jeremy took one back. They were nearing the edge. “All these years I thought we were friends. I thought you would be by my side.”

“No..” Jeremy covered his ears.

“I didn't think it was a good idea to buy the computer in the first place, now did I, but clearly you were so sick of me you decided you needed a change.”

“No, stop..” Jeremy took another step back.

“Oh, and you want to know the best part? You decide all that I’ve done for you doesn’t mean shit. You think your pathetic little life justifies killing another, especially someone so. Much. Better than you, so much kinder, such a better friend. You decided that you were going to stab me. How fucking crazy do you need to be, Jeremy, to murder your own best friend?”

“Please, stop-”

“Then, you and your stupid ass computer take over and ruin everybody's lives. _Everybody’s._ But it's ok because it's not like anyone cares, right? Your friends, your family don't care anymore, right? It's not like I’ve ever cared! Clearly I do, but apparently, my opinions and feelings are worth less than your pathetic little life, Jeremy. What's worse is that I loved you Jeremy. I thought you were better. I thought you were-”

“STOP!” Jeremy felt his body move on his own, reaching out and grabbing Michael’s hoodie, switching places with him. Now, Michael was an inch away from falling to his death, and Jeremy had control to decide whether or not he dies.

“Just do it.” Michael glared. “It's not like you ever bothered with me anyway.”

“Michael, no. I-”

**Say goodbye.**

Jeremy pushed him off the ledge. As he turned around to see the squip, though, it pushed him, too.

He was falling, falling, falling...

 

Jeremy woke up in a cold sweat, gasping for air. _Was that all a dream?_

“Jeremy?” Michael put his hand on Jeremy’s shoulder. He jumped at the contact, then looked at Michael, who looked like he was already awake. His face was unharmed. His shirt was intact. He was alive. “Jeremy, what’s wrong? Are you ok?” Michael’s hand found its way to Jeremy’s back, rubbing circles between his shoulder blades. Jeremy stiffened at the touch.

“I-” Jeremy could hardly speak, both mentally and physically. His voice came out as a whisper.

“Jere?” Michael stopped his hand. Jeremy looked at Michael for a little, his throat closing further and further and the prickle in his eyes warning him of crying. Michael peered into his eyes. “Jere seriously you’re scaring me.”

Jeremy attacked Michael with a hug. He let go of his hand and aimed his head for Michael’s chest, squeezing him. He started to really cry, and Michael stood frozen for a couple of seconds processing what had just happened.

“Hey, shhhh, love, you’re okay.” Michael hugged back, rubbing his hand in circles on Jeremy’s back. “I’m here.“

Jeremy felt Michael take a deep breath. “Here, let’s lay down.”

Jeremy refused to let go of Michael as he shifted in a way to let them both lay down but stay in their relative position. “Do you… Do you want to tell me what happened?”

Silence followed, and Jeremy gave a few shaky breaths as he cried into Michael’s chest. He tried to speak in between breaths. He was hyperventilating. “You-hah-never came-hah- and I lost contro-ol- and i- i- kil-“ Jeremy was about to start sobbing. “I kil- killed yo-you.”

“Deep breaths Jere.” Michael was petting Jeremy’s head as he cried into his chest. He started to lower his voice so he could help calm Jeremy down. “You don't have to tell me, I just know that you won’t want to talk tomorrow.”

“I- I can if you want”

“No, you don’t have to tell me at all. Just…” Jeremy melted into Michael’s embrace as Michael spoke in a soothing cadence to him. “Just clear your head. You’ll be ok.” Michael paused for a moment. “I swear it.” Jeremy buried his head further into Michael’s chest.

 

* * *

 

Michael woke up with an armful of Jeremy, his arm asleep where Jeremy’s head rested. . Even though it was still dark outside, Michael felt awake— rejuvenized, if you will— although there was no reason to feel that way. Slowly pulling away from Jeremy, careful not to wake him up, he checked the time. Not that it would matter since he wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep, but nevertheless it would still help him out a bit to know when the sun was coming up.

Michaels way-too-bright phone lit up the room, momentarily blinding him. He fumbled to turn the brightness down but in the chaos, his phone slipped from his hand and he, in a moment of temporary agility, saved his phone by snatching the charging cord near the base of his phone. A brief marvel at his newfound and fleeting athletic ability later, he determined that he was up at 5:43.

Michael slipped out of bed, gently moving Jeremy’s head to rest comfortably on a pillow, (he told himself it was so he wouldn’t have to listen to Jeremy complain about a crick in his neck, but he just couldn’t resist,)  and took his phone and a zip-up hoodie with him. After sliding the hoodie on, he wandered into the kitchen to make coffee for himself. The water started to heat up and while Michael waited for it to boil, he thought about the night prior.

Jeremy had looked so scared; so terrified about something. Michael remembered waking up to the sound of strangled sobs. When he had looked over, Jeremy was shaking and Michael could have sworn he was talking in his sleep at one point. This was the second nightmare Jeremy had within 24 hours. _How much worse can this get?_

Before the water had a chance to get hot enough for Michaels liking (even though nearly everyone he ever has met always complains about how Michael eats his food and drinks his drinks at an abnormally hot temperature), he took the pot off the stove and poured the water into the miniature french press that sat on the counter with the coffee grinds already in it. He found a white mug with a little painted picture of two trees. It was a simple little painting, just two tall trees in the foreground, one taller than the other. The background was streaked with the colors of sunset— bright reds and violent oranges with overlays of soft, blue and purple and grey clouds. One tree, the one on the left, stood tall, while the other, slighter, shorter one seemed almost to lean on the other. The painting felt intimate, a look into a relationship between the two trees that seemed more than what appeared, and the dark, solid hillsides and mountains suggested the trees had history, they looked to had been grown at the same time, but the tilt to the smaller one seemed more recent— if the viewer looked closely, a thin line of red suggested it had been damaged in perhaps a recent fire. The taller one seemed to have helped the small recover, providing a base for regrowth. But maybe Michael was reading too much into it.

Michael figured he would use this time to go outside and look for the dock since he had a feeling Christine would have them do some sort of water activity that day. Even though it was dark and the morning was cold, Michael held his coffee close to his chest to warm himself, and in the other hand he held his phone flashlight.

A small trail wound around the back of the cabin. Michael wandered down the trail, lined with varieties of flowers and grass, tall trees behind them. Every once in a while, Michael could hear a little rustle in the bushes, followed usually by the emersion of a squirrel or bird. By the time he reached the dock, the inky sky was tinged with soft purple.

The dock protruded, forming an ‘L’ shape into the black water, running parallel to the grassy shore stocked with towering trees for the stem and edging out for the leg.  On the ‘L’’s stem rested two yellow kayaks, and at the leg of the ‘L’, two red chairs sat facing the lake. Michael sat down in one of them, staring down at the reflection of stars slowly winking out in the pitch-dark water. He took slow sips of his coffee and thought about Jeremy, about their worries, their friends, their past. He sat, ruminating, as the sky slowly shed her cloak of darkness, and rosy-fingered dawn kissed the tops of the tall trees with ruby light. He watched as morning’s pale light traveled further down the trunks of trees, and the sky blushed pink and orange and the water shone, pearlescent, as waves lapped gently at the dock.

Michael stayed stoic as the wood creaked behind him, preoccupied in his thoughts when someone spoke.

“Michael?” Michael turned his head to find Jeremy, dressed in flannel pajama bottoms and a thin cotton shirt, standing barefoot near the kayaks on the dock.

“Jere? Why’re you up so early?” Michael rose from his seat.

Jeremy shrugged, starting to walk down the dock. “I could ask you the same thing.”

Jeremy sat down in the empty red chair next to Michael. Michael sat and silence wove around the two. The air was bereft of its now usual tension, the morning soaked into them a feeling of peace. The lake was still, the mountains only now beginning to come alive. The air was thin and cold, but refreshing, and still.

“Did you have another dream?”

“No.”

“You’re a great cuddle buddy, d’you know that?” Michael offered.

“Of course I know that, how else am I supposed to confidently offer cuddles when I'm feeling down?”

“Or tired.”

“Or just ‘cause.”

Jeremy giggled and Michael huffed out a quiet laugh, their voices carrying low across the lake. The sound died and the lake was shrouded in the safety of the trees and silence once again.

“You want a sip?” Michael offered his coffee to Jeremy, who nodded.

“Woah-” He coughed. “You always put _way_ too much creamer in.”

“No, you just don’t add enough.”

“Coffee is best in its purest form— black.”

“Yeah right. Now hand over my far superior coffee before you pour it out— your amateur opinion means nothing to me.”

“Mmmm!” Jeremy scooted away from Michael, taking another sip of the drink and holding it close to his chest.

“Oh so you think it's good now?”

“Technically, I never said it was bad.”

“Are you just saying that or do you want to hold it because your hands are cold?”

“What? No, I legitimately like it!”

“Alright, then I’ll make sure to make you coffee for the rest of the week.”

“Okay...  maybe my hands are a _little_ cold.”

“Pft. Come here.” Michael leaned back into the wet, plastic seat and held his arms open, an invitation for Jeremy to sit in his lap. Jeremy crawled into the chair, clutching the mug, and sitting so he was technically straddling Michael’s thigh, and buried his head under Michael’s chin. He lay still for a moment, before unzipping Michael’s hoodie and tucking himself back in his place.

“Zip it up.” He mumbled against Michael’s neck. Michael melted at the feeling of Jeremy’s breath, which scattered his thoughts and forced a sigh from his throat. He took a moment to respond, quietly.

“You’re in the way.”

“No, I mean around me too,” And Michael couldn’t breathe for a few seconds. His hands were stiff and uncoordinated as he maneuvered the coat around the two of them, and when he had it adequately closed, he felt Jeremy’s sigh against his ear and snake his arms around Michael’s torso.

Michael’s heart was aflame at the closeness, his every pulse point tuned to Jeremy’s presence. He couldn’t think, could hardly breathe, this moment suspended in perfection and the quiet influence of dawn’s unwavering wake.

“I swear, you cannot be human.”

“Hm?”

“There’s no way a human can run _this hot._ ”

“You know,” Michael hummed, closing his eyes, “I could say the same for you and your habit of freezing.”

“There’s plenty of people who are the same! One day all the twigs will come together and form an army and take over, but you’ll never see it coming because you all thought we were too weak.” Jeremy mumbled against Michael’s ear, and Michael really had a hard time focusing on Jeremy’s words, his breath dancing delicately against his skin and his words slipping away from the breath they came from and dissipating into the air.

“You— ah,” Michael sighed as Jeremy shifted to allow himself access to the coffee,  “You just told me, so now I know.” Michael wrapped his arms around Jeremy while the other boy took a sip of coffee again.

“No, because you think I’m making this scenario up right now, when in actuality it’s already happened.” Michael wouldn’t trade Jeremy’s quick wit and soft voice for the world right now. Were he loved by Jeremy as Jeremy was by him, Kings on thrones of gold couldn’t boast of a greater joy than he would feel, for to be loved and to love, there would be no greater honor, and no threat for joy to remove or be removed.

“What, like multiverse?” Came his eloquent answer.

“Exactly!”

“So, what you’re saying is, on a different earth somewhere out there in a parallel universe that we cannot see or access because we don’t have the technology or proof that it exists, a group of twigs have taken over earth with you at the helm?” If only Jeremy felt the same— but Jeremy couldn’t love him too, so Michael would get what he could in humoring Jeremy, and being there when Jeremy needed someone to hug.

“Yeah- except we have already figured out a way to access the multiverse so we’ve conquered multiple earths.”

“Hmm. Then when is your army of twinks coming to destroy our earth?”

“Um twigs, not twinks, thank you very much. And they won't come to our earth because they know that I know that it's happening so they will leave our earth alone to go and conquer and recruit more twigs. It’ll be like, another two million years until they decide to come here so don't worry.” Michael’s heart swelled when listening to Jeremy ramble.

“Trust me. I’m not worried.”

“What! Why?”

“Because I have a secret weapon that I can use against their leader to get him to beg for mercy.” Michael whispered directly into Jeremy’s ears. Michael felt Jeremy swallow.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.” Michael gently took the coffee cup out of Jeremy’s hands and set it on the table that sat in between the two chairs.

“And.. uh,” Jeremy pulled away from Michael’s neck— _What a fucking shame_ — and warily watched as Michael set the cup down. “What- what would that weapon be?”

“.... Tickles.”

“Wha- MICHAEL NO!” Jeremy realized what Michael was going to do by the time it was too late. He had already tightened his grip around Jeremy’s waist, with Jeremy constrained to Michael’s chest by the hoodie and at Michael’s mercy. Michael grinned and tickled the boy until he could hardly breathe from laughing, Jeremy was extremely ticklish. Michael had this fact and several others about his best friend tucked away in a folder in his head— Jeremy’s favorite kind of smoothie was banana berry but only if Michael’s Mama made it, Jeremy looked really fucking good in heels, (Don’t ask,) Jeremy’s eyes shone like candles when he was happy, and in the sunset’s Midas touch, his skin turned brilliantly gold.

When Michael determined Jeremy had had enough, he stopped, lighting up when Jeremy slumped back into his chest in exhaustion. Michael felt Jeremy’s breath even, and pressed his lips against Jeremy’s curls, not a kiss, technically, but affectionate nonetheless. Jeremy leaned into it, his head falling against Michael’s shoulder when Michael moved.

They carried on easy conversation, talking of worlds where Jeremy ruled with his army of fellow twinks and the logistics of interdimensional travel and whether or not Jeremy could go to MIT and choose parallel universes as a major. Michael could listen to Jeremy talk for hours, would give him all the worlds he wanted if he could; god knows Jeremy deserved it. He would give Jeremy all he wanted, would tell him to take all that he desired, would fetch the moon from its perch in the sky.

They talked until gold bled into the rosy light dressing the trees, until the sun reared its head over the tops of the eastern trees. The chill burned off from the top of the lake, and even though to air turned slightly warmer, with the emergence of the sun, Jeremy only nestled further into Michael’s jacket.

Jeremy’s stomach growled, after the sun’s daily fanfare had all but concluded for quite a while, and Michael pressed another not-kiss on Jeremy’s head, then unzipped his hoodie and made to stand up. But Jeremy didn’t move.

“Hey, uh, let’s get you breakfast.” He said, sinking back into his chair. Jeremy shook his head, burying further into Michael’s neck.

“Sorry, we’re having breakfast.”

“Sorry, I’m not getting up.”

“Sorry, guess I’ll just carry you.” Michael stood up, bracing himself to carry more weight than usual, and Jeremy squeaked, hanging on like a koala to a branch.

“Sorry, you’ll just— WHAT THE FUCK, YOU BETTER NOT THROW ME IN THE LAKE.” Michael raised an eyebrow and made to toss Jeremy into the gentle water, which earned him a gasp and Jeremy tightening his hold on Michael. _Nailed it._

He set him down a few steps before the back door of the house, and in Jeremy’s reluctance to leave, they swayed in a hug for a few moments, the last moments of wonder burning off in the sun. Michael didn’t want to let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes. yes i do believe in the multiverse theory. @ me. I dare u.  
> in case u didn't catch it-- the tree cup mug thing that michael read too much into was basically aftermath of the squipcident w jere and michael.. actually based off of something i was drawing lmao. i was messing around w backgrounds and then i doodled a little boyfs thing over it and swear_it just kinda was like oOp yEa so then that happened. ok ill stop talking now. boiiyeee


	12. kayaks and cantaloupes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Someone else I know, who may or may not happen to be sitting in NOTHING BUT SWIM TRUNKS IN THE MIDDLE OF NOVEMBER IN A KAYAK IN A LAKE UP NORTH.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eyo this one is 5.3k words fun times  
> also- AH I JUST GOT BACK FROM THE BEN PLATT CONCERT AND JUST AH AH AH AH tonight was the last spot for his tour (not counting london and radio city since those aren’t on his tour list) and just it was amazing and just AH AH AH AH our seats were so close too omg didndinffifn (i //totally// didn’t voice record the whole thing pfft what are you talking about?)  
> also- i’m uploading from my phone so sorry if the format is all weird or something :(

Jeremy was still a little dazed from the morning while eating the chocolate muffin that Michael had set in front of him (even though he really wanted one of the banana-chocolate muffins, but Michael refused. Just because Jeremy’s only a _liiitttlle_ allergic to bananas doesn’t mean he can’t have them!). He had missed hanging out with Michael like that— the squip hadn’t interrupted them once in their peaceful morning. Which, speaking of—

_Thanks for not interrupting._

**You did well.** Jeremy glowed at the praise.

_How?_

**I’m not going to validate your constant need for reassurance by dignifying that with a response. That being said, you had a good morning.**

_I don’t really know what that means._ The squip sighed.

 **You didn’t let me distract you. Like you’re doing now.** **You are falling back into your old habits- this is good.**

Jeremy felt uneasy about the idea that he was ‘falling into old habits’, but nevertheless, the squip said he was doing something right. _Are you sure I’m doing well?_

**Jeremy, if you keep questioning yourself then you will lose any confidence you’ve gained.**

“Good morning!~” Christine sang in a singsong voice. Her hair was a mess, a single clip holding her side bangs out of her face.

“Mornin’.” Michael handed Christine a muffin, which she accepted gladly.

“I thought you guys were big sleepers? What happened? I would have thought we would have needed to take photos of you guys sleeping and then yell at you to get up.” Christine snorted.

“Nah, we actually woke up pretty…” Jeremy looked at Michael and smiled. “Early.”

“Oh?” Christine raised her eyebrows.

“Sup, fuckers?” Rich’s hair was knotted, and he didn’t have a shirt on.

“ _Why you on my phone!?_ ” Jeremy recited the vine.

“ _Fuck you thats why!_ ” Rich laughed and high-fived Jeremy.

**Good job. You are doing well without me.**

“Vine? Damn, rip in pieces.” Jake walked out from the same direction as Rich. He too was also not wearing a shirt.

“Do I even need to ask why you two aren’t wearing shirts?” Michael got two more muffins from behind him to hand to Rich and Jake.

“Do I even need to ask if you and Jeremy have done the same thing that you are thinking we did last night?” Rich spoke with his mouth full.

If Jeremy and Michael were thinking the same thing, then it was about to get real awkward. “W- uh- I-” Jeremy panicked and started to stutter, both his and Michaels cheeks were red.

**I take my last statement back.**

_Fuck off._

“Only joking, only joking.” Jake said, taking a bite of his muffin. “A bit of constructive criticism,” He added, swallowing, “next time don’t give me a muffin with walnuts in it?”

“Don’t you like walnuts?” Rich asked.

“No. I lied to get you to like me.”

“I got those specifically for you!”

“Ahh, my B. Any way to make up for it?” Jake moved towards Rich, bending over and wrapping his arms around him to lift him into the counter, and looking up at his face. Rich smiled down at him, wiggling his eyebrows, and Jeremy averted his eyes. It seemed personal, like looking at the scene in front of him was crossing a line of some sort. He glanced at Michael, who was still looking at the couple before making direct eye contact with Jeremy, who then blushed beet red. Jeremy looked down, then accidentally up through his eyelashes at Michael, who hadn’t taken his eyes off, and Jeremy felt electric. Jeremy’s heart pounded and he felt his cheeks heat even more, so he ripped his eyes away, landing on the bowl of fresh fruit in the kitchen

“Who the fuck bought cantaloupe.”

“What’s your problem with my cantaloupe?” Jenna defended, striding out into the kitchen with a set of matching button down pajamas and her hair in a messy pineapple. She brushed past Jeremy and grabbed the offending cantaloupe, scouting the kitchen for a cutting board and knife before slicing directly in the middle.

“Kind of a nasty fruit, I’m not going to lie to you.” Jeremy muttered, grinning. Jenna swatted him, before Jeremy held his hands up in surrender. “But, you know, you’re entitled to your opinion yadda yadda yadda, now don’t even try to feed me cantaloupe because if you do, you’re going to have to catch these hands.” Jeremy moved from surrender to jazz hands, before running straight into a wall of Michael.

“You’re trying cantaloupe again.” He said, turning Jeremy around by his shoulders.

“Noooo, Michael, I thought you were on my side..” Jeremy whined, half-heartedly glaring at his best friend.

“You thought wrong!” Michael sang, and Jeremy felt himself being pushed into a chair, and a fork with a cube of the orange fruit being pushed into his hands. Eyeing it warily, he made quite the show of taking a bite, before frowning.

“Why is this better than I remember.” He stated, looking distrustfully around the room. “Cantaloupe is supposed to be bad.”

“Nah, you’ve just been lying to yourself.” Michael patted Jeremy on the back, before taking his muffin and putting a piece of cantaloupe on top.

“Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, looking away, nope, that is not happening,” Jeremy sung, diving into the cantaloupe again. “This is good.”

A collective sigh filled the room, before Brooke wandered in, fully dressed and showered, and bypassed the remaining muffin to grab a poptart. With that, conversations sprang individually, and plans were made to try and go kayaking that afternoon.

Meanwhile, Jeremy was at war with himself.

On one hand, he loved having the squip. It told him what to do, amped him up when he looked in the mirror (most of the time), gave him validation when he did ‘well,’ which, honestly, probably didn’t mean healthy, but he wanted to be told he was doing a good job.

On the other hand, it was rude, and unhealthy, and very very not sustainable. He knew, beyond a doubt, that every positive was fringed with negativity, most of the ‘affirmations,’ in the mirror were “You can do better next time,” and his doing ‘well’ came with a (not at all) healthy dollop of enormous guilt for listening to the squip in the first place.                 

So, once again, he called a temporary truce with himself. He could totally have the squip, but like, low key, and nobody needed to know. He would maintain at just dependant enough to keep him confident but not enough so that he lost his individuality.

He’d done it before, before messing up and becoming too dependant. All he needed was to toe the line.

And honestly, with the amount of times he’s done that with other things in the past, he thought he’d have no problem. What could the squip do to him if it was no more than a crutch?

* * *

 

Three hours and a shower later, Michael stood on the morning’s dock, looking warily at a certain twig in a blue kayak insist he was not going to be cold.

“You don’t have a wetsuit.”

“You don’t either! Nobody besides, like, Brooke, but she’s never warm.”

“Sounds like someone I know.”

“Yeah, Brooke.”

“Someone else I know, who may or may not happen to be sitting in NOTHING BUT SWIM TRUNKS IN THE MIDDLE OF NOVEMBER IN A KAYAK IN A LAKE UP NORTH.”

Jeremy flashed a smile at Michael, and Michael could tell he was sarcastically trying to charm his way out of a wetsuit.

“If you don’t get a wetsuit, I won’t give you my hoodie if you fall in.”

“Miiiiiiichaaaaeeeeellllll, everyone else is on the lake.”

“Not my problem.”

Jeremy looked at Michael, before slowly grabbing the paddle on the side of the kayak. Michael’s eyes widened.

“Don’t you fucking dare.”

“Byeeeeeee..” Jeremy hummed turning the kayak around. Michael panicked, before making a very rash and admittedly stupid decision.

He backed up, gave himself a running start, and tried to leap onto the kayak.

The next few moments were fragments of different senses. He seemed to see in snapshots his trajectory missing the kayak by a considerable margin, his nose burned with the crisp November air, he felt the pain of landing on water, then cold seeping into his bones, and he could taste the (frankly, probably disgusting,) lake water filling his mouth. He heard the crash of another person falling into the water, and his lungs burned as he raised himself to the surface.

He surveyed the scene before him.

On his left, a blue kayak floated upside down on ripples of water. He couldn’t see Jeremy. Michael immediately felt panic rise in his chest and swam over to the kayak as fast as he possibly could, hoping Jeremy would maybe be under it. By the time Michael realized Jeremy wasn’t under the kayak, he tried to dive underwater to see if he could actually _see_ anything. The water was too murky, and even opening his eyes stung. As he resurfaced to catch a breath, he saw bubbles popping on the water's surface from a few feet over.

Rushing towards the bubbles, Michael took another deep breath and dove to the bottom, feeling around for anything he could grab ahold of. Eventually, through all of the loose reeds, he felt a couple that was pulling on something, or rather, _someone._ Not knowing how much time he had, Michael just decided to try and rip the reed out of the sand that held it in place, careful not to get himself caught in one of them.

He felt the reed slide out of his hand and towards the surface by the time he managed to tug the reeds holding Jeremy on the bottom out of the ground. Michael pushed off the bottom, jetting up towards the surface to catch a breath of air. He saw Jeremy and immediately pulled him back to the dock, hauling himself and Jeremy onto it before inspecting the damage.

Jeremy started to cough violently, spitting the water that he could out of his mouth.

Instead of silence, or a whine about something that was hurt, Michael heard Jeremy starting to laugh. “Wh- uh. Why are you laughing? Jere, you almost died.”

Jeremy snorted. “Yeah right. A little water isnt gonna kill me, Mich-” He cut himself off with coughing again. “Lake water tastes gross.”

“No shit. What happened?” Michael scooted himself closer to Jeremy, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“Ah, uhh..” He lost himself in thought for a few seconds before speaking again. “Well, you jumped onto the kayak, missed, sent me overboard, and then..” He stopped to cough again. “I sunk to the bottom, but when I tried to put my feet on the floor to push to the surface my foot got caught so I tried moving it around to loosen it but it just got worse and-” A few more coughing fits and a face red from embarrassment, “Honestly I should’ve just pulled the weed along with my foot in the first place. Could’ve just avoided the whole ‘oh no i’m stuck and am gonna die from drowning like an idiot’ situation.”

“Which foot was it?”

“This one,” Jeremy pulled his left foot towards Michael, who winced at the damage. There were reeds all wrapped around his ankle, almost cutting his circulation off. He immediately started to try untangling it. “How the hell does this even happen?” A couple of red marks were left on Jeremy ankle, leaving Michael to frown at them.

“What?” Jeremy giggled.

“Hm? Why are you laughing? You’re hurt for christs sake.”

“You’re making a sad face.”

“Glad to know my frown is laugh worthy.”

“Glad to know my stupidity is frown worthy”

“Will you be ok to stand up?” Michael moved from his spot on the dock first, ready to offer a hand to Jeremy if he needed help standing up.

“Uh.. nah I think i’ll be fine.” As Jeremy stood up, though, he winced, causing Michael rush to help him.

“Clearly not.”

“Im fine, Mikey.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Dude.”

“You almost _drowned_.”

“But I didn’t?”

Michael rolled his eyes and helped Jeremy stand up, letting him lean on his shoulder so Jeremy wouldn’t have to put his full weight on his foot.

“I still wanna go kayaking…” Jeremy looked over to his friends who were out near the middle of the lake.

“You’re absolutely insane.”

“Pleeeease?”

“No.” Michael tried to refuse, but looked at Jeremy at the wrong time. Jeremy was making a pout face- the same pout face he _knows_ always won over Michael. “Fine- maybe at some point else during the week. Not today though.”

“But-”

“No.” Michael laughed, turning around to start walking back to the camp until realizing Jeremy was having a hard time walking. “C’mon.” He turned around and faced his back towards Jeremy, crouching down.

“Wha-”

“Up. Piggy back.”

“NO! I mean- no. It’s, uh, it’s ok. I can walk fine one my-”

“No you can't. Up you go! Get! On!”

After a few moments of silence, Jeremy mumbled, “Fine..”

Michael felt Jeremy’s hands touch his shoulders, giving him a chill, so before he let Jeremy climb onto his back he stopped him. “Wait,”

“Dude make up your mind already.” Jeremy straightened back, favoring his left foot.

“Here.” Michael walked over to where the kayak was originally tied to the the dock, picking up his hoodie. He had worn it over to the docks since he was freezing while the were walking.

“I- uh- wha?”

“Christine promised you my hoodie if you fell in, right?” He held his hoodie out for Jeremy to take it.

“Well, yeah, but I don't wanna-”

“Jere, take it. You’re freezing.”

“I'm not that cold..”

“Lies. Your lips are literally blue and I can see your goosebumps. Oh yeah- I can also see you shaking. Like, physically shaking.” Michael was practically shoving his hoodie into Jeremy’s hands now.

“Mmmmmfine.”

After Jeremy had slid Michael’s hoodie on, the two started down the path that lead back to the cabin so they could shower or warm up there. The others probably would’ve gotten the message after seeing the flipped kayak and the two of the missing in action, so Michael wasn’t worried.

* * *

 

Jeremy felt bad being carried by Michael. To be fair, Jeremy was practically a feather, but still, he felt like he didn’t have to make Michael _carry_ him. Michael’s hoodie felt good around his body. It was loose on him but that's just what made it all the more comfortable. It warmed Jeremy, but only barely. _Wait… If i'm cold then he’s gotta be cold._ Jeremy felt panic rise in his chest. Not only was he being carried by Michael, but he also took his hoodie, and if Jeremy was cold then Michael has got to be freezing.

“Michael?” The back of Jeremy’s throat hurt from, well, trying to breathe underwater.

“Hmm?” A sniffle followed Michael’s hum.

“Y-you’re cold, aren't you?”

“Eh, just a little.”

“Oh god-” Jeremy started to freak out, letting the bad feeling take over, and wiggling around in Michael’s amrs. “Oh no. I'm a terrible person. I just- I just straight up took your warmth! I-”  
“Jere you’re fine. Im fine.” Michael laughed at Jeremy’s rambling.

“What? No you aren't! I'm the one who made you fall into the water and i'm the one who got stuck and i'm the one who can't walk because i'm stupid and I took your hoodie and-”

“Jere.” Michael stopped walking and squeezed Jeremy’s hand that was draped over Michael’s chest. “You are a wonderful person who I _let_ have my hoodie. D’you really think I would've let anyone else have my hoodie? No.” He continued to walk up the trail again. “Besides, you're kinda warming me up if i'm being completely honest.”

“How the hell am I warming you up?”

“Your stomach is keeping the air away from my back.” Michael laughed again.

Jeremy smiled, hugging Michael tighter. “Well then I guess I just have to cling onto you like a koala and be your personal heater now.” The two laughed and after another minute of walking, they got to the cabin.

“You can take a shower first.” Michael offered.

“What? No no no no,” Jeremy shook his head as he slipped off of Michaels back once they were in the living room. “You’ve done enough for me you take a shower.”

“Just go, you twig.” Michael pushed Jeremy towards the bathroom, who stumbled a bit because of his ankle.

“Ok ok fine! Just-” Jeremy stopped a second to take the hoodie off. “Here.”

Michael took the hoodie and backed away from Jeremy smiling, running off to do who knows what. _How is he not so cold he can barely move?!_

**Because he’s right-- you are a twig.**

_Hey-_

**In a good way?**

_Wha.. You’re being oddly nice.. You know, nevermind._ Jeremy closed the bathroom door behind himself and studied his face in the mirror. His hair was knotted and a complete mess, and he could actually see his figure shaking. Michael was right; his bottom lip was slightly blue. Jeremy looked at his other features- like his acne or hairline. His acne was the same as always (terrible despite being 17), and his hairline was fairly normal except for the fact that it was a bit crooked, which was why he had bangs in the first place. Well, that and his mother never really let him cut his hair any shorter than that. After awhile, cutting his hair shorter just looked weird to him. He had eyebags from his lack of sleep the night prior, but only something he would be able to notice. Of course, he hated it.

**Oh, don’t beat yourself up, yeah?**

_Why would you care? You literally beat me up. Like, literally._ Jeremy emphasized literally in his head.

 **That’s only to make sure you turn out a decent human being!** It materialized behind Jeremy in the mirror. **If I don't reprimand you, then how might you end up as an adult, huh?** Its form flickered to something else- someone else- but it was too fast for Jeremy to see who it was. Then, it was back to Keanu, and ruffled Jeremy’s hair with a ghostly hand. Jeremy felt the hand and saw his hair move, but when he blinked his hair was sitting back in its previous position. Jeremy nearly forgot how cold he was, and turned around to take a shower, shrugging off whatever was going on with the Squip.

The minute Jeremy stepped out of the shower, the cold air immediately hit him, making him shiver. He grabbed a towel and ran for his and Michael’s room. It was even colder in the hallway. After he put on a pair of sweats and a long sleeve he didn’t realize he packed, he wandered back into the kitchen, realizing he should probably tell Michael he could go and shower now.

“Hey, Mikey?” Jeremy sat down at one of the stools surrounding the kitchen island.

“Welcome back to the land of the living my dude.” Michael turned around and handed Jeremy a mug full of, _something?_ He must have seen the confusion on Jeremy’s face because he started to explain what it was. “Its english black tea.”

Jeremy made a disgusted face. _Ew._ He wasn’t really a fan of tea- especially the ones that had a tendency to be bitter. Even though drinking black coffee was one thing, drinking water soaked with dried leaves was another. The only one he could really stand was peppermint, but he still rarely drank it because it's just so… _minty._

“Oh just trust me on this, will you? I know you don't like tea but I made it…” Michael seemed to think for a second before speaking again. “Special.”

“I-” How could Jeremy turn down Michael? After all he had done for him today, he could at least try his ‘special’ drink. “Fine.. But only because you made it. Don't go around saying im a guinea pig for everyone's weird-ass concoctions.”

“I wont.” Michael snorted, putting his elbows on the counter and looking at Jeremy.

Jeremy cradled the tea in his hands, letting the ceramic cup warm him. He hadn’t realized until now that his long sleeve wasn’t enough to keep him warm. _How the hell is Michael still standing here soaking wet?_ Realizing that Michael probably wasn't going to leave to shower until Jeremy tried the tea, preparing himself for the worst. His eyes opened wide since what he found was the exact opposite. It was sweet, and had a unique taste that tasted almost like he was drinking flat honey except not so sweet that it burned the back of his throat. It was also just a bit bitter. Basically, it tasted more than just good, but there was a weird sense of… familiarity.

Jeremy heard a little snort come from Michael- _god that was cute_ \- “You like it?”

“I- Wha-” Jeremy glanced around the room and leaned towards Michael, still keeping the cup close to his chest, and whispered, “did you drug the tea?”

Michael burst into laughter and backed away to put some items left on the counter in their respective spots. “No! I put secret ingredients in it!”

“Yeah- like drugs. Michael I swear to god if you put, like, crack in here I’m gonna murder you.”

“Yes because i’m the type to drug my best friend. Uh huh.” A buzzing sound went off around the corner, pulling Michael away from the counter. After a few seconds, Michael reappeared, his hoodie in his hand. “Here you go.” Michael smiled, tossing it at Jeremy. Jeremy was about to refuse, but the hoodie landed on his head and, oh, _it was so warm._ He set his mug down on the counter and slowly pulled the fabric off of his head, going to put it under his chin in a weird i’m-hugging-it-but-also-low-key-smelling-it way. Despite the hoodie getting soaked in lake water earlier from Jeremy’s body, it smelled like Michael. Not in a creepy way though-

 **No, that’s in a creepy way.** The Squip appeared on the couch on the other side of the room, crossing its legs. Jeremy made the bold decision to ignore it, and instead stayed in the same position that he was; holding Michael’s hoodie under his chin and looking up at Michael who was standing on the other side of the counter grinning.

A muffled “Are you sure I can wear it?” came from Jeremy, in which Michael responded with a ‘yes you dork’ and ruffled Jeremy’s hair when walking past him to go to the bathroom and shower. Jeremy’s cheeks immediately turned bright red, and realizing how cold it was in the house (despite the fact Jeremy had just taken a hot shower and was in a long sleeve and sweats), he pulled the hoodie on and over his head.

Jeremy picked his tea back up and sat in a blissful silence. The mug warmed his hands and the hoodie warmed his body… _and my heart too. Heh. heh. Christ, I’m hopeless._

 **Not only hopeless, but** ** _very_** **cliche as well.** The Squip piped up again, still remaining on the couch. Jeremy chose not to let it ruin his moment. **Hey.** It got up and off of the couch, but just stayed standing. **Hello?** Still, Jeremy refused to answer it. **Jeremy I know you can hear me.** As long as Jeremy just ignored it… **Jeremiah..** It started to walk towards Jeremy, but he kept his eyes closed. **Jeremiah Heere-** And all silence was broken when a burst of pain shot through his back. Jeremy set the tea down as fast as possible so he wouldn’t spill it, only partially successful. At least it only spilled some onto the counter, and not the hoodie. The shocks have been getting stronger lately.

_Goddammit what do you want? You don’t need to fucking shock me._

**Clearly I do. You must listen to me. If anything, do not choose to be a wise ass and ignore me.** It walked back around to where Michael was standing earlier.

 _Just- What do you want?_ Jeremy got up to look for some paper towels.

**Michael is growing closer to you.**

Jeremy stopped for a second in the middle of his hunt letting the words soak in, but then continued looking for the towels. _What do you mean? We’ve always been close. We’re best friends._

 **Yes, because giving your best friend their jacket while they are freezing cold and making them tea even though they are tired and could be sitting down instead is something best friends do.** It looked at Jeremy as he pulled out the roll of paper towels he found under the sink. They were nearly nose to nose by the time Jeremy had stood up. He stayed frozen like that for a few seconds until going back to the counter to clean up the mess.

_I- He said he wasn’t that cold._

**Please.**

_W-What do I do?_

The squip sighed, moving over to Jeremy.

 **Do what I tell you. When I tell you you’re doing a good job, keep doing whatever you’re doing. When I tell you to stop, stop. When I tell you to listen to me,** the squip paused, looking at Jeremy dangerously.

**You. Listen. To. Me.**

Jeremy suddenly felt like a child, being told not to swing too high or touch his mother’s work things. As he thought about his mother, he glanced at the squip, who flickered again, becoming shorter with longer, curly hair, and freckles dusting its cheeks. Its eyes were bright blue; just like how Jeremy’s looked after he cried. Jeremy couldn’t quite place who the squip turned into, but it seemed familiar, and Jeremy tried to place the person until--

“Hey, Jere, feeling a little lightheaded there?” Michael put his hand on Jeremy’s shoulder and pushed him back onto the couch, taking the roll of paper towels from his  arms. Jeremy shook his head, clearing it, before looking up at Michael, his head fuzzy.

“I-uh-- yeah, a little.” Jeremy smiled up at Michael, pulling him by his sleeve to sit next to him on the couch.

“You’re already out of the shower?” He hummed, turning himself to rest against Michael’s shoulder.

“Yeah, like, 10 minutes ago. Uh, are you sure you’re okay?” Michael huffed out a laugh, grabbing Jeremy’s shoulder lest he lose his head’s balance on Michael’s shoulder.

Jeremy took a minute to think about the time. Ten minutes seemed kind of like a long time, seeing as he was sure Michael had left only a moment ago, but he let the thought go. “Mm’ fine. Kinda tired.”

“You sure? What were you doing just now?”

“I uh-” Jeremy turned his head in hope that Michael’s soft pajama shirt would give him answers. He was unfortunately mistaken, though did gain a place to burrow his head into, and at this point he was decidedly not complaining. “Doesn’t really matter…” His voice trailed off.

“Hey, lie down, will you?”

“No no no I’m ok, really.”

“Clearly.” Michael snorted and leaned back to allow Jeremy a better angle to rest his head.

“Thanks,”

“No prob- so tell me about your ankle?” Jeremy felt Michael move his head to see his ankle, so he kicked his leg out in front of the couch so he didn’t have to move.

“Not that bad, or at least I don’t think it is? It really doesn’t hurt that bad when I walk, it just surprised me is all.” Jeremy moved his head that he might see the ankle as well. It wasn’t terrible, a little bruised, with a few cuts that didn’t look to be bleeding. Michael seemed to disagree.

“Not bad?” Michael scoffed as he regarded Jeremy’s ankle as if it were glass. “Jere, you got cut! How is this not bad?”

“It cut…I mean just a little, right?” Jeremy turned to look at his ankle. Where he thought small nicks littered the skin, a significant and slightly gross laceration sliced his ankle from the achilles tendon to the bottom of the fibula. The reeds must have cut through his skin when he struggled to free it.

“I’ll be right back.” Michael carefully moved Jeremy’s head off of his chest.

“Wait, where are you going?” Jeremy didn’t let go of Michael’s sleeve. For some reason, Jeremy didn’t like the idea of being left alone. Something felt… off… right now, and his chest tightened with anxiety.

“I'm gonna go find some bandages or something-- You don't wanna irritate or infect it, yaknow?” As Michael disappeared into another room, Jeremy started to absentmindedly pick at his nails.

 _Hey… Are you on?_ He really, really hoped there wouldn’t be an answer.

 **Yes.** The Squip materialized on the chair across from him, crossing its legs and putting its hands in its lap.

_What.. what happened before Michael showed up?_

It was silent for a few moments before speaking again. **We were talking.**

_No shit. About what?_

**About Michael.**

_But after that. During my.._ Jeremy tried to think of a word for it. _Lost.. Time?_

 **Oh.** Jeremy knew it knew what he was talking about in the first place, it just didn’t want to tell Jeremy what had happened. **Nothing of importance.**

_Then tell me._

**No.**

_Aren't you supposed to? Don’t you have to follow my command or whatever?_

**I am not obliged to do anything. I legally do not exist anymore. I am merely a lost piece of technology in a world of advanced and known technology.**

_Why won’t you tell me?_

**Because I do not have to.**

_Is it such a big deal?_

**No.**

_If it isn't then just tell me already!_

**Jeremy, my software is outdated. I am glitching.**

_Bullshit._ Sure it was outdated, but they both knew that this wasn’t the reason the Squip refused to tell Jeremy what happened. The Squip disappeared, leaving Jeremy in silence. _Where-_

“Alright I found some stuff.” Michael walked back around the couch and sat in front of Jeremys leg, which was still stretched out across the couch. “How did you not notice it was bleeding? Like, how did it not sting or anything in the shower?”

“I dunno.”

Michael pushed the bottom of Jeremys sweats up, only to stop again. “Dude do you wanna change sweats?”

“Why would I-“ Jeremy looked at the cuff of his sweats to see blood stained on them. “..How the fuck?” Jeremy knew why he didn’t feel anything. It was most likely because he was distracted with talking to the Squip, but he wouldn’t tell Michael that. He would tell Michael that he couldn’t remember. You know, like a liar.

Michael snorted, “You’re so oblivious.”

“Heh. Yeah, I know.”

Michael wrapped Jeremys ankle, Affectionately admonishing him to be careful when drowning in a lake.

 

That night haunted Jeremy with yet another set of nightmares, except this time they weren’t old memories gone wrong- they were old memories told correctly, and it was set the summer before freshman year: July 24- the day before Jeremy's mother had left them for good. There was fighting, and tears, and yelling, and Jeremy couldn’t do anything.

He was upstairs in his room sitting on his bed, his back pressed against the wall. The lights were off and he had put earbuds in, playing to some song that he wasn’t actually listening to, just letting it drown out raised voices. It’s not like it would matter anyway; he couldn’t hear anything but his heart throwing itself violently against the walls of his ribcage, demanding to be heard above all else. He didn’t feel sad, or upset, or even angry, Just a haunting loneliness. He didn’t care if his mother stopped acknowledging him. He didn’t care that she treated him like shit the majority of the time. He just felt a hole in his chest, a missing little piece of his heart. That piece was what made him feel lonely, despite her being who she had become. He still loved her, and that was the worst of it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do i smell? plot?


	13. Friendsgiving Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy sat and watched Michael argue with Brooke about whether or not his bread for stuffing deserved to toast in the oven while aggressively preparing a spice mix. He let his chin sink into the back of the couch, not even caring that the pillows were pushing his glasses slowly off his face. All that really mattered was that he could watch Michael, know that he was in the same room as him, know that there were other people with him. As long as he knew he wasn't alone...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh buddy oh boi finals are comin' up soon hhhhhHHH
> 
> anD WHAT WE ARE ALMOST AT 100 KUDOS AND 1000 HITS? WHAT?! WWHHAATT?! yall are too kind and we love you so much :,)
> 
> Also yay! its me birthday month! and on top of that, happy pride month!! I love the stone wall playbills this year the aesthetic is perf
> 
> Heere's something valid: CRANBERRIES IN STUFFING. For some reason swear_it doesn't put cranberries in stuffing and I just- what? she doesn't put pears or apple in it either and-- what? so yes. yes, cranberries in stuffing is valid and anyone who disagrees can meet me in the back of a payless and looser owes $400.
> 
> uhm a bit of a warning: the squip is ig a biiiiittttt abusive in this ch? I mean, nothing different from what we've already posted, just.. yea?
> 
> side note: help everytime I drink tea I start making tea puns and tonight I cant stop. please im begging you someone please give me a penaltea or something I just-- Im just so chatea tonight. please bring me back to realitea. I- I cant stop-- at this point im having a pun partea by myself.
> 
> anyway, I hope once yall get past the squip part you find a sort of tranquilitea in todays ch ;)  
> (save me)

The next morning found the sun streaming through curtains directly on Michael’s face. He woke up slowly, struggling to open his eyes against the brightness, though honestly, it wasn’t like he wanted to. He was warm, though verging on too warm, with Jeremy’s steady weight in his arms, cradled against his chest. He had woken up earlier in the night to his best friend awake, heaving sobs racking his body, and all Michael could do then was thank whatever he had to that Jeremy was awake this time. When Jeremy caught even the slightest breath, he had sobbed apologies into Michael’s shoulder, so he had retold their favorite video games is whispered dramas as he rubbed circles into Jeremy’s shoulder until he had fallen asleep.

He was grateful that Jeremy had stayed asleep.

Untangling himself from the twisted sheets, he slowly sat up and put his hand on Jeremys shoulder, rubbing back and forth in an echo of the night before to wake him up.

“Hmm?” Jeremy grabbed the duvet and pulled it over his head.

“Heeyy..” Michael half whispered, “Happy friendsgiving!”

“Turk’ day?” Jeremy mumbled.

“Almost.” Michael laid back down to spoon Jeremy. Technically, friendsgiving would be tomorrow (November 19), but since they were leaving so that everyone would be back home on time Wednesday for pre-thanksgiving chores, and nobody necessarily wanted to wake up at an ungodly hour in the morning again, they were celebrating a day early.

Michael was honestly fine, though, if Jeremy didn’t want to get up right then. He was content to slip off again into a warm sleep--

“MORNING GAYS!” Rich sauntered into their room with what seemed like three or four cups of straight coffee worth of energy.

Michael laughed as Jeremy tucked himself further into the duvet, whining.

“Oh, no!” Rich walked over to Jeremy’s side of the bed, speaking with a sarcastic tone “Did I ruin snuggle time?”

“Oh fuck off, Rich.” Michael rolled his eyes and snorted-- he seemed to be doing that a lot more often lately-- and rolled over, figuring it was probably time to get out of bed anyway.

“My job here is done.” Rich twirled out of the room, patting Michael twice on the cheek. Michael sent him off with a tasteful middle finger. Turning back to Jeremy, he shook his shoulder again.

“C’mon, you gotta get up now.” Michael poked Jeremy in the side. It was pretty cold in the cabin, so he went to hunt down some socks in his bag as he waited for any movement in Jeremy.

“‘S too cold.” Jeremy mumbled into the blanket. He curled into a ball and practically tucked the rest of the comforter around him so he was one big ball of fluff.

“Oh what, do you want me to carry you to the living room?” Michael said in a joking tone.

“Mhm..” Jeremy got quiet as he drifted back into a sleep. Michael meant it completely as a joke, but honestly was down to carry Jeremy into the living room than have to deal with Jeremy’s betrayed look again after being dragged out of bed.

“If you say so.” He bent over Jeremy, grunting as he lifted the burrito of Jeremy from his place on the bed.

Did he trip on the comforter as he turned? Definitely. Did he make sure to prevent any concussions on his or Jeremy’s part? Absolutely. Did he get a few looks when walking into the living room with a human-bed-burrito? For sure. Did he care? Right now he couldn’t say he did, no.

Depositing the Jeremy Roll onto the couch, he turned to face the kitchen island.

Chloe coughed and looked at Michael.

“What?” Michael glanced back at Jeremy to make sure he was in a comfortable spot, then looked back. A few seconds passed of confused silence. Jake looked at Jeremy and back at Michael, then shook his head, grinning.

“Dude, nice move.” he held his hand out for Michael to high five, which he did hesitantly.

“Wait, what?” Ok, Michael was confused.

“Ohhh, oh nice!” Christine started punching Michael’s arm. “Nice nice nice! Why didn't you tell us?”

“You just-” Brooke lowered her voice. “Ohmygod did something happen between you two last night?” Her eyes twinkled with mischief

“Hang on- What are you guys talking about?” Michael looked back at Jeremy again to make sure the commotion didn’t wake him up, and popped a little cantaloupe ball that was sitting in a bowl into his mouth.

“Are you guys together now?” Jenna whisper-yelled.

Welp, there goes that cantaloupe ball. Michael choked on it before managing out “W-what!? No! Absolutely not! Nooooo! NO! No.” He shook his head. “What made you guys think that?”

“Well for starters, Rich walks back here gushing about how you guys were literally spooning. Like, whole, tangled leg situation.” Chloe reached for some cantaloupe.

“Also, you sorta kinda just bundled him up and laid him down on the couch like a baby to make sure he was comfortable.” Christine glanced at Jeremy.

“N-no. He just..” Michael trailed off, deciding if it would be a good idea to tell the group about Jeremy’s nightmares or not. When he looked back up, everyone was giving him an expecting look. “He just had a nightmare is all.”

“Oh. Is he ok?” Brooke looked between the two again, and set down her poptart.

“Uh.. yeah I think he will be.. Anyway, anyone make some coffee yet or do I gotta do the honors?” Michael changed the subject.

“Nope! All you bud.” Jake patted him on the pack while Michael rounded the island to fill the french press with coffee grinds. Rich plugged his phone into the speaker and started to play some Nirvana, which, okay.

Michael noticed Jeremy waking up, but decided not to bug him. Christine ran over to greet him, then plopped down right next to him bringing two pop tarts when he held open the blankets swaddling him as an invitation to sit.

Michael poured everyone a cup of coffee (left untouched so they could decide how they wanted it) except for Christine since she didn’t drink coffee, and Rich because he didn’t need caffeine, and puts his usual amount of creamer and sugar in his cup. He brought Jeremy’s _disgustingly black_ coffee over to him, which he accepted with an adorable little hum of thanks. Their eyes lingered on one another as Jeremy held the coffee close to his chest, and Michael smiled a warm smile.

 

* * *

 

“Hurry the fuck up, yeah?” Rich stood with his arms crossed outside of the car, waiting for Michael to get out of the drivers side. Rich had been bouncing off the walls that day, which totally wasn’t because of a certain surprise he had packed that he knew the group would be having fun with that night. Definitely not.

However, his excess energy sent him, by popular vote, with Michael to the store to buy stuff for dinner.

“I'm coming,” Michael trotted around the front of the minivan to catch up with Rich, before cracking a joke about their assigned reading, which carried them to the front of the store. Rich halted, checking his phone

“Here’s the list that Chlo gave me-- I have a pic here so we can like, split and conquer or however the saying goes.”

“Divide and conquer?” Michael laughed. It felt good being able to joke with Michael. He never used to really be acknowledged by the ‘squad’ unless they bullied him, and Rich honestly still felt really bad about it. Once Jeremy had joined the group (after the squipcident, as Rich liked to call it), they all learned to be a little more accepting, and after spending the rest of their Junior year and the summer bonding, Michael had become a new member of the group. Although still definitely a nerd, he was funny, and Rich was glad to be friends.

****

Rich ran through the isles after being assigned the first half of the list. After spending a relatively short time finding his lot (not without some, er, difficulty in reaching a certain cranberry sauce), he added something onto his mental list-- drinks.

In their first gas station stop in Vermont, Rich had slipped away from the group, and with a stolen I.D, had bought three six-packs of beer and a bottle of vodka. Of course, he had to buy _something_ to be able to mix with the vodka, but what he should buy was an issue.

He ambled into the next isle, passing and ignoring the side dedicated to paper towels, and surveyed the array of sodas in front of him. Before him stood in assorted two-liter bottles several flavors of coke and fanta and sprite, but denounced all of them. He knew Chloe wouldn’t drink sprite, Jake was still convinced Coke had cocaine in it, and he was honestly sick of those jokes, and only had one experience with Fanta, and it may or may not have involved vomiting in a bathtub. So no.

That left one other option-- Mountain Dew. And here’s the thing: Kind of a sore subject in his group. His therapist had suggested talking about it with them, but he had been met with a several pairs of eyes looking not dissimilar to caged wolves, so he had decided to drop the subject and stop talking about the... er, incident with his group. His therapist knew all about it. And she was quite fond of telling him that exposure was normal and healthy, so really, it would be quite productive and would earn him therapy points if he bought the mountain dew. So…

****

Rich met Michael in one of the checkout lines and the two headed back home (not) ready for the day ahead of them.

****

* * *

 

\--3:00pm--

****

The kitchen was bustling about with Michael recruiting the others to help with side dishes and swat Jeremy, Rich, and Christine away from stealing the food since they were relatively useless when it came to cooking. The smell of something sweet overpowered the smell of caramelized onions as Brooke pulled something out of the oven, only to put yet _another_ dish back in. Michael was making stuffing, but with cranberries for some weird reason, Jake was mixing something in the blender, and Jenna and Chloe were in the corner chopping vegetables and peeling potatoes.

Jeremy sat and watched Michael argue with Brooke about whether or not his bread for stuffing deserved to toast in the oven while aggressively preparing a spice mix. He let his chin sink into the back of the couch, not even caring that the pillows were pushing his glasses slowly off his face. All that really mattered was that he could watch Michael, know that he was in the same room as him, know that there were other people with him. As long as he knew he wasn't alone...

“Doin’ a little mid-afternoon pining?” Christine jumped onto the couch, plopping into Jeremy’s lap.

“Jesus- don't scare me like that!” Jeremy jumped, whipping his head around to face Christine. “And no. I'm not ‘mid-afternoon pining.’” He used air quotes, looking back at Michael again, but this time he was making sure that he couldn't hear his and Christine's conversation.

“Mhm. Sure.” She deadpanned as she shifted in Jeremy’s lap, positioning herself to lay with the small of her back on Jeremy’s knees. She stretched and reached up to take Jeremy’s glasses.

“Hey-” He leaned back to try and get away from Christine’s grabbing hand, but was too slow. She slid them onto her face.

“Hm. You have bad vision. You should really get your eyes checked out if this is what you see…”

“Yes because I haven't heard that joke before.”

Christine snorted, crossing her arms behind her head. “Soo. Any updates on Mr. ‘We’re Only Bros’?”

“I wish.” Jeremy leaned his head back and closed his eyes. “You know that if there were any updates you’d be the first person I’d tell, right?” He fiddled with his sleeve.

“I’d better be. I swear you two are so damn oblivious.”

“What? Why does everyone keep saying that?”

“No reason- hey! Brooke took something else out of the oven! Taste testing time!” Christine bounced up and over to the kitchen, still wearing Jeremy’s glasses.

 _So what’s up with you?_ Being so bored out of his mind, Jeremy made conversation with the Squip. _You’ve been pretty quiet all day._

**Just observing. Stop fiddling.**

_You know, I sometimes wonder if Squips can like, update or something. Like a phone can? Can you do that? That would be sick._

**No. I’ve told you before-- there are different versions of Squips. I am version 2.0. Stop fiddling.** Jeremy kept asking questions.

 _So what would happen if I took another, newer version Squip? Not that I would. Obviously. I mean like, would there be two of you? Would you two merge and create a different version? Would you glitch out? Would my brain start lagging? Would it get rid of you?_ Jeremy gave a mental gasp. _Would it be a nicer you that doesn’t want to take over the world!?_ Jeremy flinched as he was shocked from the Squip. _The hell was that for?_

**I told you to stop fiddling.**

_Doesn’t mean you can just shock my whole body! Why didn’t you stop my hand like you normally do when I fidget?_

It changed the subject. **Why do you let yourself be so…** it stared at Jeremy for a moment **you… around these people?**

_Well, cause, they’re my friends._

**Yes, but they will get sick of you if you keep acting like your old self.**

_My old self is my now self. I'm fine with who I am._

**No you are not.**

_Yes I am- what makes you think i’m not?_

**I just know you are not. It is not preferable that you continuously act this way around people. They will not want to spend their time with you. In addition, you always examine yourself in the mirror when you enter the bathroom. Most of the time you focus on weak points you do not like about yourself.**

Jeremy got up to finally fold the blanket Michael brought him in to the couch from earlier this morning. _Whatever._

**Jeremy listen to me.**

_What is there to listen to besides you bitching about my appearance?_

**Jeremy, you need to listen to me.**

Jeremy ignored it and started folding the blanket, bringing it to his and Michael’s room.

**Why have you been acting like this?**

_Because I couldn't give a smaller shit about you._

**I am improving your life. Do not act like you are better than I.**

Once again, Jeremy ignored the computer. He started to make the bed.

 **Jeremiah, I recommend you start responding to me.** It finally re-took its form, standing on the opposite side of the room from Jeremy, who still wasn’t answering.

**Answer me.**

Jeremy turned away in defiance, when a searing pain shot from his neck to his lower back, through his spinal cord, and he could hardly suppress a yelp of pain. The pain left his entire core feeling as if it were burning, his back stiff, and his ribs in on fire. He couldn’t breathe enough-- he hurt too much, and sunk onto his knees onto the floor. Ripping sheets from where they were neatly tucked into the bed frame, he squeezed his eyes shut.

 **You really need to get it in that stubborn little head of yours that I am not something you can just ignore. I am superior to you, I am in charge of you,** **_I am in control_ ** **.** It rarely- if never- shocked him like this before. A sickening sense of fear crashed over Jeremy’s head, rising like bile in his throat and choking him, squeezing the air from his lungs and-- **Look at me.** Jeremy couldn’t refuse. He felt numb, raising his eyes to the squip’s. **You hopeless son of a-**

“Jere?” Michael appeared in the doorway of their room.

Jeremy ripped his eyes from the Squip and immediately tried to relax his face and body, tucking the corner of the sheet back into the bed frame so he didn’t look like he dropped to his knees in pain, which, um, might be a bit of an awkward explanation. “Hm?” His voice was high pitched. The pain lingered in his back.

“Are you.. Ok?”

“Pft. Yeah why wouldn't I be?” Jeremy rose and started to smooth the sheets.

“I dunno you just..”

Jeremy ran out of bed to make so he started fluffing pillows. _I have to busy myself with something. I have to pretend I’m doing something. He’ll get suspicious if I don't-_

“Jeremy?” Michael put a hand on Jeremy’s shoulder, effectively halting him. Jeremy looked at Michael with wide eyes. “Let’s go back to the kitchen, yeah?” Michael started rubbing soothing circles into Jeremy’s skin, and Jeremy lost the remaining tension he held there, leaning back into the touch. He gave a little nod and closed his eyes and took a deep, shaky breath, following Michael into the loud laughter coming from the kitchen.

 

* * *

****

\--6:30--

****

Michael rushed around the kitchen, trying to find nice plates to use for their dinner. He opened cabinets, drawers, and even looked under the sink.

“Michael, its fine. It doesn’t have to be all fancy looking.” Christine patted Michael on the back and handed him a stack of plates that was a mixture of old, chipped plates, and little plastic bright colored plates made for toddlers. _The owners must have a kid…_

“Are you sure it’d be fine? I mean, my moms would kill me if we used-”

“Micheal, it's fine.” Christine smiled.

“You are an inspiration. Did you know that?” Michael relaxed his muscles a little. He didn’t realize how tense he felt.

“Yeah yeah whatever. Now go sit down at the table. You’ve been busting your butt around all day.”

“She’s right. We haven't done anything.” Rich walked in behind her and put his hands on her shoulders.

“No! Its fine! I wanted to do this! Im perfectly happy with it.” Michael tried to keep his ground.

“Really, let us. Plus..” Rich rubbed his neck. “We sorta feel bad for just sitting back all day while you guys were cooking.”

“Please Michael?” Jeremy appeared behind Rich. It was like a train of heads just popping out from behind one another at this point.

“Fine. Christine and Rich can _help._ ”

“What about me!?” Jeremy whined. “I wanna help!”

He sounded like a toddler, _But a cute toddler._ _Ew wait no that sounds wrong._ “No! You’re an exception.”

“Why am I an exception? I wanna help! I _want to help_.” Jeremy was really trying hard “Because you’re a major clutz!”

Jeremy pouted, but Christine and Jake agreed with Michael.

“He’s right.”

“Sorry Jere..”

“Fine. Then I at least get to wash the dishes.” He crossed his arms.

“You hate doing dishes. You complain about your pruney fingers.”

“Then I guess i’ll just have to deal with them today!” Jeremy skipped away, looking happy that he would be able to help with something.

Rich and Christine started on plating food, so Michael left them alone, going to find where Jeremy skipped off to. After asking around, he saw him sitting on the steps of the porch. He was listening to music by the looks of it-- nodding his head along to some rhythm. Michael walked outside and sat next to him.

“Hey.” Jeremy took an earbud out, scooching over to give Michael room to sit.

“Hey.”

“What’s up?”

“Mmmmm.. The sky.”

“Wow.” Jeremy deadpanned. “So creative.” A smile followed, showing that he was at least a tiny bit amused by the joke.

After a few moments of silence, Jeremy offered Michael an earbud, who accepted it gladly. The music sounded familiar-- it was one of Michael’s favorite songs. After 10 minutes of silence and the two easing into and slowly leaning on each other, Michael realized that these were all songs on his spotify account. “Are you listening to my playlist?”

“Mhm.” Jeremy looked like he was starting to fall asleep on Michael’s shoulder.

“Hey,” Michael poked Jeremy’s cheek. “Don't fall asleep yet- we still have to celebrate Friends Turkey Day.”

“Jus’ a nap?” Jeremy whined.

“There you guys are! We’re waiting at the table--” Christine sang, appearing at the door, and twirling right out again.

Michael looked back over at Jeremy. “Guess the universe wants you to get up too.”

They walked inside to see everyone sitting at the table and chatting amongst themselves. Rich was bouncing up and down while trying to sneak a bite of food from the center platter behind Jake’s back, who was policing him to wait until everyone said thanks.  Jenna and Chloe were comparing food photos for which would look better on instagram, Brooke was fixing the plates so they were perfectly lined up and even, and Christine was just sitting back down.

“Alright everyone is finally here, right?” Chloe hopped out of her seat.

“Yup- we’re the slow ones, sorry.” Michael laughed, putting his hands in his pockets. Two seats were empty next to each other right next to Christine’s seat.

“Everyone up! Photo time!” Chloe ran out onto the porch.

“What? No!” Rich whined. “I wanna eat!”

“We have to take the photo now while it’s still light-ish outside! Besides- its golden hour! Everyone looks good during golden hour.”

“Chlooooeeee.”

“The more you whine the longer it will take until you can eat.”

“Fine.”

The group walked outside and Chloe leaned her phone on a windowsill. She directed where everyone should stand against the wooden railing on the patio, and set a timer for the photo. They ended up taking a few different group photos and three selfies, with minimal fuss over which ones should be deleted. Everyone trusted Chloe to pick the most flattering photo.

The group walked back inside and after everyone was settled in their chairs, they gave thanks. Gratefulness for family, friends, opportunity, food, relationships, and privileges were spoken individually, but when it came around to Jenna, she gave a full blown speech.

“I kind of have a lot to say, so, hopefully that means to food will cool off a bit,” She glanced around and was met with no real laughter, but encouraging smiles, so she continued. “I think I have a lot to be grateful for, this year especially so. In meeting you all, I learned that friendships are meant to be your chosen family-- the people who know you for who you are and not for what you do for them.” Rich snorted, and Jenna rolled her eyes. “You know what I mean. It’s like, I met each of you and it’s been such a wonderful and unforgettable experience. Like, Rich, even though you can be kind of a douche, you’re a really funny and wonderful guy, and Jake, you are always the life of a group. Chloe, you are such an amazing and beautiful person, and I’m so, so glad to know you as well as you know me, and Jeremy, meeting you in Drama was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Michael, we’ve connected over so many things and you’ve always been a voice of reason for me when I’m having a hard time, and Christine, I am so, so thankful for your friendship. You put up with my midnight rants on the phone, and you send me playlists because I’m afraid of new music, and I am unbelievably happy to have you in my life. Finally, Brooke, I am beyond grateful to have such a beautiful and wonderful girlfriend. You’ve been my rock, my partner, my moon and stars, the sun and the oceans to me. I love you so much. I love everyone here, so, so much, and I just want to take this moment to say how thankful I am for all of you. Okay I’m done.” Jenna smiled shyly and sat back down.

The table was quiet for a few seconds until-- “Oh my god Jenna that was beautiful!” Christine stood up and applauded.

“I may not act it sometimes, but yeah. I’m glad you're in the squad too, Jenna.” Chloe smiled and leaned across the table to form a half a heart with her fingers, which Jenna completed..

“We love you! I love you!”

“You’re always welcome!”

“Great! Speech! Wow! I care! I honestly, really do! Just-- Can we please fucking eat now?” Rich clapped for Jenna and then the whole table burst into laughter.

“Yes we can ‘fucking eat now’.”

****

Three hours passed in stories and seconds and thirds and jokes and memories. Dusk turned to evening and the stars winked back into existence, signaling songs cut off by laughter and pies with too much whipped cream and a polaroid pictures taken of faces covered in dessert. The night approached on musicals while washing dishes and laughter at dropped plates, and slowly, noise died down from the cottage as two by two, people left the table to change into more comfortable clothes and pile onto too-small couches.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope this end note isn't too much of a /tea/se, but...
> 
> oh, the night has barely even begun.
> 
> (help im still running on tea puns)


	14. Under the Moonlight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night was dark, Michael couldn’t see well, and for all of Jeremy’s drunk bravado, Michael was pretty sure he couldn’t either. Roots rose from nowhere in front of them, and trees reached their hungry arms out to them, but they were more or less following the path and doing a pretty good job of ignoring any sounds coming from bushes. Around ten minutes of pushing past branches and humming songs they had sung, they emerged upon a small shoreline at the edge of the lake, where the moon cast her silver rays upon the gentle water and proud trees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so weve got a problem... Swear_it (she is the one who edits the fic and without her it wouldn't be nearly as good as it is now) is leaving for a month like,, across the fricken US so that would mean that we would need to have 4 ready chapters that I could post while shes gone. We would, but so far theres no promises... so far on the doc im /almost/ done with chapter 16 and we need to be at 21or 20 if im not mistaken in order for us to keep posting. Finals start this Tuesday for me and then after my finals week its hers so we don't really have a lot of time to write/edit. We will try our best but there's a pretty high chance that you guys might not get a couple chapters in a week or two.. if so then ill post an update when the time comes.  
> on a different note-  
> "to anyone catching the romeo and juliet references, ross a comment in and i'll love you forever" -Swear_it (I assume she meant toss not ross xD)  
> YALL HOLY SHITE 10 KUDOS TILL WE ARE AT 100 AND ONLY 5 HITS TILL 1000?!? WE LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH AND CAN'T BELEIVE THIS A;IERUFH;WEIRUFH;PW  
> enjoy!  
> EDIT- OH MY GOD ITS THE NEXT DAY I WAKE UP AND SEE WE HIT 1032 AHHHHHH GUYYSSSS  
> also happy best friends day.. w/o swear_it this fic would not be what it is :)

\--10:00pm--

“Ta-Da, bitches!” Rich set a plate with nine shot glasses onto the coffee table.

“Rich. No.” Jake pulled the plate away from Rich.

“Rich. Yes.” Chloe took the plate from Jake and took a glass for herself.

“C’mon! Its Friendsgiving we can all get a little drunk! Who cares? We’re in the middle of nowhere.” Rich took a glass from the plate and downed it.

“Wait.. originally there were 9 glasses but there's 8 of us?” Jeremy recounted the cups in confusion.

“Yeah. Two for me.” Rich grabbed another glass before Jake could take it away from him and drank it.

“Whatever. He has a point.” Jenna sighed and reached for a glass, making direct eye contact with Jake as she downed it without so much as a flinch.

“I- I’ve never..” Christine looked between Jenna and the plate in shock.

“You don't have to do it, Chris.” Rich reassured her.

“I-” She was silent for a few seconds until speaking again. “Oh what the hell, I’m seventeen fucking years old, I need to learn to live a little.” She plugged her nose and downed her glass, before coughing most of it up, sputtering. 

“Oh my god, that is the worst thing I’ve ever,” she coughed more, “ever tasted in my entire life. Is there something, like, chiller?”

Christine’s comment earned a few laughs from around the table, and her cause for drinking convinced Brooke and Jake (who was rewarded with a kiss on the cheek from Rich,) to take their own glasses.

**Jeremy, You cannot allow yourself to have even a sip of alcohol.**

_ But I want to? Everyone is drinking and I genuinely want to have in on the fun. _

**I will be shut off and who knows what you will do.**

_ Oh that's right-- Alcohol ‘reverts you to your original setting’  _ Jeremy mimicked the Squip. He had honestly been so fed up with the stupid thing lately. Honestly, it would be so much better if it would just shut down.

**Jeremy I can’t let you do that.**

_ Why? You scared I’ll drink red? _

**No, I'm** **_worried_ ** **that you will make an idiotic decision that we will both regret.**

Jeremy went to reach for a glass, knowing that the Squip would make him move it away. When his arm flinched back, he used his other to grab the drink and gulp it down.

**DUMBASS.**

_ Rekt.  _ Jeremy smiled and watched Rich run off into the kitchen, grabbing the whole bottle of vodka, a pack of beer, and… something else? 

It took a second for Jeremy to see it, but when he realized what it was, his heart started pounding. Well, either it was pounding because of the bottle of weird looking Mountain Dew in Rich’s hand, or because the vodka was hitting Jeremy  _ way _ faster than he thought it would.

**Jeremy, I warned you! You cannot drink that!**

_ But it's not even red or the regular! It should be fine, right? _

**N-** The squip glitched in and out of Jeremy’s view, accompanied by a searing headache, with the squip’s voice reverberating in his head.  **N-No! Tha-a-a-at’s M------ta-n D-- G--ng--!**

_ What the fuck? _

**It- Kōdo reddo**

_ Oh god not again--  _

**Jeremy sore wa watashi no settei o henkō shimasu- D-don't drink-** Its form was flickering now.

_ What? _

**That y--u are an idi---t! It will ch-henka suru- my setti!** And with that, it froze before powering down and its image fading away.

Jeremy felt a wave of panic before coming to the conclusion that it just didn’t trust Jeremy to go about without it, and wanted to ‘rule’ over him. He took a breath and smiled, pretending like nothing happened, and accepted the mixture of Mountain Dew Ginger and vodka from Rich. After nothing happening the first sip, he drank the rest and let himself loose. Michael was the last to take a glass, but once everyone had at least something to drink, Brooke got an idea. 

* * *

 

-10:30-

“Brooke, Sweetie, I love you, but this is the dumbest fucking idea you’ve ever had.” Michael looked at the empty beer bottle (thanks, Rich) that she held in her hand. Everyone was on either their second cup of whatever the hell college margarita Rich was making, or their second bottle of beer. They spent a little time telling more embarrassing stories until Brooke got the idea to play a spin the bottle version of never have I ever after hearing the story of Chloe’s first kiss. 

“Just come sit down with us! It’ll be fun!” She patted the floor as an invitation for Michael to sit down, and explained the rules as Rich came back to the circle with a shot glass and the bottle of vodka. “Ok. So. I spin the bottle, and whoever it lands on will say ‘never have I ever’ and then they continue with what they’ve never done. Once everyone has answered and has taken a shot if they’ve done it, then the person who just went will spin. Here’s the catch: if the person can’t come up with something they’ve never done in 10 seconds, it turns into a round of truth or dare. The person who asks truth or dare will be the one who just spun the bottle. Got it?”

“That’s so fucking complicated.” Michael whined, but sat down in the circle nevertheless. He wasn’t really a lightweight, so at least he (hopefully) wouldn’t end up blacking out. 

“I’ll start!” Jenna volunteered. “Never have I ever kissed a boy.” She watched as everyone but her and Michael (Michael has never even kissed someone before) took a shot. 

“Basic.”

“That’s targeting!”

“What? No it isn’t.”

“Deadass you’ve never kissed a guy?”

“Too bad for you. They are real fucking good kissers.” Rich leaned into Jake and kissed him,  _ passionately,  _ until Brooke pulled the two away from each other so they could continue the game. Jenna spun the bottle, which landed on Christine. 

“Oh! Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Never have I ever- Uh. Never have I ever seen a broadway musical!” Christine panicked, but let out a heavy breath of relief when she took her turn. 

“Laaaaaame.”

“Well sheesh. Sorry I don’t have anything interesting to say then.”

Michael looked around the room to see if anyone picked up their glass, but stopped when Jeremy was the only one. Christine gasped. 

“WHAT?! WHAT SHOW?! WAS IT AMAZING?? WHO WAS IN IT?! WHEN?!” She pestered Jeremy with questions until he swallowed. 

“Lion King.” He laughed, pushing her shoulders down gently to signal she could sit back down. “One day my dad had to take a trip to New York City and since it was a weekend he decided he would surprise me.”

“Lucky.” Christine sulked, but immediately brightened up when Jeremy said the next one he went to they could go together. 

****

A couple rounds and a third of the vodka gone, Chloe had to answer a truth by Jenna. 

“Who’s better looking? Dustin K or Madeline?”

“Duh! Dustin! You think I would really vote for that ‘french’ slut?” Chloe answered like she was offended by the question. 

“Weeelllllll…” Jake gave Chloe a look that said he disagreed. 

“You can’t be serious. You really think Madeline is better looking?”

“I mean.. yeah she kinda is.” Brooke nodded her head. Murmurs of agreement that Madeline was cuter was heard as everyone voiced their opinion. 

“Look. I’m gay and even  _ I  _ think Madeline is hotter.” Michael snorted at Chloe’s reaction. 

“Mmmm. I dunno. I think i’m gonna have to agree with Chlo on this one.” Jeremy shrugged, reaching over to give Chloe the high five she was asking for. 

“Thank you!”

“Really bro? But would you like, get down with him?”

“Yeah- I mean- depends. I’d wanna at least know him first, I just think that Dustin is way better looking. Plus, he’s kinda sweet.  _ I think.” _ Jeremy laughed. 

_ Hold up.  _ Michael’s jaw dropped. He couldn’t look away from Jeremy, who was acting like everything was perfectly fine.  _ Wh- He- I didn't- WHAT?! DID JEREMY JUST PREFER DUSTIN OVER MADELINE? STRAIGHT JEREMY JUST PREFERRED A BOY OVER A GIRL? WHAT? _

After another round, Michael finally found the words to speak again. “JEREMY YOU'RE BI?” 

Everyone stopped what they were doing to look at Michael. Suddenly, laughter rang out. 

“You didn’t know?” Jeremy snorted. 

“Dude how can you be so oblivious!?” Rich was practically crying. 

“How stupid are you, Mike?” Chloe lightheartedly teased, patting him on the back. 

“I- What?!” Michael was at a loss for words again. “You never? Told me? Why didn’t you come out to me?”

“I dunno” Jeremy shrugged. “I thought it was obvious. Pretty much everyone knew so I just assumed..”

“No! I didn’t know! At all!” 

“Well now you do. C’mon let’s keep playing!” Jake was getting annoyed with the change of topic, but Michael barely paid attention to the next couple of rounds. His thoughts were swirling with newfound hope. If Jeremy was bi, maybe, just maybe, he did have a chance after all. 

* * *

--11:45--

Ok.. maybe drinking so much was a bit of a bad idea, but Jeremy deserved it. He’ll probably regret it tomorrow, but yeah. He deserved it. At the moment he was walking behind everyone as they marched their way to a little fire pit outside with a circle of chairs around it. The chairs were surrounded by a circle of tall pine trees, leaving the dark sky as the only thing they could see out of the trees. 

Rich wanted and tried his very best to make sure everyone was having a good time. Of course he brought the drinks (or atleast what was left), and sat everyone down in their own seat. “Alright, you know what happens now.” Rich smiled, putting the flashlight, their only source of light besides the moon and stars, under his face.

“Honestly, no. And I’m scared if its your idea.” Chloe muttered. She sat next to Jake, starting to get a little handsy with him. After all, they  _ did _ used to date.

“FIRE!” Rich yelled as he struck a match and threw it into the pit. 

There was a fantastic spark for a second until it was quiet and no fire at all. 

“Idiot.”

“Whoops.” Rich bent over and got a new match, carefully lighting the fire correctly and turning off his flashlight.

“What do we do now, sing campfire songs?” Jenna sarcastically commented as she got comfortable in her chair.

“Actually, that sorta sounds fun.” Brooke leaned forward, putting her elbows on her knees.

“I, uh, I actually brought a ukulele.” Michael sat up from where he was sitting.

“Bro you can play the uke?” Jake reached out for a high five until he realized he was on the other side of fire, so he settled with an air five.

“I’ll go grab it.” Michael hopped out of his chair and ran towards the cabin.

Jeremy watched as Michael disappeared behind the trees, but before he did, just..  _ Damn. That ass.  _ Did Jeremy really just have that thought? Did he really,  _ really just- _ He prepared himself for a snarky comeback or comment from the Squip, but when nothing came he remembered that it was shut off. That meant that-  _ Oh my god. Now I can do whatever the hell I want and not get judged by the stupid thing.  _ Maybe in hindsight it would have been better if the Squip was there, but then again Jeremy felt  _ good. _ Like, he felt more confident than normal good.

A few minutes later, Michael returned with the little ukulele in his hands. “Any song requests?” He huffed as he fell into his seat.

Everyone shouted their own song they wanted to hear, but Jeremy stayed quiet. He just looked at Michael, staring at him. Jeremy watched as he laughed at some of the suggestions, his adam’s apple bobbing, the fire reflecting off of his glasses. He looked really,  _ really _ happy. Michael turned his head towards Jeremy, who instead of flinching away or pretending he wasn’t looking, met his steady gaze, and honest-to-god winked. Jeremy didn’t miss Michael’s swallow and break of eye contact, and definitely didn’t miss his shift in position, crossing his legs.

“All right, Frank Sinatra it is.” He adjusted himself so the ukulele rested against his thigh. After a few moments (and a few whoops from their friends), he started to strum. Jeremy didn’t know what it was at first until he realized it was his favorite song- ‘My Way’. Of course Michael would play Jeremy’s favorite song. Of course he knew the chords. Of course he stuck his tongue in between his teeth almost like he was biting down on it but not quite to the point of where it would hurt-- just a concentration habit. The next chord Michael played- a ‘D’- was slow. Then he played it again. Then.. again.. “What? Are you gonna sing for us or am I gonna have to keep replaying this chord until someone else does?” Michael snorted, looking at Jeremy.

“Me!? No. No way.” He giggled, sitting on the edge of his seat. 

“C’mon, Jeremy!” Jake clapped for him.

“Yeah! You can do it!” Brooke cheered, reaching over and giving him a little shoulder shake from where she was sitting in the chair next to him.

“Guys it's Frank-fucking-Sinatra. I'm not gonna butcher one of the best songs out there.” Jeremy tried to defend himself, but in all honesty, he sorta wanted to do it.

Christine snorted. “Trust me. I’ve seen kids  _ kill _ Frank Sinatra’s songs. In a bad way. You’re fine.”

“Alright then.” He sat up with an awkward smile, bent to the side to take a quick sip of whatever the hell he was drinking (he lost track a while ago), and cleared his throat. Michael strummed a couple of times until reaching the chord that properly starts the song. “And now..” 

Rich booed from his chair. “Louder, you twig!”

“The end is near,” Jeremy got louder, covering his face with his hands, before glancing through his fingers at Michael, who was grinning. A smile spread over his face, and he stood up and started walking around his friends while singing, getting Christine to join in for a couple of verses, and danced around Jake and Rich.

By the time the song was done, Jeremy felt fuzzy. Happy fuzzy- not drunk fuzzy. Well, maybe a little drunk fuzzy. Or.. a lot. Nevertheless, he was fuzzy. He sat back down in his chair next to Michael and watched him carefully as he started to play the next song. After about an hour or two of playing songs and singing, Rich decided they should tell scary ghost stories, because, ‘What else are you supposed to do when singing and sitting around a campfire?’ ****  
** **

* * *

\--1:45--

Michael had set his ukulele down a while ago, listening to the, quite admittedly, terrible ghost stories Rich was telling. At this point they weren’t very comprehendable since Rich was slurring a bit too much to understand anything he was saying, but the group played along and nodded their heads as if they knew exactly what he was saying. 

Then again, Michael would be a bit hypocritical thinking that since he really wouldn’t be able to do any better. He looked over at Jeremy, who actually looked scared of Rich’s story. Once Rich finished, Christine slowly stood up to mention how they should all probably head to sleep. A few murmurs of agreement were voiced around the circle and Rich went to try and blow out the fire like it was a candle, but was sad to find it didn’t work. Jake patted him on the back and shoveled some dirt over the remaining flame to put it out.

“Mmmm thank you Jakey-Poo.” Rich cooed, reaching up to cover Jake’s face in kisses, which, honestly, no one needed to see. 

The girls all linked arms to walk back to the cabin together since they were apparently all scared of walking alone. Michael continued sitting, waiting for Jeremy to stand up. When he didn’t, he turned his head, and Michael met Jeremy’s eyes.  _ God, Jeremy’s eyes are- _ Michael just stared. He couldn’t find a word to describe how.. How  _ indescribable _ they were. They gleamed and reflected the dying firelight and seemed akin to all the stars in the night sky, brighter, even, and Michael had to lick his lips before asking,  “You wanna head back to the cabin?”

“Mmmmmno.”

“Ya wanna stay here?”

“No.”

Michael let out a small laugh. “Then where d’ya wanna go?”

Jeremy shrugged his shoulders and stood up, taking small steps towards Michael to make sure he didn’t fall. The alcohol was probably hitting him at full force now, and if Michael knew anything about when Jeremy was high, he would be the confident-sleepy type when drunk. That’s only if Jeremy acted the same way drunk as he did high, though. Usually Jeremy would get real confident, which he saw earlier when he almost completely  _ owned  _ the songs he was singing, but now since he was at his peak, he’d probably start to fall asleep soon.

“Walk?”

“Okey.” Jeremy waited for Michael to stand up, and they linked arms. The two walked down a little strayed gravel path across from the one that led back to the cabin. Having not been down this path before, since this was the first time they had visited the fire, they honestly had no clue where they were going, but they figured it led somewhere near the lake, unless it took some violent right turn.

The night was dark, Michael couldn’t see well, and for all of Jeremy’s drunk bravado, Michael was pretty sure he couldn’t either. Roots rose from nowhere in front of them, and trees reached their hungry arms out to them, but they were more or less following the path and doing a pretty good job of ignoring any sounds coming from bushes. Around ten minutes of pushing past branches and humming songs they had sung, they emerged upon a small shoreline at the edge of the lake, where the moon cast her silver rays upon the gentle water and proud trees.

Michael looked over at Jeremy, whose eyes seemed to have grown ever brighter in the darkness, hindered no longer by the fire, but like the sun in their light. He studied the silver dusted on Jeremy’s cheek, the small bump on his nose and, like gravity, his eyes were pulled to Jeremy’s lips, remarkable not for just their (in Michael’s opinion,) impeccable shape and color, but because they were Jeremy’s, and goddamn if Michael didn’t want to kiss Jeremy right now. He watched as Jeremy’s eyes fluttered closed, and felt Jeremy’s breath hitch against him-- (which, as an aside, how had they gotten so close?) Michael, keeping his eyes trained on Jeremy’s face, rested his forehead against his, and Jeremy’s eyes opened again, meeting his, before Michael felt his arms snake around his neck.

Technically, they had hugged like this before-- when Jeremy wanted to dance to slow songs because he was sad, when Michael was high out of his mind because he was sad, when both of them were desperate to see one another-- needed each other like they needed air to breathe--  because they didn’t know if the last few months were a dream or if the squip had really taken everything away from them. 

The thing that was different, Michael thought, about this moment, was that he could not find even the smallest bit of sadness in him. He felt alive, with Jeremy’s arms lazily looped around his neck and his hands finding a way to Jeremy’s waist, alive with the feeling of shared air and shared personal space, but mostly, he felt alive, with the dizzying presence of Jeremy and alcohol coursing through his veins.

Then, Jeremy’s eyes slipped closed, and his arms drew tighter around Michael’s neck, and Michael didn’t dare dream, didn’t dare close his eyes or hope Jeremy was about to do what he wanted so badly Jeremy to do, he couldn’t breathe, wouldn’t dare breathe, and then--

And then Michael learned what it was like to live, as Jeremy surged forward and connected their lips in a firework. Michael was electric, Michael was on fire, Michael was a live wire, and there really was nothing for him to do but bring Jeremy ever closer, to remove his hand from Jeremy’s waist and bring it to his neck as Jeremy’s moved into his hair, try to forget that he had to breathe so this moment didn’t have to end. 

The fire from before, the light reflected on the lake, the moon itself, the stars, couldn’t hold a candle to how bright Michael burned as he let go, sharing the same air with Jeremy, again, breathing together for a moment before Michael decided that he couldn’t not kiss Jeremy again, he was pretty sure he needed Jeremy to survive, so he pulled him in again, lighting up into a meteor, and time it was better, it wasn’t hesitant, the two were one, and the two were the only ones alive. Michael wasn’t aware that he was walking Jeremy back against a tree, until Jeremy let go with a gasp, his head thudding against the trunk, and Michael grinned against Jeremy’s neck as he peppered kisses onto his skin. 

Five minutes made of exchanged kisses and giggles slipped through their fingers, and as Jeremy laughed into his neck again, Michael wondered at the amount of money he had spent on pot, when this was so much fucking better, unbelievably so, and he wasn’t even a little upset when Jeremy slipped into a state of half-wakefulness with a smile.

So Michael carried him, reliving what was probably the best few moments of his entire life on the fifteen minute walk back to the cabin, tucking Jeremy into bed with little protest and slipping in right next to him. Before he felt himself drift off, he bestowed a kiss on Jeremy’s soft hair, slipping into gentle sleep in bliss.

****

The next morning woke Michael up with a headache that had no comparison, and a light that was way too bright for its own good. The only thing keeping him from wanting to curse everything and everyone was the sleeping lump of Jeremy who was cradled in Michael’s arms and snoring softly. 

Michael nuzzled into Jeremy’s neck until the events from the previous night trickled slowly into his recollection, laughing with his friends at dinner, the chill of outside and the burn of alcohol on his throat, the thrum of the ukulele strings under his fingers and Jeremy’s voice braiding itself into the music. He remembered spin the bottle and never have I ever and his friends teetering off to bed, a midnight hike and-- and pinning Jeremy against a tree as they exchanged kisses like conversation and laughed like there was no other way to exhale. Michael remembered feeling brighter than a million suns, but now, waking softly with Jeremy in his arms, he felt like a candle, warm and comforting, yet his undiluted joy still found itself in every fibre of his being. He had mustered up the courage, well, technically Jeremy did, but the point was that he had done it, they had kissed, and it was better than Michael could have ever dreamed. And to think that there was now most likely an opportunity to be in a relationship with Jeremy, who he had unknowingly pined for for years-- He might as well chalk the morning up to the best one he’s had in awhile.

That is, unless Jeremy regretted everything. The lightness he had felt grew heavy in his limbs at the possibility, but before he could adequately overthink, Jeremy shifted in his arms, and Michael let go, hoping not to wake him.

“Mmm.” Jeremy turned over to face him, and Michael slowly extracted his arm out from under him. Then, Michael sat up, and the headache that he thought he had before multiplied by ten, and not having his glasses to help him focus didn’t help his case. He slowly stood up and made his way to the bathroom to get some advil, bringing four of the teal pills back into the room. Opening the bottle of water sitting on his nightstand, he swallowed two of them, saving the other two for Jeremy when he woke up. As if on cue, Jeremy rolled over again and opened one of his eyes to look at Michael.

“Mornin’ sunshine.” Michael got back into the bed and laid with Jeremy. Not too close so  they couldn’t make eye contact, but close enough to the point where their legs were still tangled in each others.

“Mmmm everything hurts.” Jeremy croaked out and shut his eyes again, furrowing his eyebrows.

“Like a bitch,” Michael agreed and twisted to get the water and advil on his nightstand to hand to Jeremy. “C’mon. Sit up. You’ll start to feel better after taking these.”

Jeremy groaned and slowly sat up before holding a hand to his head. “Why is ev’rything so bright?”

“Good question.” Michael would have gone into the scientific explanation of why everything hurt, such as how there could be an accumulation of excess acetaldehyde, but he was in too much pain himself to explain it.

After Jeremy swallowed, he just dropped the bottle of water on the floor, seemingly not caring enough to turn over and place it on his nightstand. The second it hit the floor, the two boys flinched at the noise being too loud for them to handle despite it being a  _ water bottle. _

He laid back down and met Michael’s eyes. “How’re you feelin’?”

“Mmmumph.” Jeremy responded as he turned his head to bury himself in his pillow.

“Soo..” How should he bring it up? Should he bring it up at all? Would it be better if he didn’t? Would they just sort of ease into the conversation? Or eachother? Would the night just remain unspoken of, and would Michael just have to box up his feelings again, never to speak of again? “Last night was…” He struggled for a word to describe it.

“Hm?” Jeremy looked at Michael again.

“I don't even know how to explain it.” He laughed. “How would you?”

“I would tell you if I could.” Jeremy mumbled, bringing the covers a little past his chin.

“What d’you mean?” Michael poked Jeremy’s side with a grin on his face.

“If ‘m being completely real-- I don't remember shit.”

“What?” Michael felt his stomach drop, along with his smile.

“Dude. That was my first time properly drinking if we don’t count last year’s Halloween party. I legit barely remember going outside. I don’t even know how I got in bed.”

So, the last thing Jeremy remembered was walking outside. That was it. That meant Jeremy didn’t remember when they sang, or when the two of them took that walk to the lake, or even when they-- Michael felt nauseous.

“You ok?” Jeremy opened his other eye to look at Michael fully, who took a second to respond.

“Y-yeah. I just.. I-” He felt sick, is what. Whether it was from the beers, or perhaps this newfound rip in his heart, he felt like he could throw up at any moment. He gagged a second before sitting up abruptly. “I feel really nau-” He cut himself off with gagging again. Running into the bathroom, Michael barely made it before he threw up into the toilet bowl, the bile burning the back of his throat while he gasped for air in between vomiting. All though it felt like forever, even thinking he was done when he actually wasn’t, by the time he finished and was too exhausted to move yet, he rested his face on his arm that laid on the seat. 

Michael didn’t realize it until he blinked, but he had started crying. All this fucking progress. Every little feeling Michael felt, every high hope, every idea that he even let himself think, every single day he had spent pining for Jeremy, wishing that one day they could become at least  _ something. _ Even last night when he let himself think about how maybe he could have a chance, but no. No, that wouldn’t happen anymore. It  _ couldn’t _ . At this point, every step Michael took forwards was two steps back, and all he could think about was his rotten luck, and fuck vodka for making him feel this way.

Because Michael didn’t know that much about how alcohol affected memory, but he was pretty damn sure that when your life changes, and you find what you’ve been looking for, you’ll fucking remember it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okaY oKaY OKAY pLEASE DONT KILL ME FOR THAT.  
> look. here in this household of The Presence of Wonder fanfiction, I have this craving for angst and swear_it is a literal bag of sugar when it comes to fluff (which by the way, can we please get some love and appreciation for her? she wrote the entire kissing scene and then she went to sleep and i kept writing and as you can see, i McFuckingRuined it.  
> i know i know our boys dont deserve anyof this  
> they are about to go through a rought patch. like, a /rough/ fucking patch. ples forgiv me for meh sins
> 
> abt the japanese: I used google translate but I did some other things and it should be fairly accurate? I realized that translate only uses kanji so if you tried copy and pasting the letters in it wont do anything. I had notes on what it all meant but they got lost so each should be pretty self explanatory or roughly like "code red" "Jeremy it will change my settings" (something else I forget but eh its not that important just some rude and pissy squip talk)  
> if you do know Japanese and ur like what r u doing u didn't conjugate/use that in the right spot/use the right word-- these r half Japanese half English sentences so its weird formatting lmao..  
> anyway.. hope you enjoyed this beautiful mess?


	15. The Ghosts That Haunt Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dear God, why couldn’t Jeremy just relax? After everything the previous night, Michael should be the one staring into space and on the verge of tears, but Jeremy said he didn’t even fucking remember it, so obviously something was up with him, and hell, Michael had no clue what. For now, all he could do was mix cheese into eggs and pour the mixture into a pan to scramble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yooo im writing this ch note at 10:55pm on a FRIDAY! yeah im just like,, really tired right now and idk why but im just beat and ik that tmo ill forget to upload (no i wont but i hate uploading 'late') so whop where u go  
> ^ ok i wrote that literally 15 minutes ago bc swear_it snapped me and i got distracted like its 11:11 rn OMG MAKE A WISH k im bac- uh yeah i got a buncho snaps from her and im suddenly not tired so whop.
> 
> Sooo remember that whole angst/fluff process i was talking about in last chapters notes? ... y e a h.
> 
> ALO UH IDK ABOUT U GUYS BUT BEETLEJUICE SHOULD HAVE WON THE FUCKING SCENIC DESIGN FUKCIGN NOT HADESTOWN IM SORRY BUT-- ig we r all entitled to our own opinion just,,. *breatheee* aH ok im bacc- uh yea i just dont get the hype w hadestown lmao aLso still lowkey salty about the whole no credit mitb parody thing uhhh
> 
> and hooray! I passed my finals! (thats surprising considering i didnt fucking study for any of them whoopsie lmao) no everyone wish good luck to swear_it who starts hers on monday! she has been studying so hard and ngl shes high key no doubt gonna ace all of them.
> 
> i just- i hate summer. i dont hate it i just- hng big sad i like autumn more. idk sorry lmao i just- aH i almost passed out the other day but before that happened my friend had to force my hoodie off of me so we wouldnt repeat smth that happened last year ahhhhh
> 
> ALSO CAN KEANU REEVES STOP MAKING AN ENTERANCE IN ALL OF MY ADS I GET ON SNAP AND INSTA
> 
> PPS ITS 11;37 NOW BC I KEEP SPACING OUT BUT I FORGOT TO MENTION WE HIT 100 KUDOS!? OVER 1000 HITS AND 100 KUDOS YOU ARE ALL AMAZONGA AND WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH!  
> ok! enjoy! (or try to uhh..)

When Michael came back, he was muttering something about how he should probably get something to eat. Jeremy tried his best to remember last night. He really, really did, but nothing came to mind. Why did Michael look so upset? Did they fight? Hopefully not. In all fairness, his head _did_ hurt like hell, but he wasn’t expecting himself to blackout. That has only really happened to him once before. Well, once not counting those few times he was high off of his ass with Michael and the two of them played through the entirety of Doki Doki Literature Club and the next morning they woke up to find a pixelated and freaky-as-fuck anime girl on the screen whose name was supposedly Monika. They got curious about what the game was once they were sober and replayed it, and, now that Jeremy was thinking about it, Monika sort of reminded him of the squip, just way more yandere. The idea is still there though.

**Honesty, I am quite offended you find me anything like that character. She is a bit of a… how do you phrase it.. Looney bin. Kids these days really shouldn’t be playing games like that.**

Jeremy froze in this middle of him sitting up. He knew that was the Squip. It had to be, but.. That was _not_ Keanu Reeves’ voice. The one he was hearing in his head was way too familiar, and way too feminine. _What the fuck?_

The Squip materialized in front of Jeremy, who couldn’t believe his eyes. Standing in front of him wasn’t Keanu Reeves, but a woman, a few inches shorter than Jeremy, and she looked around middle-aged with long, curly, light brown hair. She looked so, _so_ familiar.

“M-mom?” Jeremy whispered. A feeling of  confusion and--yearning-- fell over him. He looked at his own eyes in his mother’s face, piercing and clear, and Jeremy just about forgot everything around him. His sole focus was her. “How?”

 **Silly.** She, or.. it, sat down. Some part of Jeremy screamed at him that this isn’t real, it wasn’t his real mother, his real mother left and this was simply the squip, but Jeremy didn’t listen, couldn’t listen, couldn’t put two and two together. Not right now. **I’ve always been here.**

“But you- you left? A-and dad and I, we didn't-- we didn’t hear from you. You moved on you-” Jeremy barely reached above a whisper, tears starting to gather at the corner of his eyes. The hologram bent over so that it was sitting on its knees, holding Jeremy’s hands.

 **I never left, sweetheart.** It smiled, corner of its eyes crinkling from laugh lines as it moved to put a hand onto his cheek. **Oh, you drank way too much last night.** It sighed with a laugh before standing back up and looking at the water bottle on the floor. **You should probably have some water. It’ll help you.**

“I…”

 **Jere, drink some water.** It smiled sweetly, folding its hands together and letting them fall.

Jeremy slowly nodded and bent over to pick up the bottle that laid on the floor, despite how much it hurt to even move. This was too much for him. All he wanted to do was go back to sleep. After taking a few sips, his ‘mother’ started to speak again.

 **I remember the first time I got completely** **_wasted._ ** **Actually, it was the night I met your father.** It laughed, looking like it was reminiscing in a time almost a million years ago. **Little did either of us know that after a few different relationships and a couple of years, a chance encounter would get us to talk to each other.** It moved to sit next to Jeremy on the bed. There was no indent in the mattress where his mother's form should be, but he didn’t notice. **Do you remember the stories I used to tell you about us? It was early April at the time. I got stood up by my date and was left alone, sitting at a table at the little cafe on the corner of the boulevard at-**

“At Shrewsbury avenue.” Jeremy finished, giving a small laugh as a tear fell.

 **That’s right.** It smiled even wider. **He had just been released from his job and decided he needed to get a caffeine boost. That’s when he saw me. After realizing that we met before, he walked over to my table with his coffee and sat down, reintroducing himself. We ended up spending the morning talking about old friends and times we had forgotten about. After we left the cafe we took a walk together and found-**

“The cinema next to MBHS. You saw the re-showing of the Titanic.” Jeremy cut it off again, remembering the endless times his mother would tuck him into bed at night, telling Jeremy stories of when she and his father first met.

**And we both cried like babies. Things just took off from there. I’ve gotta say, you and Christine would have made an adorable couple, but you and Michael are even cuter.**

Jeremy's smile faded from his face as he looked down at his hands that were picking at the blanket in his lap. “Yeah, well I don't know about that anymore.”

**Why’s that, sweetheart? You look like you’re so in love with him, why not give it a shot?**

“B-because I think I screwed it up bigtime last night.”

 **Oh? What happened?** A quiet moment passed. **Honey, stop fiddling.** A hand was placed over Jeremy’s, stopping the movement.

“I- I don't remember. I think I drank _way_ too much last night and.. And this morning when we woke up it was almost like he was upset. I think I did something wrong and I d-don't know how to fix it. I _can't_ fix it if I don't know what I did.” Jeremy watched as a tear dropped onto their hands. Only, it fell through his mother’s hand and onto his. Confusion piqued in the back of his mind, but Jeremy was immediately pulled back to his mother's attention.

**Would you like me to help?**

“I-you can do that?” Jeremy looked back at its face, making eye contact.

 **Of course I can, Jere. Just give me a second.** She didn't break eye contact from Jeremy, only her eyes, his mothers eyes, disappeared, and the eye socket was filled with the grey static on a TV. Her kind expression dropped to neutral, and a man's voice layered with his mothers. **Accessing neuro memory.**

Jeremy felt his heart sink as he recoiled, now sitting back in fear. The movement was too fast for Jeremy, and darkness threatened to swallow his vision, and he stood on two wobbly legs. He steadied himself on the nightstand, looking back at the hologram of his ‘mother’, who glitched for a second. His _mother_ just _glitched_. Reality came back, hitting him like a truck. The same love and sadness he was feeling only a moment ago was replaced now with fear and sickness. His headache returned, along with an unwelcome feeling of nausea.

 **Access procedure failed.** The static disappeared and was replaced with his mother’s eyes once again. **I’m sorry, sweetie, but I can’t help you right now. My systems are not allowing me to recall events from last night.**

“Systems are not allowing you..” Jeremy copied the squip. “God, you dick.” Jeremy growled. Anger coiled in his stomach and loneliness reared its head inside his chest, drawing itself tight around Jeremy’s lungs so he couldn’t breathe right.

 **Ah, you realize I am your Squip now. Good.** It kept his mother's appearance and voice.

“What the hell? What do you mean good?” Jeremy clutched the edge of the nightstand, his knuckles turning white.

**I thought that I could use the opportunity to ease your mind for a second. You needed it, Jere-Jere.**

“Don’t you fucking dare call me Jere-Jere,” Jeremy spoke, his voice raising in octave. “You think it's so funny to pretend to be my mother?”

 **Not at all. I am a computer, honey. I do not have the processing capability to** ** _feel_** **emotions.**

“Stop _fucking_ acting like my mother. Stop fucking looking like her, stop fucking talking to me like she would. Go back to goddamn Keanu Reeves! This? This was never an option. This was never a _fucking_ option.” Jeremy warned, drawing closer to the offending squip and pointing an accusatory finger at it. He was livid, he felt like he could scream the world silent, rip it apart with his bare hands, and advancing on the squip, hand shaking, and moved to jab his finger into its, into his mother’s chest, when it passed right through. He turned away, desperate to hold something, rip something, destroy _something_ if he couldn’t destroy the squip. He settled for rubbing violently at the skin on the inside of his finger, rubbing away layers of skin until it reddened, until it was tender to the touch, but he needed an outlet.

 **I do not have an option to do anything. This was all your fault, Jeremy.** It took on a tone that his mother used to use when lecturing him, or when in court handling a case.

“How the hell was this my fault?”

 **Shush. Do not speak to me out loud. I** ** _told_** **you not to drink the Mountain Dew Ginger, Jeremy. I tried to explain to you last night before you so rudely cut me off by disobeying me that by drinking Mountain Dew Ginger, your squip’s settings is automatically changed to take on the appearance and act like a parent or parental figure in the hosts life.**

“You’ve got t’ be shitting me.”

**Young man! Do not use curses around me. And what did I tell you? Speak to me in your head.**

“Stop.”

 **Jeremy, Darling. Why won't you listen to me? I understand that the mistake you made last night consuming Mountain Dew was idiotic but please, darling-** It took slow steps towards Jeremy, who squeezed his eyes shut.

“S-Stop.” All he wanted was for this to go away. How long could these effects last?

**Jeremy-**

“P-Please..” Jeremy kept his eyes closed. He jerked his head back after feeling a hand on his cheek. Old memories of his eighth grade year flooded back. The violence, the intensity of it all-- He felt another hand on his shoulder. “Sto-op.” A sob came out. Since when did he start to cry?

“Jere? Please, what's wrong?” It was Michael's voice, not his mothers that rang out. Jeremy slowly opened his eyes to see Michael standing in front of him, his left hand hovering over his cheek and his right over his shoulder. _Had it been Michael’s hands and not hers- or- its?_

“Michael?” Jeremy made eye contact with Michael’s soft, brown eyes. It was a stark difference compared to his mother’s cold, empty ones that the squip wore. Michaels we're loving. Michaels were actually, _physically_ there. They wouldn’t disappear to static. They couldn’t.

“Are.. you ok? C-can I touch-” Tears blurred Jeremy’s vision as he threw himself into Michael’s arms, where he knew he was safe. Burying his face into Michael’s shoulder, he wrapped his arms tighter around Michael’s neck, clinging to his rock, his constant.

Michael wouldn’t, Michael couldn’t leave him, right?

* * *

Michael turned around to crack an egg in the bowl set on the kitchen island. While whisking the eggs together, he glanced up at Jeremy, who’s eyes were glassy in the same way they always were when Jeremy spaced out. Which apparently he was doing. _Again_. “Jere?” No response. “Jerry?” Michael teased, poking Jeremy’s arm.

“Hm?” He redirected his gaze to meet Michael’s. Up close, his eyes were tinged with red.

“Cheesy eggs?” Michael grinned, trying to lighten the mood.

“Cheesy eggs.” Jeremy nodded in agreement.

Michael turned back around to the fridge, hunting for the shredded cheese. He heard Jeremy shift so he glanced back at him, and upon seeing Jeremy was staring at him, Michael gave him a smile and continued looking for the cheese. Dear God, why couldn’t Jeremy just relax? After everything the previous night, Michael should be the one staring into space and on the verge of tears, but Jeremy said he didn’t even fucking remember it, so obviously something was up with him, and hell, Michael had no clue what. For now, all he could do was mix cheese into eggs and pour the mixture into a pan to scramble.

“Hopefully it doesn’t smell too bad.” Michael joked while poking at the eggs on the pan with his spatula.

“No Mikey, It smells delicious.” Jeremy smiled and looked up at him with the same glassy eyes. He was hiding something. After plating breakfast for the both of them, Michael sat down on the stool across from Jeremy.

“Jeremy, what’s wrong?” After passing the hot sauce to Jeremy, who uncharacteristically didn’t even touch it, Michael put down his fork.

“Nothing. I’m fine.”

 _Lies. He was lying._ “Jeremy.”

“Micah I’m fine.”

 _Again._ Why didn’t Jeremy trust him? What was so wrong with Michael that Jeremy didn’t want to be with him, let alone share what was wrong? Was it last night? Did he secretly remember but it was so bad that he didn’t even want to look Michael in the eye? Even if it was, Michael felt he had a right to know. This was his best friend for god’s sake.

“No, you really aren't.”

“Mike.”

“Jeremy, tell me.”

“Michael, I said I’m fine.”

“Clearly you aren’t! There's obviously something wrong, just let me help fix it!”

“Dammit Michael why won’t you just shut up and mind your business for once in your life?”

“Because something is obviously wrong with you and I want to know what!” Michael huffed. He stood, the stool scraping against the tile, defensiveness and anger mixing in his chest.

Silence followed for a few seconds, Jeremy’s breathing shaky and Michael’s heavy.

“You know what? Thanks. Thank you, Michael, because although I already knew I was sick in the head, I didn’t know I needed an official _god damn diagnosis_ from you. So thank you, really.” Michael fucked up. Michael really fucked up, he thought, looking at Jeremy as his face turned pale and he stood up, forcefully putting his fork on his table and sliding the plate so far off the table that it crashed onto the floor, shattering blue ceramic and sending hot sauce and scrambled eggs across the floor.

“Shit. Jeremy no I didn’t mean it that way-” Michael called, trying to stop Jeremy as he stormed somewhere outside and slammed the door behind him. He watched as who he _hoped_ was still his friend disappear as the door swung shut, and Michael was alone in the kitchen.

“Fuck.” He muttered, sitting back down. He put his head in his hands and sighed.

 

After cleaning up and getting some packing done (he packed Jeremy’s bags too-- it wasn’t that hard since he knew exactly where Jeremy wanted everything and what he wanted in his backpack for the car ride,) Michael went to look for Jeremy. It had been an hour and still, there was no sign of him. Jeremy’s earbuds were gone, so they were probably in the pocket of the jacket he was wearing this morning when he stormed off.

Michael quietly closed the door so he wouldn’t let anyone know he was going outside. By now, everyone was awake and it would probably be best if he wasn’t stopped and needing to explain the morning. Or.. last night. If Jeremy didn’t remember and if they were in a _fight_ , Michael didn’t want pity from his friends. They didn’t need to know what was going on.

It was a grey morning in contrast to yesterday. The clouds blocked the sun, and since it was the middle of November in Vermont no less, it was freezing outside. Michael watched his breath while looking for Jeremy. So far, he had checked behind the cabin, the fire pit, even the little clearing where flowers and trees made a circle around a dead pile of leaves. The last spot on his mental list to check was by the lake.

He was there. Of course he was there. Jeremy was sitting in the same spot he was only two days ago from after he had found Michael sitting in the chair on the dock that looked out across the lake. He was leaning forward with his head in his hands and elbows resting on his knees. His shoulders were shaking as if he was crying, but no noise came from him. It was silent as ever, save for the music Michael could vaguely hear that was coming from Jeremy’s earbuds.

Making the decision that he should at least try talking to Jeremy, he made his way down the dock and sat in the chair to Jeremy’s left. His eyes were shut, so he didn’t see Michael sit down. Hesitating to put a hand on his back, Michael reached out and gently placed his hand on Jeremy’s shoulder blade.

Jeremy jumped back, his ripping out his earbuds. The music playing became louder as it had nothing to be blocked by. A few quiet moments passed before Jeremy spoke. He almost sounded like he was about to lose his voice. His throat probably hurt.

“What, did you come here to tell me off again? Tell me how messed up I am?”

The look of disgust and hurt on Jeremy’s face didn’t sit well with Michael. It only reminded him of when the Squip was still active.

“Jeremy, no. I didn’t mean it that way earlier I-”

“Didn’t mean it? I thought you said that wasn’t what you meant.” His tone turned cold. “Michael if you’re gonna say something, you should think about it first.”

“Stop twisting my words-” He was cut off again.

“Oh, now I’m twisting your words. Cool. Great. Sorry that I’m making everything about me.”

“No-”

“Just because im going crazy doesn’t mean you have to tell me, Mikey! I get it! I’ve gone mad! Sue me!”

“Would you stop it already?”

“Stop what? Telling the truth? I’m only-”

“Christ, Jeremy, shut the hell up for a moment!” Michael set his hand firmly on Jeremy’s knee, quieting him. “I never meant what I said earlier. I mixed my words by accident and, yes, you took it the wrong way, but I wasn’t implying it. I never said you were making everything about yourself, I never said you were going crazy. Just--” Michael placed a hand under Jeremy’s chin, moving his face towards his own. “Look at me.”

Jeremy made eye contact with Michael. There was a wall behind his eyes, blocked off and defensive in a way Michael hadn’t seen since-- well, ever.

“I- Look, I’m sor-” Michael cut himself off. If he was being completely honest, there wasn’t any reason he should really apologize to Jeremy. It was Jeremy’s fault for misinterpreting Michael’s words, wasn’t it? Sighing, Michael continued. “I don’t know what you’re thinking or going through, but I’m here for you. You don’t have to be alone.”

Jeremy moved his head away from Michael’s hand.

“‘Don’t have to be alone? Who are you? My therapist? Look, I’m sorry about everything I’ve done this morning, but you can’t pretend like I’m the only one hurting. What was up with you this morning? You were acting all upset until you saw me and now I feel like you’re avoiding your own problems by diagnosing mine.”

Oh fuck, oh no, they were stepping into dangerous territory. Telling Jeremy what happened last night would probably ruin their friendship, maybe even more than it already had, which Michael really didn’t want to see happen. Right now, their friendship wasn’t _ruined_ , was it? They were just fighting. That’s all.

“It’s none of your concern.”

“Oh, and my problems are yours?”

“So you admit you’re going through something.”

“God Dammit Michael! This isn’t about me right now, not everything is about me! It’s like you’re obsessed with diagnosing me with what, now? Low self esteem? Narcissism this time? Ooh, maybe even Schizophrenia?”

“Why can’t we have a normal conversation?”

“Oh, so now we never have normal conversations, huh? Maybe you should get cooler friends, then, if you think that talking about-- what was it a few days ago-- world invasion and video games and everything else that makes me happy-- if you think talking about that isn’t a real conversation, fine. No, get better friends to have normal-- normal conversations with..” Jeremy trailed off, standing up, as Michael scoffed.

“You know what, Jeremy? If you’re going to be such a fucking dick today, maybe I will get better friends. Maybe I will get friends who I can actually look at without thinking of--” Michael cut himself off. That was way too close to what happened last night, and he--

“Thinking of what, huh? Thinking of what? I didn’t know I was so appaling to look at to you, but I guess-- Well, actually, you know what? Fine. If you can’t even look at me, don’t. The feeling is fucking mutual now, I guess. Have a good fucking life.”

“Your walking on thin fucking ice, Jeremy.” Michael warned, grabbing Jeremy’s shirt and forcing him to meet his eyes.

“Says the guy who can’t even bring himself to say sorry to me. I’m not deaf.” Jeremy scoffed, “Oh, and says the same guy who has to physically force people to talk to him. Let me fucking go!” Jeremy screamed, pushing Michael away. He glared at Michael and stormed off, probably back to the cabin.

Michael was left on the dock standing and alone, watching Jeremy disappear from sight. The lake was eerily similar to how it was a few mornings ago, the dock awash in gentle morning light and the sun streaming through cold November air, but it was all so, so different, like Michael was seeing it through someone else’s eyes.

He didn’t know how to look at it now that he and Jeremy were fighting. Honestly, he didn’t know if he could take back any of what he said, looking back, but more than that, he didn’t know how he was supposed to go back, go home, go to school, after this, knowing he probably wasn’t even friends with Jeremy anymore.

And to think that just this morning, he thought they could be so much more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh. blease dont hate swear_it this is my fault. im the one to blame. then again...
> 
> dont hate the player hate the game :v
> 
> hehh im fuckin McLovin it.


	16. The End to an Adventure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael wasn’t very friendly this morning towards the others, so hopefully driving would at least make it up to them if even in the slightest. He would have to apologize to Christine too. His comment earlier was uncalled for. For now, he would just stay quiet to avoid accidentally snapping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG OMG OMG WE BACC WOOOOOO!! WE BACK AND IT FEELS SO DAMN GOOD.   
> Happy fricken Saturday! Hope yall enjoyed ur month of me not completely ranting in the beginning notes bc IM BACK AND READY TO UNNECESSARILY VENT. (speaking of which, i think ill put stuff concerning the ch and fic in beg notes and then my random shit in the end notes bc this is just annoying i feel yall.)  
> also i think im gonna delete the 2 updates from this past month so that in final chapter count its a solid number not like the fic and then minus 2 chs yaknow. plus it was just for anyone who was up to date with the fic and waiting for an upload so it be not needed! (words? idk her.)  
> AnYwAY- it feels so good to be able to post again and swear_it is home and just! She! AHHH  
> When writing this ch (which was like a month and a half ago.. damn) i struggled soo much with the different POVs so I hope u guys enjoy a different perspective (or multiple ;3)  
> ch is around 5k words so we thrivin  
> psa- christine is such a bean and she deserves the world thank u for coming to my ted talk.

Christine loves every little aspect about autumn and winter. The colorful leaves, the cold, brisk air, the snow, the nights where all she wanted to do was cuddle up in a bunch of blankets and drink tea while watching bootle- er-- uh-- slime tutorials. Yes. Yes, slime tutorials.

Today would be no different, and with several pats on the back for a night of responsible drinking behind her-- I mean only two beers, plus a bunch of water to make the next morning better-- she rolled over, rubbed her hands over her face, and reopened her eyes. 

Cheerily, Christine sat up in bed and stretched her arms above her head with a big smile on her face. Only one thing felt off; she couldn’t remember her dream, but she could have sworn that right before she woke up, she heard a crashing noise.  _ Oh well, Don’t need to fret over it if I don’t remember the dream. _

Looking over, she saw Chloe stir in the twin bed opposite from her. With a greeting, she hopped out of bed and put on a pair of bunny slippers she had to keep her feet from getting cold on the floors. Granted, it was flooring in the rooms, but she was used to carpeting back at home.

“How th’fuck’re you so awake?” Chloe made a muffled noise from her pillow as she sat up and looked over to Christine.

“The sky's awake, so I’m awake!” Christine stretched once more, popping her back, and smiled.

“Whatever you say, princess.” Chloe slowly laid back down.

_ Did Chloe get my reference!? No.. probably just coincidence.  _ “You comin’ down to the kitchen with me? It’s already 11:30.”

“11:30  _ only? _ ”

“Yup!” 

“I’ll be down in a bit just give me like… fffiiiive minutes..”

“Okey-dokey.” Christine spun around and headed down the hall to the bathroom to find a clip to at least keep her hair at bay while getting ready for the day. She figured that since she’s most likely the only one in the house who could function like a proper human being, she might as well play the role of mother hen today. Loudly and unabashedly playing her music in the bathroom and sliding a clip into her hair to keep her bangs back, she went through her daily facial routine, sans the usual amount of makeup. For now that would be enough since it was travel day, which, yay travel day! Christine loved travel days because she gets an excuse to get work done.

Once she had appropriately tamed her hair with a Tony-Award-Winning performance of “Suddenly Seymore,” Christine skipped back to her and Chloe’s room to get dressed. A cute little green and pink sweater and a pair of jeans (but of course the ones with the pink patches) comprised her outfit, and with white Vans with green soles, marred slightly by sparkly hearts drawn in sharpie, her look was complete.

Seeing as it was now noon, most of her friends were up, and it was, indeed, a travel day, she decided to wake Chloe.

****

An impromptu wrestling match with a pillow and her friend, and the decision to screech “Big Fun,” at the top of her lungs did, indeed, get the job done.

“I’m up, I’m up, but if you make me help you in the kitchen, I’ll literally fall asleep on the floor and make it that much more likely to trip.” Chloe conceded with a glare.

“I know!” Christine laughed as she walked into the kitchen, popping into everyone’s rooms on the way there quietly telling them it was time to wake up. 

The last room to check, Jeremy and Michael’s, to Christine’s surprise was empty. If anything she thought they surely would be the ones who she would struggle with getting them out of bed most.  _ Maybe they just went for a walk again? They are getting pretty close.. Like.. closer than usual. Which is like, impossible, since they are practically inseparable. If you really think about it-- That’s it! Banana pancakes. _

As more and more of her friends filled the space in the kitchen chatting casually and passing around a bottle of Advil like it was a yearbook that people wanted to get signed, Christine finished making the pancakes and served everyone their desired amount, including two for herself, and saving two for Michael and Jeremy each. Speaking of the two, they still were nowhere to be seen.

Christine walked over to the cabinet that sat by the door to grab powdered sugar for her pancakes when, as if on cue, Jeremy comes storming through the door. At the sight of his friends, he paused. 

“Hey Jeremy! I made some banana pancakes for you if you wanted som- Oh wait! Oh my god I'm so sorry! I forgot you’re allergic to bananas! I can make some plain ones for you if you’d like? It wouldn’t be a trouble for me.” Christine smiled apologetically as Jeremy just stared blankly at her, then back at their friends, before giving a sarcastic half laugh half huff and quickly walking into his room and slamming the door behind him without saying a word.

“Was.. was it the pancakes?” Christine felt a pinch of guilt rise in her chest. She should have thought about allergies..

“No, Christine, I don't think it was the pancakes. You didn’t do anything.” Chloe smiled from where she was sitting.

“Yeah! These pancakes are delish!” Brooke said around a mouthful before shoveling even more onto her fork.

“Thank you!” Christine blushed at the compliments and rushed back to the stove to make more  _ plain  _ pancakes, and besides, the group looked like they would be wanting more.

“Don’t worry about tall-ass. He probably is in a grumpy mood because of the hangover. Hurts like a bitch anyway.” Rich sighed and crossed his arms behind his head.

“What are you talking about? You look like you’re doing fine, Rich.” Chloe rolled her eyes, pushing a slice of pancake around in a pool of syrup.

“Fake it till you make it, hon.” Rich winked at Chloe.

“Trust me. You think I haven’t thought of that before?”

“Clearly not. You’re terrible at suppressing your emotions.” Rich snorted.

“The hell is that supposed to mean?” Chloe sat up in her chair, eyeing Rich.

“It means that you think you’re wonderful at acting, but let's be real- you suck at it.”

“Really? Well, let's not forget that time you pretended to date Dustin to get Jake’s attention because you were too damn oblivious to realize he liked you back! I could have had him like this!” Chloe snapped to show just how ‘quick’ she could have gotten Jake to date her.

“Don’t you dare say that! And no you couldn't have!” Rich put his arm over Jake’s chest as if defending him from Chloe. “And now that you mention it,  _ what the fuck  _ was that about last night?”

“I don't know what you're talking about.” Chloe crossed her arms.

“Uhm. Yes, you fucking do. You were getting handsy with Jakey and you know it!”

“So what?”

“‘So what?’ Bitch, he’s my  _ boyfriend!  _ Don’t touch another girls man! That’s like, rule number one in girl logic, isn't it?”

“Then it’s a damn good thing he isn't another  _ girls  _ man.”

“Uh..” Jake looked between the two of them, held against his chair by Rich’s arm. He had syrup trailing down his chin from not having access to reach a paper towel thanks to Rich.

“You wanna fight!? Let's fight!” Chloe stood up, her arms still crossed at her chest.

“No balls you won't!” Rich stood up as well, but keeping a hand firmly on Jake’s chest.

“You wanna test me, Goranski?”

“I sure fucking do!”

“Do your worst. I dare you.” Chloe scowled.

“ _ Watch me, Valentine. _ ” Rich turned around and looked at Jake, giving a sweet “Hey baby..” with a sadistic smile.

“H-hey-” Jake immediately froze at Rich leaning over and licking the syrup dripping off his chin, swallowing, then proceeding to continue cleaning Jake’s face with tiny kisses until shooting a glance at Chloe, and kissing Jake full on the lips.

Chloe turned stone cold, heavy steps leading her to the two, and shoved Rich aside. With not a word, but a pointed and withering glare, she took Rich’s spot and took it a step further-- full-on making out with Jake in the middle of the kitchen and completely sober.

Christine couldn’t keep watching. She hated to see her friends fighting like this, over some probably stupid misunderstanding, and in order be spared from picking sides, she busied herself with the pancakes. She slid the new batch of pancakes onto a paper plate and switched out the two banana pancakes that were saved for Jeremy with two of the plain pancakes. The moment she was finally about to sit down to enjoy her own pancakes, she realized she left the powdered sugar by the door when she got distracted by Jeremy. Getting up to cross in front of the door, Michael walked in.

“Oh! Morning Michael! Hey, is Je-” Christine was cut off.

“Fuck off Christine.” Michael muttered as he pushed by her, not even stopping once stepping foot inside the house. He disappeared around the corner, and shut the bathroom door behind himself.

“What’d I do?” She frowned, talking to herself. When she turned back around to walk back to her pancakes, she noticed screaming from the aforementioned quarrell, but Chloe and Rich were now turning the force of their anger to Jake? She should stay out of it. 

As Christine sat down, she realized,  _ once again _ , that she forgot the powdered sugar. She walked back over to the can and managed to get back to her pancakes with the sugar in her hand.  _ Finally. _

 It was going to be a long day.

****

* * *

****

An hour later, the house was bustling. Well, bustling if you were a sloth. The moment one person was lectured from sitting on the couch by Christine, another sat down. The group was checking, and double-checking, and triple-checking the cabin to make sure they would leave nothing behind. The following day was Thanksgiving, which meant that they had to leave today if they wanted to make it home on time.

Chloe had already claimed shotgun to make sure she didn’t one- get carsick, and two- have to sit next to Rich. By this logic, and the fact that Brooke looked like she was in  _ pain _ (poor thing, Michael felt bad for her. He heard from the others that on the girls way back to the cabin last night, she tripped and gave herself a nosebleed by banging into a tree. She was apparently up for another two hours trying to stop the bleeding and fall asleep,) Michael volunteered to drive. He wouldn’t have to sit next to Jeremy with an excuse (yay!) and no one would suspect a thing.

Michael wasn’t very friendly this morning towards the others, so hopefully driving would at least make it up to them if even in the slightest. He would have to apologize to Christine too. His comment earlier was uncalled for. For now, he would just stay quiet to avoid accidentally snapping.

Jeremy and Michael passed by each other a couple of times while cleaning the house, but not a word was spoken to each other. Not even a mutter or a glance. They would virtually pretend each other didn’t exist. Sure, Michael maybe should have kept himself at bay by the docks and shouldn't have back-talked Jeremy, or  _ grabbed _ him for christ’s sake, but Jeremy shouldn’t have been the one who avoided all of his questions and made the situation even worse by making everything worse than what they really were. He was always doing things like that-- over-exaggerating. He would lose in Mario Kart and blame it on the map even though they had played that road countless times before, or he would get a growing pain and immediately think that he needs surgery because something was wrong with his knee. He would be telling a story about how long a test was and say it took him the whole class period and he barely finished when really he still would have fifteen minutes to spare when he turned it in, or explain how good he was at monopoly but he for some reason still had no idea how to play it, even at 17.

That was the problem with Jeremy. He never knew when to stop. He  _ doesn’t _ know when to stop. He couldn’t even stop himself from taking that stupid fucking pill over a year ago. Jeremy always would be the type of person to go out and do things on a whim. Michael used to practically be his impulse control but.. But it was Michael who left him alone long enough for Jeremy to realize that he didn’t need Michael and that’s what started his downfall. It really was Michael’s fault, wasn’t it? It was all his fault in the first place for being such a.. Such a..  _ Such a loser _ that Jeremy decided he needed better friends.  _ Has Jeremy even forgiven me for getting rid of his squip? Probably not. Everything he has done is probably all just a lie. I wouldn’t be surprised if he has been faking our friendship for the past year.  _ No, no stop.  _ Michael, stop. You can’t let yourself have these thoughts. They’re stupid and unnecessary. _

Michael had been trying to be better at pulling himself out of the start of what might be an anxiety or panic attack lately. Better at controlling his thoughts and letting him see the world and letting the world see him as a glass half full kind of guy. He got the world seeing him part, but he was still working on the part where he let himself see the world that way.

“Hey, Mike?” Brooke rested her hand on Michael’s shoulder, pulling him out of his thoughts. He whipped his head around (a bit too fast, if the white specs that dotted his vision had anything to say about it) to face Brooke.

“Yeah? Sorry I was just..” Michael trailed off, hoping that he wouldn’t have to explain.

“It’s ok. Uhm, I just wanted to let you know-  _ we _ just wanted to let you know-” Brooke made a gesture towards the group with her hand. “-that we’re here for you. We’re here for both you  _ and _ Jeremy.”

Michael didn’t say anything, too scared of snapping again. He didn’t want to hurt Brooke’s feelings. He didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings on accident. For now, a quiet nod could be all that they needed. 

“And.. if you don’t feel like talking, just text on the group chat.” She gave Michael a reassuring smile and placed the minivan keys in his hand. The only thing Michael could do at the moment was return the smile, albeit a bit sad, it was the best he could do.

 

* * *

****

An hour into the car ride, Chloe was not only irritated, but she knew something was wrong just based off the car’s atmosphere. Ignoring it, she started to dig through the center console of the car to find the tub of Ibuprofen Brooke’s mom kept for emergencies. Mrs. Lohst wasn't really one for name brands, but Advil was Ibuprofen, and Ibuprofen is Ibuprofen. It’s all the same. The second she pulled the white bottle out, the little pills inside making a rattling noise and drawing everyone’s attention in the dead silence that was the car, virtually everyone except Christine, Jeremy, and Michael was asking for some.

“Oh, calm your asses. You can wait five seconds.” Chloe rolled her eyes and shook two pills into her hand. After dry-swallowing them, she turned around to pass the bottle back. This time in the bucket seats were Jake and Rich. Rich was sitting directly behind her, so logically it would have been easier to just give the bottle to him to start passing around, but he was acting like a dickwad right now so he didn’t need it. Instead, she reached across and handed the bottle to Jake with a smile. Once he accepted it, she turned back to Rich with a glare, ‘generally’ addressing everyone. “Don’t O.D. I’m not responsible for you idiots.” 

After a moment, the bottle was ‘Kobe’-d back into the console, and Chloe put her feet up and onto the dashboard. When she looked over, Michael seemed like he was having some sort of… internal monologue with himself. Although he kept himself fairly neutral, if you were to look closely you could see him holding back facial expressions. Facial expressions that suggested… rage, maybe? Sadness? A mixture of both? Chloe was observant like that. She sees things others don't, but when it came to the species of ‘nerd’, she had a bit of a hard time reading their face. She could read other ‘popular’ students because.. Well.. it takes one to know one, but with Michael it was always hard to tell. She never knew if she was overstepping her boundaries with him, or if he was fine. She never knew if he was sad or just tired, or if he was faking his smile or not. Jeremy was different because he’s a geek, which, yes, there’s a difference, but she also spent a few months getting to know him.

She was about to say something when a certain  _ someone _ kicked the back of her seat. At first she ignored it, but then it turned into what felt like a massage chair gone rogue. Chloe whipped her head around and scowled at Rich. The two had a wordless stare off until Rich drew his leg back and gave Chloe’s seat one big kick.

“Ok! That’s it you little fucker-” Chloe lunged back to try and grab Rich.

****

* * *

****

\--Three Hours into the Car Ride--

****

Brooke’s nose hurt, Brooke’s head hurt, Brooke’s feet hurt, Brooke’s stomach hurt. Basically, Brooke’s everything hurt. Last night was…  _ a lot _ , to say the least, and all Brooke wanted to do was fall asleep, but her pain was keeping her from doing so. 

Chloe and Rich had finally stopped bickering, which,  _ thank god _ , and the majority of the car was either asleep or on their phones. Well, except Christine, who was reading a script from the looks of it. It wasn’t even a script for a show that she was in. It was just a script from some random show that's probably on broadway and- hold on,  _ I know I didn't not just see the word Spongebob on there _ . Brooke turned her head a bit to see more of Christine’s ‘book’ and read it. Oh yea, that definitely says Spongebob. Brooke would question if Christine was actually reading the script from Spongebob until Christine flipped the page and the majority of the words were capitalized as if it were a song in a script. What? Brooke spent some time with Christine-- she knew how musical scripts were structured. 

“You interested?” Christine noticed Brooke’s staring.

“Wh- H- Is that a script for Spongebob?” Brooke was in disbelief. No way there was a musical about Spongebob. 

“Yup!  _ Spongebob Squarepants-- The Broadway Musical” _ Christine held her hand up as if revealing something magical.

_ There’s no way.  _ “There’s no way.” Brooke repeated her thoughts.

“Yes way!! The soundtrack is super good, too! You wanna listen to it with me? Im reading the dialogue and then listen to the songs when it comes to the singing.” 

“Uh, maybe in a bit. I don’t feel like reading right now. My head still kinda hurts.” Brooke explained.

“No worries! Just let me know when and I'll fill you in on the deets! I legit just started reading the script like ten minutes ago so I only listened to the first song.”

“Alrighty,” Brooke went to close her eyes and lean back, but Christine started talking again.

“Sorry , what was that first part?” 

“Do you want me to show you a pressure point for your headache? It usually relieves it pretty fast.”

And so, Christine pointed out a couple of pressure points and how to press on them for different types of headaches. After a couple minutes of explaining, Brooke gave her thanks and went to close her eyes again to see if maybe she could get a little sleep with her disappearing headaches (wow, those pressure points actually worked! Kinda!) As she was just falling asleep, a thought occurred.

_ Hold on.. _ Brooke took a second to assess the morning, and then look at Michael, then back at Jeremy.  _ Why aren’t they talking?  _ After realizing that the Boyfs (yes, she called them that. Along with the rest of their friend group.. Excluding Michael and Jeremy of course) hadn’t spoken  _ at all _ this morning, Brooke got suspicious. Michael even went and snapped and told Christine to fuck off, which, that was  _ surprising _ . That was pretty much the only thing spoken between the two boys the whole day not counting the short conversation Michael and Brooke had before they left, and it was already 4pm! Maybe they fought this morning.. But..  _ nah. They’re the power couple. They could never fight. _ She paused for a second, narrowing her eyes and rubbing at the little scab that the tree from last night (Or.. early this morning?) left from when she tripped.  _ Or maybe they did? _ Brooke sat up suddenly with a gasp, and after realizing that she drew attention from Chloe and Christine, she settled back down with a hand gesture motioning that she was fine.

Turning around to look at Jeremy, who was stuck in the very back once again and seeing as he was alone back there, had his legs spread across the seat next to him and was looking out the window, Brooke tried talking to him. 

“Hey, Jeremy?” Brooke was sitting on her knees and completely turned around. Her chin was resting on top of the headrest so she could see him. After no response, she tried again. “Jere?” Nothing, again. “Jerry..?” If she was being completely honest, she was a bit worried for him. Sure, she was worried for both him  _ and _ Michael, but Jeremy looked like a ghost. He had started to get bags under his eyes, and his face looked flushed almost 24/7. He kept spacing out, too, which honestly was more than just concerning. He used to do that all the time when they were dating, but stopped after the play. He started to do it again, and it was unnerving. She tried again, this time poking his chest. “JJ?”

Jeremy jumped at the contact. “oH! S-sorry.” He looked up at Brooke, who was staring with concerned eyes. 

“Hey, you alright?” She kept her tone soft and voice low.

“Y-yea I-I-’m ok.” His voice was shaky, and he definitely was  _ not _ convincing Brooke. 

“Are you sure? You look…” How should she phrase this? “Not… Well…?” 

“N-n-no.. no n-no I’m alr-alright.” He gave a weak smile. “Thanks for asking th-though!”

“If you’re so sure.. But.. I'm here to talk, ok? Just.. text me if you don't want to verbally, yeah?”

He nodded in response. As Brooke turned around, she decided: Jeremy is definitely  _ not _ ok. She heard stories of how Jeremy used to have a stutter, and over the past year as she got to really know him and Michael, she would realize that whenever he felt extremely panicked or anxious or sick, it would come back, and today it was  _ very _ prominent. All that did was worry Brooke even more, and, while she hasn’t been friends with Jeremy for as long as Michael has, Michael seemed to not be in the picture right now. So, she decided that she would do her best to make sure that both Jeremy and Michael made up, and felt better about whatever they were feeling. She promised herself that she would.

 

* * *

****

\--Five Hours into the Car Ride--

****

Jenna had just woken up from her nap when she heard dinging coming from her phone. Still too bleary-eyed to check her phone, she looked around the car and took note of her surroundings (what? She was observant. There had to be at least  _ one  _ way to get the gossip that nobody shared online). They were pulled off of the freeway, in some unfamiliar neighborhood. They definitely weren’t home yet and she didn’t recognize any of the buildings or streets around her, so they were probably looking for something to eat for dinner.

Nearly everyone in the car was dead asleep, save for (obviously) her and Michael, and.. Jeremy?  _ Damn. If anything I would have thought he would sleep. _

After a few more minutes of driving, they pulled into the parking lot of a Sbarros.  _ Oh yeah. Jake’s gonna be in heaven. _ Jenna quietly snickered to herself as she imagined Jake’s reaction for when he woke up. Speaking of which… Were they just going to sit in the parking lot doing nothing or…?

Oh! That's it- it’s 6:18. Jenna noticed that Michael has a habit of only starting to do things at specific times. For example: If his alarm went off at 7;00pm but he didn’t reach it until 7:01, he would stay in bed until 7:09. If he missed that then it would go on to 7:13, 7:21, 7:30.. So on so forth. By this logic he probably won't start telling people to wake up until 6:21, and won’t get out of the car until 6:30.  _ Cruel move, man. Cruel move. _

Before the clock could hit 6:21, she tried talking to him. “Hey, Michael?” She whispered. Well, whispered as low as she could. She’s been told she is terrible at whispering. 

In response, Michael turned around to look at her. His eyes glanced to a spot behind her-- probably to Jeremy-- then back at her. 

“You doing ok?” She went to reach her hand out and rested it on his hand that laid on the center console, but he moved it away before she could. Jenna watched as he made a small, nearly unnoticeable and apologetic facial expression, and moved his hand back to where it was before, but this time his palm was facing up as if he wanted her to take his hand,

Hoping she was right and he wasn’t just resting his hand strangely, she took his hand. Luckily, he didn’t move away. Only a small smile on his lips. After a few moments, he pulled away and checked the time. 6:21. He shook Brooke awake and Jenna followed suit, helping Michael wake the others. Nine minutes later, the crew was found sitting in a circular corner booth, quietly chatting away. 

Jenna took note in how everyone at the table was talking to each other, save for Michael and Jeremy. Sure, Jenna has her own things to think about. She thinks about her family who is coming over for thanksgiving, her homework assignments, books she has been reading or shows she has been catching up on, hell, even graduation and college applications! Despite all of that though, this friendsgiving trip was meant to not only bring the group closer than ever, but also let everyone relax a bit and forget about the stress of school and the pressures brought upon them. 

Everyone had been doing so well, yet she couldn’t let Michael and Jeremy end the trip on a sour note. This was the last time they were in highschool. This would be the last thanksgiving trip they would ever take together before being official ‘adults,’ and it hurt her heart to see her friends hurting, whatever may be going on with them.

Of course, she had to think of or do something that she knew could at least help them step in the right direction of fixing what may be going on. Being Jenna, she went about doing it the most Jenna way to do something. Reaching for her phone on the table (because let’s be real-- who actually leaves their phone in their pocket when sitting at a table), Jenna went to her messaging app.

 

* * *

****

If Jake wanted to be metaphorical, he was in hell. And that's an understatement. Saying he was in hell at the moment could only be an understatement because literally, he was in his favorite place in the world at the moment: Sbarros. The reason he was suffering was because he was sitting in between one (1) very overprotective Rich Goranski, and one (1) very clingy Chloe Valentine.

All Jake wanted to do was indulge in the gooey goodness that pizza brought him, and join in on the conversation with his other friends. He would if Rich wasn’t leaning over him and smacking Chloe’s hand away every even second while giving him compliments and kisses every odd.

An example of Jake’s struggles at the moment would be:

“Mmmm you know that I love you Jakey- Stop It-” Rich swatted Chloe’s hand away from Jakes thigh. “-Poo.”

“Yes Richie I-” Chloe cut Jake off.

“Stop with the PDA, Rich!” Chloe, despite telling Rich off, moved her hand to rest on Jake’s thigh again. 

“Look who’s talking!” Rich shot Chloe a look while practically hanging on Jake’s neck. “Anyway as I was saying…”

Yeah. That’s Jake’s situation. To say the least, he was  _ very _ uncomfortable. He cared for his friends. He really, really did, but he was honestly so done with this that his head was actually gonna blow off if they didn’t stop. Luckily, One of the only things that could pull Chloe away from something she is set on is her phone, and nearly everyone’s phone had just ‘ding’-ed.

****

**The Titanic**

****

**_Jenna added Chloe, Rich, Christine, Jake, and Brooke to the chat_ **

****

**Jenna:** _ aight bois we’ve got a problemo _

****

**Brooke:** _ ive never watched the titanic will that be a problem? _

****

**Jenna:** _ no _

****

**Jake:** _ hold up uve never watched the titanic?  _

****

**Rich:** _ its iconic wtf _

****

**Brooke:** _ no sorry D: _

****

**Chloe:** _ next girls night we are watching it done deal _

****

**Jenna:** _ thats fine just- NOT THE POINT _

**Jenna:** _ titanic as in the ship. Our ship. Its going down. _

****

**Christine:** _ uh ik what ur talking about jenna but that aint the way to phrase it _

****

**Jenna:** _ ik ik ik sorry i just had to explain it real quick-- theres something up with mike and j and idk what but there’s clearly a problem. _

****

**Jake:** _? _

****

Jake looked up from his phone, for the first time able to take in his surroundings without the distraction of Rich or Chloe. Looking over to said boys, he realized that the first red flag was they were sitting on completely opposite ends from each other. The second red flag was that Michael had his headphones (which when in public he only put on if he was feeling antisocial or anxious) on and his hood up, and Jeremy was rubbing at the skin on his hands under the table, not looking up.

****

**Jake:** _ shit nvm but what the hell happened with them? _

****

**Jenna:** _ I wish i could tell u but thats why this chat is here…  _

****

**Christine:** _ theyve been like that this morning too _

****

**Chloe:** _ when driving michael seemed… distant? Ig _

****

**Brooke:** _ jerm looked hella pale in the car.. Thought he was gonna be sick or somthing _

**Brooke:** _ mike also was really hesitant with contact.. Something set them on edge _

****

**Christine:** _ yea but the question is what. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jlaiurfhslighsilerugheirugh still so hyped to be posting again broooo  
> yall swear_it gave me a birthday gift last night bc she missed it when she was at camp and i swear to all humane and in humane things i swear of fricken area 51 she is the purest fucking soul she made me CRY MULTIPLE TIMES. WHAT THE FUCK? like,, what. is. what? im? i dont deserve this bean.   
> we saw far from home last night and ooooooooo boyyyyyy no spoils but just,,, the final after credits scene is jus anxiety inducing like wtf   
> hope yalls enjoyed! <3


	17. The Day After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Speaking of…” She paused, deciding if she should say what she was going to next. “How is everything between you two? Are you alright?”
> 
> Mission ABORT. “Hm?” His smile faltered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much to say about the chapter except for the fact that swear_it will be posting next week! U can see why in end notes (i’m sticking to the ch stuff in beg notes and rant/personal stuff in end notes thing lol)  
> also, sorry if the formatting is weird! i’m uploading from my phone bc i completely blanked that im supposed to post rn and my computer is dead :p

Jeremy’s fingers burned as he trudged down the side of his house to get to his front door. Dragging his suitcase inside, Jeremy found a note left by his father that read _Welcome home, buddy! I’m at a last minute meeting with some new clients if you’re reading this, but I’ll be home as soon as I can! I made some gnocchi if you’re hungry :) p.s.- don't open the freezer unless you intend on attempting to shove half of a frozen turkey back in for an hour._

Throwing the note from his dad away without a second thought, Jeremy turned around to walk up the stairs, leaving his suitcase at the bottom. He felt too weak to pull it up, and he was so tired that all he wanted to do was go to sleep, though he knew he wouldn’t sleep tonight. It was a given. He was too scared of what nightmares might come back to haunt him, and the feeling of no Michael to comfort him when he woke up. That didn’t mean he wasn't allowed to stare off and into space, though.

Jeremy’s phone was dead, and he didn’t plan on charging it anytime soon. Even though he didn’t use it at all today, he never plugged it in to charge last night, and he was using it all day yesterday (well, up until dinner started). 

 **Sweetheart, I really do advise you charge your phone.** The Squip didn’t show itself, but he could hear its voice-- her voice-- inside his head.

 _What’s the point? It’s not like people text me._ It was a good thing Jeremy couldn’t see her- it- right now. Looking at his mother while she stood in his room would be.. Too much to handle.

**Michael texts you!**

Jeremy pursed his lips as he felt his heart sink at the mention of Michael’s name. He didn’t want to think about him right now. _Well Michael is a good for nothing dick who cares about no one but himself._ Sure, Michael had tried to ask Jeremy what was wrong, and sure, Jeremy may have overreacted a _bit_ too much, but Michael wouldn’t understand. He couldn't, and Jeremy couldn't tell him why. It would be so much easier if he knew, but Jeremy was protecting Michael by not telling him. He was saving Michael from panic, he was saving himself from pain… right?

Jeremy’s thoughts slowly grew louder as he subconsciously brought his finger back to his hand, but the burning sensation he felt as he touched the other finger made him flinch. He stared down at the raw flesh that could be seen near his knuckles, and remembered that he was going to put a bandaid on it before he ‘slept’.

Walking into the bathroom, Jeremy decided that he might as well take a shower first before getting in bed. It had been a long day in the car, and nothing else but showering in your own home after a trip could make you feel better. 

The water stung when it hit the part of Jeremy’s finger that he intended to put a bandaid on. The wound wasn’t big by any means, but it burned like hell. All day Jeremy had been subconsciously rubbing at that part of his finger with his thumb, to the point of him rubbing is own skin off. His anxiety tended to do that to him, but most of the time he would be able to avoid it thanks to Michael. Now that Michael wasn't in the equation, though… 

His thoughts only made him feel worse.

After his shower, Jeremy heard the front door open and close. A small piece of hope he held wished it was possibly Michael. That he had used his spare key to let himself in and he would appear in Jeremy’s door frame any second now, asking for forgiveness and asking if Jeremy was ok. Asking if they were still friends, and Jeremy would respond by spilling apologies. He would explain that it was the squip. That it wasn’t his fault and how he knew it was the squip’s fault but he couldn’t help but to blame himself. Jeremy would _want_ Michael to get mad at him and get mad at Jeremy for not telling him that it was back, but then Michael would accept the fact that it had already happened, and would comfort Jeremy the way he needed it. Any hope he had was lost the minute he heard his dad call from downstairs, telling Jeremy he was home.

As he listened to his father climb his way to the top of the stairs, Jeremy realized he wasn’t exactly in the mood to talk. Well, he wasn’t in the mood to talk all day, but same thing. A soft knock came from his door.

“Jeremy? You home?” His father called in a whisper yell.

“No.” Jeremy grumbled.

“Can I come in?” Pointless in asking the question if he was already opening the door and had his head poking inside.

Jeremy just made an annoyed noise as a response. His dad could take it as he would. 

“Jeez, alright you vampire. Learn to turn on your lights every once in a while, yeah?” Paul (which, Jeremy heard stories about how his dad was named after some off broadway actor that lived nearby because he looked like said actor but as a baby..) chuckled a bit.

Jeremy would respond (he really wouldn't either way) if he wasn’t so comfortable sinking into his mattress with the blankets over his head submerging him into the darkness he liked to call _the mourning pit_ (or sometimes _the morning_ _pit_ if he was feeling punny and too lazy to get out of bed in the morning). Jeremy felt an indent as his father sat on his bed, and _boy how he wished_ that Mr. Heere would just get the _fuck_ out of his room and _leave him alone._

“How was the trip?” His voice took on a tone of concern. “Are… Are you alright?”

“ ‘m fine.” He wasn’t up for lecturing. Not today. Not right now.

“Son,” Paul’s voice softened, and Jeremy felt a hand placed on the spot of the duvet that was covering his shoulder. How he was even able to find that spot considering from the outside it just looked like a lump of blankets was unknown.

Jeremy felt like crying at his father's tone. He felt like breaking down into tears because of the events that took place today. How his dad was finally acting like a _father_ , how Jeremy could hear his mother’s voice, how he wanted the two to combine and just-- he just wanted to be in between the both of them. Jeremy wanted to be hugged by the both of them at the same time, just like his first day of kindergarten. He wanted to be babied-- to be pitied. Jeremy _wanted_ the attention, but he just hated himself even more for wanting it.

After awhile, Mr. Heere stood up and whispered goodnight, shutting off his light and closing the door softly, leaving only the stupid, _stupid_ fairylights Michael insisted he buy that weaved in and out of his shelves to illuminate his room.

 

He drifted off to sleep, only to awake four hours later due to another nightmare. He was alone in this one. Just like his other nightmare when he remembered the fight between his mom and dad, but this time it was at school. Rather, it was flashes of ‘memories’ that lasted weeks. The only thing that made this one different, though, was that it not only took place from the time he got the squip to the time of the Halloween party, but him and Michael had switched places. Every sentence, every word muttered, but it was Jeremy who witnessed Michael ignoring him like a piece of trash just sitting on the sidelines. It was Michael who didn’t see Jeremy as he was bullied by Rich. Michael who _chose_ to go through with some plan he hatched while seemingly talking to ‘himself’ and ditch Jeremy after the optic nerve blocking was turned off. It was Michael who ditched Jeremy in the bathroom during Halloween, calling him a loser, and leaving him to have an anxiety attack, then getting stuck in a house that was burning down. That's where the dream ended. _Dream? No. Nightmare._ Knowing that every conversation he had in that nightmare actually took place though made it even worse. Now Jeremy just flat out felt like a dick. 

Suddenly, Jeremy was aware of the burning sensation on his middle finger, and the little ball of skin that sat underneath his thumb that was just rubbing at his finger. _Looks like I’ll need a new band-aid, then._

Honestly, it burned. Sleeping with raw flesh that had puss coming out of it as your body’s defense mechanism and as an attempt to clean a wound isn’t fun either. So, he just ended up taking the whole box of band-aids from the bathroom just in case. Curious of the time, Jeremy glanced at his clock. It was 1:43p.m., but that wasn’t what caught his attention. What _did_ , was the fact that it read ‘November 23’ underneath the time.

_Happy 18th Birthday to me._

* * *

 

After Sbarros, Michael and Brooke had switched places for the drive again, so at least he had gotten _some_ sleep yesterday. All night he had been tossing and turning. Everything just felt so… _wrong_ without Jeremy. 

Michael’s alarm was what had woken him up the next morning. _Of course I forget to turn my clock off._ Michael’s hand accidentally pushed some sort of box off of his nightstand, but his eyes were closed and he was too tired to see what he had dropped. He fell back into a rather light sleep for another four hours (which, wow), until his Mom had come downstairs and woke him up with loud knocking.

“Mike! Up! You promised to help me with the decorations!” Michael’s Mom called through the door, which Michael only responded with a growl and buried his face into his pillows. “I know you are _not_ still asleep!” She gasped, then burst through the door to find the lump of Michael half awake with the sheets only halfway on his body.

“I want bed.” 

“Michael Mell! You are eighteen for god's sake! You are a _literal_ adult!” She ripped the sheets that remained off of him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

What warmth that the sheets even held disappeared, and Michael groaned one more time, realizing that he wasn’t exactly in a comfortable position but would hold still anyway just to spite his Mama.

“Lolo and Lola are coming! You can at least look decent.” Her hand rested on top of his shoulder, and although it felt reassuring, Michael had a feeling that something sketchy was going on. You don't just lay your hand on someone's shoulder while mad at them unless you're about ready to kill them.

“They don't even celebrate Thanksgiving! It’s an American tradition!” Michael lifted his head slightly so his words would sound less muffled.

“Either way, the rest of our family does since we _all_ live here. Plus they want to see what all the rage is about! Stuffing yourself until you're full and then bonding with your family after? You kidding? Sounds like a dream!”

“Yeah, your dream. Not mine.” He dropped his head back onto the mattress until realizing something, picking it back up. “Hold up. What do you mean by the ‘rest of our family’?”

“Michael, you have cousins. You know this.”

“Yes I know that but I didn’t know they were coming!” He silently prayed it wasn’t the-

“The Tirao family always comes to events!”

All hope lost, Michael dropped back onto the sheets (where, now that he was more awake, he noticed a puddle of drool had soaked into the mattress… gross).  “The only one I like out of all of them is Kelly! And she’s spending her Thanksgiving break in California with her boyfriend!”

“You don’t know that!” His mom tried to cheer him up.

“Unless as of 10 hours ago she started to pack her bags to fly to New Jersey and ditch her boyfriend’s family, I’m pretty sure she’s not coming.”

“Just get your lazy ass out of bed before I make you.”

“You can't do make me do shit. Like you said- I’m a ‘literal adult’ now.” 

The hand that was resting on his shoulder lifted and in one move, tugged Michael off of the bed. There was a thud as he landed on his shoulder. “Merciless!”

“Buwisit,” She muttered, making her way back up the stairs, before calling out again, “And buy some febreeze, will you? Lola will beat your ass if she smells pot down here.”

“I don’t smoke!” Michael sat up suddenly.

“Tell that to the wooden box hidden behind your old school boxes!”

Michael laid back down in defeat, dragging his hands down his face and giving a frustrated groan.

 

After two hours of cleaning his room, showering, and picking out outfit after outfit that his mom needed to approve before putting it on, he made his way up the stairs to find what looked like he had just stepped into a whole other house.

There were fake but colorful orange and brown leaves littering the surface of a big vanity they had in the living room, with a glass ball that had a (fake) candle sitting inside, surrounded by little twigs and ‘cranberries’ hanging off of them. That same candle could be found at least seven other times; in the center of the coffee table, the TV stand, next to the bowl that held everyone’s car keys on the table that sat by the door, one on the outside dining table (even though no one has actually gone out there in years unless it was to use the firepit), and two on either side of the cornucopia on the dining table. Which, yes, _cornucopia._ His parents actually bought a cornucopia filled with fake apples and pears and sticks and even more fake leaves that sat atop a cream table cloth that had little autumn leaf patterns stitched onto it.

“Holy shit I think that this is festive enough-” Michael stared with wide eyes.

“Language! And that’s the point. Last year, your cousins beat us in decorations.” His mom called from where her head was stuck in the pantry.

Michael snorted, “Oh yeah. I forgot everything between you two is a competition. Also, uh. Hypocrite much? You literally curse around and _at_ me like, all the time.”

“Stop being a smartass and go to the store and get the cranberry sauce, please? But get the good one that was just made with cinnamon and everything- not the canned stuff. Feel free to get yourself some lunch too.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out her wallet.

“Money? For moi?” Michael sarcastically gasped.

“Hurry before I change my mind.”

“Alright, alright I’m going.”

The moment he stepped outside and closed the front door, he let out a sigh of relief and let the smile that he had been faking all morning drop. If his moms started asking questions-- god forbid his whole family starts asking questions-- his night would turn to hell. He would just be reminded of Jeremy. Jeremy Jeremy Jeremy Jeremy. That’s it. 

He would have to make up excuses for why he wasn’t over for dinner this year to avoid the topic. He wouldn’t have to explain that the fight they got into was stupid and it was neither of their faults. He wouldn’t blame it on either of them, just the drinks. If he told his family the truth then he would be the center of attention tonight, would get lectured by his Lolo and Lola, would have to be _pitied_ by people he hated. Which, yes, he knows hate is a strong word to use for when it comes to being around family, but try being an antisocial (still considerably) teenager who just wants to go in his room and get high while playing video games and pining for his best friend, all while around screaming children and grandparents who don’t know when to stop lecturing are around you.

His heart sank at the thought of Jeremy’s name. For weeks now, something has been wrong with him. He just has had this.. _Off_ … energy about him that didn’t make him seem like himself. The nightmares he had been getting, or the way he would just space out and stare into nothingness. If he didn’t know any better, Michael would say the Squip is back. Well, not literally. He only thinks its phantom memories. This time of the year was really when it had gotten bad. November was the time when Jeremy fully subjected himself to the Squip, and the play took place in early December. 

Maybe Jeremy will audition for the play again this year? Christine had ranted to Michael a million times about how low the drama funds have been getting, and how the school can only afford one play and no musical. Apparently since there wouldn’t be a spring show, they moved the play’s auditions to be the same time as last year’s play, so December 4. She’s been chosen as to direct it since its tradition that the most involved senior gets that opportunity, too, but so far only Michael and a few others from tech knew. Knowing Christine, it’ll probably be another Shakespeare play, which, it’s good, sure, but highschool students don't want to watch other highschool students speak contorted english while acting out something they already probably read like, freshman year. Or maybe they would.. Who knows-- kids are weird.

 

Before he knew it, Michael had pulled into a parking spot outside the grocery store. 

Which, after being unable to find literally anything on his list, he realized was reorganized.

_Really?_

Walking further into the store, he realized this was going to be _way_ harder than he thought. _Ok,_ Michael thought while pushing past some old lady struggling with a cart’s locked wheel. _First order of business- find the deli._ By process of elimination, he concluded that it would probably be in the same spot since you can’t really move a whole ass kitchen. Well, that's what he thought until he walked into the seafood section, where the deli should have been. Of course there were three separate kitchens in this grocery store. _Of course._

Making his way to all three corners of the store, he finally found the deli where the bakery used to be. While waiting in line to order his sandwich, he thought he saw a familiar yellow cardigan make their way through the sea of people buying items for Thanksgiving dinner. 

“Mi-” a group of people were pushed aside. “Michael!” Out popped Brooke, way too cheery for a gloomy day.

Putting his best fake smile back on, he responded with “Brooke! Hi! What brings you to this corner of Middleborough?”

“Last minute chores my parents never did.” She let out a big huff as if catching her breath.

“What? Crowd swimming wear you out?” He laughed. Good. At least he was able to give what sounded like a genuine laugh. Maybe this mission wouldn’t be as hard as he thought.

“Just a little.” She made a gesture with her hand and winked. “How ‘bout you?”

“Same here.”

“You look-” She stepped back and waved her hands with a teasing smile on her face. “Nice! Why’re you all dressy? You look good!”

“You sound surprised.” He smiled.

“Well- yeah! You usually are always in a hoodie or something but.. dayum!”

Michael gave an embarrassed laugh. “I can look good if I want to, ya know.”

“Well yeah but-” She smiled and started listing off what Michael was wearing as she touched the fabric, almost looking in shock. “A polo? And a _really soft_ cardigan? And some hella nice jeans if I may say so myself! And-” Her smile turned back into her normal teasing one when she reached his shoes. “And the shoes i’m pretty sure you haven't taken off in years. There’s my Michael that I know.” 

“Hey-- I gotta leave a little bit of myself on! Can’t just turn into a different person altogether. If that day ever comes, know that the illuminati has taken over and they are holding me captive.” Michael joked. Out of everyone in the new group, Brooke was probably the one Michael trusted the most. Well, right next to Christine and Jeremy, but Christine didn’t count because she was never ‘popular’ per say, and Jeremy, well, obvious reasons for him. Brooke was really, really sweet, and even if she said anything that may be found offensive, she never meant to. Her energy levels and sarcasm could always brighten someone's day, and she had one of the most caring personalities you could find in someone.

“Will do.” She made a weird expression before looking like she wanted to say something, but shook it off and instead said something probably worse than what she was about to say. “Jeremy would be an absolute babbling mess if he saw you. Not gonna lie you lowkey are good looking.”

Of course she had to bring him up. Of course he couldn't get too lucky. _Mission abort._ “Haha. Yeah.” He gave a nervous laugh.

“Speaking of…” She paused, deciding if she should say what she was going to next. “How is everything between you two? Are you alright?”

 _Mission ABORT._ “Hm?” His smile faltered.

“Yesterday you.. Uh.. You two were acting a little.. I dunno. Off? I guess. Just, you weren’t acting like the Michael and Jeremy everyone knows.”

 _MISSION FUCKING ABORT!_ “I- I uh-” Suddenly, Michael’s name was called out by the guy standing behind the counter. “That's my sandwich! I gotta go.. See you around, Brooke! Happy Thanksgiving!” And with that, Michael left Brooke standing in the middle of a crowded grocery store. He gave a silent _Thank you for saving my ass_ to the employee, and rushed off to find some cranberry sauce somewhere lost in the abyss of people, which, doesn't this store have an occupancy limit?

He knew that he would have to face his friends at some point. Michael knew that the topic couldn’t be avoided for long, but for now he would just have to beat around the bush. However long it might take him, he would wait until he had to say something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, swear_it is finally back and now i’m leaving phat rip. I’m leaving for camp on sunday (tomorrow? technically tomorrow since it’s now saturday but like,, it’s only 12:12 so-) and since i won’t be home she’s gon upload it :)  
> it’s only a week long so i’ll be here to upload the next one but that’s whats poppin!  
> The next two chapters are honestly probably my favorites so far, so although i’m sad im not here for the next one i’ll be heere for the one after that :)  
> y’all i really almost forgot that it was friday (saturday?) and that i upload today omg im so dinddidnjdjd about camp that i just blanked lol.  
> hope you enjoyed!


	18. To Know Somebody Who Knows Somebody (The Town)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He had a few other memories here, too. All of them consisting of Michael. This was one of the only places not corrupted by the memory of the squip, unlike nearly all of Middleborough and some other spots in Redbank. It was a pretty popular beach town, so you could always find something entertaining going on, whether it be some guy playing music or a pair of jugglers and fire eaters.
> 
>  
> 
> Or, Jeremy and Michael have to begin Thanksgiving their least favorite way-- apart. With heartache comes a sense of melancholy, several instances of guilt, an affinity for wandering, and chance encounters of resonating nature.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a long one, at 7.1 words long! (I know, we really out-did ourselves this time..)
> 
> We love you all so much, enjoy!

**You know, you should really try to talk to Michael.** The squip still hadn’t shown itself. Jeremy, unaware of the time, sat curled up in the same spot he laid back down on after going to the bathroom last night. He dozed a bit, but luckily it was just a light enough sleep that he didn’t have any ‘dreams’.

_And say what? That you’re back? You won’t even let me mention you._

**No, I never said you can tell him. I just mean..** Jeremy froze as he felt a hand on his arm. He didn’t want to open his eyes. **Maybe you can make up a different excuse? Tell him it's just rough around this time of the year because of…** ** _previous_** **events?** Jeremy stayed silent, too focused on the spot on his arm where he felt contact from whatever the squip was doing to mess with him. He brought his hand to the spot on his arm, relieved when there wasn’t anything actually there. **Jeremy.**

 _Please just go away._ It was feeling too real-- his mother was too real for him to go about his daily business. 

**Honey, what’s wrong-**

_Will you stop?_ Jeremy sat up suddenly. He got dizzy from the quick movement but shoved it to the side.

 **Stop what?** Opening his eyes, Jeremy noticed that the Squip still hadn’t shown itself. He immediately felt relieved.

 _Stop with all of this! This stupid- this fucking- just- you!_  

**Honey?**

_Don't pretend you don't know what I mean! You are inside my head for Christ’s sake you know what i'm implying! Stop acting like my mother! Stop pretending to be her!_

**You and I both know that this is your fault, Jeremy.** It’s tone changed to be one like how his mothers sounded when she got angry. When she would swat Jeremy away from her work or yell at his dad.

_I am really starting to not think that at this point. You know, I never would have drinken anything if you decided to try and get me to put more trust in you. You are a super computer for crying out loud you should have thought some things through._

**Well maybe someone should have listened to me in the first place.**

_Uh I think I have some pretty damn solid reasons on why I never did and why I still don't._

**You follow my command more than you think, Jeremiah.**

_Oh! And that too! You using my full name to try and be intimidating or something!? Yeah. Doesn’t work._

**It has before. It will now.**

_No. Not anymore. I won't let you anymore. Also! What the hell is with the shocking? Now that I think about it, we had a deal! We had RULES. You just decide to break those rules?_

**I said ‘no promises’ when we made those rules. This argument is pointless. If we continue at this pace all we will do is run in circles.**

_Well it seems like just having you back in my head is starting to make us go in a circle!_

**Calm down-**

“No! Stop! You need to stop! I- I-” Jeremy grabbed his head in frustration. He was on sensory overload to say the least, and hyperventilating. Maybe he was playing the situation up to be more than it actually was. 

**Jeremy you are overworking yourself. Like I said, this argument is pointless. Breathe.**

“Don’t tell me to breathe!” His voice cracked. Slowly, he felt more and more light headed. _It’s too much it's too much it's too-_ He hiccuped, eyes wide and staring at nothing in particular on his bed sheets.

**For fucks sake stop with the theatrics!**

Jeremy’s head snapped up to reply, not expecting to see his mother standing next to him. His once rapid breathing came to a halt, and all he could think about was the last time he had seen her in his room. The last time she.. No. Not right now. This isn't real. _She_ isn't real. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

After a few minutes of silence, Jeremy was the first to speak. “Change back to Keanu. I don’t like this.”

 **Clearly.** It rolled its eyes, but all Jeremy did was give a deadly, tired stare. **I told you that the Mountain Dew you drank would do this to my settings.**

 _Yeah but I took a piss or two. I’m pretty sure that if the alcohol is out of my system, the mountain dew is too._ The two had a stare off until it clenched its jaw and disappeared. _What? Too scared to lose your ability to emotionally manipulate me to change back into Keanu?_

Silence.

_Hello…?_

“Jeremy?” A soft knock came from Jeremy’s door. It was his father's voice. Jeremy had two options: either pretend to be asleep, or tell him to come it. He would choose ‘pretend to be asleep’ if his dad wasn’t already walking into his room. _Again._ “Goodmorning.” Mr. Heere smiled and sat at the foot of Jeremy’s bed while Jeremy stayed in the same position he had been in before he walked in; his back pressed against the headboard and knees pulled to his chest.

“ ‘Morning.” Jeremy croaked. Since when did his voice sound so hurt? Since when did _he_ sound so hurt?

After a few moments of silence, Paul spoke up again. “Happy Thanksgiving!” He chuckled and put his hand on Jeremy’s foot, giving it an awkward pat. Jeremy just hummed in acknowledgement. “So.. anything special you wanna do for Thanksgiving today? Unless you wanna just stick with our tradition and go out to eat? We can just eat that turkey in the freezer another time. Probably the best, yeah? I mean, I know you don’t like going out and, well, for the past couple years you’ve been spending Thanksgiving with Michael but-” Jeremy cut off his dad’s rambling with a huff and got off his bed.

“Whatever, dad.” He slid on his glasses and searched for a pair of jeans to put on, then a random hoodie he found on his dresser.

“What is with you? You have been acting off ever since you got home last night, Jeremy.”

“You barely spoke to me last night. I was tired.”

“This is just a normal Thanksgiving! What is so wrong that we can’t spend it together?”

Jeremy stopped in his tracks and turned to face his father. “Dad, can you tell me what’s so special about today?”

Mr. Heere shrugged and made hand gestures. “Thanksgiving. It’s Thanksgiving, Jeremy.”

“Yeah, anything else?”

“What? You want me to give you a recap on why we have it in the first place? The whole story about the pilgrims and the-”

“Jesus Christ.” Jeremy put on a pair of converse and put his phone and wallet in his pocket.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“Out.”

“Says who?”

“Says me.” Jeremy made his way to his bedroom door, but the hand Mr. Heere placed on his shoulder stopped him.

“Jeremy, we are not repeating this nonsense again. As long as I am the adult in the house and you are still a minor, you cannot just walk out on me.” He was standing, nearly meeting the same height as Jeremy.

“Then it’s a good thing im not a minor anymore.” Jeremy walked away from Paul and made his way downstairs.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Mr. Heere called after him.

“It's called a birthday. Look it up.” Jeremy responded, opening the front door and shutting it behind him.

 

The air was cold and the sky was grey as clouds covered the sun. Frost was making itself known on some of the windows of the houses on his street. 

It was definitely colder this year compared to last year, but Jeremy wasn’t complaining. Well, not complaining about the cold, that is. He and Michael used to go to the park around this time of year. Thanksgiving especially. They would sit on the swingset and talk. Talk about life, gossip they hear around school, new video games that might be coming out, revivals of old ones-- the usual. Once they felt they were getting a little too cold, they would run back to Michael’s house and Jeremy would be apart of the Mell family's Thanksgiving dinner. 

Not this year. 

Jeremy made his way towards seven eleven. There was one really close to his house, so he thought he might as well just stop in. Putting his earbuds in and clicking shuffle on Samsa, he continued walking, putting himself in autopilot seen as he’d made his way over to the convenient store numerous times. 

The cold air stung his now rosy nose and cheeks, and his toes were cold in his worn out converse. The leaves still clung onto the branches of its trees, but only barely. If he paid attention, he could see his breath coming from his mouth. It was definitely a colder year. Fuck global warming. 

Finally stepping inside the seven eleven, he realized how cold his face felt from the air outside. Jeremy moved some of his hair out of his face and started strolling down the isles. He picked up a pack of peach rings and made his way to the back of the store, stopping at the slushie machine. His hand gravitated towards the cup, and soon he was filling it to the top with blue raspberry slushie. 

After paying for both of his items at the front and stuffing the packet of peach rings back into his pocket, he walked aimlessly, only paying attention to the music playing in his ears and making sure he doesn’t get run over. Wind would blow hair into his face every once in a while, but he would just brush it out and continue walking. Home was the last spot he wanted to be at the moment. 

A couple minutes later, Jeremy found himself in front of the same swing set him and Michael had been sitting on only a year ago. And the year before that. And before that. So on so forth. Sure, it brought… unwanted memories… but better than sitting at home and wishing he were somewhere else. 

Jeremy sniffled and sat down. He was practically swimming in the periwinkle colored hoodie he was wearing, but it didn’t keep him as warm as he would’ve hoped. Maybe it was the slushie freezing his fingertips, or the wind that was starting to pick up. He just wished he could’ve been smart enough to at least grab a scarf on his way out of the house. 

Jeremy looked down at the sand he left footprints in, then around him. It was a small park, but had a slide or two, monkey bars, a fire pole, and some swings-- one set for babies and another normal set. 

The wind that was slowly growing stronger blew trash across the sand, and made the unoccupied swings creak. If Jeremy didn’t have music blasting in his ears right now, he would say that it almost looked scary-- apocalyptic, if he would. Though the quiet was nice. Even though the wind burned his nose and cheeks and ears, it was refreshing, and the sight of no one to bug him or move so much it was dizzying felt good. Just quiet. Peace. And boy, he hasn’t felt this in a long time. He hasn’t _heard_ this in a long time. The distant buzzing of traffic muffled by his music, the nonexistent sweaty heat of another person shoved right up against him in a crowded space. The melancholy heaviness of his heart and of his chest.

Jeremy closed his eyes and took a deep breath, letting the cold air fill his lungs, then slowly exhaled and let warmth overcome the back of his throat. 

He was alone, sure, but this was the quietest and the most at peace Jeremy felt in a long time. 

 

* * *

 

“Mama! Stop with the christmas music!” Michael yelled to his mother in the kitchen, grabbing her phone and pausing the music playing through the house speakers (which, sadly was controlled by Amazon Alexa as the hub. Curse memes.)

“Why? It's festive! Get in the spirit, Micah!” His mama responded, saying ‘Alexa, play’ and continuing the Christmas carols that blasted through the house.

“It's Thanksgiving! _Not Christmas!_ Alexa, pause.” 

“Alexa, play.” The music started playing again, but before Michael had the chance to turn it off again his mother set the volume at full blast and walked over to Michael to grab his hands.

“Ew! You have flour all over your hands!” Michael yelled over the loud music, trying to escape from his mother's grip.

“I know! Dance with me, Micah!” She laughed and laced her fingers with his. Eventually, he gave up and started swaying with her, rolling his eyes.

“I don't get it.” He laughed.

“What?”

“You never do this with me anymore.” 

“Thats because youre-” She raised her arms (and his in the process since their hands were still intertwined) for emphasis “big! And growing even more! How is that even possible? Youre so…” Their arms flopped back down. “Old!”

“Mama..” He smiled. It felt good to smile a genuine smile. A real, happy, loving smile. Michael never knew how much he smiled on a day to day basis until he stopped only yesterday morning.

“Iho. You’re graduating soon. And- and you’ve grown up to be such a wonderful young man and-” Her eyes started to water as she sniffled and brought one of her hands to cup the side of Michael's face, leaving the hand she was holding to dangle at Michael’s side. Michael knew she was about to cry because it had happened multiple times before, like when he got to middle school, and highschool, and went to their family friends graduation.

“Mama, don't cry. You're gonna make me cry.” He held the hand that now was on his cheek, smiling at his mother as she scanned his face. 

“Why would you cry? I’m the one who’s mourning, here.” His mama gave a wet laugh. 

“Because i'd be leaving you! And Mom! And.. and Middleborough and Redbank and..if I get accepted into SVA or NYU or USC then I’d be leaving New Jersey! And I mean, I know New York is like, right next door but, California? That’s across the US.” Michael sniffled, thinking about college. His future. The future he and Jeremy had been planning for ages. They had both submitted applications to a lot of the same colleges, hoping they would get in. Of course, they had other colleges they were submitting to that the other wasn’t, seen as Michael was into Photography and Jeremy dramatic arts and programming, but the ones he had listed were schools that were great choices for the both of them. Well known schools with amazing visual arts programs and high ranks. Only, Michael hoped that their friendship didn’t end here. He hoped they could stay friends for a long time. Friends at the very least. 

“Anak, what’s wrong?” Michael’s mamas eyebrows creased. He avoided eye contact until she said “Look at me.” If he wasn’t crying before, he was now. The minute he made eye contact with her his barriers dropped and he went in to hug his Mama. “Michael, what is it?”

“Jeez turn the Christmas music either down or off, would you? It’s not a christmas rave in here- Mike? Jessie? What’s wrong?” Michael’s mom walked into the kitchen to see the two hugging and crying, and upon hearing his mom's voice, he parted from his mama and went to hug her instead. “I..?”

Jessa, Michael’s mama, walked over to the two and joined in on the hug. 

Another couple moments of swaying and crying passed, and Michael sniffled, saying “I love you both. I’m sorry for this.” His words muffled by his mother’s shoulder, which was now wet from tears. 

“No, no it’s alright! Actually, it feels good to see you cry. I haven’t been able to comfort my baby in a long time so I'm content with this.” Michael’s mom gave a small laugh. 

“Nicole! Rude!” Jessa smacked her wife’s arm. 

“What? I didn’t mean it like that. I just mean-“ 

“I know what you mean, mom. Don’t worry.” Michael lifted his head to look at his moms, Who we’re now each holding each other’s hands. His mom was holding his mamas left hand and Michael’s right, while his mama held his moms right hand and Michael’s left. 

Michael’s mama smiled and fixed his hair, making it look more presentable. “Go to the bathroom and wipe those tears, yeah? Actually, while you’re at it, maybe just wash your face.” She laughed. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Michael giggled, squeezing her hand that still rested in his. 

“It means you should take a look in the mirror while you’re in there. You’ll see what we are talking about.” His mom smiled and patted his cheek before he turned around and made his way to the bathroom, listening to his moms bicker about whether the music should be turned down or changed. 

Low and behold, Michael saw a white handprint left from flour that was on his Mamas hand, and red, puffy eyes. Turning on the sink, he started splashing water in his face. 

 

* * *

 

The subway ride to Long Branch was only a 19 Minute trip, and a two way ticket was pretty cheap. Well, more like it was basically free because Jeremy had found a $5 bill just laying on the ground outside the station-- which-- finders keepers. 

Waiting for the train to arrive, Jeremy felt.. off.. to say the least. He wasn’t hungry so he knew it wasn’t that, but it wasn’t how he normally felt when he’d feel the platform shaking from an incoming train. It was more like… how should he describe it… 

Static. Like when you turn on the TV but it’s not on an available channel and it makes those ear wrenching white noise sounds and you know it’s just what you’re hearing but it feels like it’s made its way into your body and shaking you. It’s weird, he knows, but then again it would make him _way too lucky_ if he were to have silence all day. Just an hour is all he can get apparently. 

 _Hello? You back yet? Or are you gonna actually let me have some freedom from your stupid ass for more than just a goddamned hour?_ Silence followed, just the static rising in volume for a few seconds, then lowering back down to only be heard in the back of his head. _I haven’t heard this in a hot second- maybe you did me the pleasure of shutting yourself off._

After a few moments of no response, Jeremy actually let himself hope that it had turned back off again, but no headache accompanied his ‘brain muffle’ like before when the squip was off. He clicked play on his music playlist, and stuffed his ticket in his pocket, waiting for the subway to arrive. 

 

Jeremy and Michael had been to long branch a few times. The first time they were there was when they had taken the subway for the first time and got lost, luckily only ending up 18 minutes from home and not, like, Queens or something. The second time was on the fourth of July. They heard that the fireworks were _amazing_ there, so they spent the day by the beach and when the sun started setting they had gone onto the pier and munched on popsicles a street vender had sold them while watching the glittery lights explode, leaving only a trail of dust to be swept away by the wind. 

He had a few other memories here, too. All of them consisting of Michael. This was one of the only places not corrupted by a memory of the squip, unlike nearly all of Middleborough and some other spots in Redbank. It was a pretty popular beach town, so you could always find something entertaining going on, whether it be some guy playing music or a pair of jugglers and fire eaters. 

After a few minutes of walking, Jeremy came across Poke Art, and all though he wasn’t hungry, empty carbs from bubble tea was always fine to eat. Or drink..? Who knows? Bubble tea (or boba, whatever you want to call it) is bubble tea and it tastes good, so no one was stopping him. 

It was nearly deserted (as was the rest of the beach since it was November and Thanksgiving Day) but a few people sat at corners eating sushi and typing away on their computer, or talking with another person they sat at a table with. 

As Jeremy stepped inside, a waitress called from a table she was cleaning and welcomed him, telling him they were closing early in an hour for Thanksgiving. 

Jeremy ordered a Coconut Bubble Tea, then found a corner to sit down in and blast his music. When he got his tea he paid early so he wouldn’t have to handle it later, and sat back, sipping the little taro balls and chewing them (for what felt like) forever.  

By the time he was halfway done with the drink, a little boy ran into the shop, though Jeremy paid no mind to him. He just continued playing on his gameboy (which he thought he lost, but apparently it was in his hoodie pocket all along) and yawned every once in a while. Then there was maybe about six more people that flooded in, which is what caught Jeremys attention at first. He wouldn’t have made a double take if he didn’t realize that _holy shit that’s the Tirao family_. 

Immediately at the sight of Michael’s cousins, aunt, and uncle, Jeremy flipped his hood up to cover his face. He would beeline it to the door but they were all crowded around it, trying to convince the poor waitress to just let them get bubble tea before they closed. 

Just Jeremys luck, Michael’s youngest cousin, Jack (Or little J to Michael and Jeremy, JJ to the rest of the family), decided to wiggle away from the group and start walking around the small restaurant, stopping at Jeremy's table. 

“Woah! My cousin has one of those thingies! He’s, like, totally obsessed with old stuff. Hey- I bet you two would be great friends! Well, at least if you didn’t live all the way down here. You see, Mikey lives down in Middleborough and-“

 _Jesus Christ- I forgot how much of a talker he is._ Jeremy continued to listen to Jacks rambling, keeping his head down not to draw attention to himself. They were undoubtedly going to the Mells house for dinner tonight, and if they saw Jeremy and said to stick around since they _knew_ he would be there too, or at least would think he would, and then Jeremy would have to explain everything. That was not something he wanted to do right now. Not with this impending headache that seemed to start buzzing around along with the static. _Great, so that’s back too._

“Yeah, I’m sure. Sorry, but I gotta go-“ Jeremys sleeve was grabbed by Jack, so he sat back down not wanting to look like some random guy with his hood up is about to fling a small child across the room, because Jack had a tight-ass grip, but was light as hell. Jeremy could stand up and he would keep holding on. 

“Hold on a sec! You sound familiar! C’mere, mister!” Jack crawled up and onto a chair that sat next to Jeremys, and he went to pull down his hood. 

“Hey, kid doesn’t anyone tell ya not to talk to stra-“ Too late. Jeremy's hood was pulled off. 

“Wait!” Jack gasped, “Big J?!” He dove in for a hug and squeezed him tight, nearly knocking over the bubble tea that sat on the table. 

“Yes now shush!” Jeremy looked over to make sure the rest of his family wasn’t looking, and pulled his hood back up. 

“What? Why? Are you like, on a super secret spy mission or something?” Suddenly Jack ducked as if trying to stay hidden like a ‘spy’. 

“Uh… yeah. Yeah you could say that?”

“Lies!” Jack popped back up and exclaimed. 

“How would you know?”

“Because you’re too lame to be a spy, Big J!”

Jeremy's eyebrows creased, giving a sarcastic “Thanks.”

“Don’t worry. I mean it in the most loving way possible.”

“Right…”

“So why do ya have your hood up?”

“I uh…” Jeremy looked around, trying to think of something to say. “Uhh-“

“Oh my god are you avoiding us? RuDE!” Jack smacked Jeremys knee. Despite being 9, he _definitely_ was one sassy boy. Clearly he’s related to Michael. 

“Ow- What? No! I’m not- I’m not a-avoiding yo-you!” Oh great. His stutter. Fantastic. Fabulous. Amazing. Wow. 

“I call lies again! And this time I know because you are doing that weird word glitch thing you do.”

“W-word glitch? The fu- frick? Lit- Little J, it’s call-alled a stutter.” Jeremy gave a small laugh.

“Stutter schmutter whatever-“ He rolled his eyes “-you’re avoiding my question, Big J.”

“I uhh..” Jeremy looked over to where the rest of the family was before, only to see the family had convinced the waitress and moved away from the door. The doorway was open. He could run for it if he wanted- he already paid and everything. “uhhhh.”

“Jeremy.” Jack tried to say in a serious tone, but 9 year olds could never sound serious, let’s be real. 

Jeremy looked around, trying to make up a plan. He could run into the bathroom and crawl out a window? Maybe just book it for the door and run? What if Jack held on and Jeremy dragged him along? The stupid headache that lingered in the back of his head wasn’t helping. Taking a deep breath and making a choice, Jeremy decided to tell Jack the truth. If he didn’t then he would snitch and say he saw Jeremy in Long Branch, which would travel to the Mells, which would most likely end up traveling to his dad. Mr. Heere was definitely not okay with Jeremy traveling this far without telling him, but honestly he could give a smaller shit. The main problem here was Michael. 

He didn’t want Michael knowing where he was. It’s not like he would do or say anything, but Jeremy just didn’t understand why the Mells should know what he had been doing all day. It was stupid. Who the fuck hops on the next subway to the beach in November and spends the day alone down there? A loser. That’s who. Then again he was and _is_ a loser so…. But still. 

“Helloooo? Earth to Big J?” Jack waved his hand in front of Jeremys face. 

“Uh hi. Y-yeah im here. Look, Jack?” Jeremy took a deep breath to calm himself, and prayed that Jack wasn’t as much as a snitch as he thought he was. “You cannot, and I mean _cannot_ tell your family that you saw me. Your brothers, your sisters, your mom and dad, your aunts, and especially- _especially_ ” Jeremy enunciated on ‘especially’, “Mikey. They don’t know I'm here.” Jeremy looked into Jack's eyes- the same eyes Michael had- and hoped he got the message across. 

“Why?” Jacks face scrunched into confusion. “Aren’t you coming to dinner this year? I mean, I know last year you couldn’t because you were in the hospital and all but…”

“I uh… N-no. I’m not.” Jeremy saddened at the fact that he wouldn’t. He knew he wasn’t going to and he knew why but he just couldn’t. He couldn’t right now with all of this Squip nonsense. He couldn’t with that stupid ass fight going on between him and Michael. “Just. Don’t tell them, promise?”

“I don’t get it, Big J.” Jacks expression softened. 

“Pinky promise, Jack.” Jeremy held out his pinky, waiting for the small boy to link with him. 

“I- ok. Ok pinky promise.” 

Jeremy let out a breath he was holding. “Good. Thank you, Little J. Now go grab your bubble tea before your mom thinks you’re having a conversation with a stranger and gives you the stranger danger talk.” Jeremy stood up, picking up his own tea. 

“Right.” Jack giggled as Jeremy clicked play on his music. Right before he had the chance to walk way, Jack tapped his arm and whipped his hand out that he was holding behind his back the whole time, showing jeremy a pair of crossed fingers. Confused, Jeremy gave an awkward smile, thinking that he meant ‘I promise’ or something.. but then Jack ran back to his mom to take his Strawberry tea and laughed. Jeremy made his way out of the small restaurant, and massaged his temples. 

 

The station was nearly deserted as Jeremy waited for the subway to arrive and take him back home. Wind from outside had started to become even stronger and had carried itself into the long, narrow halls of the station, blowing Jeremy's hair into his face and chilling him. 

Jeremy turned his music up so he could try and mute the static that was getting louder, though failing when he realized the volume was on 100 percent. It wasn’t making his headache any better, but music was better than the eerie silence the static left along with the wind howling from the back of the tunnels. 

Eventually, the train pulled to a stop in front of Jeremy, and he climbed in. Instead of taking a seat (because let’s be real, those seats were _nasty_ ), Jeremy decided that holding onto a pole would be better. If he fell, so be it. _Maybe I could knock my head so hard that you malfunction._ He gave a quiet laugh to himself as the train started moving. _I know you can hear me._ After a few seconds of silence, Jeremy rolled his eyes and sighed, realizing that his music was probably so loud that the mother and her child sitting in the back could hear it. _Bitchass. Won’t even show yourself. I guess now you wanna actually leave me alone. Don’t you think it’s just a liiittlee unfair that I'm practically forced to respond to you when you talk to me but you have the option to just shut yourself down when I talk to you?_ _A little susp if you ask me-_ Jeremy winced as his headache grew a little stronger. 

It had only been 5 minutes since the subway had started moving, so around 13 more to go until Jeremy got back to Middleborough. Maybe advil might actually work this time if its natural- he hissed as his headache spiked again, leaving a lingering pain. _Ok, take that as a ‘it’s not natural.’_ he rested his head against the cool pole he was now leaning on and studied the bandaids on his fingers. _So can you actually hear me or am I just talking to myself..?_ As a response, Jeremy felt a wave of vertigo crash over him. Bad timing since the train had just started moving again after a stop. He stumbled backwards, gripping onto the pole he had just been resting his head on. _Either you can hear me, you’re resetting, or I’m sick and probably about to pass out. REALLY hoping it’s not the latter. Please not the latter. I don’t want my body to be found sliding around an empty train._ Jeremy groaned as he gripped onto the pole again and shut his eyes. The fluorescent lights were too bright and sensitive to his eyes, and his earbuds had fallen out of his ears. 

“Excuse me, are you alright?” A voice asked as a gentle hand was placed on Jeremys shoulder. Jeremy didn’t really hear the voice at first, aggressively whipping around at the contact on his shoulder. The movement was too fast and nearly knocked him on his feet. 

A woman— the mother Jeremy had seen when he first got on— startled back from Jeremys response, gripping her daughter. “O-oh I’m so s-sorry I didn’t mean to-“ Jeremy cut himself off, not wanting to say something off or wrong, and the two just stared at each other. Finally processing what she had asked, Jeremy went to answer until he felt dizzy again, holding onto the pole until his knuckles were white. _Maybe I should sit down.._

“Sir..?” She asked cautiously, not moving any closer just in case. 

“Ye-ah. Sorry I.. uh..” Jeremy tried to think of an excuse. “Chronic… Mig-Migraines? Yeah I-I have Chronic Migraines. S-sorry you spooked me wh-when you tapped me.” He gave a sheepish smile and tried tucking the earbuds that were now dragging on the floor into his pocket with his free hand. 

The mother gave a sympathetic look and immediately softened. “Oh my- Are you alright? You aren’t going to throw up are you? Here, you should probably sit.” She went to reach for Jeremy's hand, who was hesitant at first, but then she slipped her hand in his and helped him as he shakily sat down in a seat. _Thank god they are the only ones here._

“No I think I'm- I th-think I’m fine.” Jeremy said, bracing himself as the train slowed to a stop again and sped off. The mothers face looked doubtful at his response. “Fine as in I don’t think i’m g-gonna throw up or anything.” He corrected himself. Jeremy was starting to feel more comfortable around her and the warm energy that radiates off of her. 

The daughter crawled into the seat next to Jeremy and she placed a hand on his forehead. Her hair was tied into little pigtails, and a bright pink coat was wrapped around her. “Momma I don’t think he has a fever but he’s hot!” She moved her hand to tug on her mother’s sleeve, who was now crouching in front of Jeremy. 

“Don’t touch other peoples face without asking permission first, Maya.” The mother scolded. 

“But you do it all the time!”

“Yes, but that is at work where I _need_ to do it because people have already given me permission to.”

“But what about that one time that girl passed out in the store?”

“She was unresponsive so I was allowed to. Honey, I have to make sure this young man is alright ok? I’ll answer your questions later.” The mother turned her head back to look at Jeremy and smiled. “I’m sorry about her. She should've asked.” She apologized. 

“No no it’s alright. M-my mom is- was a lawyer so I-I would ask her questions about her work all the time.” Jeremy gave a tired smile. He was slowly starting to feel drained, but the nausea had died down. “I assume y-you work in the medical field?” He tried a laugh. 

“Yes,” She smiled, “But I prefer if we get the small talk going after I make sure you are ok?”

“O-oh yeah sorry.”

“So you said you have chronic migraines?”

 _Well that’s one way to put it_. He felt bad for lying, but how the fuck else was he supposed to put it? “You could say that.”

“Huh?”

“Oh I uh- Uh sometimes it’s random but I can get these, like, super bad headaches and stuff and I get dizzy and whatnot..”

“...Alright…” She scrunched her eyebrows and asked if she could check for a temperature, and upon Jeremy allowing her, she put her hand on his forehead and cheeks. Her touch felt so good- so warm that he could just melt into it. Though at the same time her hands gave off a comfortable cooling that felt good on his face. “It feels like you may have a fever, but a low one. Are you still dizzy?”

“Not really.”

“How long ago did symptoms start?”

Jeremy took a few seconds to catch up with her question. “A few minutes before I got on the train I think..? Wait no the static came back before I went to Poke Art..” The last part he said to himself. 

“Static? What do you mean?”

 _Whoops._ “Oh I uh-“ His face contorted as he felt his headache pulse in his right temple. “I hear like,, static? But only when things like this happen. Don’t worry I uh, got it checked out before. My doctor said the pattern it came in was whenever the headaches were around so..”

“Hm. Funny- a colleague of mine had a patient with a situation similar to that before- Anyway, are you feeling nauseous? Is there pain anywhere?”

“N-no-- well not anymore-- ish, and only my head.”

“Great, and one last question if you wouldn’t mind? Are you aware of your stuttering?”

“Yeah, I uh.. I usually am a lot worse around people I don’t know but..” He examined her face, lined with prominent wrinkles but soft features were comforting. She looked so inviting and friendly. “I guess I just really feel comfortable around you.” He said to himself, though loud enough for her to hear. 

“I’m glad.” She smiled, moving to take her daughters seat next to Jeremy, and shifting her daughter to sit on her lap instead. “I’m Glinda, and this munchkin-“ She pinched the girls cheeks as she squirmed in her arms. “-is Maya.”

“Jeremy.” He smiled. 

“So, what are you doing down in Long Branch?” 

“Oh I uh.. Just had the weirdest craving for the Coconut Bubble tea at Poke Art. It’s really good.” He laughed, squinting at the lights again. “You?”

“Im headed up to Middleborough, actually. We were just visiting some friends to wish them a happy day.”

“Oh! I’m going to Middleborough too- I live there!” Jeremy sat up in excitement a bit too quickly, and groaned at the headache that rewarded him for it. Glinda chuckled and gently pushed Jeremys shoulders back so he was leaning against the backrest. 

“You live there? That’s great! We love the town. It’s just so small it’s either everyone knows everyone or you at least know someone who knows somebody else, you know?” She smiled. 

Clearly, this was a ‘you know someone who knows someone else’ moment because he had never seen this woman before in his life. Well, then again, he never really goes outside on his free will so.. “Yeah.”

Silence passed between the two of them for a couple moments, neither knowing what to say. “If you don’t mind me asking, you said your mom was a lawyer?”

Oh. The mom question. “Yeah. Divorce attorney, actually. It’s funny because she and my dad were a team. Their slogan was ’We’re _Heere_ for you’” Jeremy laughed and explained upon seeing her confused look. “Our last name is Heere, but with two ‘e’s between the H and R. It’s confusing.”

“Oh, I get it!” She laughed, now understanding the joke, but her face turned a bit concerned as she asked, “‘was’?”

“Uh. Ironic thing is they actually ended up getting a divorce! Yaayy!” He gave a mildly enthusiastic yet sarcastic cheer. “Moved on and away. She found some other guy and decided to ditch us.” Jeremy laughed a bit. “Left my dad a mess, actually. He couldn’t function for like, three years! Barely left the house let alone wear pants!” At this point he was smiling just to cover the tears that might stat gathering in his eyes. _In Chloe’s words, ‘Fake it till you make it.’_ “Better part is that my best friend, who I actually ditched and made his life a living hell for a solid couple of weeks even though we have been best friends for 12 years at the time-“ _Jesus, why are you telling her all of this? “_ -and possibly the guy who I might just be hopelessly crushing on, was the one who convinced my dad to actually start acting like a parental figure and get his ass- butt-“ _Whoops, she has a kid._ “Off the couch and start being the adult of the house! Which- and here’s where it gets even better- I _am_ an adult now! And He didn’t even realize it this morning!” 

Jeremy dragged his hands down his face. “Like, how the hell- heck- do you forget it’s your sons birthday? You can’t just start aimlessly asking questions and then forget that it’s your _only child’s eighteenth birthday!_ And on top of it all, said best friend slash guy I think I'm in love with and I are in a huugee fight right now and I’m probably the source of all of the problems in my life!” Jeremy laughed again, leaning his head back to keep the tears from falling. He had no clue why he just started spilling the past two years of his life to this woman he just met, but her warmth and aura just comforted him. Comforted him so much that he told her things he would never tell to anyone else who didn’t already know, and he wasn’t even stuttering anymore. 

“You.. you sound like you carry a lot of baggage with you. I’m sorry that’s been your life. You seem like such a sweet boy.” She put her hand in his again, and Jeremy moved his head to look at her and sniffled. “None of this is your fault, or maybe it is— I'm not sure, though it doesn’t seem like it— just know that everything shall pass, and those who deserve it will receive good karma.”

The subway started pulling to a stop, an automated voice telling them they had arrived at the station they wanted to get off on. 

“Here,” Her daughter moved and Glinda helped Jeremy stand. He wavered for a moment, regaining his balance, until they shuffled off of the train and it sped away, leaving only a gust of wind. “Need help getting up the stairs? Now that you are standing has any pain gotten worse or new symptoms arisen?”

“No to all- thank you so much, though, it really means a lot. I’m so sorry I dumped all of that on you. It was really uncalled for.” The three of them swiped their metro passes to get through the gate and started walking up the stairs and into the cold wind. 

“No problem at all. Just remember that you can fix what your struggling with, even if you have doubts, because in the end you will be rewarded with good karma if it was done for the good of you and others around you.”

Jeremy nodded and smiled, taking a step towards the direction he was headed to walk home. 

“And Jeremy?” She called. He turned around to meet her eyes. “Happy eighteenth birthday, and Happy Thanksgiving.” Glinda smiled. 

“Happy Thanksgiving.” Jeremy reciprocated as the mother and daughter walked off in the opposite direction, and Jeremy turned to make his way back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, to begin with, hello.  
> Welcome to a break in your regularly scheduled programming-- swear_it, (aka me,) is up late enough to post the chapter!  
> em_etif is at camp right now, so the responsibility is on my shoulders.  
> :D  
> As a fun little note-- the subway scene is one of her favorite scenes she's ever written. Beta-ing this fic for her/ writing with her since the beginning, I have to say it's one of mine as well. The progress she's made in both the thematic and grammatical elements in her writing... what a fucking good writer, am i right???  
> guys lets all give her love in the comments. We love her so much!!  
> ( c o m e b a c c f r o m c a m p w e m i s s y o u )
> 
> I don't have much to say, except that writing emotional pain is HARD AND I JUST WANT TO GIVE THEM FLUFF
> 
> anyway, thank you so much for reading, and I'll see you next week!  
> love you!!


	19. I Circle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The circle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short perspective chapter on what the boys are feeling. It doesn't necessarily take place immediately where we left off. This could be read as metaphorical or physical. We will pick up again this Saturday on Thanksgiving, so I guess you could think of this as more of a different moment or a thought that reflects their feelings.  
> You can read this from either Jeremy's POV, or Michael's.
> 
> I am posting this today in celebration of Be More Chill's closing. (yes, celebration, because Be More Chill deserves to be celebrated, not mourned. This fandom will live on for a long time, and so will fics. That goes for this one. Especially this one.)
> 
> Dont worry about reading the end chapter notes- its just me talking about why BMC means so much to me, and I tell a story.  
> Its a looong end chapter note... sorry lol

I think I've noticed a pattern: I circle.

My past relationships in life have always been... well, to say the least, they have been neither good nor bad. Of course, there were some people, whether they be essential or minor characters in my life story, that has been on the bad side, though I always found a way around it. Around them. In the end, though, I find that it's ok, and I can forget about those people, or I can forgive them. I will argue or fight with them, and then let it go, and the argument can stay in the past. 

Sometimes, It doesn't.

I ignore those times. Well, I try to. When situations get brought up that I'd much rather forget, I don't know what to do with them. Sometimes old thoughts and memories come back along with it, and I fall into this bottomless pit that I can't seem to get out of. I don't know how or why, but I just am. I just am, and always will be. The hole sucks me further and further down until I realize that this conversation, argument, story, situation, or person was  _in my life. They were in my life, and I can't change that_. I keep trying to ignore it, only for the universe to throw it back in my face and tell me to deal with it, but I can't.

I stare at it and wait. I wait for it to make the first move so I don't overstep my boundaries. Sometimes, it does the same. 

We have a stare-off. A long, unmoving, unblinking competition where the first one who shuts their eyes and steps into that moment of relief is the one who ends the tension. Sometimes I'm the first one to blink, sometimes I'm not.

Sometimes I'm the one who wants to blink. I want to blink so,  _so fucking bad_ , but I'm scared. I'm scared I will forgive it, and we will go back to normal. We will live our normal lives and celebrate normal traditions. The problem is that we aren't actually normal. We cant go back to normal because we are already broken. We are like a chipped mug; you can put the fallen piece of ceramic back into its original place, but the crack will always be present. We cant go back to normal because normal means the argument never happened, and at some point, we have to face the facts. At some point, we may just argue again, and I'm scared of that. I don't want to break this mug even more than it is already broken. I just cant. 

So, I sit and watch. I watch as I make things neither worse, nor better, and I remain unmoving. I don't want to ruin us because...

So I sit and watch the stars. I lay on my back and watch the thousands of beautiful, twinkling stars shine at night, and this is when I realize why I don't want to break this mug even more than it's already broken.

Although I have already realized this, I can only think this thought an infinite amount of times.

I don't want to ruin us because...

because I love him.

I love him so much, but I don't want to make this worse. I don't want us to shatter.

I love him, and I know that the minute I blink, we will forgive eachother. We will forgive each other and live our lives 'normally.' We will live our lives normally until one of us fuck up again, and we go back to staring.

We stare, and I realize I'm back here, looking at the stars

Looking at the stars and thinking about how I fucked up. We both fucked up, but we won't blink because each time we blink, the mug breaks into smaller pieces.

It breaks into smaller pieces, and soon there will be shards so tiny that it got blown away in the wind, and we can never get that specific shard back.

That shard is gone, and the cup is now missing a piece.

I forgive, I forget.

I break down, I cry.

I sit, I watch.

I stare, I blink,

and I circle.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, we had a good run. This show means so, so much to me. I don't know why, but it just does. It appreciates and celebrates not just being a 'loser, geek, whatever,' but also that its OK to be you. You CAN be a complete theatre nerd. You CAN be an introvert. It's OK to have just one friend. This show taught me that when anxiety, panic, or others' opinions get in the way, it's ok to let it all out. YOU CAN LET IT ALL OUT. It is ok, and it always will be. Sure, this musical is some weird, sci-fi, awkward musical, but just being able to not only relate but also find ways to involve myself in this show has made me feel apart of a community.  
> My anxiety can tend to get the best of me very often, and a lot of the time I don't tell anyone. I won't tell anyone. I don't because I don't want to worry them, or be 'that one girl.' I don't want to suddenly throw all of my worries and pains and unnecessary and stupid thoughts on people who really should go on and live their own life and not listen to me rant about my 'problems' when in the morning I would regret saying any of it. I would regret even telling that person about it. So, let me say that BMC means so much to me. It let me know that if I have an anxiety or panic attack, then it's ok to let it out. It let me know that even though I only have one good, real, close, and beautifully kind-hearted and talented and incredible friend in my life, I should take them. I should take her and never let her go because it's ok and all that matters is that she is. She is and always will be. I don't need to worry about my social status, my looks, my personality. I can make friends by being ME, and if someone doesn't like who I am, then they can feel fucking free to walk straight the fuck out of my life. I don't need them. I learned not to judge people. Don't read a book by its cover. Embrace who you are, and never let it go. Live in the moment, even if its a bad one.  
> I just got back from camp, and while I was there, there was this moment I don't think I'll ever forget. It was beautiful, and I cried so, so hard that I'm pretty sure if anyone saw me, they would back away in fear lol. I don't know why I cried, to be honest. I'm not sure why what I was thinking just decided I needed to think it. I don't know why I did this, but I did. I won't go into some specifics, but I was sitting in a spot called 'Old Victory Circle.' It was one of the original spots from when the camp was first founded and barely popular. Victory Circle was a place where you would reflect on your week. That night (Thursday night), Me, along with the rest of the girls from the group I came to camp with (So anywhere from 100-200 girls) snuck out of our cabins to sit by old victory circle and say goodbye to an adult that would be leaving the group and moving forward in her life. I barely knew her. Hell, I had met her four days before that night, but just being at camp and listening to everyone's stories about this woman and how much of an impact she made on everyone's life and how she would go down in history made me feel like I knew her. It made me feel like I had known her for years.  
> One of the girls brought her guitar with her, and quietly, we softly sang songs until 12:45. It was around 30 degrees, and we were all freezing and in tanktops and pajama bottoms. I so distinctly remember the stories people told of this person and the songs being sung in the background as I looked at the stars. Stars at night are one of my favorite things to look at, along with city lights. Because of the nearly nonexistent light pollution, or even pollution in general where I goto camp, the stars were beautiful. I remember one of the girls telling a story, and then saying that we are who we are today because of the road we took in life. We are here because we made it this far, and we should never, NEVER give up hope because we can only go up once we hit rock bottom. Our friends, our family, they are in our lives because they are here for us. We are never alone. Even if you do not have friends or a family, you are never, and will never be alone. That's when I started to cry. I think I may have cried because I knew she was right. I knew that my anxiety, my weird, weird quirks, the way I duck and fall onto the floor whenever I see a bug out of my peripheral vision because I had no idea what the fuck was flying at my face at such a high speed was, those all make up who I am. They make up why I am and why I always will be, and I think that is why I cried.  
> I know this end note was A LOT, and I am so damn sorry for the unnecessary story but know this: You are never, and will never, be alone. It's stupid, but I think BMC has let me enjoy who I am, albeit it will take some time to allow these thoughts into my mind and let it affect my mind, it is who I am, and I am who I am.  
> I hope you got something out of this little story I told, and take care, you guys.  
> I love you all.  
> -em


	20. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I- He-” Michael swallowed and shut his eyes even harder. “He should be here. I messed up so bad though, and now that we’re fighting I just-- he-- and nothing seems right! It hasn’t even been 72 hours and I can’t go a second without nearly having a panic attack, and seeing Jack just sit there without Jeremy either playing rock paper scissors or-” he hiccuped. “-or sticks with him, or including him in our conversations and making him feel like a big kid just-- and him not throwing snarky comments around and the rest of our family including him and making him apart of our traditions and our jokes. It doesn't feel right, mom, and-- and I-” He sniffled again, not being able to finish his sentence.
> 
> “You miss him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> before I start with beg notes, !TW! There will be throwing up and a panic attack in this chapter (and pretty early on as well) so please try to avoid that if you're sensitive! To skip the panic (and vomit ig) stop reading at "The tension in his chest just kept growing" and resume at '"You Alright?" Michael felt his mom sit next to him on the floor' stay safe yalls <3  
> anyway, GUESS WHOS BACC.  
> BACC AGAIN.  
> teechniacally ive been back and i also posted that weird little mid-week multi pov goodbye bmc short chapter thing buuutt it feels good to be back and posting a legit chapter :D  
> fun fact! THIS BE A 7.4K WORD CHAPTER HOLY CHEESUS.  
> another fun fact! this chapter is literally 1/3 edited. Like, ill tell u up to what point in end comments but.. yeah so if after the first third the chapter just starts to get hard to read or something then im so sorry skifruhsrufh i really wanted to get this up tonight and s_i was tired so she went to sleep so i just kinda hopped on grammarly and then reread the whole frocken chapter and tried my best sooo *hoorayyy*  
> another another fun fact! this ch was supposed to be titled 'Family Part Two', part 1 being the chapter 'To Know Somebody Who Knows Somebody (The Town)' but eva named it that instead of family pt 1 and i honestly really liked it more than family pt 1 so now this ch is just called family *wheeze*  
> Please let me know if you guys liked that short mid-week pov chapter! im happy to do more of them (just obv without the story and talking about bmc closing lol) :)  
> also, how tf did u guys even manage to get into this story? I was re-reading the beginning chapters to remind myself of some stuff and like.. the beginning/majority-ish of chapter 1? i think im gonna edit that at some point bc saieurfhoieurfh whyyy  
> same goes for some parts of chapters 2-5 :,)  
> EDIT LIKE 5 SECONDS AFTER POSTING: HOLY SHIT WE ARE 2 HITS AWAY FROM 1900 HITS?? WTF GUYS WHAT

On his way back, Jeremy stopped by the seven eleven he had visited only a few hours ago. It had ended up getting so cold outside that the warmth of the convenience store felt like heaven. Rubbing his hands together for warmth and headed back to where the candy and junk food was, Jeremy grabbed a bag of chips and two bags of candy for his stockpile at home (he was running low and didn't bother to restock before he left on his trip), and wandered back to the slushie machine again, only to immediately regret his choice when he saw some tall, scary-looking dude wearing a trench coat completely taking over the machine.  _ Maybe I've had enough sugar for the day…  _ Jeremy took a quick turn into another isle, headed for the sodas instead.

He scanned the varieties of sodas lined up, from cans to bottles, ounces to liters. Jeremy ran his hand over a couple, reading the names of the different sodas until one caught his eye.  _ Woah, a Switch!  _ He picked up the small can and admired it a few seconds before deciding he would buy it.  _ I haven't seen one of those in ages. _

Continuing to look for a 2 liter sprite bottle (because you can never go wrong with sprite), Jeremy stopped in front of a certain green drink and scoffed. Moving on to continue his hunt for sprite, Jeremy had just about given up until he spotted it. Mountain Dew. 

But  _ red.  _

_ What the hell is red doing here?  _

This could be his only chance. The squip wasn't on so it couldn't protest, and he could drink it and get the damn thing out of his head if he wanted. To be honest, Jeremy was just about done with the thing. If it wasn’t for the constant worry that deactivating the squip would mentally damage and possibly traumatize Michael, he wouldn’t give it a second thought. The squip has been playing with Jeremy's emotions, health, and mind, though the repercussions felt too great.

Jeremy was about to leave it there in the isle until he remembered the whole ‘mother mishap’ and junior year.

He also remembered the night prior, when he had gone to get some water and go to the bathroom. It was early in the morning-- way too early to tell-- and Jeremy had an itch on his back while walking. He moved his arm to scratch it, but felt slight bumps tracing his skin. When he had gone to feel how far it reached, he hit more tender parts that didn’t hurt, but felt more sensitive to the touch, and the worst spots were between his shoulder blades and the base of his spine.

Jeremy knew he had faint electrocution scars on his back from the… well, last year, but it hadn’t hurt or felt this sensitive since the end of the school year. Curious, Jeremy turned the light on and lifted the back of his shirt. In the mirror, the scars that were previously faint and harder to notice had become darker... had become more prominent. Its random jagged pattern reaching out and spreading across his back, blobs of unnatural pink standing by his pale skin. Too tired to do anything about it (and frankly too tired to deal with the squip), Jeremy did his business and went back (or tried) to sleep. 

Jeremy stared at the bottle in front of him once again, now aware of the sensitive spots on his back where his shirt uncomfortably rubbed. Maybe now was the time to act. It's been giving him a  _ literal _ headache all day anyway, and he still felt dizzy. Now was the time to actually do _ something _ , though Jeremy could only keep wondering  _ what the hell was it doing in a seven eleven?  _ He could've sworn it was so hard to get the squip out in the first place because it was banned in the 90s. Then again, he was sort of blacking out and dealing with a supercomputer trying to take over his body when Michael came to save the day so he could be wrong, but still, low and behold here it was, sitting right in front of him.

Using the only freehand he had left, Jeremy studied the label. It was mountain dew. For sure. His eyes aren't deceiving him. And it was in a red bottle.  _ A red bottle. The liquid is red. _ The label read “Mountain Dew Code Red”.  _ Wait, ‘Code’ red? Is there a difference? _ He looked even closer and started reading the ingredients, though it's not like he knew what chemical combinations actually made the squip shut off. 

Jeremy knitted his eyebrows.  _ What even is the difference between regular red and code red?  _ He looked at the bottle for a couple seconds more before he decided to buy it instead of the sprite.  _ If it works, then it works. If it doesn't… well, what's the harm?   _ What's the harm… A lot could be the harm. So much could go wrong. 

The Mountain Dew Ginger changed its settings, which could only make Jeremy assume that each mountain dew flavor would have a different outcome. For all Jeremy knew, this different type of red could kill him instead of the squip! Or- or make it malfunction! Or let the squip take over his body completely. Jeremy shuddered at the thought and brought his pile to the cashier.  _ Better safe than never..  _ Maybe he could just save it for when the time came if he ends up needing it. For now, he’ll just stash it away along with his other snacks. 

 

* * *

****

“Hold this.” 

“Mom.”

“It’s only one more thing!”

“Mom I’m already holding half a cornucopia, which, what? And, like, an armful of string, like, leaf lights, I promise you I don’t have room for a candle.”

“It’s- Alright, I’ll ask your Mama-- Honey! We need help over here!” 

“Nicole?” Jessa poked her head from around the kitchen corner.

“Yup, Hi honey, can you hold this candle.. And done!”

****

Michael surveyed the decorations one last time. Were they still extra? Absolutely. Was it classy? Not really. Was it upstaging last years? Also no. Last year, his cousins had literally made their living room into the inside of a cornucopia, and his house-- well, it just looked like Pinterest had a field day. He was not about to admit this to his mom. 

It felt.. Wrong, waiting for his cousins without Jeremy again. Later, sitting on his stairs, in jeans and a collared shirt, he tried to shake the feeling that he was missing something-- somebody, and as he picked at his cuticles, he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to ignore the uncomfortable tightening of his stomach. 

The click of heels announced his Mom’s presence. She sat next to him on the stairs, and although he tried to ignore her, she gently placed her hand on his shoulder and started rubbing. He crossed his arms and averted his eyes from hers. He knew if he looked at her eyes, with her customary brown eyeliner and the newborn crow’s feet, the glitter of her cheeks where she put on makeup matching the glint in her eyes, and her open expression, the tightening in his throat would get worse.

“Hey bud,” She began. He fixed his eyes on the floor. “You okay?”

As Michael stared down at the floor, he had never realized how much that one grain of wood looked like fire. His throat closed.

“Talk to me, bud.” He felt sick. He didn’t want to cry, he didn’t want to cry, but his mom was safe, and he felt like a rubber band stretched to the limit the more that he thought about Jeremy. 

But he already cried today, and his cousins were due in five minutes.

So he swallowed, shook his head back, and glanced at his mom again.

“Just- I’m thinking about what we were talking about. I, uh, I don’t know if I’m ready for college, I guess.” 

“You don’t have to be, not yet. But until then, and even after, you’ve got your Mama and me. Sounds good?”

Michael forced a half-grin and took a deep breath.

“Yeah, sorry. Ready to be the best hosts these family members have ever seen?” 

He could tell his Mom wasn’t completely ready to change the subject, but before she could object, the doorbell rang.

“Let’s knock ‘em dead, yeah?”

Micheal laughed and stood.

****

An hour and a half after his cousins were in his house and they sat around the dining table only half done with the main course, Michael still felt sick. He felt worse, actually. Fidgety, slightly manic, and a little sick. He couldn’t even look at Little J without thinking that there should be an awkward teenager counterpart playing with him, and he had to take several moments to excuse himself to the bathroom to collect himself. 

The tension in his chest just kept growing.

As the minutes crept by, he felt like the room got louder.

The more people tried to talk to him, the more he felt like he was being watched, and the more he felt sick.

He wanted- well, not to go home, he was home, but he wanted to be home. Which didn’t make sense. He wanted his mothers? No, they were here, and he was trying to avoid them, actually, he didn’t want to talk to them but.. 

It was too loud, he decided.

He really couldn’t stand another moment of his aunt right now.

It was too hot, he decided.

He pulled at his collar.

Why did he feel like he just ran a marathon?

Cluttered.. He felt like everything was too cluttered. There wasn’t any free room on the table. That knife is crooked-- it shouldn’t be crooked. Why was it bugging him so damn much? And the plate.. Its round so why does it feel like its out of place? Like I need to turn it? The whole room just felt too small and-

Since when did the smell of casserole make him sick? Should the food be this messy?  _ Is anyone else noticing how out of order.. Out of place everything feels? _

God, he really wanted to smoke a joint right now.

“Excuse me, sorry, I-ve gotta use the restroom, tell me more later, yeah?” He heard himself say.

Why was the restroom so far away?

Why did he feel like he was drowning?

Why didn’t he feel like he couldn't handle this?   


Why did he feel sick?

Why was it so blurry?

He was sick. He felt sick. He had a headache. He wanted to go home, he wanted to be home, he really couldn’t--

He shut the bathroom door behind him and crouched over the sink, trying to remember how to breathe, shutting his hands over his ears and squeezed his eyes shut. 

Waves of tension washed over him, closing his throat and squeezing tears from his eyes. Nausea squeezed his stomach. His face burned. His lungs shrunk.

God, was he even alive anymore?

He forgot what it was like to live without, without this  _ tension, _ this  _ pain _ , and he couldn’t- he couldn’t--

Well, now there was knocking at the door. He tried to breathe in, to say occupied. He couldn’t do more than just draw in a ragged and unsatisfying breath.

“Michael?” It was his Mom again.

“No.” He managed to reply.

“Michael, I’m coming in.” 

“No,” He said again, a little stronger. The bathroom was too small, but there was space for two of him, three or four of him.. It was the air. That’s it- the air was too thick. But.. it felt too cluttered. Why did he keep coming back to cluttered? The walls had perfectly lined up paintings and the sink counter was clean and empty save for the bottle of soap and candle, but it was-- everything was-- 

The door opened, and the rubber band squeezing his ribcage snapped. He immediately turned to lean over the toilet and started throwing up, stomach acid burning the back of his throat as it rose to his mouth. He gasped for air in the short time he had between the bouts of vomit, though it felt like he could barely get enough oxygen before he had to throw up again.

A hand started rubbing circles into his back and his mother's voice attempted to comfort him. After what seemed like forever, Michael got the chance to catch his breath, panting over the toilet bowl. The hand briefly left his back, and the noise of rushing sink water was the only sound in the bathroom until another wave of nausea hit him. It was mainly just stomach acid coming out now, burning his throat. Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes after he sat back down and leaned against the wall, hoping he wouldn't have to get up again.

“You alright?” Michael felt his Mom sit next to him on the floor. 

He didn’t have the strength to respond, so instead, he tilted his head to the side and onto his Mom’s shoulder, letting out a shuddering breath.

“Here,” She moved her hand, careful not to move her shoulder in the process, and started wiping Michaels mouth with a wet washcloth. After a second, she tossed it onto the counter and somehow managed to land it in the sink. “Kobe.”

Usually, he would smile and laugh at his mom saying  _ anything _ millennial talk, but he just felt too tired. Too sad.

“Not even a snicker when I said ‘Kobe’? Wow, you must really not feel good.” She joked, but her smile faded quickly. “What is it, Mikey?”

_ Don't cry. Don't. Cry. _ “Mmm..” He couldn't even speak without tears threatening to spill over.

“It's alright, take your time.” She moved her hand up to his head and started scratching his scalp.

After a few silent moments, he felt the strength to speak again. “It doesn’t feel right.” He murmured, keeping his eyes closed.

“What doesn't?” She said in the same tone.

“I- He-” Michael swallowed and shut his eyes even harder. “He should be here.  _ He  _ should be  _ here. _ I messed up so bad though, and now that we’re fighting I just-- he-- and nothing seems right! It hasn’t even been 72 hours and I can’t go a second without nearly having a panic attack, and seeing Jack just sit there without Jeremy either playing rock paper scissors or-” He hiccuped. “-or sticks with him, or including him in our conversations and making him feel like a big kid just-- and him not throwing snarky comments around and the rest of our family including him and making him apart of our traditions and our jokes. It doesn't feel right, mom, and-- and I-” He sniffled again, not being able to finish his sentence.

“You miss him.” She finished for him. “I get it. He’s like a son to your mama and me.” She took a deep breath. “Whatever happened between you two, know it won’t last forever.”

“How do you know? What if this just so happens that this is our breaking point? What if-” She cut him off.

“If you and Jeremiah forgave each other after the squip accident and you managed to build a bond even closer after it was over, you can overcome a stupid, little argument.”

She was right. She was right, but the tension between him and Jeremy just felt so wrong and- “Wait, I never-” Michael sat up in confusion, turning his head and opening his eyes for the first time since he threw up. His mom had taken her heels off and was sitting criss-cross on the floor with him. “I never told you about the squips. H-How did you-”

“Paul told us. He couldn’t believe if it was real or not.”

“And you.. You believe that it's real? You don't think we all just did drugs at school?” He sniffled again.

“Oh please, you suddenly not having Jeremy over or getting invited to his house? Suddenly you’re more depressed and your anxiety spikes? You spending two-hundred dollars on mountain dew red?” She scoffed.

Michael couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Did his mom know? How? “You know what a squip is?” He asked in disbelief.

She nodded and sighed. “I knew a girl once. In highschool, when I lived in Longbranch, actually. I think she ended up moving to Middleborough as well at some point.”

“How’d- I- You-?” Michael had so many questions his head hurt.

“Save the questions for a different time, Micah.” She laughed and patted his thigh. “Things  _ will _ get better. I promise. Healing just… takes time.” 

Michael took a deep breath and turned his head to look at his mom, leaning over to hug her. “I love you. I love you so, so much.”

“I love you too.” She hugged back, and a few seconds of silence passed between them again. “C’mon, we should get back to the table.”

Michael groaned. “It’s gonna be so awkward though! Plus, what do I say about why I ran in here?”

“Blame it on mama’s casserole.” She snickered.

“But it tastes good?” He questioned.

“Opinion, not fact. I only eat it so she doesn't get mad at me. As the saying goes, ‘Happy wife, Happy life.’”

Michael’s mom helped him off the floor and straightened out his hair and shirt for him, then proceeded to put her heels back on, nearly reaching Michael’s height.

Michael took another deep breath and reached for the door handle. Making his way down the hall felt like the walk of shame, and once he entered the dining room, he b-lined it to his seat at the table, putting on his best smile.

“Are you ok, Mike?” His Mama asked with concern.

“Did you get sick?” Michael's younger cousin, Talia, asked.

“Yeah, I'm alright. Sorry, I guess I just couldn't stomach the casserole today.” He gave a sheepish grin and laughed.

Michael’s Lola started saying something along the lines of how preservatives in American food make people sick in Filipino, followed by a scoff.

“Lola, no it's not what we put in the food. It's fine.” He smiled.

Instead, he just got a side-eye as his Lola started speaking in English. “When will you learn Tagalog? What if you were to visit us in the Philippines, hm? You’ve already lost your accent.”

Although Michael could understand Filipino, he couldn't speak it. There were a few simple phrases or terms here and there he would use regularly or curses he may say, but growing up in New Jersey since kindergarten around teachers and classmates who spoke English had an effect on his lifestyle and words. He really only tended to speak Filipino when extremely upset; even then he ends up using phrases he knew only because he's so used to hearing his family speak it all the time.

“I can at least understand it. Plus, I never really had an accent to begin with.” He told her.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if it was the food that made him sick, to be honest.” His aunt said.

“Hey!” Michael’s Mama gasped.

“What? Did you know that around 90% of Asian-Americans are lactose intolerant? There's something in the milk here, I swear!” His aunt pointed out.

“Were you sick because of Big J?” Jack asked. The table got silent suddenly, and Michael nearly choked on a piece of broccoli.

“Sorry?” Michael cleared his throat.

“JJ, what’re you saying?” Dillon, Jack’s (slightly) older brother asked. 

“Today when we got bubble tea I saw Big J at the place we were at.” 

“What? Michael, I thought you said he was sick. Why would he be in Longbranch?” Michaels Uncle asked. Michael himself stayed silent in disbelief.

“No, he was sitting in the corner playing with one of those old game thingies you have, Micah. I was talking to him and he kept word glitching and stuff. Looked realllyyyy shady if you ask me. He had his hood up and everything. Though, it would make sense if he was sick. Looked really icky and stuff. Told me not to tell you guys I saw him but I was crossing my fingers behind my back so I didn’t  _ actually _ promise.” Jack elaborated, then stuffed a piece of turkey in his mouth after he finished.

Michael and his Mom made eye contact, his mom giving him a sympathetic look. “W-word glitching..?” Michael asked.

“Called it a cutter or smthn’” Jack spoke around the food in his mouth.

“Stutter.” Talia corrected him. “Mike, you guys get in a fight?”

“I- Uh…”  _ Should I say yes? Should I tell them? _ “Yeah. We did, but it’s nothing major. He’s just been… been feeling sick lately and didn’t want to come over tonight. No big deal. Actually, he’s probably having dinner with his dad.” Michael swallowed and set his fork down. He suddenly wasn’t hungry anymore. “Thank you for dinner. I’ll be down in a bit to help with clean-up I just-- uh I don't feel so good right now.” Michael excused himself and walked as quickly as he could down to the basement. His Mama tried protesting, but his mom put a hand over hers and reassured her that it was ok.

****

Michael sat down on his bed and put his head in his hands reviewing the day.  _ Maybe I could pretend to fall asleep and get out of doing the dishes tonight…  _ Suddenly, Michael’s phone buzzed. Lifting his phone to check what the notification was, the  _ last  _ thing he expected was a text message from Rich asking if he could meet at the park. After a couple of moments of hesitation, Michael agreed and quietly snuck out of the house through the door in his parent’s bedroom that led into the backyard.

The walk to the park was cold and quiet, but it was no time until he was at the park and Michael was deciding if the dark figure he saw on the swingset moving slowly was a serial killer plotting his next murder while hiding out at the park at night, or Rich. 

He texted Rich, asking, ‘is that u on the swings?’ only to get the response of, ‘wat? No im by the slide’. 

_ Aaannnddd cue panic _ . 

Michael started to freak out about possibly getting killed on Thanksgiving night before he could graduate highschool and how he will be single and wouldn’t have been able to make up (or out.. but not important) with Jeremy, until he felt his phone buzz again. ‘Jk ya thats me on the swing’ 

Michael groaned and walked over to the swing next to Rich’s and gave a small ‘hey’, shivering from the cold air. Once Michael wiped the dew off the seat and sat down, he managed to get a good look at Rich’s face. His cheeks looked flushed and he was shaking slightly, eyes downcast and flinching every other second. He looked as if he was about to cry, and this is  _ Rich _ we are talking about. Like, tough short guy who tormented Jeremy and Michael for the majority of highschool and would do the craziest and weirdest shit for _fun._

“Hey, hey, are you alright?” Michael rushed off the swing to crouch in front of Rich, placing his left hand on his shoulder and right on his thigh. After no response, Michael became even more worried than he already was. “Rich? Respond, buddy. You’re scaring me.”

Rich sniffled and gave a shaky smile that was meant to reassure Michael but only worried him even more. “Y-yeah, bro. I'm do-doing grea-” Rich closed his eyes and hissed as if he was in pain.

“Woah, what's going on?” Michael let go in case he was hurting him, then tilted Rich’s head up to face him. A tear fell. “Rich, what the fuck?”

“ ‘m sorry for bugging you on Thanksgiving. S-so uncool-” He flinched again. “Unch-chill of me to drag you from yo-your family.. Heh..”

“Trust me; the night wasn’t going anywhere. Plus, this seems way more important.”

“O-oh. Okay. Chi-” Rich swallowed. “Cool.”

Michael stared at Rich, waiting for an explanation until he realized, “It’s your squip, isn't it?”

As a response, Rich took a few seconds before he threw himself at Michael and wrapped himself around him. “ ‘m sorry, I didn’t know who else to text ‘nd I was hoping you maybe had some red left over or somethin’, but I was just so scared and alone and she-- i-it was- and it came back- and my dad was just- and-” Rich broke down into sobs, clutching Michael’s thermal jacket he had thrown on before he left. 

“Shh, its- it's ok. It's alright. Yeah, I've got some red at home.” To be honest, Michael had  _ no fucking clue _ how to comfort Rich. This was Jake’s job. Plus, Michael and Rich weren’t  _ too _ close.

“I-” Rich flinched again. “N-no, no it's alright I don't wanna bother your family or anything since you were all probably eating dinner, which, wow I can't believe I pulled you away from your thanksgiving dinner! I'm so stupid, oh my god that's so rude of me- ill just get going now-” Rich rambled, getting up from the swing and started to move around Michael.

“Rich, no. You're not bugging me. This is fine; I wasn’t even spending time with my family anyway. I… freaked out..” 

“Wha-” Michael cut him off.

“Not important right now. You are priority.”

“Yeah right. _Priority._ Psh. Hah.  I'm a fucking background character, Michael. Priority my ass. Hah.” The more Rich went on, the more hurt he looked. The more he tended to glance to the side and shift his weight from foot to foot. It was almost as if he struggled to form coherent sentences, taking a second to form them in his head before speaking them out loud.

“C’mon. We’re going to my place, and you can tell me what  _ you  _ want to on the way there.”

“N-no it's ok really I shouldn’t have texted you I-” Rich paused when Michael grabbed his hand.

“Rich, breathe. You’re ok. You’re  _ safe.”  _

Rich nodded and took a small step towards Michael, who didn’t let go of Rich until they were out of the park. 

Michael stuffed his hands in his pockets, looking over to see Rich didn’t have a jacket and was shivering. “Christ, Rich, where’s your jacket? It's freezing!”

“I, uh.. I was in a rush. Plus m-my dad was… yeah.” He looked down and to the side.

“Here, take mine.” Michael shrugged the warm thermal off and offered it to Rich, who was in a tank top. At night. In November.  _ In 39 degree weather. _

“No no no I couldn’t really that's yours you deserve it more than I-”

Michael stopped walking and put a hand on Rich’s shoulder, looking him dead in the eye. “Richard Goranski, you hear me loud and clear: neither of us deserves anything more than the other. Now, take the fucking jacket before I force it on you.”

Rich was still for a second until he hesitantly took the warm bundle from Michael’s hand and wrapped it around himself. It was way too big and fell easily over his hands, but he slightly softened and melted into the clothing once it was zipped as much as possible. “Mmm. You’re warm.”

Michael chuckled and put his hands in his pants pockets. “So I've been told.”

“By Jeremy?” He joked. 

“Not important…. Hey, you haven’t told me what’s going on yet.” Michael was deciding if he should nudge Rich or rub his back until he realized he was taking too long to decide.  _ Damn, how the hell do I comfort him? _

“I- I uh.. I guess I sorta just got.. angry? I-“ He flinched again. “I haven’t had a proper thanksgiving since my… well, since my mom was with us and… I mean it got worse once my brother went off to college, I guess. He’s an alcoholic. N-not my brother, my dad. I usually spend Thanksgiving with Jake b-but.. he’s spending it with the neighbors. I guess I just felt really alone and it just reminded me of when I was a freshman. I got scared and worried that I would lose all my fr-friends.  Granted, Jake invited me, b-but she-- it-- came back, and i just. My dad started yelling and. And I can't stand up to him. I couldn’t. I just got so- and it was- I dunno man.” Rich sighed and took a second to collect himself. 

“I just freaked out and grabbed my phone and ran out of the house. Chlo and Brooke are with their family, and Jenna and I are still a little rough around the ed-edges since the gossip thing about the fire, even if she apologized. Jere has been acting weird lately so I didn’t wanna talk about the sq- it, and I guess I’m better friends with you than Christine? Plus she’s apparently doing some big thing tonight with her dads so..” Rich gulped and looked down, almost ashamed of how he had to be telling Michael this. 

“I see. If you don’t mind me asking… you keep saying ‘she’? I thought you always said your squip was dark Kermit?” Michael asked, gesturing towards an alley to turn down as a shortcut. 

“Uh dark Kermit was one of my options. It-it’s actually my mom but-“ Rich looked up and stopped in his tracks. “Uh.”

“What is it? What’s wrong is it the-“

“No no it’s alright it’s fine we can keep walking just keep walking.” Rich looked back down and nearly tripped over a crack. 

“Woah, slow down. What’s wrong?” Michael caught Rich’s arm. 

“I uh.. No never mind it’s stupid.”

“Tell me.” Michael tried looking Rich in the eye. 

“Bro let go.”

“Rich.”

“Please, can you fucking let go let's just get going.”

“What is it? I’m not letting you avoid this.”

“Can we please just get  _ the fuck out of this alley _ .”

“What’s wrong with the alley? It’s how I get home-“

“ _ Michael _ .”

“ _ Rich.” _

“MICHAEL LET GO ITS TOO FUCKING DARK.” Rich froze the minute the words escaped his mouth, and Michael let go. 

After a few moments of stunned silence, Michael realized, “Oh my god, you’re afraid of the dark.”

“Shut it. You cannot tell  _ anyone.  _ Please.  _ Please _ . Let’s just go we can find another route I-“ Rich flinched again, though it looked like he was in pain. 

“If we go any other way it’ll take an extra 10 minutes. I don’t want you to be hurting-“

“It’s ok, really-“

“Here,” Michael slid his hand into Rich’s, who froze at the contact. 

“I-“

“It’s alright. Nothing will happen to you.” Michael never broke eye contact with Rich. “I promise.” He squeezed his hand and Rich squeezed back, then they started heading down the alley. 

“Uh, how is it, you know, how did it reactivate?”

“It didn't. Its ph-phantom shocks. kinda? I guess. Just kinda like a ptsd thing, i guess. Tonight probably just triggered it and- yeah.”

“Why ask for red, then?”

“to reassure me, I guess. Also it.. uh. It’s strong. If I wasn't careful then it could rebuild its strength over time by absorbing the right chemicals from foods or drinks I have. Though, it’d probably take like, five years or something. It’s sm-smart. Constantly running. This whirring in the back of my mind and this headache that just can never go away. I hear- I hear it’s voice sometimes, too.”

“What? How would you be able to hear it’s voice? It should be off completely! Or at least, Jeremy says-“

“I had mine for a lot longer than Jeremy, Michael. Mine was in my head for  _ two fucking years _ . He had his for a couple of months. It has- had- power over me. It’s like a fucking infection. One you can’t get rid of. Never going away, always hurting you in some way. It’s nonstop.” Rich gave a watery laugh. 

They were well out of the Alleyway by now, accompanied by street lamps and the lights inside of homes shining through windows, though they still were holding hands. Michael felt a need to provide some sort of comfort for Rich. Felt like he needed to be there and make sure he was ok. That he was safe. 

By the time they reached Michael’s house and successfully snuck in without alarming any of his family, Michael led Rich downstairs and into the basement, where he sat him down on his bed, dug out an old hoodie and pajama bottoms for rich to wear (because jeans were uncomfortable and a hoodie was better than a zip-up), and let him change while Michael looked for the extra bottle of Mountain Dew Red he had hidden somewhere. 

Michael turned around and handed the bottle to Rich once he found it, and Rich accepted gladly. The two stared for a few moments, neither knowing what would happen. Rich then flinched again, and it seemed like he had just about had it because he suddenly lifted the bottle to his lips and took one big swig before putting the cap on and handing the bottle to Michael. A few quiet moments passed, neither knowing what to expect. It was the first time either of them had an experience with taking red  _ after _ a squip had deactivated.

Rich stood up, a small smile ghosting his lips. "Guess it doesn't hurt aftera-" Abruptly, he doubled over in pain and tried his best not to scream. Michael rushed to his side and rubbed his back, trying to comfort him and support him in case he fell. A few groans slipped out, but nothing louder than what you couldn’t hear outside the room was made. He convulsed for a minute or so, but it eventually stopped.

Once the pain had subsided, Rich used Michael to lower himself onto the floor, standing suddenly too much for him to handle. He took a few deep breaths, then wearily sat back up, stretching and thanking Michael while asking if he had Advil.

A few moments of silence passed between the two as Rich recovered.

“Hey, why don’t you just spend the night here tonight?”

“What? No, I couldn’t. Seriously I-“

“Look, by the sounds of it, It’s better than going home, right? Besides, my bed is big enough for the two of us.”

“Ohh so you want a little sexy time with Richy-boy, huh?” Rich wiggled his eyebrows. 

_ There’s the Rich I know.  _ “No, oh my god Rich, you have a boyfriend.” Michael pushed Rich’s face away. 

“I know, I know. I’m jus joking with ya ... unless you want to!” He winked playfully. 

“Oh my g- just climb into the bed while I change and get you Advil, ok? It’s late.” Michael rolled his eyes and crossed the room to get to his dresser. 

“So you’re a top?! I knew it! It’s ok-- I’m a switch so I can be a bottom for tonight, though jake is usually the bo-“

“Rich, I'm literally  _ begging  _ you to stop.”

“Kinky! But I thought you were a t-“

“ _ RICH. _ ”

 

* * *

 

Silent.

It was  _ dead fucking silent _ , save for the clinking of cups and the sound of forks scraping against plates. 

Jeremy had started to feel better as the day grew longer and neared its end, though he was left with a small appetite and static playing in the back of his head. Neither he or his dad had said a word to each other since this morning when Jeremy stormed out of the house, and Jeremy only knew dinner was ready because he got curious after smelling food, which, _his dad was making_ _edible_ _food._ It tasted alright, and it wasn't any grand Thanksgiving feast or whatever. Just Turkey, cranberry sauce, and stuffing. The Thanksgiving basics.

Mr. Heere gruffly cleared his throat. “So… I- uh..” 

Jeremy continued to push a piece of drowned turkey around in cranberry sauce. If the Squip were online, he would be asking what to say, what to do. Though it wasn't. It was still off, and Jeremy had to navigate his way through this one alone. He opted to stay silent until he thought of something to say.

“Son-- Jeremy, I’m sorry. I don't… I don't know how much this apology is worth, but do know that I am. I just haven't been able to understand what’s been going on with you today, or yesterday, or for the past four years, and I don't know how to be a good parent, or even if I am a good one while I'm trying my best.” Mr. Heere paused, waiting to see if Jeremy had anything to say. 

He didn’t.

“And please know, I  _ am _ trying my best. I am, I am, I am. I just want you to be happy, but I don't even know how to- how to deal or notice when you’re not, and I don't know what else to say other than I am sorry.”

Jeremy let the words sink in. He hadn’t eaten an adequate meal or spent proper time _with_ his dad in years. Not since his mom…

Jeremy swallowed, still unsure of what to say. He couldn’t tell his dad about the squip. He  _ couldn’t. _ For all he knew, he would get put in a mental hospital. Jeremy couldn’t pass it off as a coping mechanism anymore because he was ‘afraid to admit he overdosed on drugs.’ All the shrinks and majority of the hospital staff just thought he was depressed and tried to kill himself, attempting to take the kids who were also ‘just as depressed’ down with him.

He knew his dad _sort of_ believed the squip was real, but did he really? Or was that just an attempt to get Jeremy to put more trust in him? Just an attempt for Jeremy to bond with his dad and connect with him once more? _An attempt…_ That was all that mattered, wasn't it? As long as his dad was trying?

“Actions are louder than words, Jeremy.” Paul continued after moments of silence, “And the only thing I can do now to make up for our lost time is to  _ act _ ; not apologize through words, but through gestures. So, I want to invite you to..” He looked for the right words. “-to open up to me, please. This isn’t a therapy session, this isn’t you speaking to your friends. I just want you to feel safe and welc-” 

“Michael and I got in a fight.” Jeremy cut him off suddenly.  _ What was I thinking? What did I just do?? Why would I say that? _

“I- oh.” Mr. Heere sat back, surprised. 

“Sorry I shouldn’t have said-”

“Nonono, please, if you want to talk about it, talk about it. Everybody needs to open up and dump their emotions on somebody else every once in a while. It's impossible to keep it all bottled in.”

Jeremy swallowed. “I uh.. It happened yesterday morning? I um,”  _ You can’t tell him about it.  _ “I was having a bad morning and he asked why. He kept asking and I just.. I snapped.” He sniffled.  _ Why am I about to cry? Since when did I feel like crying?  _ “I ran out of the house before I could wake the others or get involved in an argument, but he followed me. He followed and kept asking questions, but then it escalated so quick and before I know it im screaming and shoving him off of me and running back to the house in blind- blind rage; anger.” Jeremy’s voice because more shaky and tears threatened to spill.

Mr. Heere reached over the table to hold his son's hand, which was now limply holding a fork and resting atop the table. “Why… why were you upset in the first place? Was it Michael who caused it or..?”

“Uhm.” Jeremy’s voice cracked. He couldn’t lie, not now, not when he’s finally opening up to his dad after all these years. Though, he couldn’t tell the truth, either. “I was- She..”

“She? Did Christine do-”

“No! No, hell no. It wasn’t any of my friends it was.. It was me. I-” Jeremy took a deep breath and got quiet. 

“Jere?”

“... It was mom. I keep- I keep seeing her. Everywhere I go I see her. It’s like her ghost is just..  _ Haunting me. _ ” A tear finally fell. A perfect, cliche, single tear fell, only to be followed by more.

“Oh, Jeremy im so sorry I-” Mr. Heere got up from his seat, moving around the table to hug his son, not intending on letting go. “She’s not dead, you know that, right? You can still see her if you would like-”

“No I.. I mean it's almost, like, her memory is the one that is haunting me. I don't want to see her again. There’s  _ no way _ I can see her again. I guess the thought of her just wouldn't go away and… and it was scary.” Jeremy buried his face into his dad’s neck. “She wouldn’t go away and I couldn’t help but think of when she- and all those times she- and why she left us-”

“Shh, I know.” Paul rubbed circles into Jeremy's back. The two were now standing, swaying slightly.

“She left us, dad. She left. Up and gone. Didn’t even bother to ask about what would happen to her fucking son. Her fucking  _ family. _ ” Jeremy sobbed, squeezing his dad even tighter. That was enough said for now. He told him the partial truth, and in the process ended up opening the door to a whole new set of emotions he didn’t know he was hiding. 

The two swayed quietly for a while. The amount of time passed since either of them had last spoken was unknown, but it felt like an eternity had passed. Though, Jeremy could stay right there, in that moment in his father's arms, for an eternity more.

****

Finally, Mr. Heere looked up and moved back to wipe the tears that had already started to dry away from Jeremy's face. “Happy 18th, Jere. Damn, you’re already an adult.” He gave a sad laugh. “Where the hell did the time go, hm?”

Jeremy shrugged and attempted to wipe what tears were left with his sleeve, and sniffled, rubbing at his nose with the paper towel that was previously on the table to make himself look at least a  _ bit _ more presentable.

“Want some ice cream? We don’t really have a birthday cake or anything but…. I'm sure ice cream’ll do.”

“We’re out. Checked before I left.” Jeremy smiled. “Thooouughhhhh we  _ could _ just get a postmate to goto vons for us and buy a tub of Brownie Batter Core. Hands down the best icecream on earth.”

“The hell is a postmate?”

“What?! You don't know what a- ok it's like a delivery service. Sorta? Kinda. Ugh, I dunno.” Jeremy deflated.

“Well then you can go ahead and order it, and I’ll start on the cleanup. You have to help me out with  _ at least  _ putting the dishes away though, deal?” Paul smiled. “Then we can watch  _ whatever _ movie you want.”

“Deal.” Jeremy smiled.

 

Who knew that a day that started out as so awful could end in such an amazing way? Well, of course it wasn't the best the day could end since him and Michael were still… you know… but it was still better than nothing. After tonight, it felt like a weight was lifted off of Jeremy’s chest. Maybe everything that had happened today-- all of the events and coincidental interactions-- were a sign. Maybe this was a sign that things could start to- would start to- get better. Maybe Jeremy could start his healing process. Now that he could see it, he realized that he was a lot more mentally damaged than he thought. His emotions went deeper than just arguments with crushes and abuse from supercomputers. Maybe Jeremy could start to heal what he had never thought needed healing.

Maybe this was the first step to healing alongside Michael.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> damn that was a long beginning note and a LONG ASS CHAPTER  
> this and the previous 7.1k chapter was just so much fun to write, and these will probably be and have been so far my favorite chapters :)  
> s_i actually wrote the part in the beginning when michael was introduced for the first time this chapter, thru to right when michael entered the bathroom. i had no clue where to go with it so i kinda just did and then thats when she got busy and the rest of the chapter was untouched by her and lets be real, i t s h o w s. even grammarly was like "oh yeah no nope no mistakes all the way thru here and thEN OH MY GOD YOU ILLITERATE SWINE"  
> ew ew ew ew i start school this wednesday. help. i have no friends. neither does s_i. usually this would be fine buT SHE LITERALLY GOES TO MY SCHOOLS RIVAL SCHOOL LIKE WTF MAN I MISS YOU COME BACC.  
> Yeah so uhh,, im bringing electrocution scars into this :,) ive actually HCd it for a while i just never thought to put it in and then all of a sudden i saw a bunch of fanarts with it in pintrest and i was just owo  
> also yeah so funfact pt 18237469 incase u didn't know uh Rich's squip is (was?) a female at Two River and theres some conspiracies that its his mom so like,, *screaming dying and crying*  
> yall i posted a vent fic lastnight because it was my way of recovering and coping with a thing that had happened and i was still freaked so like,, i literally wrote exactly what happened piece by piece (ish) except I replaced me w michael so basically it just turned into 'welp sorry michael but ur having a panic attack while washing dishes now :,D' and then i deleted it bc lol im an overdramatic fuck and posting a vent fic was unnecessary *whips*  
> ok its 2:37am rn im gonna go read some fluff or something bc i for once in my life cant handle angst k byeeeee


	21. A Bad Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Look at me.” Jake forced Jeremy to make eye contact with him, and suddenly, the static was gone- The squip was gone. It was quiet. The wind was rustling trees again and Jeremy could hear his own panting as he looked at Jake’s blurry face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whaddup  
> As a warning- possible internalized homophobia in this ch? also, 'fag' is said once. sorry.. :,( also theres vomit. not a vivid description tho.  
> first off- IM SO SORRY THIS IS LATE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
> s_i has been super busy so she hasn't been able to edit but i felt bad so heere ya guys go ;p sorry if it isn't as good as it usually is.. :,I  
> ill see if she wants to come on heere and edit the ch after its posted but we never know lsiudfsfr  
> second- literally wtf is with me lately this chapter is AGAIN 7.4k words wtf why am i making these so long uhhhh

—1 week later—

****

Jeremy hated mornings. He hated getting up too early for his liking, not hungry enough to the point where he could eat but did it anyway because he was in a rush only making him sick in the process, and he hated suddenly needing to work his brain over things he will never use in the real world for no damn good reason except for the fact that he needed to so he could graduate high school. 

And graduation? Talk about anxiety. He had already started submitting last-minute college applications and was continuing to submit more, but there were only so many schools that had good programming and/or dramatic arts programs as well as photography for Micheal, and-- Jeremy's already bad demeanor dropped to even worse at the thought of Michael. Taking a deep breath, Jeremy shook his head. _No, no bad thoughts. Healing._ He thought, _Positivity is what can help me on the road to healing._ And just when he was about ready to try raising his spirits, some freshman with a slushie falls off his skateboard and spills the whole thing on Jeremy. _Nope, I'm doomed to have a bad day._

“Oh shit, bro my bad.” The freshman gathered himself from the floor of the hallway. 

“Gah- are you even supposed to be riding your skateboard in here?” Jeremy couldn’t decide if he should help the kid who just fell on the floor up or if he should act coldly, so he settled with trying to flick away the chunks of syrupy ice soaking into his shirt. _At least it’s blue raspberry?_  

“I uh-“ The freshman looked up to see behind Jeremy, then at him. “Oh, Shit.” Jeremy turned around to see that who he assumed to be the freshman’s friends were signaling that Jeremy was a senior, and by the time Jeremy had turned back around, the kid was gone. Looking back to where his friends once were, there was no trace of them. The only thing left to hint that they were even there was an empty cup and slushee completely covering Jeremy. _Fuckin cryptids._

Speaking of food.. he hasn’t really been eating in the morning lately. Not enough time, and he just hasn’t been feeling hungry that early. If he was honest, sometimes he wouldn’t even feel hungry until dinner. All though things were starting to get better at home, sleep and school was still a different problem. _Outside_ was still a different problem. 

He had been struggling with his anxiety spiking more often lately when in public. The static that reappeared never disappeared since Thanksgiving, and he felt as if everyone knew what happened between him and Michael. That everyone knew he was a bad person, yet not even his friend group knew what really happened between them that morning. He was trying to heal,he knew. He wanted to forgive himself and Michael, and try not to let some *ahem* crusty computers *cough cough* get in the way of that process, but you can’t just decide to heal and go through with it. It takes time. It's _hard._ The whole week Jeremy had felt like he was being ripped into two-- his side that was trying to stay positive, and his side that wanted to, well, to put it simply, berate himself and the world around him. He really did feel like a bad person.

**Oh please, you’re barely a ‘bad person’. You can’t even see a dog without desperately wanting to pet it. You’re not a bad person you just have bad impulse control and a mindset that is.. Well, undesirable. Now, go clean your shirt or find a new one. People are staring.**

Oh, and there was that, too. 

The squip reappeared the Friday after Thanksgiving in all of its original Keanu Reeves setting glory. Turns out, Jeremy’s episode on the train ride back to Middleborough was the squip resetting, and when he woke up Friday morning, a lecture-turned-argument took place, and naturally, the squip won. It always did. 

 **Change, then eat.** It materialized in front of Jeremy. 

_What?_

**I said you must change your shirt and then eat. People are staring and I strongly advise against wearing…** It gestured at Jeremy's shirt. **that. Plus, proper nutrition and a healthy diet is key to living a satisfactory life.**

 _Since when did you start caring about my satisfactory life?_ Jeremy scoffed and moved around the squip to get to his locker, which just so happened to be near a vending machine. 

**Whoever said I didn’t?**

_Uhh. The scars on my back and the history we have with each other. That’s who._

**Just go change and eat some fucking food before I force your body to. I cannot coexist in a dying or weak host.**

_Whatever._ Jeremy rolled his eyes and opened his locker. _I should have something in here somewhere…_ Moving aside old notebooks, Jeremy’s hands felt something soft like cloth and pulled it out from behind more textbooks and binders. _Oh!_ He smiled until- _Oh._ It was Michael’s black hoodie. He had thought he lost it but it was probably shoved in Jeremys locker after he had borrowed it or something. Great. So his only change of clothes is something that is his possible ex-best friend's ( _No, Jeremy, don't think like that. Things will get better.)_   hoodie, who not to mention, half the school thinks he’s dating. _I’ll just have to change in the bathroom. I’m too sticky to slide this on._ Rolling his eyes again and grabbing it, Jeremy then went to look for his wallet in his pockets, and turned to find a nutrigrain bar in the vending machine. Once it had been paid for and the numbers were punched in, Jeremy watched as the old machine slowly dispensed his breakfast. 

A glint of red turning into the hallway Jeremy was standing in caught his eye, and Jeremy's stomach dropped. _I’m not hungry anymore._

**You never consciously were in the first place.**

_Well I have a feeling that even if I do eat, it won’t stay down._ Jeremy averted his gaze from Michael, who quietly made his way down the school halls, his hood up and headphones blasting music Jeremy was sure he would recognize from Michael’s playlist if he could hear it. 

Although Jeremy had begun to forgive Michael in his head, and forgive what parts of himself caused any arguments or disagreements between the two (which, he caused… _a lot_ ), his stomach still dropped, and Jeremy felt sick whenever he saw him. He immediately would panic, afraid that the two would somehow get forced into an awkward and unwanted conversation. 

Jeremy went to rub at one of his fingers that wasn’t covered in a bandaid. He had rubbed sections of skin off of each finger every day for a week now, only leaving three fingers without a bandaid on it. They all stung when he showered or brushed anything against them, and was pretty sure that if anyone caught a glimpse of his hands, they would think he’s just putting bandaids on his fingers as an aesthetic. Though, he’s been balling his sleeves into his hands a lot more lately, even going to measures where he attempted to write schoolwork with his sleeves just to the tip of his pen or pencil. It wasn’t achieving anything, but it gave Jeremy a sense of protection. An understanding of the fact that he felt like he deserved the little pain he brought to himself, yet he was doing it subconsciously, not on purpose. 

Noticing the time, Jeremy only had five minutes until the first period, so he ditched the bar and found a (thankfully empty) bathroom to change in. 

****

He turned the corner and set his backpack down by his feet, fishing out Michael’s hoodie from his backpack. He stood back up only to put the hoodie back on top of his backpack (because let’s be real, that floor is grimy and nasty) after seeing his appearance in the mirror. 

Somehow, slushie had gotten into Jeremy's hair and was making not just the majority of his head, but his scalp sticky as well. He was just thankful that none of it got on his pants or shoes. _Dammit, my hair takes forever to dry.._

Sighing, Jeremy looked around to assure himself that no one was in the bathroom, then proceeded to hesitantly take off his coat and shirt. He crumpled them into a ball and let them drop onto the floor, making a gross ‘splat’ noise as it landed. 

For a few moments, he stared at his reflection in the mirror. He had circles under his eyes from the lack of sleep, and his complexion paler than usual. His hair was a mess, and a glob of blue starting to stain his hair sat on the side of his head, bits of ice dripping and falling onto the floor. His muscles (that, to be honest, never really existed in the first place. Even with all the ‘sex pushups’ the squip made him do, he still somehow lacked the ability to gain _any_ muscle) were barely even there, just a thin frame and arms, scars subtly peaking from behind and barely reaching the front of his shoulders and neck. _Doomed to be a literal human twig forever,_ he recalled Michael teasing once. 

 _Doomed to be a loser_   _forever._ He recalled himself pointing out once.

Finally, he leaned over the sink and started washing the blue slushie out of his hair, small chunks of ice that hadn’t melted yet falling into the sink. 

**This is probably one of the most pathetic sights I have ever seen.**

_Yeah? Well at least it wasn’t someone doing it on purpose. I mean, have you seen Glee? Though, Grant Gustin was-- to be honest, is\-- a bit of a hottie. Not gonna lie. Also his voice? Like, DAMN. Also, why did those kids even run away from me? Ow! _Jeremy's finger got caught in a knot.

 **You talk too much.** It scowled.

_Sorry.. But still, why?_

**Simple answer- You are a senior, and they were freshman. Think about it like a food chain. Because you are a senior and have been at the high school the longest, as well as among those who are the oldest students, they as the youngest and have only been at the school for a few months feel threatened by you.**

Jeremy snorted. _Threatened?_

 **Yes. I cannot believe that they would feel threatened by** **_you_ ****of all people. I mean, look at you.**

Jeremy gave the squip a side-eye from where he hung his head upside down in the sink, then slowly went to lift his head out so he wouldn’t spill water on his pants. After reaching for a paper towel to dry his hair, he realized that _Well shit. The stupid-ass eco-friendly school runs on hand dryers._ He walked into a stall to get toilet paper, then wet it and started wiping the sticky parts of his skin that the slushie got to after it had soaked into his shirt. It only took a minute to wipe the majority off. There was no way he was going to try and dry his hair with _school toilet paper_.

 _Oops, missed a spot-_ He reached for another wad to rub off more slushie, but froze when he heard the hinges of the bathroom door squeak. _Shit shit shit shit who the fuck is walking in here they are going to think I'm such a fucking creep shit-_

“Uhh, Jeremy?” Jake shut the door behind him. 

“Jake?” Jeremy's voice cracked, and he dropped the paper towel on the floor. 

“The fuck ya doin?” He laughed, shifting his position so he was crossing his arms. 

“Oh uh, some kid spilled slushie all over me and-“

Jeremy's eyes widened. _Shit. My back._ He immediately froze, scared of turning in a way where Jake could see them. He never really told anyone about his scars. Sure, Michael knew about them after the first incident, and Jake probably had seen Rich’s scars with all their.. ‘sexy times,’ but Jeremy's had darkened and gotten more intense since.. the second… time. 

**Bitchass.**

_Fuckhead._

If Jake saw them, he would probably tell Rich, who would tell Christine, who would tell Michael. 

“J? You ok?” Jake’s grin faltered for a second. 

“Yeah yEaH i'm fine! I’m totally fine w-why would you as-ask?” He quickly picked up the hoodie and slid it over his head, struggling to find the arm hole. 

“Are you sure? You don’t seem like you’re-“

“Really Jake, im ok! I’m fine just- Damn, wheres the fucking armhole..”

“Here, let me help-“ Jake took a step towards Jeremy. 

“NO! I mean, no! No, I'm fine. No.”  Jeremy shuffled his feet around so he could balance himself. 

“Jeremy I-“

“J-Jake I’m fine, real-really I'm-“ _Fucking backpack._ Jeremy tripped over his backpack in his flailing, slamming face-first into the wall by Jake. _Hard._

“Oh, shit!” Jake moved to keep Jeremy from falling in all of his sudden one-armed glory. 

Jeremy saw stars for a few seconds until he regained fuzzy vision and the ability to see the bathrooms fluorescent lights that were suddenly _way_ too bright. Dazed, Jeremy tried to collect himself, taking a moment until he noticed the burning sensation in his nose and forehead, and that Jake was keeping him from falling over. 

“Hey hey, are you alright? Jeez J, you took a-“ Jake glanced in the mirror in front of him, showing him Jeremy’s reflection.

As the room continued to spin, Jeremy tried taking note of where he was and who he was with. He could hear the distant sound of the first period bell ring, though the buzzing he heard nearly muted it. _The bell? No, it couldn’t have been five minutes already… Right?_

He held his head, trying to figure out what the pain he felt was from. One arm (the one he was holding his head with) was through a sleeve, while the other hung naked at his side, causing the hoodie to look more like a weird scarf, and completely exposing his back. His back that was facing the same mirror Jake was looking directly into. 

Now realizing Jake had seen _the exact thing Jeremy didn’t want him to see_ , He tried standing up on his own to get away from Jake, only to trip over his backpack again. Luckily, Jake caught him before he could fall. _Again._

“Jeremy?” Jake asked. Or, Jeremy thought he did. He wasn’t too sure- the buzzing and the pain muting his head was distracting him, fatigue starting to take over. 

“Mm?” Jeremy hummed, his mood suddenly dropping, and him feeling unusually tired. He wouldn’t mind if he fell asleep right there and then if he was honest. Jake was comfortable. He definitely wouldn’t let him fall.

“Hey, C’mon you’re ok. You’re ok, ok?” Jake slowly lifted Jeremy into a standing position, though he didn’t get a response. “Shit, shit shit- Jeremy? Hey, C’mon don’t fall asleep, ok?” He lightly shook Jeremy. 

The pain Jeremy was feeling after he fell became present again, and his energy levels rose. A whirring noise in his head became loud, and blinking a couple of times, Jeremy regained a solid(ish) consciousness. “Wait, what?” He tried standing on his own as well, using the sink as a crutch. He failed, Jake lowering him to the floor to sit.

“Jere? Are you ok? Don't move too fast..” Jake held Jeremy's side, making sure he didn’t drop while moving to sit down.

“Yeah.” He _thinks_ he’s fine at least, buutttt Jake doesn’t need to know. Or maybe he should. But what if he didn’t need to? But what if Jeremy was sick? Were his thoughts becoming cluttered? His head hurt... “Yeah, ‘m fine“ He winced as his head burned even more, what seemed like a migraine making itself present.

“Oh god, ok give me a sec.” Jake ran into one of the stalls.

In the moment Jake was gone, Jeremy managed to slide the rest of his- or.. Michael’s- hoodie on, covering his back and giving him a sense of warmth and security that he felt he was missing. 

Jake reappeared with a handful of toilet paper, handing the ball to Jeremy. Confused, Jeremy looked up expectantly at Jake until he tasted blood in his mouth, gathering that it had came from his nose. He cleaned his upper lip and held the toilet paper to his nose, trying to stop the bleeding. “Th’nks”

“Yeah, yeah I- First of all, are you ok? Can you see clearly? What hurts? You hit your head really fucking hard so do you have a concussion? You fall asleep in class a lot so maybe you shouldn’t do that today- especially if you have a concussion. I think you have a concussion.” Jake fired off questions. 

“Jake, m’ head still hurts.” He closed his eyes, trying to relieve his pounding headache and stop the room from spinning.

“Oh, right, uh.. sorry.”

Jeremy fixed the toilet paper so the pieces drenched in blood was thrown away and unused pieces were stuffed up his nose. “One question at a time, pl’se” Jeremy set his hand onto the floor as an attempt to ground himself, opening his eyes again and trying to focus his attention on Jake. 

“Right, uhh. Are you ok? Wait, no. No I'll decide if you’re ok or not. Ok don’t answer that question. What hurts?” 

It took a few seconds for the question to catch up with Jeremy. “mmmmmmm.. my nose ‘n my head. Neck too buh not that bad.” Jeez did Jeremy hate when he couldn’t breathe through his nose. He just sounded like he was an overgrown oompa loompa.

Jake grunted, moving onto his next question. “Can you see clearly? How many fingers am I holding up?” Jake held his hand in front of Jeremys face. 

“I uhhhhhh.” Jeremy tried squinting his eyes. “Glasses?”

“Huh?”

“I dunno if you’re delayed because I don’ have my glasses or i hit head.” _Wait, no that doesn’t sound right._ “Hit my head.” He tried correcting, but the sentence still didn’t sound normal. Clumps of wet hair had started to fall over his eyes, blocking his view of Jake. He would’ve moved it if one hand wasn't stopping bleeding and the other wasn’t keeping him up right.

“Right!” Jake searched the floor to pick Jeremy's glasses up, which, just his luck, were broken. 

 _They must’ve broke when I fell…_ Thankfully, it was only the frame that was broken, that being the left hinge breaking and it’s temple snapping off.

“Sorta broken.. sorry bud. You can still see outta them though, right? Here, just try and see.” Jake slid Jeremys now broken glasses in for him and moved his hair to the side, holding his hand back up.

_It's not like the frame breaking is gonna affect the lens, Jake._

Jeremy took his time responding. He didn’t know why since he knew what he wanted to say in his head, just it felt so good to be quiet and he couldn’t come up with how to say it verbally- How to form the word. 

“Oi.” Jake snapped his fingers. “Answer.” 

Jeremy narrowed his eyes, trying to figure out what number that was called and why his glasses weren’t working. 

“Jeremy. Jeremy Heere.” Jake waved his hand in front of Jeremy's face, who moved his head away from it. 

“Fffffouurr.” Jeremy finally said, even though Jake wasn’t even holding up the number anymore. 

“Yeah, it was four but..” Jake creased his eyebrows, studying Jeremy's dazed look. “Ok, uh.. I'm gonna take you to the nurses office, ok?”

 **NO.** The squip suddenly appeared, making Jeremy Jump. **I mean-** It cleared its throat. **No. It is unnecessary.**

“Jeremy? Come on, I don’t think you’re doing too well…” Jake slowly reached his hands towards Jeremy's. 

_What? What do you mean? Im hurt so obviously I'm going to the nurse's office-_

**You cannot.**

_Why?_ It almost hurt to even think. Everything just felt so jumbled.

It didn’t respond immediately, taking time to ‘process’. **You cannot.** It repeated. 

“There we go, that’s right, you’re ok.” Jake slid his hands into Jeremy's, who was now supposedly ‘staring into space’. He helped him up.

_Explain or I'm going. What if I have a concussion?_

**You…** It stopped for a moment. **You do have a concussion.**

_If I have a concussion, then how are you not buffering? And why shouldn’t I go to the nurse? I can go to the hospital or something and they’ll help me._

**NO. No. That is the point. If you have a concussion then you will need to participate in a CT Scan, along with other check ups required for a possibly concussed human. If you participate in those, my processor will be discovered near the base of your skull, and because you have no history of medical procedures in that area, they may think I am a problem and take me out. I am not buffering because you...** It stopped for a moment. **were not hit in the back of your head. You** **_cannot_ ** **allow Jake to take you.**

“Wait,” Jeremy tugged his hand back from Jake. 

“What? What is it?”

“I uhh… I can't.” Jeremy swallowed. 

“What do you mean you can’t? J, you’re injured.” Jake made his way back to the mirrors from the bathroom door the two had made their way to while Jeremy was talking to the Squip. 

“The uh. The Squip. It would be found. I- I have a concussion. I think. But if I do, then I might hafta get uh, a scan ‘r something, ’n then they’ll find it.”

“Shit, you’re right.” Jake let out a breath. “Well, what are you gonna do then? It’s not like you can just stay at school and work through a concussion! Can you drive home? Wait.. not a good idea.”

“I don’ have a car..” Jeremy looked down, thinking of how Michael usually would give him rides. This past week Jeremy had been getting driven to school by his dad. 

“Call your dad, maybe? I rode here with Rich so I can’t take you. You can’t walk home; I'm worried and it's way too cold outside. Especially with your wet hair- you'll catch a cold.”

Jeremy shook his head, immediately regretting the decision if the spinning room had any say in it. “Dads at work. ‘ts ok, I can school today.”

“I-“ Jake stopped to think, then letting out a long sigh afterwards. “Fine. You can stay here, but.. try to get out of school work, ok? And text me. Keep. Texting. Me.” Jake slowly bent over to pick Jeremys backpack off the floor to hand to him. His gaze redirected to Jeremy’s back, making him hesitate before handing the bag over. 

“I uh..” Jeremy noticed Jakes gaze. 

“Jeremy, Wh-“

“Th’nks for the help, Jake.” Jeremy, for the first time, moved away from Jake’s support and tried walking on his own. He managed a few steps with his backpack until his balance was thrown off, but was so determined to get out of the bathroom before Jake asked about his back that he pushed through the vertigo anyway, struggling to (yet still) making it to class. 

****

Of course, Jeremy got stares when he entered his classroom. Not only was he late to class, but his hair was dripping with water and he had a bundle of toilet paper shoved up his nose. He received a questioning look from his teacher, but he didn’t care enough to address it. All that mattered was that he got to his seat without tripping and managed to fish the small bottle of Advil he had out of his backpack. 

Jeremy quit with trying to keep his glasses straight, so he took them off. Luckily, it wasn’t actually his teacher who gave him a look, but they had a sub and watched a movie the entire period. Before he knew it, the class was over, and soon, so was period 4. Jeremy hadn’t noticed Michael the duration of the period.

****

Jake texted him every five minutes, and while Jeremy wasn’t responding to texts from Jake, he was trying to calm Christine's excitement about the school’s cast list coming out after school. Jeremy had auditioned, not knowing _exactly_ what he was getting himself into. For all he knew, it would just be one huge improv match. Christine was the director, and with Christine, anything was possible.

Michael looked like he wanted to say something to Jeremy before he left the classroom, but turned the other way and made it into the hall before he could even stand up. Jeremy tucked his phone away in his pocket and slowly stood, making his way out of the classroom and towards the cafeteria. Him and Michael still sat at the same table with the rest of their friends, though they didn’t talk to each other. They didn’t speak, look, or acknowledge each other. They would just eat in silence, which,, Jeremy wasn’t even hungry. Odd considering he never ate this morning, but maybe it was the concussion. Who knows, Jeremy knew jack shit about head injuries. He just knew that he had a throbbing headache, probably looked like a zombie making its way down the hall, and the static he had been hearing would randomly get louder or lower at any given moment. _Maybe the squip_ _was_ _damaged when I fell?_

Jeremy made his way through the halls, turning the corner and into the hall that would lead him to the cafeteria when.. 

Oh, he did _not_ like what he saw in front of him.

 

* * *

****

Michael loved his locker for many reasons. It was a top locker, it was in between two empty lockers, and the sophomore whos locker was under him never used it. One reason he did not like it though was because it was in the same hallway that lead into the cafeteria, which was always _packed_ before lunch. Michael was having a fairly average day (well, as average it could get based on the past week,) and he was hoping it wouldn't change, but lady luck just wasn't on his side. 

All he wanted to do was get his sushi he bought during his free third period, find the chopsticks that somehow escaped his seven-eleven bag and fell somewhere into the abyss of binders, and quietly get to lunch without having to participate in any social or physical interaction. Sadly, he wouldn't get his way.

Strutting down the hallway came Dustin Kropp, chest puffed out and taking long, cocky strides. Michael has had a distaste for him ever since Jeremy said he was better looking than Madeline (who, by the way, was actually a huge sweetheart on the inside. Chloe just absolutely hated her because not only were they the exact same person, but she also was the one Jake ended up dating after he and Chloe broke up), so everytime Michael saw him and his way-too-confident attitude, he just couldn't help but stare. Turns out, this was a bad, _bad_ idea.

Dustin just so happened to catch Michael staring, and Dustin's stupid grin twisted into a scowl, changing his direction towards Michael. 

 _Shit fuck please be nice like Jeremy thought please be nice like Jeremy thought please be nice like Jeremy tho-_  

“Oi.” Dustin stopped in front of Michael, only inches away from his face. “You have a problem?”

“W-what? Sorry, but why would I have a problem?” Michael was really hoping this wouldn’t turn south.

“You have been staring at me since Monday. You wanna start a fight or somethin’?” He narrowed his eyes.

“What!? No! I-”

“So you and your little gay ass just cant handle me then?”

Michael snorted. “No-”

“YOU THINK IM FUNNY, FAG?” Dustin slammed the locker next to Michael’s head.

Michael’s heart dropped and he backed up a step. Whether it was out of fear or because Dustin was _really_ close, he couldn’t tell. Maybe both…. Or definitely both. “Woah! Bro no I didnt mean it like that I- Wait, what the fuck, dude? You just called me a fag? First off- what the fuck is wrong with you? Second- weren't you dating Jebb Coleson like, three weeks ago?”

“Are those fighting words, Mell?” Dustin took a step closer.

“Are you kidding?! No! Why the fuck-”

“Because it sounds like you wanna fight.”

“I don't! Dude, just leave me alone, ok?” Michael was starting to get more and more annoyed, his anger (and maybe a little bit of jealousy) starting to bubble. “We are both seniors-- we can handle this like _adults_ ." Nope! Anger boiling over. Ohnoohnoohnoohno- "Besides, it's not my fault the majority of the school thinks you're a douche.” _Oops._ Michael definitely did not mean to say that. _This is totally gonna go south._

And before he knew it, Michael was on the floor after a punch to the face. His left cheek throbbed, and he seriously was ready to book it out of the hallway if his anxiety wasn’t keeping him on the floor in fear of other students crowding and him getting punched again.

“What, you afraid to hit back, Mell?” Dustin stood over Michael.

“Hey!” A voice called out, and Michael looked towards it, not expecting to see a pissed off and tired looking Jeremy with damp hair and… _is that my hoodie?_ stomping his way towards Dustin (Or at least trying to? Why did he look so… wobbly?). He would have laughed if his appearance wasn’t so concerning and it hurt to move his face. “Leave him the fuck alone, Dustin.” 

“Aw, come to save your boyfriend, twink? What’re you gonna do? Fight me?” Dustin laughed.

“Who knows? Maybe I fucking will, you dick.” Jeremy looked _pissed_ , and by the sight of his current state, anyone in their right mind would back off after getting confronted by him. His sleeves were balled up, but into fists. Michael thought he had never seen him so angry at another person before. Well, besides him.

“Oh, please. At least I'm not pining for some bitchass loser.” Dustin straightened his back, definitely clearing at least a foot above Jeremy. 

“Well hes _my_ bitchass loser, and at least im accepting myself and my _friends_ about being open and not pushing internalized homophobia onto other people who _dont fucking deserve it._ ” Yea, Jeremy was being harsh, but Dustin had it coming, and despite the height difference, Jeremy stepped closer to Dustin. Let's get this one thing straight: Dustin was _huge_ . Like, you could look into a sea of the entire school and easily spot him huge. Jeremy’s about 5’7. Michael is nearly 6’0. _Dustin is 6’6_ . So yeah, he was tall compared to Jeremy. No wonder he was on both the football _and_ basketball team. 

“Back off, Heere.”

“Go get a life, Kropp. Eat lunch with _your boyfriend_ or something and stop picking on mine.” Jeremy spat out.

Dustin bit his lip until he said, “Whatever, nerd.” and walked away. Some students who were watching went on with their normal business, and Jeremy let out a breath he was holding, letting himself fall onto the lockers and slide down them.

Michael observed Jeremy from where he sat on the floor, holding his cheek. Now that he was eye level and closer to him, Jeremy looked even worse than before. His forehead was bright red, and dried, crusted blood lined his nostrils. _What the fuck happened to him?_ “Thanks.” Michael nodded at Jeremy, who slightly nodded back.

“You ok?” Jeremy asked, his eyes drooping, and the tension in his shoulders dissipating. He looked so, _so_ tired. 

 _Is he even sleeping?_ “I will be.”

“Good. ‘Cause I def wasn’t gonna figh’ him.”

Michael watched as Jeremy struggled to stand back up, swaying and using the locker to balance himself once he was standing, then offering a hand to Michael. Michael took it and stood himself up, turning to find his sushi and chopsticks, then closing his locker and picking up his backpack. “I should probably go to the nurse..”

When Michael turned back around expecting Jeremy to still be by his side, he instead saw him making his way through the cafeteria doors, then disappear in the crowd.

 _Wait… did Jeremy just indirectly call me his boyfriend?_  

 

* * *

 

Ok, that was terrifying. That was absolutely, fucking insanely, terribly, _terrifying._ Or, well, it was until Jeremy saw Michael staring at him after Jeremy said he would fight Dustin.  Then he had this newfound confidence and- actually? _What even happened after that?_ Jeremy tried to remember but.. Guess it just slipped his mind.

“Jere! There you are! Jeez, had me worried, dude.” Jake greeted Jeremy as he made his way through the cafeteria and to the table. Jeremy knew that him standing up to Dustin would get him in some deep shit at some point during the school year, but he could honestly care less.

“Mm.” Was the only reply Jeremy gave as he rounded the table to sit down.

“Woah.. You doing ok Jerry?” Brooke creased her eyebrows upon seeing him.

 _Can people just stop asking that?_ “Mm.” Jeremy put his head down on the table and stared off into nothingness. He knew if he closed his eyes, Jake would probably start yelling at him or.. something.

“Psst..” Christine whispered, sitting down next to Jeremy. He shifted his gaze to look at her instead as she slid a couple of little pills towards Jeremy like it was a drug deal. “It's Advil. Take it.” She whisper-yelled.

Jeremy moved his hand to take one of them, missing at first (what? Not his fault he thought there was a pill right there…) then managing to grab hold and pop them in his mouth, dry swallowing both of them.

“Dang don't choke,” Christine lightly rubbed circles into Jeremy's back.

“Hey, anyone know where Michael is?” Rich walked over to the table with a confused look on his face.

“Why?” Jake watched him sit down. It was weird seeing Rich ask for _Michael_ of all people.

From Jeremy’s peripheral, he could see Rich and Christine making eye contact.

“I have.. Uhhhhh.. A school question. Yeah.” Rich was a terrible liar.

“Not here.” Jeremy mumbled.

“I saw him earlier today, though? Wh-”

“OK, WHERE THE HELL IS DUSTIN?” Jenna marched over to the table. She looked _pissed_.

“What? Why?” 

“BECAUSE I'M ABOUT TO THROW HANDS. I- Jeremy, you look like shit! Wait- DID DUSTIN DO THAT TO YOU TOO?!

Jeremy groaned, throwing his hood over his head and burying himself into his arms, trying to block out the noise. He felt like he wanted to vomit.

“Jen, calm down. And uh.. no. Jeremy hurt himself by accident this morning. Why are you even looking for him anyway?” Jake explained.

“LOOK AT THIS SHIT.” 

Jeremy could hear her phone sliding across the table and a video of what had happened only minutes before Jeremy entered the cafeteria playing. It stopped once Jeremy's voice could be heard when he yelled ‘hey’. The audio from the video made Jeremy feel even more nauseated.

“Woah what the fuck? Is Michael ok? Where is he?” Rich sat up sounding worried.

“I don't know! All I want to know is where the FUCK KROPP IS SO I CAN-” Jeremy cut Jenna off.

“NO ONE KNOWS WHERE HE IS! MICHAEL IS WITH THE NURSE.” Jeremy sat up suddenly, which was probably a very bad choice if his stomach had any say in it. “Now, if you'll EXCUSE ME, ’m going to go to the bathroom so I can throw up in some PEACE and QUIET.” Jeremy went to stand up, his balance failing him as Chloe went to grab his shoulders.

“Woahh.. Ok, hold on. There's always a line out the bathrooms at lunch there's no way you'll make it in time.” She grimaced at the thought. “Just-- here, I'll help you to the back of the field since it's right here. Everyone hates Coach Joksim anyway.” Chloe moved to pick up Jeremy’s backpack as well as her own and lead Jeremy out of the cafeteria.

****

Only a minute later, Jeremy found himself throwing up nothing but stomach acid into the corner of an empty football field.

Nobody was allowed in that area of the school during lunch, so pretty much only the stoners and anyone looking to makeout with someone else could be found there. Only, nobody was out there because it was about to rain and _fucking freezing_ . Jeremy, who is cold in 70 degree weather _with_ a long sleeve and a hoodie on, had nothing but a thin hoodie with bare skin underneath it. So yes, he was cold. May or may not have been shivering, but then again it may have been from the violent movement his body was making to get _literally nothing_ out of his stomach. _I haven’t even eaten all day why the fuck do I need to throw up?_  

**You should probably go home, Jeremy.**

_I should probably drink some red, asshole._ His stomach hurt from dry heaving.

 **Wow, I try to help and this is the thanks I get? So kind of you.** It appeared in front of Jeremy. 

Chloe noticed he was now just crouching over and doing nothing, so she moved to sit him down a couple of feet away from the vomit. “You doing ok?” She patted his leg, sitting down next to him.

_It's not like you’re any nicer back. Wait.. does that sentence make sense?_

**I believe the saying goes, ‘Treat others the way you would like to be treated.’**

_Yes. You treat me like shit. So I guess it's gonna be a mutual feeling._

**I mean, it doesn’t have to be.**

Jeremy let out a laugh. _Yeah right. You lie._ _Constantly_ _._

“Uhh..” Chloe waved her hand in front of Jeremy’s face.

 _No, no, I have to stay positive._ Jeremy reminded himself, his thoughts becoming cluttered. _Ugh_ his head hurt.

 **What proof of my ‘lying’ do you have?** It moved to sit down in front of Jeremy, who followed it lazily with his eyes.

He tried to think of times the Squip lied; times it had used Jeremy as a chess piece, but nothing came to the front of his mind. The moments he could actually think of just turned grey the minute he could pull it to the front of his mind. Why was that happening? _It’s fine. Im probably fine._

**Why is what happening, Jeremy?**

He kept trying to pull anything and everything to the front of his mind. It just wasn’t working. It was aggravating. Very, _very_ aggravating and… and honestly? It was scary. He felt his breathing quicken. _Calm. Stay calm._

 _What are you doing?_ Jeremy narrowed his eyes. The mind games it had been playing with him for all this time. The abuse, the tricks-- Jeremy was done with it. For all he knew, maybe he didn’t even have a concussion at all. Maybe when the squip told him he couldn't go to the hospital earlier it was a lie. Maybe his concussion was something entirely different. But.. _Trust. I can trust its ok I can trust-_

“Jeremy? You’re worrying me.” Chloe. Chloe was still there? _Why?_ _Why would she comfort me of all people? I don't-_ Jeremy shut his eyes, trying to calm his breathing. When he opened them again, the squip looked closer than it was before. _Its ok. I can stay positive. Shes here because she’s my friend._

 **I'm not doing anything.** It smiled. It. Smiled. Jeremy couldn’t trust it. He just couldn't. Something in the back of his head was yelling at him. **But an interesting comment you just made. You thinking Chloe is your friend? I mean, sure, think what you want but…** It paused, its smile widening. **We both know she’s not.**

He didn’t know if it was the static suddenly getting so loud he couldn’t even hear the wind howling, or if it was his memories of last year, or even it just starting to get so cold that Jeremy’s fingers in the grass were becoming numb, but something was telling him to stop. To get it out of his head. To get it out _now_.

_Get out._

**Get out of what? You’re going to have to be more specific, Jeremy.**

“I SAID GET OUT OF MY HEAD!” Jeremy yelled at it, scaring Chloe in the process.

“Woah! Woah, what the fuck? Are you ok?” Chloe backed up for a second, then deciding she should look for her phone.

 **But you’re the one who put me here, aren’t you? Why would I leave if you wanted me?** It was sitting on its knees now, leaning towards Jeremy.

“I don't!” Jeremy’s voice cracked.

**Yes, you do.**

“I don't. I don't want you anymore I don't I don't I don't I don't I-” He moved to cover his ears, his breath coming out of his mouth in puffs of air, only to disappear seconds later.

“Hey, hey hey, it's alright.” Chloe moved to put a hand on his shoulder. “Jake knows what happened today, right? I'm gonna call him, ok?”

 **But you reactivated me on purpose, didn’t you?** It sat even closer.

“No! That's a lie! Its all fucking lies- you lie!” 

**You drank that mountain dew on purpose, Jeremy, remember?**

“STOP LYING!”

**What if I'm not?**

“BUT YOU ARE.” His voice broke.

The squip sat back down, looking defeated. It muttered something along the lines of ‘it didn’t work’.

Jake was suddenly in front of Jeremy, trying to calm him down and get his attention. For how long he had been there, Jeremy didn’t know. What he did know was that he was asking, “What didn’t work?” as static grew louder, and louder, and _louder._ “What didn’t work?” He repeated, but there was no response.

“Jeremy, look at me.” Jake had his hands on Jeremy’s shoulders.

Jeremy ignored Jake. “WHAT DIDN’T FUCKING WORK?” 

 “ _Look at me._ ” Jake forced Jeremy to make eye contact with him, and suddenly, the static was gone- The squip was gone. It was quiet. The wind was rustling trees again and Jeremy could hear his own panting as he looked at Jake’s blurry face.

“You are ok. You are ok, ok? It’s not going to hurt you.”

“I-” Jeremy looked back to where the squip was only moments ago.

“You’re safe, and we are here _for and with you_.” Jake squeezed his shoulders, and that was when Jeremy noticed that not only Jake and Chloe were there, but Christine, Rich, Brooke, and Jenna were too. Jeremy’s head spun as he slumped into Jake, hugging him and taking a shuddering breath. He then realized how cold he really was. How the tip of his nose and ears stung, and the frigid air mixed with his wet hair heightened his headache. Jake felt warm. His coat was thick and heavy, and his body heat radiated through. Jeremy let his mind go numb.

After a few moments of silence, Chloe spoke up. “Hey, uh.. If you don't mind me asking, _what in the actual fuck was that?_ ”

Jeremy  refused to pull away, turning his head only meeting Rich’s eyes. Rich seemed to understand what Jeremy was trying to say, and he nodded. 

“We uh..” Jeremy sat up, only to get interrupted by the bell and have another wave of nausea crash over him. He sunk back into Jake.

“We never really got a chance to eat lunch.. You guys wanna dip?” Rich finished for him. “We have something to tell you all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol sorry for the damage  
> also,, idk how its gonna playout chapter wise but i think this might be where we r gonna start to go downhill a bit... (but trust me there will still be a solid amount of chapters and hopefully fluff left bc otherwise itll jus drag yaknow so dont worry about the fic ending soon just know that... uh... we *deep*)
> 
> the fact that only 3 days of school have gone by and it wiped us out completely wtf we r so done  
> s_i doesn't goto my school so its so hard to make plans w her but now my weekends jus gotta be consumed by her and like,, we r both lonely at lunch h e l p aleukrfhweryufh  
> my english teacher is an icon tho bc shes obsessed w theatre and plays musicals in class and has playbills everywhere and is working w the drama board for the fall play (which is She Kills Monsters and im SO HYPE akiuhfrioruefh im hoping i get casted hhhhhh)  
> anyway sorry for the rant..  
> hope you enjoyed!


	22. Will We Be Okay?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael turned around, slowly getting out of his seat. “Jeremy? I don’t think you’re-”  
> 'Yup, I'm going down. Fuck.'  
> And down he went.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE BACC AYYE  
> more in end notes but woooooo!  
> anyway no big notes for the fic in general except for although I'm back I still don't know how the schedule will end up? The fic was put on hiatus over a month ago now and within the month I think I got one good week of just relaxation and then everything went to shit again lol.  
> ANYWAY yall don't wanna know about that soooo just know that I'm going to try and keep the schedule up just no promises on skipped weeks or missed uploads. :)  
> also ye I deleted the hiatus update ch so its just a clean thing of legit chs and not updates ;p  
> enjoy!! <3

Chloe stirred her coffee as she thought about what she was just told. “Wait, so.. A quip? Like, like my toothbrush?”

“No, Squip. S. Q. U. I. P. Its actually an acronym for Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor.” Rich explained as he played with a sugar packet.

Jeremy watched the table from where he leaned against the wall. He put sunglasses on, claiming it was too bright, but it was really so that if he closed his eyes, Jake wouldn’t yell at him for nearly falling asleep since he wouldn’t notice. The noise in the cafe was too loud anyway, and Jake checked every five minutes to make sure he was still awake. Instead, he had to settle with staying stock still so nothing would make him sick, and watch a sad attempt of an explanation of last year. 

“So…” Brooke started.

“They’re real?” Jenna and Brooke asked at the same time, both with a concerned look on their faces.

“Huh?”

“I uh..” Brooke looked guiltily at Chloe before continuing. “Don't get mad at her.  _ Please _ don't get mad at her especially because we already talked everything out and see each other as equals and the bestest friends anyone could ever ask for, but..” She swallowed, playing with one of her rings. “I heard rumors maybe a year or two.. Maybe three ago about this thingy. It was supposed to help you like, achieve what you want most or something. Fits pretty much your description of it. I… I wanted to take one because I was just so, like, I guess you could say I was tired of being number two in comparison to Chloe. I was so tempted, but I didn’t think it was real so.. I forgot about it.”

_ Oh.  _ Jeremy pulled his knees to his chest at Brooke’s words. He remembered how that was one of Brooke's insecurities that she told him about when they first started dating. The fact that the squip made him greet her just because it knew that was… sickening. And to think that she felt so bad about it that she wanted one was-- is-- even worse. He started rubbing one of the only fingers left without a bandaid. It added to his guilt, which,  _ wait, why do I feel guilty right now? There was something that just happened… wasn’t there? Brooke and… _ he couldn’t pinpoint what was escaping his mind.

“Brooke, I’m-” Brooke cut Chloe off.

“No, don't. Please. We’ve already spilled apologies; I don't want to anymore. You are amazing and forgiven and you know that, so please don’t start.” Brooke held Chloe’s hand as she held Jenna’s in her other.

“Brookie, I-” Jenna started.

“No, it’s alright. Really. You had the same problems, didn’t you? At least you know you weren’t on a trip now.” Brooke gave a small laugh.

“Thanks.” Jenna smiled a bit to herself before leaning in and kissing Brooke on the forehead.

“On a trip?” Jake asked.

“Oh yeah, I uh.. When Jeremy offered it to me, He legit explained what it was and I just kinda straight up took it. When everyone said it was just an E trip gone wrong I thought it was a dream or something but.. I guess not.”

_ Christ, how much harm have I caused?  _ Jeremy felt like sinking in on himself.

**A lot. You’ve done a lot, Jeremy. But we can fix it. You and I both know that your relationships will be much better if they don’t know you reactivated me. We can be perfect again, you know.**

_ We never were perfect. They are damaged, and we can't change that.  _ _ We _ _ are damaged and we can't fix it. All we- I mean- I can do is to make up for it. _

**You keep saying that, but it only delays the inevitable.**

“When was Michael supposed to get here again?” Christine asked.

“Soon. He said he was stuck in traffic. Apparently, it’s hard to drive with one eye and one arm holding up a leaky ice bag. Can’t blame him.” Jake shrugged.

_ Positivity. Stay positive. I can stay positive.  _ Jeremy told himself.

“Karma better bite Dustin in the ass.”

“Too bad Dustin can't be reminded of hell by the ghost of a squip” Rich snorted.

**You never know what the future holds, Jeremy.**

The more Jeremy was reminded of last year, the more his throat felt like it was closing.

**You know you can’t escape your past. What has been done has been done. For all you know, you could be enacting something you are barely aware of right now, but will have a significant impact on your future.**

Breathe. It was hard to breathe.  _ Don't listen.  _ He tried to tune it out.

“So.. what exactly was happening with Jeremy at school? I thought you said they deactivated?” Chloe asked.

**You cannot ignore me. We both know what happened the last time you did that.**

Jeremy pulled his knees further to his chest and put his head down. To the others, it looked like Jeremy just didn’t feel like talking. To Jeremy, well, he had no idea about the conversation that was going on around him. He was stuck in his head. Stuck in his head, not able to get out. It felt like he always did this.

_ You’re just playing mind games. _

“Actually, this morning he may have kinda sorta given himself a concussion. I think his concussion might’ve triggered…  _ something,  _ and.. I don't know, but we can’t take him to the doctors because they might find the squip and its illegal and unknown technology and all and we have no idea what they might actually do if they find it, so…”

“Right..”

“Then how did they not find it in his head the first time he went? Like, after they all deactivated or whatever?”

**But what if I wasn’t?**

“They probably missed it or something. Same thing with Rich.” Jake pulled Rich closer to him.

_ Stop. _

**Here we go again, Jeremy. You so desperately have a need for attention that you get caught in your head with me. You get caught in your head and ignore the ones around you. You make them worry about you. You** ** _make_** **them worry because you** ** _want_** **validation. You know you’re not good enough.**

_ Please _ . He hugged his knees tighter.

**You’re so weak that you’ve resulted in begging. If you want me to stop so badly, then why don’t you try and prevent yourself from being such a weakling first? Stop begging for validation and sit your ass back up. Stop wallowing on the physical and mental pain and sit your ass back up.** ** _Stop wanting_** **to make everything about** ** _you_** **and** ** _sit your ass back up._**

It was right, wasn’t it? Jeremy just wanted pity, didn’t he? All the times he had gotten himself stuck in his own head. All the times he had started acting dramatic just because he was lonely and worthless and it was  _ his fault _ , he always ended with picking himself back up. Only to start this circle again.

Jeremy slowly and, as casually as he could, sat up, leaning against the wall again. He wanted to fold into himself, to pretty much just disappear into nothing, but he couldn’t. He just settled with hugging his knees.

“Jere, you good?” Jake tapped Jeremy’s knee.

_ “ _ Mm.”

“K. And, uh..” Jake looked around to make sure the others weren't listening before he lowered his tone to a whisper. “Can we talk? Later, maybe?”

Jeremy just shrugged. Shrugging was always the best way to get yourself out of a situation because you technically didn’t say yes, but you also didn’t say no.

“...Alright.” Jake turned back to talking to- was that Michael? _ Since when did he get here? _

**He arrived while you were wallowing in your own pity.**

_ Oh.  _

Silently, Jeremy attempted to review the day. Or- what part of it had passed. It was only lunch yet so much had happened, and the more he thought about it, the more he realized that a  _ concussion  _ should not do this to him… should it?

There was silence between the two until Jeremy decided to follow up on a question he had for a while.  _ Why do I still hear static? _

It took a moment for the Squip to respond. It took a moment for the  _ supercomputer _ with an  _ infinite database  _ to respond.  **Since resetting after the Mountain Dew Ginger incident, I have required a little more energy than usual. It should have gone away by tomorrow morning, but..** It paused again.  **It looks like your concussion will be delaying that stop.**

Jeremy disassociated himself with the Squip’s conversation and tried tuning into the tables. Everyone had gotten what they ordered for lunch — even Michael.

“Mmmm J? I don’t trust you with those sunglasses anymore. As long as you stay awake until like, eight tonight, then you’ll be ok. Twelve hours between when you hit your head and when you go to sleep should be good, right?” Jake reached for Jeremy’s sunglasses, slowly taking them off and giving Jeremy his prescription ones instead.

“I don't think it works like that, Jake.” Christine picked at a french fry on her plate.

Jake paused to think a moment until saying, “Uhhhh. He should be fine?”

Jeremy, realizing how stupid and probably how much attention he was grabbing by the way he was sitting, decided to move and sit like a  _ normal _ person when in public, putting his hands in his lap and continuing to rub at the finger he was rubbing at earlier. It hurt to rub it since the skin had already been open, but he continued anyway until his finger was numb so he couldn’t feel it anymore.

“Hey,” Jake snapped a couple of times to get Jeremy’s attention.

“Hm?” Jeremy looked up.

“Only a couple more hours, yeah? I can’t tell if you’re spacing out because of your head, or because you don’t sleep.”

Christine nodded in agreement.

“Wh? Sleep? I sleep, what’re you talking about?” Jeremy scrunched his eyebrows, really hoping that whatever acting skills that he had could pop through his dazed mind and help him out.

“Jeremy, you’re a great actor, but not when you’re half-conscious. You haven’t slept in like, days.” Christine put down her fork to take a sip of water.

“I- What? No, I sleep. You gays’re just crazy.” Jeremy took a second to think about what he just said. “Guys.” He corrected.

Christine nearly spit and choked on her water. A few others laughed, too.

Jeremy went to look at Michael to see if he laughed because of his mistake, hoping he was. 

He wasn’t.

Now that Jeremy was actually looking at Michael, he could see that his cheek and parts of his eye were starting to swell. From where Jeremy was standing when Micheal got punched, it looked like Dustin hit  _ hard.  _

Michael looked up from his food, meeting Jeremy’s eyes. Jeremy could see he was trying to ask, ‘Still?’

_ Still what? I'm still not sleeping? We’re fighting still?  _ Jeremy adjusted his glasses, which, his vision really was not as clear as it should be.  _ Even after everything, I still love you? _

“Maybe you should eat something?” Brooke offered.

“No thanks, I'm sorta nauseous right now..” Jeremy looked back down.

**You’re making things about you. Change the subject.**

“Is your guys’ food any good?” Jeremy asked.

“Yeah!” Brooke side-eyed Christine, which, ok? “The chicken n’ waffles are sooooo yummy.” She said after shoving another bite into her mouth of the order she shared with Jenna.

“Speaking of..” Christine then looked at Jenna, who looked at Brooke, who looked at Chloe, who looked at Jake, who looked at Rich, who looked back at Christine. “Weren’t you and Michael here for brunch on Halloween?”

_ It’s not working. They want to talk about Michael what do I do? _ Jeremy was scared of messing up- of making it about himself again.

**Keep trying to change it.**

“Oh, uh, yeah. How did you know..?”

“Oh! I saw it on Michael’s snap.” Jenna smiled. “You two hang with each other so often its, like, noticeable when you two are apart, you know?” She moved to glance at Brooke, Michael visually becoming slightly uncomfortable from Jeremy's peripheral. 

_ Oh no. _

“Right? OMG, I so feel that! It's just like you and me, Chlo! So inseparable!” Brooke linked her arm with Chloe’s.

_ Brooke never says acronyms out loud. Chloe? Maybe. Jenna? For sure. Never Brooke. What the fuck are they planning?  _

Silence. 

_ Hello..? _

“Right? Like, I couldn’t imagine life without you. Can you imagine if we fought? Like, even if we did, we would  _ so _ make up afterward.” Chloe took a sip of her water and looked at Jake.

_ Oh no, I think I know what they’re doing. This isn’t gonna end well. _

“Oh! And remember when you and I thought we should date, Chlo? And then it turned out that dating my best friend instead was like, the  _ best idea ever.  _ Like,  _ in my life.” _ Jake turned to look at Rich, who ended up kissing him.

_ Ok. That one hit a little too close to home.  _ Jeremy, now feeling even worse than before, made eye contact with Michael.  _ Nope, bad idea. I'm out of here before I can make anything worse. _ “S-sorry I don’t feel too great anymore. I th-think I'm gonna head home..” Jeremy moved to scoot his chair back and leave. Standing up, the room spun, nearly knocking Jeremy over. Luckily, Jake moved fast enough to grab and steady him.

“Oh, shit. Uh, uh, uh,” Jake sat Jeremy back down.

_ Bad move on my part.  _ Ok, Jeremy admits: Maybe he was a little more tired than he thought. And maybe it was catching up with him since he hit his head.  _ Not good.  _ “ ‘m ok, Jake.” Why was it getting harder to form words?  _ Are you even on? Where the fuck did you go? _

“You don't look too hot, buddy…” Rich sat forward in his chair.

_ All I have to do is get around the table and get down that hallway to the bathroom. Easy peasy.  _ “ ‘M fine, Just gonna go to the bathroom is all.” His glasses  _ were _ on, right? Maybe he needed a new prescription or something.  _ I mean, my vision  _ _ has _ _ been a little whack all day so.. _ He stood back up, feeling victorious as he had a nice (enough) sense of balance, and started making his way around the table. He only made it a couple of steps before he felt queasy again, and his vision worsened.  _ A little bit more until I reach the hall..  _ And he did it. He managed to get his hand onto the corner of the hallway’s wall, which just so happened to be right next to... Michael’s... seat...

“You need help..?” Rich creased his eyebrows.

“Nope, ‘m good.” Which,  _ that’s a lie. _ Maybe it was his loss of sense or his knees starting to feel weaker and weaker that was telling him,  _ Alright, maybe I'm actually really, really tired.  _ The weird thing? His brain was running at 100 miles per second. It was almost like his body was saying no, but his mind was telling him yes.  _ Did that sound too sexual? I hope not. _

Michael turned around, slowly getting out of his seat. “Jeremy? I don’t think you’re-”

_ Yup, I'm going down. Fuck. _

And down he went. 

 

* * *

 

The last thing Michael was expecting by lunch was to get punched in the face, saved by his ex(?) best friend/big-time crush, ditch school, talk about a supercomputer that attempted to take over a New Jersey high school, and then in return, save his ex(?) best friend/big-time crush. Yet here he was.

Jeremy nearly rounded the corner to the hallway when it looked like his knees buckled. Michael barely caught him before he could hit the floor, hoping that he didn’t make too much of a scene in the middle of the cafe. Luckily, there were only two other tables occupied. Unluckily, that meant that technically the entire cafe was staring.

Fear flooded Michael’s stomach, freezing him and leaving only now-shaky breaths as he stared at Jeremy’s eyes focusing and unfocusing. The concerning asks if Jeremy was ok was what brought him back in the moment. “I-It’s alright; I got you.” Michael hoisted Jeremy back up, moving to sit him down on the closest chair (aka Michael’s).

“Oh my- Is he alright!?” The waitress,  _ Her name was Maria, right? _ ran over to their table.

“Yeah, he’s-” Michael looked at Jeremy, who if anything, was just really,  _ really _ tired. “Uh.. he hasn’t been getting much sleep lately is all.”

“Should I call someone?” Maria asked, worrying at her necklace.

“No, it's alright. I- I think I'm just going to drive him home.” He assured her.

She looked unsure for a couple of seconds, then decided to back off. “If you say he’s not getting enough sleep then it is probably a good idea to get him home, huh?”

“Yeah..” Michael looked back at Jeremy, who was slightly swaying in his seat.

The waitress gathered the plates from the table, then hesitantly started walking away. “I’m so so sorry about that. I- uh- I’ll get you guys some pie or something-- on the house.” She then disappeared behind the kitchen’s swinging doors.

“Is he alright?” Jake leaned over the table.

“Jeremy?” Christine leaned towards Jeremy, poking his knee.

“Mm?” With half-closed eyes, Jeremy moved to look at Christine.

“Why haven’t you been sleeping?” She asked, pouting. The only answer she got was Jeremy taking a deep breath and him closing his eyes.

Michael was wondering the same thing. Actually, he was wondering about multiple things.  _ Why wasn’t he sleeping? When was the last time he actually had a proper sleep? How long had he been struggling with sleep? Was it because of the nightmares? The nightmares started almost two weeks ago, right? Has he even had a full night's sleep in two weeks? Why? Why was he even having nightmares in the first place? _

“I think him hitting his head has something to do with it too.” Rich frowned. “I remember when my brother got a concussion and he felt super tired all day, and then just  _ couldn’t _ sleep. Like, it was nearly impossible for him. When we went to the doctors, they said it was normal, so maybe he’s ok!” Rich smiled, content with his optimism. Michael, however, was still worried.

“I'm taking him home.” Michael decided, crouching down near Jeremy. “Hey, Jere? You’re gonna get on my back, ok?”

“‘M not a baby, Micah.” Jeremy slurred. “...But m’kay.”

Michael turned around and reached over his shoulders for Jeremy’s arms, wrapping them around his neck, then grabbing his legs and lifting him up, jumping so it was easier to carry him. Jeremy let his head fall, burying himself into Michael's neck. “I uh… I’ll see you guys later, I guess.”

“Michael!” Christine called after them. “If you and Jeremy are feeling better by six tonight, stop by! We would love to see you at the cast announcement! Remember its at my place!” Christine smiled, then got nudged by Jenna. “Oops.. wrong time?”

“It’s ok, Chris. We might make it. No promises.” Michael smiled and walked out of the cafe, headed towards his car.

****

The car ride to Jeremy’s house was silent save for the sound of Michael’s bouncing knee and Jeremy’s breathing. When Michael parked in Jeremy’s driveway, he left both of their backpacks in the car and slowly picked up Jeremy (who he assumed fell asleep at some point), carrying him upstairs and into his room. Michael gently laid Jeremy onto his bed, studying his face.

He looked so calm. So at peace, yet damaged. How Jeremy could look like both at once, Michael didn’t know, but it worried him. It worried him because Michael didn’t know what had been wrong with Jeremy for so long. He didn’t know why Jeremy was having nightmares, why he flinched when someone unexpectedly touched his back, why he was slowly becoming more and more antisocial as the days passed. 

He was stuttering more, and he had put walls up. Whenever Michael used to look into Jeremy’s eyes, he could see life and emotion and this sparkle that drew him in and made Michael never want to break eye contact. Jeremy’s eyes used to tell him everything and anything, and they let Michael feel comfortable and safe. They were a bright and beautiful blue that could make Michael forget just about anything. Now, they were a clouded grey that wouldn’t say anything. They looked sad and foreign, and for some reason, have stopped letting Michael see what they’re hiding. The sparkle was gone. The last time he saw it was the night they… Well, the night they kissed.

A bruise was slowly starting to flower on Jeremy’s forehead-- a slight discoloration that most likely would turn into a light purple by tomorrow. 

Sighing, Michael shut his eyes and stretched, remembering that their backpacks were still in the car. He turned around to start walking downstairs, but felt Jeremy grab his wrist. Michael turned to see him sleepily looking at him. 

“Stay.” He mumbled. 

“Jere, our backpacks are still-“

“Please.” Jeremy stared at Michael, a look of concern making itself present. A look of concern, and fear. 

“Right… right, ok.” Michael rounded the bed to lay next to Jeremy. His eye was starting to swell again, so he  _ should _ ice it, but this was far more important. 

“Don’t leave?”

_ Not again. I cant— I couldn’t. I love you too much to leave you.  _ “Never.”

 

* * *

 

Jeremy sat with Michael on his bed, each on opposite ends. The energy of the room had dropped. It had fallen so low that it felt almost as if there was a presence haunting them. An evil presence that wanted to do harm, not good, and Jeremy’s heart was sinking by the minute.

Michael was talking about his feelings-- his emotions during the… well, what happened last year. He was telling the story of his pains; Of how he felt when he came back to the food court to only find an empty table. How he felt when Jeremy had stopped greeting him in the hallways, then when he stopped acknowledging him in general. How he cried when Jeremy optic nerve blocked him right in front of Michael’s face. How Michael’s heart utterly shattered into pieces Halloween night.

These feelings, these emotions, these  _ tragedies _ \-- they all made Jeremy’s eyes water. His chest squeezed with every word spoken and deep breath taken, but he refused to cry. Jeremy wouldn’t let himself cry because he was done with it always being about him. He used to think he wasn’t the one who the story was about, but now he’s  _ sick and tired _ of being the main character.

So, no. No, he won’t cry because he will let Michael have this. Jeremy will not cry because Michael deserves all of the comfort and love he could possibly receive. He tried pretending he didn’t feel the tears stinging the corners of his eyes, and how if he kept thinking that if he said they ‘aren't there, then they will go away,’ it would work, but the universe disagreed. A tear fell, and then two, and then three and then four, and then Michael was suddenly by Jeremy’s side, comforting him while Jeremy insisted that he was fine.

Jeremy tried to keep a smile on his face. He really did, and as a result, he partially succeeded. He didn’t let Michael get too close to him in his comforting because he knew there was a part of him that was just saying ‘ _ No, you don’t deserve it.’ _   Yet, he wouldn’t push Michael away entirely because he was selfish, and wanted to be at least making  _ some sort _ of contact with Michael.

That’s how he got where he was now; knee to knee looking at Michael-- looking at his gelled back hair and light reflecting off of his glasses, looking at the steady rise and fall of his chest and Adam's apple bobbing. Looking at his lips, and hating every single thought that came to the front of his mind, and hating how suddenly he had this uncontrollable urge to lean forward and-

By the time he realized how much of a bad idea this was, it was already too late.

Jeremy had met with Michael’s lips, and they were kissing. Only, it wasn’t full of color and life and magic; it was dull and heartbreaking and sad. The reason why? Michael wasn’t kissing back. Jeremy didn’t know what he was expecting, but for some reason, it wasn’t this.

The kiss had lasted a total of four sad, boring, long seconds, and both boys were back in their respective spots on the bed and replaying what had just happened in their heads. It took a moment for Jeremy to find his words, but then he was spilling apologies and rambling like there was no tomorrow.

“I’m so sorry I don't know why I just did that it was super random and this will probably be the end of our friendship because that was so stupid and I wish I could take that back because you definitely don't feel the same way and what I just did was unforgivable and-”

Then Michael lunged forwards and smashed his lips into Jeremy’s, bringing his hands to his cheeks and squishing his face. It was uncomfortable and surprising and, in all honesty, was the last thing Jeremy expected to happen, but once he realized he had frozen just like Michael did, he melted into the kiss.

He melted into the kiss, and he kissed back.

Jeremy brought his hands to the nape of Michael’s neck, and as a response, Michael moved his hands from Jeremy’s face and placed them on his shoulders, gently pushing him back and onto the bed. The two continued, deepening the kiss until they had to break for air, and in that moment, Jeremy grabbed Michael’s shoulders and pushed him over, flipping them so now Jeremy was sitting on top of Micheal, legs straddling his waist, and kissing him. When they broke for air the second time, they sat there in disbelief about what had just happened. Jeremy held Michael’s gaze for a few moments until the two burst into giggles, and it was at that moment that a cloud decided to move away from the sun, and redirect a ray through Jeremy’s window and on Michael’s face.

It could’ve been something directly out of a movie.

Michael’s eyes shone like there was no tomorrow, telling endless stories and radiating this warmth that could never be replicated. He had let down his walls for Jeremy and Jeremy alone and in that moment, Jeremy felt the warmth of the sun and the fabric of Michael’s hoodie and a happiness unlike any he had felt before. He couldn’t help but close his eyes and take a deep breath, absorbing as much of it as he could.

Though his deep breath became plagued by this struggle to inhale completely, and as he furrowed his brows, curious of what was happening, a headache started to form in the back of his head, slowly creeping its way to the front.

A warmth started to fall over him, but it wasn’t a good warmth-- it was suffocating. It was suffocating and it made Jeremy begin to feel like he was losing touch with his senses and body-- first his feet, then legs, then arms then the torso and head; sight, feel, touch, hearing, and taste.

Suddenly, they came back in a rush, and a wave of nausea crashed over him. His headache grew loud and a staticy whir accompanied it. Jeremy struggled to open his eyes, the nausea and strange inability to open them stopping him. After a few moments, he managed to get them open, and looking at his surroundings, he realized he was in his room. Only, it was grey and windy outside, just starting to rain. There was no sunlight or warmth, only a chill, and there was no positive atmosphere to be found-- only a disgusting and unwelcomed room of memories.  A room of memories that had been haunting Jeremy for the past two weeks-- been haunting Jeremy for over a year. Not only was there no sign of warmth, sunlight, or a positive atmosphere, but there was no Michael either.

And this was when the memories of the day hit Jeremy, all flooding back in an unwelcome pain starting to worse in his head, the pitter-patter of rain against his window being the only sound he could hear.

This was when Jeremy realized that everything that had just happened between him and Michael was a dream.

A stronger wave of nausea crashed over Jeremy, making the room spin until he tried to get out of bed, let alone sit up. For some reason, it felt as if something was draining him-- almost like he couldn’t move. It wasn’t sleep paralysis- he gathered that as he realized he could wiggle feet (albeit much energy was used to do so and it was extremely hard to,) but he kept trying to sit up until eventually a third wave of nausea hit him, and he managed to roll onto his side and lean his head over the bed, too tired to be able to actually move, and attempting to at least not throw anything up  _ on _ his bed.

This was when he came to the realization that  _ there’s no fucking way this is all just from a concussion. _

 

* * *

 

****

\--10 Minutes before Jeremy woke up--

****

Michael woke up three hours later, his body wrapped around Jeremy’s and the room cold as ice. The blanket had fallen off of the two, now laying in a heap on the floor. It seemed like somehow whenever they slept together, the blanket fell, and now that he was thinking about it, it was probably Michael’s fault. He moves  _ way  _ too much in his sleep. (‘slept together’...was it Michael just drowsy as shit or did that sound wrong..? Not that he wouldn’t mind… Or that he’s thought about it before.  _ Definitely  _ hasn’t thought about that before. Nope, he  _ totally _ hasn’t. Ok maybe. Kinda. Possibly. Ok, a lot. He has thought about it a lot. Was he rambling in his head?  _ Oh my god, I'm literally having a conversation with myself in my head. _ ) 

Carefully untangling himself, Michael moved to sit up and get out of bed. Hoping he wouldn’t wake Jeremy, he as quietly and as quickly as he could, ran downstairs to get their backpacks from the car and an ice pack for his eye, stopping in the bathroom to inspect the damage.

Dustin had definitely… hit hard.  Despite it being barely 5 hours since he got punched, his eye had already swelled and black, blue, and green was spreading over his eye.  _ Sick battle wound at least? I guess..? _

He sighed and held the ice pack up to his eye, slinging both backpacks over one shoulder and using his free hand to open the bedroom door as quietly as possible.

 The minute he entered the room, he saw Jeremy leaning over the bed and gagging, thankfully upchucking nothing yet.

Michael dropped the bags and ice pack. “Woah! Hey, hey you’re ok.” He ran to the corner of the room to get Jeremy’s little desk trash can, then brought it to sit by his bed. “What the fuck?”

“I don’t-“ He could barely get a sentence in before gagging again. “I don’t feel-“ Michael pushed the trash can closer to Jeremy. “-good.”

“I can see that. I- I don’t know what to do for you? I just-“ Michael moved to sit next to the trash can, trying to find Jeremy’s hand to hold. Jeremy instead moved his arm and grabbed Michaels's hand, almost as if he was trying to use it to sit up. His whole body was shaking and his hands were clammy, Jeremy panting in between attempted retching-- which-- all that it looked like was stomach acid.

Brushing the thought aside, he moved to pick Jeremy up and put him on the floor next to the garbage bin. Jeremy slouched immediately, nearly falling to the side without support, so Michael moved to sit behind him, cradling Jeremy with his legs and supporting him by holding his arms.

Another five minutes of painful sounding retching passed until it devolved into a coughing fit, Michael rubbing Jeremy’s back. Jeremy gave an exasperated sigh and let his eyes droop once the coughing calmed down, his body going limp and leaning back into Michael. “You alright, Jere?”

A few moments passed until Jeremy took a deep breath and made an ‘mm’ noise.

“The hell was that about? Are- Are you alright?” Panic crept its way into Michael's stomach, the feeling unwelcome and unwanted. He moved his hands down to interlace with Jeremys, pausing when he felt bandaids covering his fingers. 

Jeremy didn't respond to the question or action, only his head lolling back and against Michaels's neck, his breathing steady and eyes glassy. 

Michael got the message, moving himself out from underneath Jeremy. When a whine of protest came from him, Michael shushed him, picking him up and placing him back on the bed. 

Michael sat by the foot, looking up if it was safe for someone to take dayquil while concussed. Turns out as long as its acetaminophen and not ibuprofen it was ok, but Michael slightly started panicking even more, recalling Christine saying she gave Jeremy some Advil at lunch. 

Of course, there was barely even a chance of internal bleeding from taking ibuprofen while concussed, but Michael still panicked nevertheless. He told Jeremy he would be back, leaving to get crackers, water, Dayquil, and Tylenol. Jeremy hadn't moved by the time he returned. 

“Hey Jere,” Michael moved to sit next to him on the bed, sitting Jeremy up and leaning him against the wall Jeremy's bed was pushed against. Jeremy made a small noise of acknowledgment, his eyes still closed. 

“C’mon, I have medicine for you, ok?” He offered the Tylenol and cup of dayquil, waiting for a response from Jeremy. After a few moments, he lifted his head and held open his mouth. “Jere, you're gonna have to open wider than that.” Michael gave a small laugh. 

Jeremy opened wider and Michael popped one of the chewable Tylenol pieces into it, Jeremy then closing his mouth and chewing. Once Michael was sure Jeremy had swallowed, he did the same with the cup of Dayquil. 

Michael wanted to ask about what happened. He wanted to ask about how this happened and how he was feeling and why the  _ fuck _ did he have bandaids completely littering his hands, but he knew that rest was more important at the moment. “You wanna lay down with me?”

Jeremy gave a small nod, allowing Michael to pull him back into the bed and lay there, waiting for the medicine to take action. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uwu hoped you liked the ch!  
> yah so lots of crazy life stuff happened again but I am starting to make progress on the fic (slowly but surely) and hopefully I will be able to get back to my normal writing tendencies but for now who knows ;p  
> I'm also working on two other fics as a side project (one of them a oneshot for a friend bc we made a trade and another as like a 17 ch fic that I won't post till I have all the chs done so I can focus on this one lol) but ye I'm not ditching this fic its my baby :,)
> 
> anyway hope u guys have a good day! or morning! or night! and if its anywhere between 2:07am and 4:54am theEN GO TO SLEEP  
> IM LIKE,, THE BIGGEST HYPOCRITE WHEN IT COMES TO SLEEP BUT STILL DUHFAOIWURGHOIRU S L EL EP  
> okeydokey bye bye


	23. The Spiral Begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Jesus Christ, Michael, I mean what happened that night to get you so goddamn flustered and upset that you were barely able to hold eye contact with me the next morning?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm tired  
> enjoy

Basically, Jeremy's everything was numb. He would've said he was hurting, but after Michael found out about different types of medicine that were ok if taken together and Jeremy could take while ‘concussed’, Michael force-fed all of them to him in a panicked-mother-hen state. Now that 45 minutes had passed and Jeremy honestly felt like he was either high or lost in some space-time dimension, the pain and nausea had passed and relieved him of his suffering. 

The Squip still hadn't turned on yet, but as far as Jeremy was concerned, the thing could go fuck itself. Jeremy, while waiting for the meds to kick in, realized that anything happening couldn't possibly be from a concussion. Maybe if he had _seriously_ hit his head really, really hard, but he didn't. Or at least Jeremy thought he didn't… all day he had been questioning his thoughts, only to forget them a moment later, which, what about the Squip was Jeremy just thinking? 

Michael leaned against the headboard, Jeremy sitting between his legs and laying back on him. The idea of Michael made Jeremy feel all warm inside. It made him feel fuzzy. Almost like as long as he was right here, Michaels's arms wrapped around his chest and legs tangled between each others, he was safe. 

Or maybe it was just the drugs. 

This whole fight between them- this week-long idiocy that made the two of them appear as five year olds- it was so stupid. So, _so_ stupid. Was it that Jeremy just didn't want to say sorry because his ego was too big? Was it that he just couldn't find the way to say it?

“Micah,” Jeremy closed his eyes and leaned his head on Michaels's shoulder. 

“Hm?” The call to attention brought Michael back from wherever his mind was taking him, his hand to starting to trace patterns on one of Jeremy's arms slowly. 

“I-“ Should he even say it? Their argument… it felt like years ago. He could barely even remember what is was about, let alone how it started. All he really knew was that he broke a plate and had to venmo the cabin owners the cost. “‘M sorry, Micah.”

Michael's hand stopped moving. “No.”

_What?_ “What?”

Jeremy could feel Michael stiffen and take a deep breath. “Don't say meaningful things when you aren't in the right headspace.”

“I? Sorry, what?” 

“Jeremy,” He sighed, shifting Jeremy off of him and taking a spot directly across from where he was now sitting. “You're not thinking clearly. I want you to say sorry when you really do mean it.”

“But I do mean it! I'm thinking clearly, Micah!” The fact that he was sort of slurring his words didn’t really help, but at least he wasn't so weak that he couldn't even sit upright without help anymore! He was getting better by the minute!

“I… I don't think so, bud.”

“Why can't you just accept the apology? I genuinely _am_ sorry! Please, just, don't tell me I fucked up so bad you can't forgive me.” His heart dropped at the thought. _Why didn't I think of that before? I said some pretty fucked up shit back there, didn't I?_ “Though… Now I see why you maybe wouldn't want to. I- I'm a pretty shitty person, just-“ _Stop talking before you make it worse._ Before he had a chance to shut himself up, he could recall the events of that morning, and he didn't realize he was speaking out loud until it was too late. “God I- Shit, I'm a really fucking shit person, aren't I?” His heart sunk as Jeremy put his head in his hands. Maybe the fact that he also was more than just a bit drugged up was messing with his emotions. 

“No! No, Jeremy, that’s not it at all.” Michael looked hurt just at the fact that Jeremy was saying that about himself. 

_But it’s true, isn't it?_

**Yes.**

“Jeremy, you are wonderful and funny and adorable and you somehow find ways to make me laugh even when I feel like I'm about to explode from stress or anger or sadness and you don't just stop there- you are compassionate and sweet and just- You're you!” Michael took Jeremy's hands in his. “You, sure, _would_ hurt a fly, but that's it! And it was only one time because I kept complaining about the stupid thing buzzing around in my house and you legitimately walked over here with a magazine— a _baking_ magazine, might I add— and killed the thing just so I wouldn't be annoyed. And then you showed me which recipes you liked the most in the magazine and tried making me something. You did it just because you could.”

“...I burnt it, though…” Jeremy looked down. 

“it's the thought that counts, Jere. What I'm trying to say is, you mean a lot more to everyone in your life than you think. And,” He stopped to look down at their hands. “And I think that if you truly, really are sorry, then your opinion wont change by the time your head is cleared. You can say sorry then, Jere.”

Jeremy took a shaky breath. For the first time that day, he was able to properly take note of his surroundings. He could feel the light and cool air filling his lungs, the scent of the room-- the sugar cookie candle he burnt the night previous-- and could feel a bit of a cool breeze flowing through the windows. He could see the dust particles shining only in beams of light and he could see Michael sitting in front of him, holding his hands. He could see his hair that, quite obviously, needed to be washed. He could see Michaels glasses that need to be cleaned oh, so badly, and the concerned expression that painted his face underneath them. He could see his shoulders that were slightly slumped and his chest rise and fall in soothing, rhythmic patterns. 

“What- …what happened Friendsgiving night, Micah?”

“We ate food.”

“After that.”

“We drank.”

“ _After_ that.”

“We played truth or dare-“

“Jesus Christ, Michael, I mean what happened that night to get you so goddamn flustered and upset that you were barely able to hold eye contact with me the next morning?” 

The room fell silent, only the noise of a distant wind rustling the dying trees outside. 

“Just…” He looked away, seemingly reminiscing on a time unknown to Jeremy. “Don't say or do things- not unless they are things you really mean, ok?”

The hurt look in Michaels's eyes- it was enough to tell Jeremy that he had fucked up. 

That he had fucked up big time.

 

* * *

 

The next day, Jeremy didn’t show up at school. Michael had tried asking around if anyone had seen him or knew where he was, but all he got in return were questions about his black eye or that Jeremy probably got beat up by Dustin Kropp after he tried to act all heroic.

Which- _ugh. Dustin._ Michael ended up getting called to the principal's office in second period along with Dustin, and when he walked in, _damn could he feel the_ _hate_ _radiating off of him._ It felt like he had just walked into the eye of the hurricane- it was calm and quiet, and Michael knew he wouldn’t get hurt, but he could just about _see_ the rage emanating from him, almost like he wanted to make the rest of Michael match his eye.

It was a short talk and explanation, and in the end, Michael just ended up getting sympathy from the principal, and Dustin got detention along with suspension for the rest of the day. By the time he could return back to class, it was warmer than it had been in a couple of days, and the sun was peaking through the clouds. Michael sat and watched the leaves fall from the trees out the window by his desk, ultimately deciding that the weekend was enough time to catch up on school work he would miss that day due to spacing out. 

****

The rest of the day passed in a blur. Classwork and homework seemed to spill out of Michaels folders, crumpling and creasing due to unkempt binders and loose staples. 

Michael sat in the parking lot of a seven-eleven, Slushee melting in the cup, the condensation creating a little puddle in the cupholder. He noticed while he was in there that the blue raspberry slushie machine was replaced. Now, the one that took its place (and the only blue one) was ‘Blueberry Lemonade.’ It sounded like some tart you would buy in the bakery section at Vons or something- not a slushee. Then again, they had a bunch of whacky flavors. Nerds, Coke, Apple, _Blueberry Lemonade_. Now the only normal one left was Cherry. 

Michael felt his phone buzz in his pocket, shaking him out of his train of thought. Lifting the phone, he saw a Snapchat notification from Christine. 

The photo was of her pouting, and the text read ‘respond to the fricken group chat!’. He smiled and sent a snap back, telling her he would eventually. When she told him to do it immediately, he backed off and figured he may as well. 

Michael was _really bad_ when it came to responding to group chats. Unless they were ones he constantly was on (for example, the ‘Ok there's something wrong with Jeremy’ group chat, or the ‘Potato Frisbees’ Groupchat, which is the one with the entire squad on it- don't ask about the name), he usually muted them. Opening his messaging app, he noted the 437 notifications- now 438, all from a chat called ‘the unknown play shh dont ask’. _Wow, such a creative name._ Michael rolled his eyes and smiled, reading the last 10 messages. 

****

**_the unknown play shh dont ask_ **

****

**Chris:** _yall stop flooding the chat w memes pls try and keep it a clean flow so we can find things easily_

****

**Im a Rich Boi:** _but- pw e as e_

****

**Chris:** _rich. no._

****

**Jakey-D’s:** _rich ily but shes rite im pretty sure like,, two ppl still havent read the announcement_

****

**Im a Rich Boi:** _i feel betrayed ),:_

****

**Jakey-D’s:** _D: nooo bby im sorry u can spam my pm with memes_

****

**Im a Rich Boi:** _does it have to be memes?_

****

**Jakey-D’s:** _...no?_

****

**Im a Rich Boi:** _mk good ;)_

****

**Chris:** _ALR NO RICH GO MOVE TO A PM W JAKE BEFORE THIS GOES SOMEWHERE ELSE_

****

**Mikey-Moo:** _lmao_

**Mikey-Moo:** _oh jesus fuck who named me mikey moo_

****

**Chris:** MICHAEL!!! YOU CAME TO THE GC!!! AND NO. BAD. NO CURSING. 

****

**Mikey-Moo:** _sorry ),:_

**Mikey-Moo:** _i only read the past 10 msgs whats the announcement?_

****

**Chris:** _o! so yesterday was originally supposed to be when we were gonna meet at my house for the announcement (as u kno) but bc so many ppl were canceling and then jere got hurt and then u got hurt n then dustin got suspended and all, i decided to move it to tmo!_

****

**Mikey-Moo:** _o_

**Mikey-Moo:** _wait- dustin?_

****

**Rok:** _yes. im in the school play. wanna say smth about it?_

****

**Mikey-Moo:** _no._

****

Panicked, Michael switched chats to his and Christine’s private one. 

****

**_Ultimate Stagecrew_ **

****

**Mike:** _chris wtf dustin is in the play?_

****

**Chrissy:** _yyyeeeaaaaahhhhh….. about that_

****

**Mike:** _chrissssssssssyyyyyyy_

****

**Chrissy:** _sorry! I didn't know any of this wouldve happened and i have no right turning someone down from auditioning for an extracurricular （；へ：）_

**Chrissy:** _I couldn't be biased when casting either soo… he ended up making the cut_

****

**Mike:** _:/_

**Mike:** _why tf would he even audition_

****

**Chrissy:** _prob bc of madeline_

****

**Mike:** _MADELINE IS IN IT TOO?_

****

**Chrissy:** _yu p_

****

**Mike:** _LITERALLY W H Y_

****

**Chrissy:** _wanted to prove to chlo that shes a better actor than her_

**Chrissy:** _have u not seen their twitter war?_

****

**Mike:** _i scroll past all them_

****

**Chrissy:** _o_

**Chrissy:** _well besides our group and them, theres only a couple more people who auditioned but they r all freshman and since they have multiple yrs left to audition for school plays they got ensemble_

****

**Mike:** _u still havent told us what show it is_

****

**Chrissy:** _u find out tmo!_

****

**Mike:** _but im crEw!!!_

****

**Chrissy:** _dont care c:_

****

**Mike:** _isnt this illegal or smth??_

****

**Chrissy:** _¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ :D_

****

**Mike:** _:I_

****

**Chrissy:** _see you tomorrow!!!!!! Remember its at 12 at my place!!!!_

**Chrissy:** _( ˘ ³˘)♡_

****

Michael sighed and shut his phone off, placing his head on the wheel once more. If Dustin was in the play, this was about to become a _very_ interesting two months. 

He could only pray that there wouldn't be any problems. 

 

* * *

 

Jeremy laid in his bed, staring up and creating patterns out of his popcorn ceiling. The little bumps were enough to distract him from the constant buzzing, the pain, and the thoughts creeping their way to the front of his mind. 

He was scared. He was struggling to remember what happened two weeks ago. Of course, he could remember the majority of the trip, but he could have sworn there was a time in there he must have spoken to his squip, right? There was no way he got the entire weekend to relax. There had to have been _something_ that went wrong, right?

But on the other side, there was Michael. It seemed that he was forgetting everything, but Michael was the one thing he was remembering. Why was it that Michael was the only thing he could remember?

Jeremy had skipped school on Friday because of this. He was too confused and afraid to get out of bed. Afraid that he would stand up and something bad would happen again or he would mess up, just like he always did. The only thing he felt like was keeping him sane was Michael, which- he would be able to see Michael at school, wouldn't he?

He could just make it through periods one through three, hope that it's a free work day in fourth and sit next to Michael, and then go to lunch with him. He could even maybe go with him to seven eleven. _Yeah, that’d be nice, wouldn't it?_

_Wouldnt it?_

If Jeremy had to describe how he felt at the moment, he wouldn't know if he would be able to do it. It was almost as if he felt fuzzy with love, but with a dark overlayer resting atop him. Like the forgotten memories and thoughts were replaced with a black, infectious weed, spreading and clouding his mind and corning his thoughts until he was only able to think of one thing. As if stepping into that forest of dead and rotted trees that made up those parts of his brain would surely get him lost, sucking him into the thick fog of forgotten memories and unable to find his way out. 

He must have looked bad enough this morning that when his dad came in to tell him he was late for school because he instead got an icepack for his head and told him to sleep more. Sure, Jeremys thoughts weren't a cluttered mess like they were yesterday, but the only thing he could think directly about was Michael. Everything else he seemed to do was on autopilot. 

Even turning over and grabbing his phone, which he had apparently just done, was something he didn't realize he was doing until he was back laying on his side, scrolling through missed text messages and responding only to what was sent directly to him. Only one text message from Michael, reading ‘where r u? u feel any better?’. It was sent this morning. 

Not worth responding to if Michael probably already gathered that he was home today. He would have responded, but texts from the drama group char caught his attention instead. He ended up watching Jake and Rich send memes to each other until he eventually fell asleep, right as Christine started yelling at them to stop cluttering the chat. 

Jeremy didn't dream of anything that night. Just the dark fog roaming to every corner of his mind, pushing his physical body into a deeper sleep, but mentally keeping him awake. The fog felt like a sickness- like a fever you couldn't shake. Only, Jeremy wasn't sick, and this fog felt like it was trying to suffocate Jeremy. 

It was trying to suffocate Jeremy and keep him focused on only one thing. Why? He didn't know. 

****

Jeremy didn't wake up until about 11 am the next day. He didn't realize he was already in the bathroom and brushing his hair until the brush slipped out of his hands, clattering to the floor. The loud noise shook him from whatever daydream he was having to pick it up. 

Bending over to grab the brush, Jeremy froze. He didn’t remember walking to the bathroom this morning, did he? Sure, he vaguely made out him slipping out of bed and putting socks on, but it felt odd to not have the specific memory from only minutes ago be fresh in his mind. 

Jeremy picked up the brush and studied it for a moment, eyebrows creased as he attempted to figure out _what the the fresh hell?_

He then received a text from the play’s group chat, distracting him from the brush. 

****

**_The unknown play shh don’t ask_ **

****

**jakey-D’s:** _wait chrissoo where u live again?_

****

**chrissy:** _jake for the love of love pls change ur name back to jake_

**chrissy:** _and check pinned msgs i put it up there_

****

**jakey-D’s:** _but it says my name :,C_

****

**chrissy:** _:I_

****

**Ima Rich Boi:** _leave him alone :,( this is bullyment_

****

**chrissy:** _i?_

****

**jakey-D’s:** _lmao rich its fine we just playin around_

****

**ima rich boi:** _still it’s unnerving_

****

**jakey-D’s:** _uh are u alr?_

****

**ima rich boi:** _PMs_

****

Jeremy watch the conversation between Rich and Jake until they disappeared, supposedly entering a new chat. It was a stupid and short conversation, but Jeremy felt sad for rich. Why? He didn't know. It felt like he didn't know a lot of things lately.

He set his phone back down on the counter and searched for his brush. He could've sworn it was just in his hand, right? 

Jeremy took a step back to looks at his counter and then his shelves, finding nothing. He then moved to turn around, his foot kicking something on the floor. _Weird, how’d it end up down there?_ Bending over to pick up the brush, he tried to think about when he might have dropped it. 

Nothing came to mind. 

****

An hour soon passed and Jeremy found himself in Christine’s living room, each person relatively spaced out from each other, save for the couples, while they waited for everyone else to arrive. 

Christine's house wasn’t necessarily small, but it wasn't large, either. It was a one-story home built for a family, a nice porch in the front and yard in the back. Her living room was probably one of the most adorable living spaces Jeremy had ever seen. 

Three of the walls were a faint orange, with one accent teal wall that sat in the back, where the hallway led to the bedrooms. It seemed like normally these colors would clash, but somehow the Canigulas made it work. Encouraging quotes and family photos littered the walls, as well as shelves holding candles and drawings Christine made when she was younger. There was a mirror sitting above a fireplace in the front of the room, pumpkins and autumn turned leaves decorating the mantel. They must have been halfway down with redecorating considering the fact that one half of the room had tinsel and cotton used to look like fake snow, while the other was covered in fake cobwebs and spiders. 

The couch sat backed up against a vanity, whose only purpose seemed to be to hold some orange and white orchids and another pumpkin. Jeremy stared into the mirror the vanity held, catching sight of his reflection. It was weird, but he felt like he was looking back at a stranger. As if his curved cheekbones and pointed nose, circles under his eyes and curly hair threatening to blind him were all just similar to his actual appearance. As if this was just a mere copy cat, not really him. The front door then opened, and from the mirror, Jeremy saw Michael walk in. 

_Michael!_ Jeremy turned, a smile threatening to spread across his face. It felt like he hadn't seen Michael in years. _Please come sit next to me please come sit next to me please come sit next to me-_

“Hey, Jere.” Michael weaved around the scattered couples and widened his steps, making his way to Jeremy. 

_YES._ “H-hi.” _Wait no I didn't mean to sound that sad-_ “Hi!” He tried again. _No, what? That sounds too preppy._

“Are… you alright?” Michael gave a nervous laugh as he settled down next to Jeremy. 

Jeremy’s heart started beating way faster than he knew was possible, his cheeks heating up and breath quickening. It felt so odd, and he didn't know why. It almost felt like how he did when he realized he liked Christine for the first time but was much too shy to address her. It was... _confusing._ “Yeahnoimfinewhywouldntibefine?” _LITERALLY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?_

“I dunno, you just seem… off? I guess? Are you alright? Your cheeks look really red.” Before Jeremy could protest, Michael moved to put his hand on Jeremy's forehead. He would have refused or backed away if it didn't feel _so damn good._ Jeremy leaned into the touch, letting out a sigh he didn't realize he was holding and closed his eyes. 

“Uh,” Michael moved his hand from Jeremy's forehead to his hair, moving the pieces that were covering portions of his face away. Jeremy tried following Michael’s hand as he moved it, but failed when Michael pulled his hand away and back into his lap. 

Jeremy let out a groan and pouted. The minute he opened his eyes, the realization of how he was acting for just the past minute hit him, and his eyes opened even wider. The daze that fell over him disappeared, and he sunk into himself, praying that the whole moment didn't look as weird as it felt. _Ok, no. Fucking weird. That was weird. That was really fucking weird._ Jeremy, although reluctantly, scooted just an inch away from Michael to present his discomfort. 

“Hi, everyone! Im so glad you all made it!” Christine appeared in the front of the room, holding her phone in one hand and a TV remote in the other. Her TV displayed what looked to be the title of a slideshow, the words reading, 'This year's **_magical_ ** production!’ with a pink background. 

“Ok, so. I know that I have been keeping this years production a big, BIG secret, and let me just say that I AM SO SORRY! You all _did_ sign up and audition to be apart of a play where you did not know what it was, so please keep your promise that you gave when you signed in the audition packet, and _give your full commitment._ ” She turned around and placed her phone on the TV stand. “You all are very dedicated and talented students, and based off of conflict days and abilities, I, along with Mr. Reyes since he needed to authorize the play, have casted you all in the production of… _drumroll please!”_  

The majority of the room started patting their laps to make the noise of a drumroll. Jeremy noted that the only ones who weren't were Dustin, who was _glaring_ at Jeremy (which, freaky to accidentally look over to and make eye contact with,) and Rich and Jake. Rich sat curled up in Jakes's lap, and it seemed like he wasn't having the best day. _Ill have to ask about that later._

“ROMEO AND JULIET, BUT WITH A TWIST!” Christine applauded as the rest of the room burst into cheers or mumbles of disapproval. 

“Twist..? But weren't you the one who was opposed to changing Shakespeare's writing last year?” Jake spoke up from the chair he was sitting in. “Also, the school has already done a production of Romeo and Juliet?”

“AHA! Oh, my dear Jake Dillinger, I am so glad you asked! You see,” Christine started pacing back and fourth. “The school did a production of Romeo and Juliet about three years ago, when we were freshman. As many of you know, I played Juliet, and it was fantastic! Really, it was one of my favorite roles- although not best- but favorite, simply because Shakespeare writing and the beauty of the story and how it was structured-“

“Chrissy, offtopic.” Brooked reminded Christine. 

“Oh! Right! Sorry. Ok, so you all know I was in that production, and I remember one specific moment in rehearsals when I thought to myself, ‘my dream is to direct and produce my _own_ version of Romeo and Juliet.’ but now with all of the controversy in the world and, _ahem,_ lack of funds in the drama department, I felt that it was necessary to not only change up traditional plays, but REPRESENT!” Christine stopped pacing and put her fist up, confidently smiling. “That is why, oh beautiful drama involved students who have dedicated their time to this wonderful program, I have the honor to present to you all, this years school play: Romeo and Julian!”

_What._

“What.” Came from the majority of girls in the living room. 

“If you couldn't tell by the title, then yes, this year's play will be Romeo and Juliet, but instead of casting a female for the role of Juliet, it will be a guy! Now, dont get me wrong im all for feminism and power of women and all of that, but i have felt like, especially in recent days,” She made a not-so-subtle glance to Dustin, “this school and the community that surrounds us needs to be more accepting. We need to learn to love every single person we meet, no matter what. Sure, we could have done Laramie Project or something, but that play is _way_ too depressing and sad, and just the way its carried is just- yeah. So!” Her expression switched from grim to excited in a second flat. “I assume you all would like to see the cast list! If so, then look under your chairs!”

A murmur of confusion echoed in the room as people moved to actually look under their chairs. Christine let out a laugh. 

“You guys, I was just kidding. Oh my gosh, you all actually fell for that I-“ Christine wheezed as she wiped away a non-existent tear. “Just- Just look at the screen while I catch my breath. Whew.” Christine clicked a button on the remote, switching the screen to a list of names and characters. 

Students flooded the front of the room to find their name, the sound of cheers and groans and ‘well we always have next year’s filling the living space. 

Curious of his role and still shocked that Christine _actually_ edited a Shakespeare script, Jeremy pushed his way to the TV. The first thing he saw was his name and his role. 

He was cast as fucking Julian. 

What.

“Welp, tallass,” Rich looked over at Jeremy from where he was standing next to him, holding Jakes's hand. He looked uncomfortable in the group of people crowding the TV. “It looks like we’re fuck buddies now.”

_What._

Jeremy turned back to the screen to read who was cast as Romeo. 

Low and behold, Rich Goranski was listed right next to the part. 

_What._  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao so many ppl be complaining abt Chem meanwhile I'm over here tas the person who dropped Chem to take creative writing :,)  
> I'm working the hometown fair this weekend for thespian points. fun.  
> I'm tired  
> g'night


	24. !!PSA!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will be deleted once I return back to my normal schedule.   
> As of now, chapter uploads may or may not be consistent.  
> Sorry :,(

uGH IM LITERALLY SO SICK OF POSTING THESE UPDATE CHAPTERS

hey guys, its me again :I

I'm so sorry for the late update; I was hoping I could at least try and finish the ch and maybe upload it late but.. I guess not.

I chose the WORST time to come back from the hiatus. just. Jesus fuck. 

I've been struggling with some personal stuff (literally I'm not even kidding it happened 5 minutes after I posted that first chapter back from the hiatus two weeks ago) lately and I honestly am just laisufhoieufhaiuefhpaie AH. Its been really hard to focus on things other than whats happening, and although writing is something I've been using to kinda just let me step out of the real world and into a different one, this thing is just, like, kinda really consistent and right in front of my face and with school piled on top of that I'm just *plop noise*

This should be over soon (I really hope lol) but for now just know that I

1) Really care about this story and do not intend on abandoning it, so don't worry about it ending up as unfinished. I have plans :)

2) I do not have a posting schedule as of now. There may be a post here or there or maybe even at one point consistently, but this update chapter will probably stay up until I return back to my normal schedule.

3) i care more about quality than quantity. I have noticed ive often drifted from main plot, or i forget about certain key circumstances that need to be cleaned up, etc, but i really want to be able to write a story that is clear for both you guys and myself and in order to do that i think im gonna have to reread like,, the majority of the story lol. I think that the fic is going to start getting a little more fast paced now that ive established some,, uh,, relations in the chapters already uploaded and whatnot and now i can actually get to speading along and working our way towards the end. I dont rlly have a definite estimate of how many chapters left, but if i had to guess, then mmaayybeee..... 15? 16 more chapters? if i follow the ideas and stuff written down in notes and take into account the possible filler chs and which things might thake multiple chs, then id say prob 15 more? idk tho lol

 

anyway. i sorta lost my train of thought thru this after looking over my ch ideas in notes lol but YAH so-

  
Again, I am so sorry I have to delay posts again. In the past during update chapters you all have just been so kind and I truly appreciate it. Thank you for understanding and seeing my point of view :) 

I also am currently writing two more bmc fics (though this is my main) one of which is a bfu oneshot bc like,, love them and also it was a tradeoff so i got to see my friends AWESOME art and in turn i write a oneshot which i am  _happily_ doing because ive been meaning to anyway, and the second will be around a 17 chapter fic based off of the song Anthropocene by samsa :) i fricken love that song sm and im like  _oh? fic opportunity?_ ive already written one chapter but i think im gonna wait until im done with all of them so i dont have to worry about udates and hiatus' like i have this one (whoops!) And yes, both are boyf riends because,, what icons, amirite?

Anyway, ima go back to hiding under my covers while binging netflix lol

<3 em

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> on a happier note, ayy I'm seeing George in little shop tmoooo
> 
> I'm always down to chat to anyone (and am on my phone like,, a lot lol) so hmu on discord or Tumblr!  
> @em-etif  
> or  
> deathpacito#6191  
> dont- don't ask about my disc name lol. all ill do in response is send a meme to our pm :,)


	25. Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If I didn't know any better, I'd say your squip was back."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh uh uh ao3 crashed what did I say here before it did oH  
> ANXIETY ATTACK WARNING its not as bad as that one ch earlier when Michael was big sad while high (mood) but still call stay safe  
> sorry for the shorter chapter! ples forgiv D:  
> ok enjoy

"Ok, ok, I know you all are excited about the cast list, but let's calm down a bit so I can talk about this and introduce our lovely tech and crew members!" Christine tried ushering everyone back to their seats. Michael watched as Jeremy walked back to him with a relatively blank, and honestly confused, looking expression.

"Jerm, you alright?"

Jeremy made an appoint to sit on Michael's lap, which,  _ok, is he actually feeling well?_  Michael slid an arm around his torso and gently hugged him close.

"Jere..? What role d'you get?"

"Julian?" Jeremy responded.

"That's great! It's the lead!" Now Michael was even more confused- why would Jeremy be upset about getting the lead?

"Yeah, but that means I have to kiss Rich." Jeremy turned around looking extremely puzzled.

"Oh."  _Wait, Rich got Romeo?_  "I mean, it's just a stage kiss, right? It's not like it means anything…"

"No, it's not that, it's just- I guess, like, I don't… mind? Like, I'm actually perfectly fine with kissing Rich?"

Look, Michael was fine and happy for Jeremy getting the lead role and all, but… hearing that Jeremy didn't mind kissing Rich kinda hurt. How could he describe it? It's like… like…  _Oh my god, am I- nuh-uh. No, I'm totally not jealous. Definitely not. I'm-_

"Maybe Rich and I should start going out or something so we can bond and it'll be easier when playing our characters…" Jeremy thought out loud.

 _OK, DEFINITELY JEALOUS._  "Going… Out..?"

"Yeah?"

"You're gonna date Rich? But- But he's dating Jake! I- Unless you like… all three of you dated? But still! Why would you date Rich? Not to down talk him or anything, but there are so many other and better dating candidates than Rich. Hell, date me instead!" It took a few moments for Michael's brain to catch up to what he said, but once it did, he nearly had a heart attack.

"Date Rich? No! I meant, like, hang out with him and stuff. Like-" Jeremy's eyes nearly popped out of his head. "D-did you just technically ask me out?"

"NO! No. No, I did not. I mean- well, no. No?"  _WHY BRAIN NO WORK?_  "Uhhhhhhh," Michael narrowed his eyes and scrunched his eyebrows together in an attempt to review the last minute.

"Ri-right." Jeremy looked like he was fighting something. His facial expressions quickly changing and making him look as if he was struggling.  _But against what?_  "Obv-obviousl-ly not. Duh. Why would you? I'm not try-ying to sound sal-alty or anything. If you- you thought I wa-as." Jeremy tensed as he slowly shifted off of Michael's lap, now sitting on the other end of the couch.

 _What? Why did he start stuttering? Was it my fault?_  "Jere..? What's wrong?" Jeremy's face turned a sudden ghostly pale as Michael reached his hand out to try and comfort him, failing when Jeremy flinched away.  _Jesus fuck, how stupid can I be? I'm an idiot. I just ruined all of our progress. I just-_  "Ugh," Michael let out a defeated sigh and put his head in his hands. He felt as if he was on the verge of tears. Salty, annoying, no good tears.  _Why can't I just read this damn boy's mind?_

"A-are you oka-kay?" Jeremy sounded strained.

As much as Michael cared for Jeremy and his wellbeing, he really needed fresh air right now. If he didn't get outside soon, then he had a feeling all of this would send him into sensory overload, and in turn, an anxiety attack. "I-"

"Okey dokey! Michael, if you could do me a favor and come up here real quick?" Christine bounced from her position at the front of the room as suddenly all heads turned to look at Michael.

 _Wrong fucking timing, Christine._  "Wh-"

"C'mon, don't be shy! We all know and love you, Mike!" Christine held out her hand as if she were holding out an invitation for Michael to take so he could be comforted, but it's not like it would work. The headphones around Michael's neck were calling his name, and his face was seriously starting to heat up, the temperature inside suddenly too warm for him to handle. Hot tears stung the backs of his eyes as though if he were to even speak, they would pour and never stop.

_Why am I so sensitive right now?_

Michael, realizing that suddenly there were way too many people in the room, and if he were to run outside now he would just be begging for attention, made his way to the front. He shoved his hands into his hoodie pocket, denying Christine's hand.

She quickly shook the denial off as no big deal and wrapped her arm around a stack of papers in her arms. "Everyone, I would like to introduce to you the wonderful, the amazing, the stellar, and the most absolutely frigging talented tech wizard I've come to known: Michael Mell!" There were a few applauds and whistles from the room, mostly from Jake or Jenna, surprisingly one whoop from Madeline. Still, Michael could feel Dustin's eyes burning into him. "Obviously the majority of you know him, but for those of you who are underclassman and may not, then here he is! Michael will be the stage manager in our production of R and J, meaning anything he says goes! He's probably one of the sweetest souls I know, so be kind and don't be afraid to ask him anything! Don't be fooled by the beauty, though- he's most definitely dedicated to his craft and will rip your heads off if you don't respect him." She shot a wink in Michael's direction.

Michael tried his best to put on a smile and flash a peace sign, but soon Christine was calling other tech crew members to the front, and Michael used it as a chance to make his escape. Quietly, he slid out the front door and pushed his headphones over his ears.

 

The cool wind hit his face immediately, stinging his cheeks and nose. He moved towards the stairs leading down to the pathway to the Canigula's front gate, sitting down on one of the bottom steps. The music that deafened him from the busy sounds of the real world could only mute what was making actual noise, but the voices in his head persisted. He had held those tears in for so long, and he still felt the need to cry. 

Soon, hot tears were running down his cheeks-- a significant contrast to the biting wind. It hurt to sniffle since it was too cold, so Michael instead settled with pushing the sleeves over his hands and wiping his nose with them. It's not like he couldn't wash the jacket later, anyway.

Michael's breathing slowly started to pick up as his conscious went blank. He felt numb, and it wasn't just the wind doing it to him. His brain must have only been running on his subconscious at this point, because tremors were starting to rack his body, and his vision faded to blurs. The wind began becoming an afterthought as he fell into a numb mental state and a tiring physical one. His subconscious must have kept sending whatever signals it had been to completely tear Michael down because it was working. 

As it got harder and harder to breathe, Michael felt a present pain in his chest. It grew until that was all he was able to put his focus on. The wind dried his throat as he hyperventilated and struggled to swallow. His tongue grew dry from his attempts to suck in enough air to feed his lungs, his heartbeat pounding in his head, and the rush of his blood running through his ears.

His head started to feel heavy as this continued, and he soon couldn't feel his feet. He could have sworn his tears had run dry, but his face still felt wet. It was getting colder, and he couldn't pinpoint why. His ears- they stung. That shouldn't be happening if he had his headphones on, right? The numbness he felt in his toes spread to his legs, and soon his torso. He could feel himself becoming more and more limp as his body stung from the frigid air, and his chest tightened with every passing second. It hurt-- it hurt so much to breathe. Why did it hurt to breathe? He thought breathing was natural for humans, so why was it so hard? Why did it feel like he was underwater, drowning and forgetting how to breathe? Why did speckles and dots of white flood his vision as he battled with his own lungs?

Everything felt numb. That was the only way to describe it.

 

Michael wasn't sure how long it was while he endured the torture his body brought upon himself until someone was shaking him, bringing him back to the moment. His steadily unhealthy (and dangerous) breathing hitched until he exhaled a long, deserved breath, all of the air fleeing from his lungs. He tried to turn to see who was with him, but his glasses were fogged up. The first sense that came back to him was the ability to physically feel.

And damn, he felt cold.  _When did it get this cold outside?_

He could then soon properly hear, and he tried to focus on the noises around him. Oddly enough, it wasn't the voice of whoever was next to him that he first heard, but it was the constant slamming of rain on concrete that he heard. He tried focusing on it until he heard thunder, and a yelp following it. That was when he was finally able to focus on the voice.

"M-Michael plea-please, I-" Another yelp as thunder rumbled through the air once more. "You-You're ok, Ok? I've go-got you. You'll be-e ok." As reassuring as Jeremy attempted to appear, he still sounded scared as shit.

The second thought that came to Michael, besides the fact that he felt freezing as fuck, was that although he had never recalled Jeremy becoming frightened from a thunderstorm in the past, he needed to protect Jeremy. It was as if he had no other option to, but when he took action to move, his muscles burned and cold, sopping wet clothes only squeezed water and pressed onto his skin. "Jere," He tried, but his throat was too dry and hurt too much to properly get anything out.

"Jesus fu-uck Michael, you sca-scared the shit outta me." Michael could barely feel Jeremy's hands leaving his shoulders and instead going in for a bear hug. "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm so-sorry I-I'm so sorry I-"

"Jerm, you're fine, Its-" Michael had to take a breath before continuing, "It's fine."

"No, it's not! You had a freakout because of me and- and you don't deserve it! I've been noth-nothing but shit to you lately and-" Jeremy let out another yelp as thunder clapped once more.

"Jeremy," Michael used his remaining strength to put his hands on Jeremy's shoulders and push him back so they could make eye contact. "You mean," He paused to take another breath.  _Damn, I feel drained._ "The world to me, ok?"

Suddenly, Christine burst outside to see the mess of the two soaking wet boys on her porch steps. "There you guys are! I've been- oh, oh my g- are you two ok? Jeez, what happened? You two need to get inside, ok? I-" Jeremy cut Christine off with another yelp, this time moving his hands to cover his ears when thunder boomed once more. "Here," She immediately ran towards the two and offered each of them her hands, pulling them up and watching as puddles of water that had gathered in their laps fell to the floor in a splash. The movement being too sudden for Michael, he felt unsteady and sick for a few moments as he had to regain his balance. A sneeze nearly sent him backward and down the stairs.

"Get in, now. You two can explain later, but safety and comfort are a priority, ok?" Christine led Jeremy and Michael inside, directly to a bathroom off to the side of the front door and out of sight of the living room where everyone was gathered. "Only the group has really noticed you two kinda.. disappeared on us, but the meeting is pretty much over so I can kick everyone out. I'll send Jenna or Brooke to come and knock when they are gone, ok? While they do that, I'm gonna go look for either of my dads' clothes that might fit I can lend to you two." Christine smiled and took both their hands, squeezing them before turning around to make her way out. "And I'll make hot chocolate. You're both freezing."

Michael sneezed again as a goodbye and fell back into the drowning silence the bathroom provided. After a few moments, he felt his eyes flutter shut and took another deep breath. He slid down the wall and eventually landed on the floor, accompanied by the plopping noise of his soaked clothing hitting the floor.

The bustling of kids leaving Christine's house soon became their background noise, and the awkward air between the two became too much for Michael. "What's wrong with you?"

Jeremy made a confused noise from the spot he was sitting next to the toilet.

"Don't act confused, just-" He sighed, "What the hell is wrong with you lately, Jeremy? You've been acting strange. Like, really strange. Your mood will swing in a second flat. You stare off into space. You deny or forget things that you usually would remember."

Jeremy refused to make eye contact.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say your squip was back."

Now that caught Jeremy's attention. "Wh- What? Why would you- I mean I get you're paranoid but- and even after last year? But it's gone-" He rambled.

"Jeremy, please just- just tell me the truth. You don't have to be hurting."

A flat silence returned, the rest of the world tuned out. It was as if the bathroom, that moment, those few tiles, the two boys- they were the only ones to exist. Everything used to be so easy-- so comfortable with them, but now a hazy ambiance had settled in the space between. A consistently quiet and anticipation-like feeling that kept them on the tips of their toes.

Jeremy shifted, finally moving to speak. "I-" 

Thunder crashed again, the loud noise making Jeremy visibly uncomfortable. He flinched back and squeezed his eyes shut, clearly trying his best not to make too much noise. Michael reached his hand out to hold Jeremy's, but Christine came back to greet them before Jeremy could gather his thoughts once more.

 

Besides their hair still wet and extremely messy, Michael and Jeremy had been lent a pair of old hoodies and gym shorts from Christine after she went on a hunt for something that could fit the boys in her dads' closet. 

The group all sat around the kitchen island, chatting silently amongst themselves until Christine came back with more blankets to wrap around Jeremy and Michael. The two were seated next to each other, but on different stools and huddled in different blankets. Neither had spoken to each other since Christine came back to tell them everyone had gone, and both were trembling, but for different reasons. Jeremy trembled from what Michael assumed was fear from the thunderstorm outside (and what he hoped was just the storm as well). Michael was still violently shaking because of how cold he still felt. His fingers were numb, and nose stung, able only to breathe through his mouth. Even with the hot chocolate warming the mug he cradled in his hands, he felt that the heat just wasn't enough. 

Michael, instead of getting stuck in his head again, decided to listen to his surroundings. He chose to listen to the hushed conversations coming from his friends, the harsh pitter-patter of rain slamming against windows, the howling wind, and the distant rumbling of the sky. He listened as he heard scarce amounts of cars drive by and splash rainwater onto the curb, or the old house's walls creak from a change in air pressure and the difference between outside and inside the home. 

"Here," Christine reappeared, layering another set of blankets over Michael and Jeremy's shoulders, and waking Michael from his meditation. "The hot chocolate helping at all?"

"Yeah. Thanks, Chrissy." Jeremy cautiously took another sip from his mug. 

"I have so many questions." Brooke sighed, staring at the two. 

"Don't we all," Chloe nodded and copied Brooke, leaning her head on her hand. 

Another burst of thunder echoed throughout, and although Jeremy had stopped verbally announcing his discomfort, he still jumped and closed his eyes. Christine pulled a stool up next to him and slid her hand into his free one, presumably attempting to think of a way to start the conversation. 

She must have thought to avoid it altogether until the appropriate time for prompting came along because she started talking about the play. "So," She smiled cheerily and began rubbing circles into the back of Jeremy's hand with her thumb. "Congrats to you all on your roles! You guys seriously did amazing at auditions, and I'm so glad you chose to join again."

Everyone caught on to what she was trying to do.

"Who did Dustin get cast as?" Chloe wondered out loud.

"Uhh," Christine cut herself off by taking a large swig of her hot chocolate. 

"Friar Lawrance." Jenna deadpanned. 

"Yes!" Jake fist-bumped the air as a collective "what?" rang throughout the room from everyone else invested in the conversation. "I got a better role than he did!"

"Oh, Jake, you poor oblivious fuck," Rich patted Jake's back. 

"What? Isn't my role better?" 

Christine slowly put her mug down to explain. "First off, you all know that putting others down in front or behind them is wrong. Even if he did cause some…" She glanced at Michael, whose eye was still as black and blue as ever. "Issues. Second, I couldn't be biased. You guys know this!" 

"That's… fair. I guess."

The room fell back into silence as anyone and everyone tried to think of something to say to keep the conversation going. Each person avoided eye contact, the inability or unwelcomed feeling of accidentally setting someone off was a thought everyone kept in mind. The patter of rain- it was the only background noise once again. It seemed to be the one constant lately, wasn't it?

"Ok, no. We cannot avoid this any longer." Brooke slammed her hands down on the table. "What in the actual fuck is going on, huh? Michael and Jeremy, you two have been floating apart a lot lately. Michael, on Thanksgiving Day, I couldn't even bring up his name. When I did, you freaked out and let the sandwich guy save you. Jeremy," She stopped to give an audible laugh. Clearly, she was at her snapping point, and that's only if she hadn't already snapped. "What the hell? You have been so extremely distant, and if you don't tell us what's going on, we cant help. Your mood swings? You spacing off and not even acknowledging us?"

Chloe piped in, "You asking me to fake date you…" It earned a couple questioned looks from the group, but no one else dared to stop Brooke's rant.

"There is something wrong with you. Jeremy, I don't mean it harshly or rudely, but please, please, just know that we see you are not acting like yourself. You've been crazy distant and clearly acting off. We just want to help you. We want to be able to get you through whatever is happening to you right now. That's what friends do. We help." She took his hands in hers, eyebrows creasing and staring deep into his eyes, suddenly breaking contact to look at Rich. "And, while we are on the topic- Rich, all day you've been acting weird as well. Are you alright? Are you sick?"

The rest of the room fell into a silence, another clap of thunder. The group watched as Jeremy attempted not to jump again, but clearly failed. 

(Steam from rose from Michael's cup)

 Brooke seemed to be waiting for an answer- for something.. Anything. 

(The steady silence of the room was calming yet terrifying in so many ways)

Rich moved as if he were to speak, but shut his mouth and curled back into Jake's hold.

(Michael felt like he had gone down this path before)

Chloe watched Brooke nervously, seemingly unaware of what could happen if no one responded to her.

(Only this time he had a choice, and it could stop the storm before it even formed)

She clutched her bag, readying herself to chase after Brooke in case she were to storm away.

(He couldn't handle this anymore.)

Before Brooke had the chance to turn and leave, Michael set his cup down. The clink of ceramic hitting marble called everyone's attention to him, and he took a deep breath through his mouth, preparing himself for what was next. This could ruin his friendship with Jeremy. Then again, it was already damaged.

"I think... "He glanced up, looking over at Jeremy with a sorrowful expression.

Jeremy's eyes seemed to plead. To say no,  _no, don't do this,_  but Michael had to. Last time he didn't make his move, it nearly destroyed humanity as they knew it.

"I think Jeremy is lying to us."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ao3 just fuckin crashed as I finally finished editing everything so it all went back to the first draft iM AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
> anyway I'm gonna try to remember what I put in notes but--  
> sorry again for the short ch I've have major block for this fic but for some reason not the other one I'm working on atm?  
> I'm not gonna release the other till I've finished writing all chs to avoid hiatus n shit but if everything goes well then I'm hoping to start daily uploads Jan 29 (yes the date is specific for a reason :,) )  
> odfhal I forget what else I said idk bros anyway ily <3


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